in my periphery, a messenger arrived
carrying the sadness and the news of goodbye
“the roses you sent died out on their way before they could bloom
the dreams you planted were set on fire by the demons you fought”

now walking alone on the empty streets at night
staring at the moon wondering if you’re looking at it too
i would talk to moon thinking you’re hearing on the other side
beyond the seas, you were still close to me

midnight and,
far from my town's bright light
in darkness of sky i find solace
in darkness of sky i seek freedom
i look at the glittery trail of stars
the satellites moving as if stars are racing
the Pleiades looking like a small ursa major
i lay my head on the grass
before fog comes to obscure my view
before its grayness takes all over me
i look at the stars, spot constellations
wishing if i could fly through them
wishing if i could go and visit a planet
wishing if a planet that can carry the weight
the weight of my emotions,
the weight that pulls me down on the ground
there's a freedom in the night sky
meant for dreamers, meant for believers
i want to dream, i want to believe
that i will be fine
midnight, and i run away from the town
to seek freedom in the starry night

the last words of farewell
were sharper than a knife
the last words of farewell
damaged more than a cannon fight
all my fears conquered that war
leaving me to drift on the sea
with no sign of shore
thus began the night,
never to come to an end
crying in veil
and my pain reached new heights

my muse
my unspoken words
our antithetical stories
your charm
your goodbye before the dawn

i traced the lines of our fate
never aligned
the red string woven around
which seems too weak
your presence lingers around me
like a shadow

rain poured down before
before we became alive
before i let it out
before i could hold on
before you screamed it out
i watched you being washed away from my shore

i watch the rain
blurring edges of my side of the world
as i wait for it to cleanse my wounds
as i wait for it to blur my memory
as i wait to let go

dear gentle reader’s, go out and have fun
the summer is here, go visit a bookstore
feel the zephyr as it touches your face
when sun is up high and
swan’s playful game in the lake
sit by the lake with poetry in one hand
watch ladybug climb up your hand
lay down your head on the green grass
watch the paintings that tree shadow paints
forget your tiring efforts, make new memories

lying on a pillow you used the other night
the night we spent under the moonlight
only few stars in the sky but you looked so bright
my demons and ghost got so fright

a solace in that moment but pain is what i feel now
your memories tells me to smile but
there’s a big side to the eyes i can’t see now
now begins another race to survive

loving someone new was never so torturous
moving on but my face is still gray
reeling at night, smiling in daytime
desertion from you still haunts my midnight

thought that love would make its grand return
but the lingering sadness over-weigh my fervor wishes
the fleeting feeling of love
but it failed to turn gray into a blue world

wake me up when it’s all over
“when the ink of my pen stops bleeding
when there is no trace of their memories”
wake me up when the nightmare is over

november’s sadness will take me down
burn the bridges to the next run
lunar eclipse and pacing under the sun
gray will return in it’s darkest shade

our secret moments and i was high in that feeling
watching film on a reel with you but now all i can do is reeling
looking back at memories that were full of laughter
the night we had, i couldn't look away after,
so close yet i couldn't bring it up to you
i'm still in love when the lights went out
under the moonlight, it felt like a movie
and woke up to find your lips close to mine
in my fatal fantasies we're always together
but the next morning brought desertion in the light

the moment I saw the text cloud appear and disappear
i knew that was when I lost you in the argument
the moment of silence that followed was not just any peace
but a calm before the surging storm
a storm that wreck havoc in its path
and tore me to my bones and soul

now in my tomb of silence, carving your name on the stone
i lost the one I cherished, now I lost the one I loved the most
weeds and fog has covered the grounds in november’s cold
my thoughts are burning my skin, I want to drown

