Same old stairs
same old knees
climbing, climbing
higher than one might please
I'm only one of thousands
who've visited the man
who sits in the chair
in DC near Maryland.
In his day
He helped free people in need
he lived his life doing good deeds
I wanted to thank him
this one last time
so I went ahead and made the climb.

one step at a time
right, left, right
ignore the mind talk
keep moving forward
right, left, right
feel the pain
but don't
run back for more
right, left, right
your heart is breaking
she left it torn
no looking back
right, left, right
your tears may flow
you'll want her back
but remember her words
and how they hurt you
right, left, right
days will pass
yet time marches slowly
why does she call me?
don't call her!
right, left, right
doesn't she even miss me?
I missed her so much!
things might get better
with one more try
right, left, right
where am I?
you've moved on
forward movement
right, left, right

Strength
La Force
a card of
female persuasion
a slow approach
is the key,
she's not
leading an invasion.

Her hat,
both worn and earned
whose brim
eludes to infinity
She stands
with leisure
relaxed
determined
steadfast faith
but not divinity.

Some believe
her to possess
a hint of magic,
like the Magician
yet subtle and calm
and much less tragic.

However,
She's merely mortal,
you see,
no kind of God is she.

One might fear
her safety
as she is so close
to the lion
but look closer
she's got him tied
with a chain of flowers
so she's hardly even trying.

She doesn't fear the lion,
she treats it with patience
and respect
she has the wisdom
to know how hard to push
to get the desired effect.

This card speaks volumes
while it teaches and reminds us
that True Power comes from
compassion and love not
brute force and
a heavy handed glove.

Inner Strength,
Patience,
Confidence,
Compassion,
Fortitude,
and Self-Belief are
traits that will lead
to Victory in one's life
where
Brute force.
insecurity,
Manipulation
Anxiety and
Self-doubt
will only lead
us into strife.

Today I'm 62
I'm cleaning house
because there's not
much else to do.
I come across a
rusted tin
pristine within
this old 8mm film.
It snaps and crackles
as it plays
reminding me
of other days.
This was me
different name,
different face,
running all around
the place.
I was the "In jun",
he was the "Cowboy",
that old 6 shooter
was his favorite toy.
It's hard to believe
that was ever me.
Where did I get
all that energy?

lavender ribbons
from your hair
lay against
the pages
I love to read
so much
and as I turned
the pages
the smell
of your hair
makes me
love the words
even more
as I envision
our last touch.
Such was ours a
bittersweet
journey
which was so
impossible
for me to
disembark
because my darling
for me you were
a romance story
but for you I wasn't
even a bookmark.

I'm on the edge
so ready to fall forward
dump my body into the ocean
drowning yet not fighting
the currents motion.

Day to day life is chaotic
so many people who
push and pull me,
lie to me and fool me

I want to release it all
and jump off this carousel
living this way, as I do,
is hard as hell.

Inside I am broken
full of pain from youth
I feel I'm at a crossroad
where there's no left or right,
no honesty or truth.

The doctor says I am
just depressed is all
"Take two Zoloft and
if needed, in the morning,
give me a call."

I doubt a pill will cure me
when I no longer care to
reside in my own skin
I want to get away from
this dopamine hungry beast within

There's no more thrills
to be found
since she left me all alone
I'm a stranger in my own body
nothing feels like home.

People like me die all the time
what does it matter if I jump
or suffer to a ripe old age
the story is always the same
from page to page.

I could never sleep through the birds,
every morning it was the first thing I heard.
They would sing their chaotic songs,
greeting each other as the day moved along.
They took no notice of people walking and
cars didn't bother them, they just kept squawking.
I couldn't go back to sleep no matter how hard I try.
the birds had much to say and they wouldn't be denied.
First stop the balcony, to listen to the call to pray
it got to where without it I couldn't start my day.
Getting ready to go, shoes lined up neatly by the door,
because we didn't wear shoes inside on the floor.
Finally on to the Little Cafe for çay and pastry
I missed the food there, it was always so tasty.
I could drink çay (tea) until I floated away.
Just sit there and watch the cats as they played.
I spent 30 days in Istanbul Türkiye that year
with friends that I'll always hold dear.
I've fond memories of çay, the birds and the balcony
May Allah always continue to bless me.

