Drugs can be seen as happiness,
Happiness can be seen as drugs.
If happiness was a drug, I'd take it.
I can see the liquid filled in the needle
Shot through my veins, the world lights up
Bright and shiny, gleaming with hope
Finding the right phrases to decorate my smile
The people smile back, they wave, they laugh
They find spouses and friends, hugs and warmth
There's no more demons, no more darkness.

But this doesn't last long, you can see,
The pupil shrinks and the shine is gone
Laughs become groans; hugs become pushes
Away people go, backed to their corners
Finding for a dealer, another shot in the arm
To rid of the grasping dark entity holding them back
So many of them, tethered to a needle
Dying to be happy, to be safe and sound.

But Happiness is a drug, and it will always ward off
As you do it more and more, it's effect gets shorter and shorter,
It's always temporary, and you're always addicted.

I drink when I smoke
And I smoke when I drink
I think and I hope
And I hope when I think
I drink just to hope
******* hopelessly drink
I think down the road
There's a place I can think
In this place I can drink
And with my drink I can smoke
I'll finish my drink
With a feeling of hope
After this drink I will think
And think I can cope
I can't cope with this feeling
Of being alone

Call me a name,
**** me with words

Forget about me,
It’s what I deserve.

I'm writing a poem to my therapist
To tell her what I cant say.
To explain the emptiness that I feel,
The pain I feel everyday.

I'm writing a poem to my therapist
To tell her what I cant say.
To explain my hatred for myself,
The way that nothing feels okay.

I'm writing a poem to my therapist
To tell her what I cant say.
To explain my missing motivation,
The way I can't do anything any way.

I wrote a poem to my therapist
To tell her what I couldn't say.
To explain the twists of my mind,
The truth behind the facade I portray.

I’m drowning in two feet of water.
I’d be safe if only I could stand,
But my arms and legs are too tired.
This is not what I had planned.

My eyes are closed shut, blind from the salt.
The tide is rising, waves are crashing over me.
They beat me down and pull me in;
The sounds of silence call me to the sea.

Deeper they draw me, further I fall
Caught in the current, far from the shore.
My cries, like myself, are drowned by the sea,
I’m splashing, thrashing until I can do so no more.

Submerged below the cool surface
I’m weightless... I’m free...
I wait... floating there, fearless,
For the sweet darkness to wash over me...

But then a flitter of thought flashes forthwith,
An image —the spark of hope set within—
The future —a beauty with eyes like the sea—
I can’t let this end before it even begins.

My burning lungs remind me I’m still living
When all this time I thought I was dying.
My muscles ache, death but a breath away
I’ve no energy to fight and yet I start trying.

I muster what little strength that I can
And reach ‘til my hands and feet find the sand.
I open my eyes and push with all my might
To come face to face with the most magnificent sight.

Your eyes were gentle, deep as the sea,
You were the spark that set me free.
“Don’t be afraid,” you said, smile gleaming,
“Those were shadows of ghosts, of which you were dreaming.”

1/3/19

We used to talk all night.
And now we barely even look at each other.

The definition of suicide is: the intentional taking of one's own life;

However, what the dictionary doesn’t mention is that suicide doesn’t just steal your life, it steals from the lives of everyone around you;

That space where you fit, it’s empty forever. People can’t replace the part of their life that contained you, they can’t erase the memories you helped them make;

So when you **** yourself, just know that you’re also slowly killing everyone that loved you too;

The definition of suicide is: the intentional taking of one's own life;

Please don’t let that word, be the last verb, that describes you;