Arrival of fall, rustling of leaves
Strangers walking down the alley
Far reaches from the city grounds
A girl, a charmer arrived in the fall
The planet on its tiptoes danced 16 times
To welcome new chapters in her life
In the trouvaille, I found a friend in a stranger
A friend I never knew I needed,
In my journey to love myself
The courage flowed like river from her words
Her aura that outshines moonlight
In longing of someone, she counts the stars
A hidden sadness behind the beaming smile
A hidden pain behind those eyes
In her happiness, the gunnen rises on me
Went through ups and down
She always fought the demons in her mind
A figure who loves “tea”, to be debutante in her prime
Have friends like poison ivy
But she knows how to live life

i meet you in dreams but
the fear of desertion continue to exist
emotions in my dream seem far more stronger
in reality too both our faces looks so gray
i can't even console you in your grief
i don't want you to know about how i feel
it's supposed to be a love affair meant to die
either in grave or by moving on with time

the train wheels stopped at a station
and the roads leads to lake harmony
my homestead, the town my memories roots run deep
the air feels fresh while the sun is overhead
walking down the road, it brings me to a house
where a friend of mine once resided
i faded away from her life when i was eight
i try to summon her face but
her haunting childhood flash before my eyes
seven but her abusive father left her traumatized
stranded in an ocean from which she can't swim out

she would sit alone in her room
playing with the dolls wearing her mother's cardigan
and whenever i saw her, she would just smile
all she could wish was to fly high in the sky
too young to know the right steps
i wonder about her whereabouts
and is she fine?
i should've ran away with her
to a place far away from her father's reach
to a place in the mountains
where the cold winter feels like summer
where she would've spent time singing like crazy in valleys
where no one would've dare to hurt her again

i came across a case like historians
who failed to decipher scripts of old age
i failed to read his mind
who through his actions had put it on display
i failed to read his actions

kept his life locked behind the doors
never letting me in
and knowing
what he was going through
i foolishly
               tagged him
               blamed him
“for ruining our friendship”

the mizpah, the bond that kept us close
broke in an instant
bringing my world to an
“blackout”
my nights turned haunted again
the savior absquatulated me again
my ghosts began to rule over me again
leaving me in a state of despair

death came from rattle snakes
build a fort just to dig his grave
air became thinner inside
with every single inhale
mesmerized by the good feeling
his obscured vision of love
couldn’t differ between words or places
memories that still haunt him at dawn

one common bite and 100 different faces
excruciating pain and smile on their faces
black dahlia flourished in my rose garden
my eyes rained, someone punctured the cloud
scandals that can ruin lives, lies that can take lives
a friend is not a friend of yours
beware of those snakes
who befriend you and **** your soul

oh my! oh my!
i always prayed for days like these
“when i would run late for the class
and someone saving me a spot”
though something it speaks to me
of truth i’m facing bigger than my dreams
“this ain’t your dream college
this ain’t what you worked for”

but something it speaks to me
“avenoir a great this desire, till you see the worst”
a savior in the war
a refuge from my demons
shelter till i fly again
my cold barren land
has already dug my grave
i’ll stay till the summer arrive

on a little evening walk
lost in my thoughts
wondering what others are up to
while i'm left behind,
crushed with my own thoughts

the sky turned dark
cool breeze begins to flow
peacocks are singing
trees are dancing
clouds are weeping

i'm completely soaked,
not moving at all
dark clouds that heal
i want to drown
to come out alive

i am a sad amorist
who seeks to understand the love songs of the bird
the stories, the notes they sing that are open
but less understood at the same time
a deluge of emotions that leaks a stream from my eyes

i am a sad amorist
who seeks to look for the storm in the silence of a river
the tranquility that seems to exist but not at heart                                                           
obliviousness of the age, my dreams torn apart

if i could fly in the sky, i will declare my love to the people on ground
if i could talk to the birds, i will ask them to add some melodies in the scene
but you stood across the road, denying something you started
the look from your eyes and its torturing action- my cheeks grew warmer
but something in this moment without you, i feel how far we really are
our places close but hearts still hundred miles far
my desk is the only place i can write about my muse
thinking you're closer to me but its a poem you will never learn of

winter knocked at my door
before it could bloom
staring into an abyss
i long for the days old good

deserted like embers from burning firewood
love took a huge rebound
still waiting for it to return
return in the best shade of blue

i saw the gray entering my periphery
the fog  covered my sense of insecurity
thought- the lost is for someone who are “us”
but my story didn’t even began