No matter how hard I try to
It's the worst kept secret
the fact that I love you

When you enter the room
I attempt to deceive
for when I look at you
I can hardly breathe

God forbid you should
notice me looking
my attempt at being
nonchalant
is hardly working

So we'll go on ignoring
how my heart skips a beat
every time our eyes meet

I remember it like yesterday
I saw her standing there
a short distance away
and her long raven hair

Her smile lit up the night
I remember it like yesterday
She sent my heart into flight
I didn't quite know what to say

Looking back now I remember
her eyes were such deep brown
I remember it like yesterday
When she first came into town

That was 25 years ago
we've melded together now like clay
Our life has been magical though
I remember it like yesterday

My life is a collection of hues brilliant and inert partly painted with pain and blood, a hodgepodge of wine and dirt.

Fold in the deepest oceans with a splash of goodbye tears mix with hot burning coals of a 'please come back' yearning that's lasted all these years.

I'll never be the freshly pinched cheeks of babies like the color of a rose, or a bright good morning sunshine, no, I'm neither of those.

I'm more like a starless night or hot desert sand beneath your feet, I'm not a crescendo I'm more like slight discomfort on repeat.

my heart erupts
in a volcano
of disappointment.

she's gone.
there was no lava,
no ground quaking,
just a thud then
hot flowing tears

it's more like I jumped
into the gaping hole
left in her absence.

Flowers bloom under salmon pink sunsets
grass grows and runs away with itself
newly born baby birds fly or fall
Yes, spring is finally in the air but
why am I so unimpressed with it all?

I yearn for cold, the crisp cool wind
my tennis shoes rustling the leaves
as I walked to her house where
the main street ends.

Autumn is my Master who beckons
me to stand tall against the sometimes
bitter coldness that stays around and on
into the fall.

come to
my window
have a glass of wine
you must see that
I think of you most
all of the time.

join me
in the garden
come sit and talk awhile
and I'll try to hide the fact
of what you're doing to me
with your smile.

stay awhile
but I warn you
never touch my hand
because then everything
I'm feeling you'd easily
understand.

There's always a whisper of madness,
playing in my brain as I struggle to get
loose from it's refrain and the constant
pounding me to comply makes me feel
quite insane.

Disaster brewing behind blue eyes
bits of chaos that won't be denied.
They tell me the choice is completely
mine but they don't see or feel how
I'm bound up inside.

Touch the people and watch them fall
knowing the horror to come,  the pull
to cause pain,  is the worse of all. I'm
the bad man says the song,  but they
don't really know bad, no, not all.

I am fragile
falling
and breaking
over and over
I reach out to
lovers
who have left
for another.
I feel
I'm drowning
emerged in
lost hopes
confused and
reciting old
and forgotten
tropes.
My trauma
is real
fostering
multiple
heartbreaks
often I feel
there's
not much more
I can take.
Inside I feel
pushed and pulled
she left me
in the night
once again a fool.
I wonder
if I'll ever
be what
someone needs
their true love
the only one
they want to
please.

frost forms snowflakes which
falls slowly not anxiously
fearlessness so differently
from how falling for you was
for your frosty days burn me
from the inside out as I
fell much too fast.

We admire each other
us in our fancy best
at the wedding
of your brother
where we are the guest.

I touch your cheek,
kiss your lips
and feel your smile
on soft leather seats
in high class style.

I really love
this little black dress
you're wearing
the way it shows off
your thighs
with the blue hem
that sparkles
just like your eyes.

rolling up my
tuxedo shirt sleeves
your eyes dart up
as I put my hand
on your knee.

Ignoring the boxes
of rice on the floor
you put your feet
up on the seat
and your back
against the door.

My body fits perfect
between your thighs
with your breath
in my ear
the fact I'm excited
should be no surprise.

You wrap your hands
around my waist
I sigh as you
kiss my neck with
exceeding haste

I feel you
all over me
and myself in you.
It's bliss
even though it's not
the perfect venue.

Our sweat dances in unity,
your slips on the floor
then our rhythm is broken
by a TAP!, TAP!, TAP!  
on the limo door
Alas, our time together
is no more.

Can I want to be
Oh so much like you
Maybe instead of who I am
Easily able to walk away
Beyond even giving a ****
Always ready to open or
Close any old door I choose
Kicking to the curb
Those I deem mere refuse
Of course then you wouldn't
Matter as much as now you do
Existing without you surely I'd be blue

The cards lay before me
each turned slowly
one by one
to announce my fate.
I don't know much but
I know I want her as
my mate.
I want to buy her
everything
Jewelry
clothes
and a ring.

Then He arrives
Le Diable
The Devil
Half God
Half Goat
Offering me
all the riches
of my heart,
to have most
everything I want.

A fool's journey
I already know this
but my heart wants her
in my life, in my bed
she's all my world
she's in my head.

