Dust coats a globe
long left un-spinned
thick lairs of neglect
mirrored also within.

High on a shelf
surrounded by books
I can spot Türkiye
with only a quick look.

She is there, yanno,
she who holds my
heart in her hands
6000 miles away in
a whole different land.

As I dust off the layer
of neglect I think back
to how it felt to kiss
her neck.

I close my eyes and give
it a spin to make sure
it still works (and take
my mind of how I was
such a ****.)

Like the globe I didn't
take the best care of
her. I didn't listen
to what it was she
preferred.

Now, I'm here with my
books, my quills and
my dusty, barely
spinning worlds. Alone
writing bad poetry and
missing that special
girl.

There's always a whisper of madness,
playing in my brain as I struggle to get
loose from it's refrain and the constant
pounding me to comply makes me feel
quite insane.

Disaster brewing behind blue eyes
bits of chaos that won't be denied.
They tell me the choice is completely
mine but they don't see or feel how
I'm bound up inside.

Touch the people and watch them fall
knowing the horror to come,  the pull
to cause pain,  is the worse of all. I'm
the bad man says the song,  but they
don't really know bad, no, not all.

I wrote her
Happy words
Loving words
Jump on this
carousel
with me
No reply

Another try
I wrote her
Invitations
Affirmations
Please love me
No reply


She broke me
One more day
I wrote her
Still trying
to give her
the world
No reply

I'm crushed
My heart
lies in ruin
I wrote her
Again
Ink pleading
No reply

My inks run dry
My heart is full
yet broken in pieces
She doesn't see me
I wrote her
One final time
No reply

I miss our ***.
So fast
crazy
energetic
lazy
we'd do it
in the
bed, sure.
but also
on the desk
the couch
the dryer
in motion
with paddles
scarves
and all
kinds of
lotions.

But now
you're gone
and I know
you gotta
miss it.
Just
come back
and tell
Mama
where you
want me
to kiss it.

I mean
really
are we
done??
Not even
one last lick
let's throw
ourselves
up against
the counter
and see if
we stick. :p

I wish
I was
someone
better,
honest,
courageous.
who'd never
lie,
cheat,
hurt you.
and always
listen,
be there,
protect you.
instead of
failing you,
losing you,
letting you go.
I wish
I was
someone
else.

I am
chicken
hearted.
I can't
risk rides
in fast cars
or jump on
swift moving
carousels
...or love
but
each time
I see you
I get more
courageous.

Picasso was an artist
So am I
I pour ink on paper
in a style
that'll make you wanna cry
I can paint her smile
using similes
and describe her
eyes with a sonnet or three

Mozart made beautiful music
So can I
I string words together
that'll make you wanna sing
kind of like lyrics
I write all about love
and everything.

Ansel Adams took photos
So do I
I use words to show pictures
of all kinds
and project them to my readers
in their minds.

Etta James was a singer
But I cannot sing a note
but what I can do is
pour out my heart
in neatly typed phrases
with cleverly penned quotes

I'm a poet
I love words the best of all
come join me while I write
of lost love, new love
and all the above.

ONE CAN ONLY BE TOLD

act humble
stay silent
dress pretty
don't frown

BEFORE WANTING TO BE

totally invisible
permanently mute
hallmark like
someone else

AND SO OFTEN FEELING

I should try to be unseen
I should watch my every word
I should always look perfect
I should smile even when in pain

AFTER AWHILE IT'S LIKE

I learn to hide myself in plain sight
Songs speak the words I could never say
Food never stays inside me for  very long
I just want to get through another day

Can I want to be
Oh so much like you
Maybe instead of who I am
Easily able to walk away
Beyond even giving a ****
Always ready to open or
Close any old door I choose
Kicking to the curb
Those I deem mere refuse
Of course then you wouldn't
Matter as much as now you do
Existing without you surely I'd be blue

You told me you
like poems about
water. I couldn't
help but grin.
I guess I have
a ***** mind
But making
you wet would
be so sublime.
But I quickly
changed my
expressions
And put my mind
to writing a
poem that would
Mesmerize.
The waves
washing up
lapping at
the sand
Seemed a good
place to start
Of course the
oceans always
in command.
It's strong
That body
of water is
fierce as it
pounds the shore,
I knew you'd
like that part
because a really
good pounding is
hard to ignore.
The wetness of
the ocean is a
cool spray that
engulf every grain
of sand at least
that's what they say.
With every individual
grain being Caressed
by the sea, I don't
know about you but
I kind of wish that
was me. ;)

It's winter now
the leaves have fallen
it's getting colder
the sun comes out
although a lot less bolder.