my world surrounded by gray clouds
a moment’s happiness is all i seek
my heart covered in magoa
a affectionate touch is all I need
i want his life
not jealous but rather envious
judged by the divine power
my latibule lies in his world

sound of burning fire crackers reminds me of a day
light from burning fire crackers reminds me of a day
when you were her, joining the group with joy
i watched you from the sideline when your face light up pink
the smile that never faded till you were here
but the feeling engraved within me tells me to cry
i meet you in my dreams and always try to tell you
“i love you mother, you were so blue”

lurking in the shadow
to hunt her down
to put all the blame on her
there’s a man dressed as clown

was it that “her clothes too short”?
was it that “she was too easy”?
reasons circled around
there’s a man dressed as clown

clown is unapologetic
clown is a predator
clown is a hypocrite
there’s a man dressed as clown

you’re so majestic, I don’t deserve you
you’re so grand, I don’t deserve you
your heart is nothing but pure
and I fear my gray one will infect yours too
my love can cross border’s but yours can cross universes
i hope the sun smiles at the brightest for you
you’re kind, I don’t deserve you
you’re the muse I don’t want to hurt, I don’t deserve you

oh my these beautiful days!
autumn has come and will soon be gone
with leaves falling down brown and pale

some leaves are clinging with the hope
will they even survive the winter’s cold rage?
i summon the greatest of the force
to teach them how to fall away

hope is a devil in disguise
that will make everyday hard to survive
if you don’t fall down, will have nowhere to stay

in your eyes, there’s a plea
as if they’re in search of something warm and sweet
the look that you gave me sparked something
something very dangerous that needs to be handled with care and free
free of insecurities for it to bloom
bloom in the best shade of blue

my plea is to forever hold you dearly and close
never letting go of your hand and let it freeze
in november’s cold when it’s snowing outside the window
i’ll build something with snow and let you laugh at me
my plea is to forever hold you close
and peace will never leave our door

lying on a pillow you used the other night
the night we spent under the moonlight
only few stars in the sky but you looked so bright
my demons and ghost got so fright
a solace in that moment but pain is what i feel now
your memories tells me to smile but
there’s a big side to the eyes i can’t see now
now begins another race to survive

i feel tortured in winter, the fog  reminds me of good times
when my gray world turned to blue
i feel tortured in autumn, a season spent missing someone
a total love blackout
i feel tortured in summer, a summer meant to be full of love
turned to gray
i feel tortured to see rain, it reminds me of weeping nights
and when i was in pain
a tortured poet and his tortured seasons
a tortured poet forced to be tortured by torturous peoples
because of their torturous sin
a question why did i associated my memories
and made my seasons tortured?

I saw a white swan in the pond
Floating carelessly towards its aim
Then I saw myself in the same still water
I always pray for the same serenity
For the years to come in life
But within me
There’s a ravaging storm
Which cannot be helped
Even catharsis fails me sometimes
I try to calm myself breathing in and out
I speak words of wisdom by putting a hand on my chest
But I fail every time and so I end up crying
By raining all the poison out of my eyes

on my desk
lays a plan grand
to escape from my town
and live in the valley

waking up to the sound of birds chirping
ending my day with a walk in the evening
at night, sipping tea by the fire
to falling asleep in the arms of my lover

i’ll watch, “trees shedding a part of them in fall”
i’ll watch, fog cover my ground”
i’ll watch, “rain pouring down”
i’ll watch, “green take over again”
and
i’ll watch my inner child heal

words from them won’t hurt anymore
looks from them won’t scare anymore
scars from them will stitch up this time
and they won’t be there anymore

Silence of the night, an invitation to the poet
To discuss the cause, the solitude it screams
Someone is sleeping, someone is weeping
The silence of the night, what could the reason be?

