Day 285
I am rocking back and forth
trying to fight this temptation
because my vices are tired of
Experiencing Starvation.
.
.
.
.
.
Day 1
I tried, I really did
But here I am again
It’s never a matter of if,
It’s only a matter of when.

I am a toxic person
so if you are trying to get close
I suggest you stop while you’re ahead
Because my lethal dose
Isn’t worth being spread.

As a child growing,
time was my loyal companion,
Holidays coming in the perfect moment
Annual Birthdays never failing
Weekends always showing up.
But.
As an adult growing,
time has become an antagonistic companion
Never allowing me
To recover from
The past or
The present.
now there is another year gone
that includes
moments in which
I was drowning in mistakes
and seconds in which
I was floating in euphoria.
I want time to stop
For the ability to process
the gulps of bitter water
or sweet sensation of hovering in joy
as they happen,
Not when the ball drops
and we all scream,
For time has not ceased,
to show the world,
to show us,
to show me,
who is in charge.

.Borderline.
A single word that can describe everything.
Walking on the edge of two strong realities.
Constantly debating one way or the other.
To live or let die.
A difficult decision that impacts
More than your heavy feet.
All it takes is one slight step.
Then all anxiety can end.
All depression can be in the past.
But it’s not a simple step either.
So many people face these two strong realities daily.
They find themselves,
.Borderline.

Genuine freedoms is something we all search for,
But it’s not found in a drug or a liquor store.
Take your search to the mountains and trees,
The answer you’re looking for is found within nature’s breeze.

Do people ever admit
When they are two-faced?
If not, let me be the first
Because I need to throw away this toxic waste.
The more you get to know
My fake, happy shell,
You will start to learn that under that ****
I live in my own private hell.
If anyone gets this shell open
They always end up leaving
The real me is never good enough
So the shell stays closed and I’m left grieving.

Abuse does not always
yield bruises or scars,
sometimes the effects
are more like emotional prison bars.
Narcissistic Abuse
makes your mind feel trapped,
by painful memories and words
as if your soul was physically slapped.
The damage has been done
and it is hard to fight the lies,
that were imbedded in your head
instead you are traumatized.
I know how it feels
I have always dealt with this type of pain,
But between you and me,
I still get lost trying to win this never ending game.