I walk outside
and I close my eyes
breathe in the smell
of the fireplace fires.

We barely had the turkey done
when the stores
hung their garland
saying Christmas had begun.

With a new year
just around the bend
I'm thinking of resolutions
like mini solutions
hoping to keep them
in the end.

Put a nickel on the needle
Hold me down so I won't skip
Spin the red top round and round
Catch me before I hit the ground
You sunk my battleship
You knocked my block off
You catch me quite off guard
Should you ever breathe my way
You'll wreck my house of cards.

your silhouette
bleeds
a background
of tears
inside me and
flowing out
of me the
pain of ages
held in rages
my soul in cages

your handprint
touchless
yet pushes me
to the
breaking point
like stapled glass
no true fix
for the pieces
you've left me in
broken child
meek and mild
none the wild

your empty boot
doc martens
though maybe
endlessly
crushes me
my will ground
under such
an empty
sole as you
what shall I do
but wait
for
the other boot
to drop
imprint lies
self despies
no big surprise

why can't I see
you are
what I have
built you to be
an empty form
an ink-less print
a weightless step
all kept alive by me
fake anatomy

He gives money to his church
Fistful over fistful
I think he's Lutheran
or maybe Episciple
he talks about God
with words of silk
but he also talks about
"those type and their ilk."
I told him about a friend
who died of A.I.D.S .
where I live up here
and he told me
"I'm sorry Sam
he kind of asked for it
because he was a queer."

I move through my days
no method in my motion
aimlessly drifting
my life, only
chaos and commotion.
when you left
I lost my north star
my path is askew
I am dying inside
and I don't know
what to do.

The nights are the worst
I lie in my bed
grasping my pillow
stroking it as if it
were your head
all
tangled in sheets
that should be our
hands and feet
just praying I'll
dream of us
once it becomes dusk.

It seems at night
time goes by fast
dreams of us together
never seems to last.
Before you know it
the day starts and then
I begin to miss you
all over again.

I can't stand the rain
against the roof
tapping out the tune
of my failures of the past
reminding me how you promised
our love would last

I can't stand the birds
how their shrill voices unite
in a high pitched mocking laugh
reminding me of the lonliness,
now my daily path.

I can't stand the river
the bubbling brook
the sounds of life without you
remind me that I have nothing
no happy times left
because of everything you took

There's a world outside my window
but my drapes are pulled closed tight
I don't wish to go outside my room
even though I know it isn't right.

My world is solemn since you left
my days spent lying in this bed as
I try so desperately to get you
out of my head.

You're just a green dot on a screen
while I sit here on Instagram on my own
waiting for a word, any word, to know
I'm not all alone.

I wonder will I be this way forever
living in this tomb that once was my bed
I want to forget about you, but I love you
so I cannot seem to get you out of my head.

The sun is shining outside and it's a
beautiful sight to see, I wish I could
make myself want to be out there all
footloose and fancy free.

But my soul just wants you and there's
no substitute to be found, the world
is all in shades of grey with out
you around.

Oh what a pain is heartbreak, what a
sharp knife within. I don't feel anything
anymore. I'm an imposter here inside
my own skin.

