Do my words even manage to make sense of what my heart is saying? I'm just too drunk and emotional to fully understand the meaning of my aching, all I know is that I want more.

When the world has gone quiet, it's harder to drown out the cries from the chest, to not listen to the desperate longing for more

And when the world is so grey, it's not easy to keep painting your life with colors, not when you're starting to run out of yellow, orange, red and all that beauty that used to make you shine

And when the only person you see is your reflection, it's difficult to not judge what you see, to not glower bitterly at yourself saying 'is this all there is now? Am I just stuck here with you?'

And when the only one you're talking to is yourself, it's just impossible to not notice that the one talking badly about you, the one hurting you, is the only one you got right now and I need to turn this around because oh my god, I wanna thrive with colors and sing whilst I place beautiful flowers in my head and mind, smiling at my own company.

He'll come back
He always does
Finding his way back into your bones that carried him for so long
Returning to your blood, leaving it burning and cold at the same time
And even your hips will remember his hands, as they reach up towards them
Whilst your stomach will feel the exact same revolting butterflies as it used to

You'll find him everywhere
You'll see him in your words, the ones he taught you to say
In your chest, when it's getting harder to breath
You'll even taste him in your mouth from when you breathed him
From when you let him get into every inch of you
And now he'll always come back
Not for you, but he'll always come back

I keep letting you in,
forgetting that I don't know what to do with you
I try going back, visit us when we were we,
I try to imagine you in my future,
I even try to fill my present with your name on my tongue
but I just can't find any place where you can stay,
where I can make you stay

And it's just such a waste, that's all,
because every scenario of us still makes perfect sense

I'm packing all my dreams and fantasies together with my summer dresses and my bare feet. I make sure to fill my heart and bag up with so much joy that I definitely will be disappointed when I don't find you this summer either.

I never truly understood the meaning of 'devastated' until I was

me, wanting to be alone whilst feeling so alone at the same time

It broke into my fantasies, crushing my daydreams. Making my longing break into an ever higher pace whilst the rug was pulled from under my feet. Facedown, sweat and tears, blood and pieces. Tasting the rock bottom, falling from the clouds. Breaking my bones, my connection to you, making me blind.

It really did break my heart, seeing you two.

Broke it in a non-refundable kind of way, a permanent way. Broke the pieces I'd left of you, for you, saved, so that we could one day return.

Naked I stand before the world
Not a physical nakedness
But emotional

Every hurt
All my pain
The river and ocean of tears
All layed bare for the world to see

My life’s journey
My joys
My struggels
My faults
My failures

All on display
For the woeld to see
All on display
For the world to judge

Every scab
Every cut
Every scare

A testimony of life
Life lived
Life rejected
Life learned
Life regained

Naked
I stand befor the world
Not physical nakedness

But emotional

a hand on my waist
compliment

your gaze
******* me

i wish i didn't need it

i wish i could appreciate it

now
i'm lonely if you don't
easy if you do

i wish my worth
dependent on more
than your gaze