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 May 2018 Red
Nyx
What is this
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
I'm not good with emotions
Things like love or like
I'm incapable of handling situations
Boys and Girls alike

I question is something wrong with me?
Am I sick, incapable of love
Or am I just afraid of commitment
Maybe I just need a shove

The heat of the moment lights a spark
A wonderful night, of pure unadulterated fun
Then the next day and week
My heart begins to freak

I
Avoid him
Freak out
I'll have
Panic attacks
Breakdowns
Be Afraid
Feel fear
Want to Disappear
Break down in tears


I hurt them
Break them
Destroy their hearts and souls
I pretend that I'm the weak one
But i'm really in control

Well aside the panic and fear
I try to make things clear
Please forget about me
I'm not someone that can be held dear

Why do I feel this way?
So afraid of the world
Fearful of everything
Scared of everyone

Am I just broke?
Corrupted inside
Maybe somewhere along the way
My heart seemed to die

I dont understand
Because I'm usually calm and composed
Yet as soon as somebody likes me
That goes out the window

What is this?
I cant comprehend
Can I find somewhere out there
That i can come to love more than a friend

Can somebody please tell me
Shout out a cry
Tell me please
Can somebody explain why
idk
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Stadium overflowing
voices echoing throughout
Music reverberates around us
The intensity of our body heat
Each heart beating in perfect synch
Chants and screams
The lyrics of the songs
Confetti shooting out from above
Surrounding us with a blur of colour
Softly gently drifting down upon us
Jumping and swaying to the rythem
Flashing bright lights
The camera panning across the crowd
The smiles and the laughter
Pure happiness spread across their faces
Losing ourself within the masses
Surrendering our very soul
To the artists that through their songs
Helps us to stand up
Allowed us to feel needed
Gave us hope
The passion and the fury of the night
Where everyone was connected as one
An arena full of strangers
But through this music
Freedom and Happiness is born
The thrill of the night
This is what I live for
I've never felt more happy or excited in my life
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Berry Boo
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Berry Boo my lovely
Fly back to me
Return to the fields of honey
Cross the river of gold

Berry Boo my darling
Its nice to see you again
Its has been far too long
Due to this pouring rain

Berry Boo my sweetheart
This round was far too rough
It has barely been a week gone by
But we both have had enough

Berry boo my Princess
We both really are such pains
We overreact and fight over things
But it seems we are bound in chains

Berry Boo my dear
I love you so dearly so
History keeps repeating itself
As then next time we will surely know
We be back
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Tell me
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Tell me something
Would you dear?
Tell me something
I want to hear

Tell me I'm beautiful
That i'm better then the rest
Tell me I'm unique
That I'm incredibly blessed

Tell me that I'm creative
With all my writing skills and Art
Tell me that I'm amazing
That I'm insanely smart

Tell me that I'm special
The only one for you
Tell me that you don't need them
That you'll never tell me adieu

Tell me that I'm kind
That I'm tender and sincere
Tell me that I'm innocent
Even though I'm someone to be feared

Tell me that I'm not a mess
That I'm not broken inside
Tell me that I'm perfect as I am
That it doesn't matter that I lied

Tell me that I'm not unwanted
That my friends actually need me
Tell me that my soul isn't black
That you understand and can see me

So tell me with pure honesty
What is hidden within my eyes
Tell me that you know the truth
That there is more underneath my disguise
Tell me what you truly see
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Best way to die
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Hey Mr, Could you tell me
Whats the best way to die?
There are so many different reasons
I don't know which one to try

Should I, Slit my wrists in a vertical direction
Watch the blood drip down, As a desperate need for affection
The blood draining from my body to surround me in a crimson red, would I finally then feel happiness spread

Should I, Overdose on drugs? Illegal or Prescription?
Feel the nausea and vomiting decay my body, As nobody ever listened.