Her words cut me like a knife
Though I love her with all my might
I would sacrifice my very life yet
Something's just not feeling right

Once joyous and sublime, now
Her words cut me like a knife
I want to go back to those times
before all this drama and strife

I try express how I feel inside
and try to talk it out
Her words cut me like a knife
she says all I do is pout

We might be broken beyond repair
I fear where we may have arrived
I no longer know what to do when
Her words cut me like a knife

I could never sleep through the birds,
every morning it was the first thing I heard.
They would sing their chaotic songs,
greeting each other as the day moved along.
They took no notice of people walking and
cars didn't bother them, they just kept squawking.
I couldn't go back to sleep no matter how hard I try.
the birds had much to say and they wouldn't be denied.
First stop the balcony, to listen to the call to pray
it got to where without it I couldn't start my day.
Getting ready to go, shoes lined up neatly by the door,
because we didn't wear shoes inside on the floor.
Finally on to the Little Cafe for çay and pastry
I missed the food there, it was always so tasty.
I could drink çay (tea) until I floated away.
Just sit there and watch the cats as they played.
I spent 30 days in Istanbul Türkiye that year
with friends that I'll always hold dear.
I've fond memories of çay, the birds and the balcony
May Allah always continue to bless me.

I can never do it all again
knowing what I know
bid time return, be young again,
going with the flow.

My youthful days are behind me now
well spent and wasted both
if I could do it all again would
there be some growth?

Would I do it all differently
a second time around?
or would I throw away again
the only love I ever found?

I can never do it all again
because I have a chicken-heart
even with a second chance
I wouldn't know where to start.

The last time I saw your face
I felt the depth of your stare
Now you look right through me
as if I wasn't there.

The last time I held your hand
You squeezed mine back
Now hand in hand together
Your grip goes slack.

The last time I kissed you
I heard and felt your moan
Now I hear and feel nothing
It's like I'm all alone.

We don't talk anymore,
Our words
have faded into silence,
Lost in the vast expanse
of unspoken thoughts

We used to share our
dreams and fears,
Whisper secrets
in each others ears.

But now,
the distance between
is vast,
And our conversations
never seem to last.

Once a symphony
of dialogue,
now a few syllables.
Drying up slowly,
our conversations
now reduce
to a few emojis.

The silence between us,
a painful unrest.
The weight
of unspoken words
heavy on our chests.
Once, our voices sang
in harmony,
A symphony
of laughter and promise,

But now, the melody
has grown quiet,
And I don't know
what to do
to be honest.

Without you
My soul lies
An inner
Pompeii
Frozen
In time
Mounds
And
Mounds
Of  fallen
Ash and
Century old
Magma
Weigh
Down
Inside me
What
Could have
Been
Should have
Been
Would have
Been
Alive and
Thriving
A volcano
Of love
Our volcano
Erupting
From us
Molting
Pleasure
Our very own
Carnal Pompeii.
So come back
To me
Bury me
With the
Contents
Of your core
Be my
Vesuvius
And leave me
Nevermore!

She leaves bruises
like galaxies on my heart.
I look at her and I feel
the distant stars in her eyes,
pulling me into her orbit.
Is the fact that I'm falling
in love with her any big
surprise?

She's the morning sun, and
the evening star that shines
and whose light guides my way.
She comes and goes like a
streaking comet, although
I wish she'd always stay.

She is my night and when I'm
in her space I can hardly breathe,
her kiss steals all the oxygen. It's
an attraction with no reprieve.

She pulls me to her and breaks
my gravity, I can taste the
Stardust floating off her skin,
her breath steals mine and I'm
lost in in her constellation
making my head spin.

She finally releases me to dream
another day, of her and stars
and galaxies and head spinning
constellations oh so far away.

We admire each other
us in our fancy best
at the wedding
of your brother
where we are the guest.

I touch your cheek,
kiss your lips
and feel your smile
on soft leather seats
in high class style.

I really love
this little black dress
you're wearing
the way it shows off
your thighs
with the blue hem
that sparkles
just like your eyes.

rolling up my
tuxedo shirt sleeves
your eyes dart up
as I put my hand
on your knee.

Ignoring the boxes
of rice on the floor
you put your feet
up on the seat
and your back
against the door.

My body fits perfect
between your thighs
with your breath
in my ear
the fact I'm excited
should be no surprise.

You wrap your hands
around my waist
I sigh as you
kiss my neck with
exceeding haste

I feel you
all over me
and myself in you.
It's bliss
even though it's not
the perfect venue.

Our sweat dances in unity,
your slips on the floor
then our rhythm is broken
by a TAP!, TAP!, TAP!  
on the limo door
Alas, our time together
is no more.

I live my life teetering on the edge
of obsession and despair.
Your words cut me like a knife
And you don't even seem to care.

