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Jay Jan 6
i still sometimes wish you'd see me
when i'm out
running you off

but at last.

i am
running you
Jay Dec 2018
do i linger
where others
call it off?

my ***
it just hit me
that i might

because how well i recognize
the patterns of your footsteps
and the hollow feeling
their echo
leave behind
Jay Dec 2018
my entire

it breathes
in my pulse

all my shattered dreams
resting in the hall
beside our shoes

starts over

and i know exactly
how this looks
from behind
Jay Dec 2018
they borrow your white knitted sweater without asking
claim its theirs
hand it back eventually
now with blue stains
that won't come off

call you up
while out with their dog
ask what you're up to
cut you off halfway through your reply
turnes out they only wanted to know if you were available
to watch the dog

mention you gained weight
when in your bikini
(no, you did not ask)

when you lay in your sofa
contemplating that
hideous feeling below your chest

you receive a text  
asking if you are being kind to
as you should

tell your mum
when you're not around
how they appreciat how you always cared about people
and that they knew
you were gonna make it

and when you're home
they make you laugh
so hard
you accidentally
*** a little

it annoys you
when you wash the sweater again
that the stains still won't come off

it doesn't really matter
does it  
you were kind of tired of that shirt anyway
Jay Nov 2018
i washed my black sweater

when i put it on  
it smelled like you

i have been through
hundred times worse

bleed my heart out
on a wet concrete floor
picked every daisy

just recently
from a lifetime

but you
and your scent
in under my skin

i think somehow
you represent
and how it changes

what have i lost
what have i gained

i am older now

pull my sweater off
chuck it back into the washer
drown it with laundry detergents
and perfume

when i put it back on
it better not smell of
broken dreams
and anxiety
Jay Nov 2018
suddenly i know
where you are on thursdays at 8 pm
the numbers of pillows in your bed
and what you and your grandma talks about

you only ever saw
the drawn out clothes in my wardrobe
and my hallway plant

all i craved
i got

and then
you left

back on the sofa
count the patterns on my wall

no, i know
it was what it was
nothing more
nothing less
i guess

but i rather not have this new knowledge
in the back of my chest
it interrupts my important plans
staring at the wall
Jay Nov 2018
soon enough
i will have dreamt myself
of us

the presence
of your absence
will fade

soon enough
the need to relive your touch
reread your texts
will ebb out

the shadow of your kisses
will be oddly

and then
one day  

i will have walked past
your apartment
without realising
your lights
were on
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