Should I, Drown myself in the bathtub? Or the pool to make it public
The crushing pressure of my lungs collapsing, As if i am absolutely nothing. A burning feeling will spread through my chest as if I am to burst
But dont look down into the depth cause surely you'll feel worse

Should I, Step onto the highway? With all the cars at top speed
Allow the pain of my bones breaking, As I only wanted to be needed
The impact could still render me alive, But in a world of agonising pain, then everything I had done will surely be in vain

Should I, Light myself on fire? Or torch me and my home
Let the searing flesh melt off of me, As I was always left alone
They will hear my screams for miles to come, but know that it was me
As my charred corpse will remain, forever left unseen

Should I, Hang myself in the closet? Let my mother find me dead
Feel the tightening rope cut short my breath, As nobody heard what I said. My limp blue body will dangle down with a note left by my bed

Should I, Jump off a high building? A tall place with strong winds
For a moment I can fly away, before I splatter across the ground leaving nothing but my outlineĀ and some red

Should I, Shoot myself in the head? Allow myself to pull the trigger
A gunshot will echo, I'll fall to the ground, Then I would finally be dead.
I wouldn't feel a single thing just the hurt of those before me
It would be instant and over in a second, that way their tears wont bore me

So Mr, Could you tell me
The best way that I can die?
You've played this game before
So hurry there is no need to lie

Hey Mr,
Its not like you actually care
Whether I personally live or die
So hurry up and tell me
As he's waiting for me in the afterlife
What is the best way to die?
 May 2018 Red
Nyx

A room of pure darkness
Lit only by the silver screen
Rows of people sit
All watching the same scene

In the final row we sat
A boy to my right
A Girl to my left
holding my hands tight

The movie begins, all at the edge of our seats
As the movie proceeds, Our happiness deceased
As we reach the end, With the conclusion drawing near
We all sit there shocked, Completely in tears

Our hands tightening, As another disappears
Sweat forming between our palms, As we feel more fear
Knees tucked up tight, You look like an idiot
A sobbing mess you were, But to you this was serious

Your hand covering your mouth, As the salty streams run down your cheeks
Attempting to hold back the sobs that were echoing throughout the cinema
The front few rows all turning around to look, You could hear them giggling
The most heartbreaking scene, Their amused stares were belittling

When the credits begin to roll, You were still shaken up
I also teared up, But I wasn't nearly as bad as you
Rubbing your back to sooth you, To help you relax
While laughing at you, Because you cried to the max

Giving you a hug, You buried your head into my shoulder
This was really quite amusing, As you were so much older
You then throwing a fit, yelling
How can the film makers do this!
At this point we were all laughing at you
Calm down
It was only a movie
Went to see infinity war and by the end of it my friend was gripping my hand and full on sobbing, He was so upset by the ending.
As sad as it was, Just remembering his reaction makes me laugh
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
hurt me
 May 2018 Red
Nyx

I gave you the power to destroy me
To make me tremble at your feet
I'll allow you to rip out my heart
And watch it as it bleeds

I'll let you use me
Time and time again
To make you feel a little better
So you can make it to the end

You can throw me away like yesterdays trash
When I am no longer of any use
Unrequited and useless to you
You can tighten the noose

You can light me on fire
Tear away at my flesh
Let my screams be heard
As the pain is raw and fresh

You can do anything you want
As I am helpless to stop you
For I gave you this power
From the beginning I knew

You torment me
Without batting an eye
But I'll bare through this torture
Just for this one special guy

Love is such a foolish thing
But then again I am a Fool
The consequences of falling in love
Are really far too cruel

Although I know all of this
I'll do it, Just for you
So I'll let you hurt me all you want
In hopes you will love me too.


Hurt me
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Thats what hell is
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Hell is loving you in my sleep
Filling my dreams and mind with only you
Your very existence bringing me overwhelming happiness
Loving you with all my might
And when I finally have you in my arms
I'll wake up all alone.
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Maybe
 May 2018 Red
Nyx
Maybe I can rewrite time
Change who i really am
Become a new person
Everyone will be like ****

Maybe I can fix myself
Paint my face with bright colours
Makeup does the trick
The boys will get flutters

Maybe I can become more wanted
By losing a bunch of weight
Going to the gym weekly
I could even get a date

Maybe I can change my style
Become beautiful and bright
Updating my closet
I could light up the night

Maybe I could become more intelligent
By studying a lot more
I could improve my grades
Then I wouldn't be as dumb as before

Maybe I can change my personality
Make it perfect and right
then everyone will love me
They would be filled with delight

Maybe I should learn to accept
That I can't change who I am
No makeup nor items of clothing
Can distinguish who I am

For I am, me
With all the faults and scars
Nobody is perfect
We are just one of a million stars

So maybe in the end
I can wish and hope with all my might
But even if i did change all these things about me
I doubt that I could ever be satisfied
As acceptance is the true key
There are so many things I want to change about myself but then if i did become perfect, What would be left of the real me?
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