My heart is breaking and hurt feelings
have become a constant companion to me
This is why I must let you go
and set my spirit free.

To heal the wounds of this unrequited love.
I must learn to take care of myself
put away the obsessive love ever so
high upon the shelf.

These ties that bind are hard to sever,
just thoughts of letting you go
makes me ache so very deep inside.
I love you, yes, but you don't love me
a fact that can no longer be denied.

I know you don't mean to hurt me
but your love is like a wildfire,
consuming all my common sense,
leaving behind nothing but
charred remnants.

Farewell, my darling love, though it
may break me in two, I must release you,
release this bitter heartache to
recreate myself anew.

Though tears may fall, and my heart
may be torn, I have to stop loving you,
and be reborn.

Today I'm 62
I'm cleaning house
because there's not
much else to do.
I come across a
rusted tin
pristine within
this old 8mm film.
It snaps and crackles
as it plays
reminding me
of other days.
This was me
different name,
different face,
running all around
the place.
I was the "In jun",
he was the "Cowboy",
that old 6 shooter
was his favorite toy.
It's hard to believe
that was ever me.
Where did I get
all that energy?

I remember it like yesterday
I saw her standing there
a short distance away
and her long raven hair

Her smile lit up the night
I remember it like yesterday
She sent my heart into flight
I didn't quite know what to say

Looking back now I remember
her eyes were such deep brown
I remember it like yesterday
When she first came into town

That was 25 years ago
we've melded together now like clay
Our life has been magical though
I remember it like yesterday

I can tell this paper
how much I love you.
Spill my ink like tears,
sorting out my fears.

I can tell this paper
how much I want you
My lips upon your neck,
All the sorted details
that make me such a wreck.

I can tell this paper
All the many things
that I can't tell you
And for now that
will have to do

I can travel on paper. Visit unknown places. Gift barren lands
with lakes and rivers, the poor with gold and silver. I could
run a marathon and be the winner.

I can travel on paper.  I'd finally go to London, meet the Queen.  Discuss life with her and everything. I could fly to the moon and back in one day. Learn piano from Beethoven, and a sonata I'd play!

I can travel on paper. And leave this old, frail body behind, I'd run through fields, climb mountains. Pen the most perfect rainbow by day and the most beautiful stars in the sky by night.

I can travel on paper. I can go to a place and time when she loves me again and is mine. Yes, I'd pen the love I'd lost fully restored. Come to think of it, who could ask for more?

She's so **** blunt
You could smoke her truth
she makes me long
For my unapologetic youth

Back in the days

before what I said
mattered so much
when I didn't care
if I said I love you
too much

Before I cared
what people thought
When my opinions
were my own
and couldn't be bought

Before I started slowing
down around each corner
When I was still a rebel
and not a joiner

Before I started giving
multiple *****
I relied solely
on my instinct and luck

Now I sit back
and watch her bravado
lighting her way
as she reminds me
of someone I knew
yesterday

to the sea I stretch
from the sea I came
to feel one drop
from your waves
drives me insane.

to the ocean I'm strewn
from the ocean I reach
I find myself quite content
just being your beach. ;)

In the estates a baby cries.
In the streets a young man dies.
In the alleys they'll sell you drugs.
In the schools kids now use guns.
In the world there's so much need
Why won't the government intercede?

I am not lost
I am not found
it's been years
since my mind
was sound.

I am not happy
I am not sad
Sometimes
I actually
forget
that things
are so bad.

I am not young
I am not old
But after all
these years
my actions are
a lot less bold.

I am not yours
I am not mine
but strangely
I think of you
all the time.

I've not a poet
& neither am I
These words
don't make sense
I feel like
I could cry.

frost forms snowflakes which
falls slowly not anxiously
fearlessness so differently
from how falling for you was
for your frosty days burn me
from the inside out as I
fell much too fast.

I am a glass of water
she sees right through me
yet nothing to her is
crystal clear.
I thought she knew me
but all my depths are
shallow to her, I fear.

I drown
in my own feelings
gasping her name,
but she cannot hear
that it's her
I'm calling out for
all the same.