I know there's a price
nothing comes for free
The chains lay waiting
(pleasure, abandon, excess)
set aside for me.
Oh it's my choice
to wear the devil's chains
the devil signifies evil
but I know my choice remains.

Saturn, the red planet
home of The Devil
Capricorn the sign
leading to my personal
fate left yet undefined

Born in a moon of Scorpio
A Capricorn at birth
last day of December
does this define my worth?
I'm done begging God
for something real and new
I will take my chances
on the cards dealt
hoping to me they'll be true.

So I put the chains
around my neck
they feel like a noose
they aren't tight though
only my desire restrains me
as the chains are very loose.

Now grant me my heart's desire
make her love me again
and our life be fun.
The devil reminds me
on that front The Wheel
has already been spun.

You left
in the night
silent
deadly
a ghost
a shell
of who
I once was
in a fresh
kind of hell.

I'm stripped.
flayed.
cut down
to the bone.
yes, this is me
since
you've been
gone.

I"m starving
for you
your touch
your breath
on
my skin
a whisper
alone
the cure
to put
me back
together again.

The moon is a master of deception
(not unlike the sparkle in her eyes)
hiding that which would be shown
in plain sight wrapped in
dim glowing hues of night.

The moon is a master of illusion
not nearly as bright as the sun and
wrapped in vague promises of truth
I loved it as I have loved her
a lifetime from my youth.

The moon is a master of mystery
hidden things reside within it's glow
hounds of war bay at it out of fear
of upcoming doom unknown.

But I say, dear moon, if you must
do please deceive me so
because you, and the sparkle
in her eyes forever bid me not to go.

My life is in a never ending spin
lately it seems I just can't win.
I try to crawl out from beneath
the rubble that buries me so deep

My life is a wheel of fortune
I, the bent figure of constant change
my happiness keeps ending to a point
I'm becoming quite deranged.

Endless motion, no choice where it stops
I keep losing the spin that I'm so sad
I could just drop.

I keep thinking it will finally land
on something marvelous or grand
but this old wheel keeps going
round and round and constant
tragedy abounds.

You are golden sand
I try to hold you in my hand
but you slip away
through clasped fingers,
but after you go
the feeling always lingers.

You are warm sunshine
I feel you touch me
and warm me so
But night always comes
and you always go.

You are a raging river
Your currents run so deep
When I ride your waves
I feel the pulse of your flow
so intensely I could weep.

Your are a clock upon the wall
your hands tell the time
I want to stop
and live in this moment
making you forever mine.

I can never do it all again
knowing what I know
bid time return, be young again,
going with the flow.

My youthful days are behind me now
well spent and wasted both
if I could do it all again would
there be some growth?

Would I do it all differently
a second time around?
or would I throw away again
the only love I ever found?

I can never do it all again
because I have a chicken-heart
even with a second chance
I wouldn't know where to start.

In the estates a baby cries.
In the streets a young man dies.
In the alleys they'll sell you drugs.
In the schools kids now use guns.
In the world there's so much need
Why won't the government intercede?

You are the story I should write.
I've got pages and pages built up
inside.

I'd start Of course with "Once Upon a
time" I had a girl so very fine, who
I was proud to be able to call mine.

Of course there'd be a chapter with
multiple quips of how great it felt
to kiss your lips.  

I'd illustrate it with an atmosphere
of how it felt to hold you near,
or place my hand upon your thigh,
such a thrill one cannot hide.

With a plot that twisted and turned
the readers would see how my love was
soon spurned.

I'd end with how you said that you
loved me but you lied. Mention all the
times you made me feel so bad I wanted
to die.

On second thought, maybe the story is way
too trite so I'll just put down my pen and
call it a night.

The clock ticks on the wall
I think back to a time when
I used to feel so small.
Back in those times
I used to let myself
get dragged down
usually only wore
creased eyebrows
and frowns.
Now I'm stronger
I can fly at times
all alone I smile
rather than cry.
Experience more
laughter than sighs.
appreciate the times
as they go by.
How did this happen
you ask curious.
I started by smiling more
stopped taking everything
so serious.
Practicing being grateful also
helped me to be kind
rather than
seeing only on my pain inside.
The hardest part was letting go
of all the Toxic people in my life
I thought I needed,
who I used to beg to stay
to the point I pleaded.
I thought I needed them
to make me whole
when loving myself
should have been the goal.
Now I'm a do-er
Not a downer
A smiler, not a frowner.
I put myself first
and practice self care
and I don't miss how I was
back then and there.

I'm on the edge of something great!

