I couldn't find peace so I went out into the rain,
To find a way to stop the pain.
Let my brain unravel at the seems.
Flow away with the drops down the stream.
Little boat in the rain.
Float away, float away.
Sailing from me while I stay anchored with empty thoughts.
At peace -  but vacant.

It was like I never left.
It made me uncomfortable,
How easy it was, how familiar.

There was meaning to it when you strip it down.
Compassion.
Plus the urge not to be sad for a little while.

It's hard to escape the past,
Ghosts linger in this room.
I hear them as you sleep.
Whispering what I already know.

I think I may have to bury you,
Once and for all.
But maybe not right now

Soon I will bury you into this poem as a grave warning to all.

But for now, we do not have to be ourselves in the shadows.

and this is my reality

the promises i brake
the choices i don't make

i blur the lines
to keep my mind straight
losing myself in others
when i don't want to be me

right now i am smoking outside
with these strangers disguised as friends
these cigarettes aren't for me
but for them

i have lost myself along the way
i haven't been me for awhile now

and that is my reality

Trapped in this story.
Repeated history,
that's more misery than mystery.
Perhaps I'll leave this crap one day
Refuse to stay and go away,
but it wouldn't be long
before I'd collapse and relapses back into it all.
Enthralled in the fresh mesh,
across my rotten flesh.
Unable to even crawl,
as it sprawls around me
and develops me into something grotesque.
Against my best protest,
ignoring my distress,
until I become something I detest.
And all though this picturesque depiction of my depression
may seem extreme, like a bad dream
In reality it stems from a belief
that nothing ever gleams in darkness.
Regardless of what they say, darkness is artless.
Nothing more than a rotting carcass.
Harmless and heartless but not homeless,
because it's the same carcass in every ******* story in this never ending circle.
The only real consistency in the ever changing story.
Me,
internally rotting away for an eternity.
Trapped in this story.

my monsters are silent
no one hears my screams
these demons are violent
and they conquer me in teams

look into my eyes,
my synthetic smile,
I'll hide what underlies,
crying's not my style

Through the thick I drag these chains
chronic mental pains
Over me my demons reign
misery my veins contain

Through the dust I try to see
the lifeless creature that is me
I'll set fire to these trees
and my life, I will seize

You push me
You tempt me
You twist me around
You bring me sweet promises
Of things I’ve not found

You lure me with passion
And tell me sweet lies
You move me with reason
When I look in your eyes

You offer me sunshine
In the darkest of skies
You taunt me with laughter
And the thought of surprise

You’re really so clever with
These promises that you make
I’m lost in your banter
About the chance I should take

Nothing is clear here
Though it sounds pretty good
You said I could try it
But don’t know if I should

I’m enthused by your passion
And the song that you sing
You’ve captured my memories
But it starts to sink in

I’ve been tempted before dear
And you won’t be the last so
You can take what you’re selling
And skip right on past