I ache from words
forced to stay unspoken
until the space between us
spans out of our control.
Until who we were is lost
between the gaps and gasps
of feelings she was too
naive to see and I was
too afraid to speak of.

what will it take
to make her see me?
to make her feel my love?
for me to finally
become her ocean?

I will never know what
it feels like to be
a proud black woman.
   >>>BUT<<<
I will never
pretend like I do.
I have lived
62 years
In this country
and I have seen
Racism,
******,
And
Genocide
And it breaks
my heart and makes me
feel sick inside.

I will never know what
it feels like to be
a proud black woman.
who's turned down for a job
because of the color
of their skin.
But there are roughly
1.3 billion people
in the world who do.
I can see there's
something wrong
with that, can you?

I will never know what
It feels like to be
a proud black woman.
accused of breaking the law
just for Walking
down the street at night
Or have everything
in my life
be a constant struggle
and fight.

No, I will never know.
But I'll tell you
Right here and now,
I will never let the
color of someone's skin
Lead me to prejudge
what they are like
---->within<-----

I miss you.
I'm dying
the slow death
drowning in a sea
of people I don't know
never wanted to know
because there's only
ever been you
who sings to my soul
calling me back
yet never quite
wanting me.
I struggled
through the crowd
to find you
knowing
full well
you don't
want to be found
at least
not by me.  
I feel my
determination
waning away
my mind
pulled under
by unknown voices
my body ******
into an
unfamiliar crowd
I close my
eyes  imagining
your hand
as a Lifeboat
pulling me to you
but you're not here
not really
and I sink slowly
into a loud yet
voiceless crowd

I know misery, she haunts me
2am, 3am sleep eludes me
A song I didn't need to hear plays
invoking unwanted memories
everything sounds like her
everything looks like her
although nothing is her
because she is gone
gone yet eternally present
between my ears
living in my tear ducts
crowding my brain with
memories and regret
should I burn her letters
tear up her pictures
like that would banish her
from my brain
from my heart
nothing does that
she's always with me.

You step out from the dark
the moonlight baths you.
Reflections dance against
your silky skin calling
out to me once again.

I find it impossible
to describe the way your
slow deliberate movements
mesmerizes and hypnotizes.

I watch you
and I try to breathe
but you've stolen the
air from my lungs
along with my heart beat.

You float towards me
Indescribable
like the Mona Lisa
or precious art
a look that cannot
be described because
the explanation is lost
in the viewer's eyes.

The same moonlight
that bathes you
surrounds me and
I'm so very lost in my own
desires that can no longer
remain secret with you
flaming their fires.

I can't make sense of my
normal rhymes and I'm frozen,
a prisoner in your time.
Words won't express my lust
and my ink dries
and crumbles to dust.

I raise my eyes to yours
hoping to be found
you open your flood gates
and I began to drown.

The world stops.
I'm lost now, so many years
of you playing with my soul
bathing in my tears.

By now, you're so close
I could touch you
But you know I'll never try
I can't move, or look away
I'm lost within your eyes.

I tremble for release
I quake in your proximity
Can't you see my darling
what you are doing to me?

My life is a collection of hues brilliant and inert partly painted with pain and blood, a hodgepodge of wine and dirt.

Fold in the deepest oceans with a splash of goodbye tears mix with hot burning coals of a 'please come back' yearning that's lasted all these years.

I'll never be the freshly pinched cheeks of babies like the color of a rose, or a bright good morning sunshine, no, I'm neither of those.

I'm more like a starless night or hot desert sand beneath your feet, I'm not a crescendo I'm more like slight discomfort on repeat.

sudden snakes in my brain
what a waste are my inaudible cries
mental welts i give myself
because i made you leave
now you hate me
**** my life
it's all just too hard to believe

inaudibly i crumble and fall into the dirt
don't bury me,  just leave me here
dead inside, inert
i died the day you left me
i'd never felt so hurt

hope in the shape of Zoloft
just isn't doing the trick
i read our chats over and over
and the flogging bud of failure
knowing how much I lost leaves
me feeling sick

you said i was toxic, maybe that's true.
i only know i've never loved anyone the
way i love you . my mental mosh pit, my
hodgepodge mind I feel so much that i'll never
say and the snakes in my brain will probably
never go away