I know misery, she haunts me
2am, 3am sleep eludes me
A song I didn't need to hear plays
invoking unwanted memories
everything sounds like her
everything looks like her
although nothing is her
because she is gone
gone yet eternally present
between my ears
living in my tear ducts
crowding my brain with
memories and regret
should I burn her letters
tear up her pictures
like that would banish her
from my brain
from my heart
nothing does that
she's always with me.

She's so **** blunt
You could smoke her truth
she makes me long
For my unapologetic youth

Back in the days

before what I said
mattered so much
when I didn't care
if I said I love you
too much

Before I cared
what people thought
When my opinions
were my own
and couldn't be bought

Before I started slowing
down around each corner
When I was still a rebel
and not a joiner

Before I started giving
multiple *****
I relied solely
on my instinct and luck

Now I sit back
and watch her bravado
lighting her way
as she reminds me
of someone I knew
yesterday

I can travel on paper. Visit unknown places. Gift barren lands
with lakes and rivers, the poor with gold and silver. I could
run a marathon and be the winner.

I can travel on paper.  I'd finally go to London, meet the Queen.  Discuss life with her and everything. I could fly to the moon and back in one day. Learn piano from Beethoven, and a sonata I'd play!

I can travel on paper. And leave this old, frail body behind, I'd run through fields, climb mountains. Pen the most perfect rainbow by day and the most beautiful stars in the sky by night.

I can travel on paper. I can go to a place and time when she loves me again and is mine. Yes, I'd pen the love I'd lost fully restored. Come to think of it, who could ask for more?

Breaking apart
your verbal
sledgehammer
demolishes me
words that crush
all that I am
all that I thought
while I try to find
rhyme or reason
for the assualt.

Broken down
As floods of malice
pour out from wounds
I could not see
in you, from you
I am broken
beyond repair
It's only cold now
now that I see
you no longer care.

Break through, a must
to breath.
I deconstruct
everything I am.
It's no longer of import
why you eviscerated
me with your words
why you left me
as you did.
In the end
you didn't love me
was what occurred.

I stand
by the
water's edge.
I see you
rise
sword in hand.
you ******
the blade into me,
deconstructing
everything I am.
I bleed
for you today
my love
red droplets
color the water
oh so deep
But in my death
I notice that you
don't even weep.

I create. And it's more than just
words that rhyme, if I could I'd
write all the time.

I can make words fly or crawl
or dance, Be the Romeo in a story
of my own romance.

I build ships that sail the ocean
or fly up to the moon. I  can help you
feel the wind or help you hear
the greeting of the loons.

I create. And it's more than just
words that rhyme, if I could I'd
write all the time.

I'm fighting
Sleep
Struggling
against it
tugging at me
trying to kidnap
my mind
unless maybe
I could dream of her
That would
make it easier
for me to give in
close my eyes
and let it
take me
unconscious
far a
       w
         a  
          y

Zeus,
A God,
A King,
An Aries,
"The Green Man".
Head over Heart
is only
part of the plan.

Calling out
For us all
to step into our
Power and Authority
Not Ego and Superiority

Protecting the people
they serve
With a fierceness
that doesn't
bend or swerve.

The
Yang of the Yin
Encouraging Balance,
Control and Affection,
from without and within.

You won't find
these traits in
cowardice
hatred
or blame
in Fortune
or Fame

On the contrary,
The Emperor
is Encouraging
Us All to see
there is true
Power in being
the best we can
BE

I took one look
and my breath
left my body
you were mesmerizing
in your little black dress
I felt my head actually swoon
when I saw you dancing under the moon.
You didn't see me looking at you
I was relieved of that fact
had you noticed me staring
I wouldn't have known
how to act.
When you twirled
the light caught the blue hem
imagine my surprised that
it twinkled like stars
mirroring your eyes.
No other woman
matched your perfection
your smile, those lips
and that perfect complexion.
The wedding was beautiful
but all that aside
I'll share with you a secret:
you were more radiant
than even the bride.

It's winter now
the leaves have fallen
it's getting colder
the sun comes out
although a lot less bolder.

I walk outside
and I close my eyes
breathe in the smell
of the fireplace fires.

We barely had the turkey done
when the stores
hung their garland
saying Christmas had begun.

With a new year
just around the bend
I'm thinking of resolutions
like mini solutions
hoping to keep them
in the end.

You say I am a poet.
I tell you I am nothing.
You say I craft words.
I tell you I build nothing.
You look confused.
Imagine how I feel
that with a mere smile
the raise of an eyebrow
you push the words
right onto me.
That's right!
Don't you see now?
I am your paper.
You are 10,000 words
waiting to be written,
100 feelings
waiting to be had.
I lay myself bare to you,
an empty page,
just awaiting the
spill of your ink....