Someone is sleeping, what a happy life
Someone is weeping, a torturous goodbye
For someone to call it night, one needs happiness
A night without happiness, a never ending day of crying in veil

there’s a ghost in my glitter filled room
that reminds me of you
and says, “you are my only muse”

night is the hour of peace
but once the clock strikes at midnight
the ghost comes out to take me to hell

loving you was never a crime
but when i’m trying to move on
your memories still lingering around this time

staring into your eyes but 10 second seemed bit harder
hot flush from your stare and i felt my cheeks grew warmer
your face slacking happiness and heart covered in dark gray
i wanted to whisper you 'my love' and tell you i'm here for you
putting your faith in me, you uttered your agonizing account
if i tell you 'i love you', would you let me share your pain?

birds have nest and they call it home
but you sneak from my back door
in fear of your girl
when you can leave her
and we can build our home

you take the path away from plain sight
you use perfume to hide fragrance of our love
this affair born from match fire
and is burning my skin
tell me is the wait eternal? and
will the weight continue to grow?

A month named after Maia
A transition from spring to summer
24 rotations on its axis
19 circles round the Sun
A boy born, his future uncertain
Years of hardship, keep enduring pain
Heart shattered at 16,
And haven’t recovered from the loss
Her body cremated and ashes in the river
Never got a chance to bid farewell
Turned 17, oh what a miserable life
School life turned to hell, full of rumors and lies
At 18, graduated from school
His efforts and work never came to ripe
I hope you’re okay on this fine Friday
Accept my regards as this poet turns 19
Cause I haven’t given up yet

looking into your seraph eyes
ferris wheel had put us high
being lifted up in the air
but with you it felt safe and divine
lights from the ground reaching the sky
we had the world below our feet
with no one to tell who to love
we held each other close before the fell

mesmerized by the look in your eyes
i wanted to whisper a secret
exhilaration hit us soft and sweet
so the fall felt haunting and divine
put away desertion in that moment
the moment of beauty in your charm
we both screamed at top of our lungs
and shared our secrets before the rise

i saw in the mirror, a reflection of mine
the wallflower that fade and shine
standing atop in the war against my fears
demolished the walls, became a people pleasure
made friends that spew out poison
nothing good came from letting pretenders into my life
took off that mask and enjoyed my own company
now I have someone, a true friend of mine

verses dipped in gray ink
his blue sky failed to turn pink
color changed faster than light
love in gray his soul screams
moon obscured by the fog
he dreamed of anastolic dreams

tattoos are hard to get off
his mind made him a slave
refused to burn in that fire
he decided to stay at same place
wishing on that wishful star
he burned his pride and let his tears rain

picked like a flower in the storm
by tyrant monsters like it's a fun game
hurt his pride, and took his crown
his days never saw daylight
in that dark haze brought by the storm
search for a beacon came to an end

live as an alien in his own town
in void of someone,  he couldn't lift up his quill
blood moon and screams in his head
pain and bruises stuck under his skin
parted ways when times were rough
his quietude and joy's eclipse

your gentle eyes cried a little times
your lips so sweet but red in pain
your face so blue but hides the color gray
the sadness no one knows about you

i'll tell you something holding your hand
you have a admirer who cares about you
the cannons that are aimed at your fort
will submerge in the sea before they hit you

the clock pointing to midnight
the walls are coming closer and closer
i’m going mad
my biggest fears begins to rule over my mind

scared of my own thoughts
scared of voices that tells me to die
i would put my hands on ears
and close my eyes

the paper says “i’m depressed”
stuck between haunting midnights
a fight between life and death
have no clue where i shall seek shelter

everyone flying high above the clouds
a gasp and i fell on the ground,
my blue ink is now red, glittering with tears
their blue ink fought the great war, the real winners
pain for evermore caused by the dagger,
a dream so grand, an epic defeat
a search party sent into the woods,
i pray now & then to rise
a latibule to reverse the augury
ended up in a chimera
someone set fire to the woods
suffering from asphyxiation
learnt about the twinkling lights in the sky
learnt about the script that was never mine
i dreamed to be so high, stargazer is just a word now
my dream shattered, i cried
an excruciating pain

to be someone’s muse- a feeling unknown!
an honor so grand but beyond my hope,
the vastness of the sea before my eyes
its secrets can’t be hold in a rhyme,
midnight’s darkness- a friend before
now a foe, never haunted me before
a rose by other name can be “forget-me-not”
sorrows, sorrows and prayers always knock at my door,
cemetery is the home for the spirits
cemetery is the home for the memories,
i long for the “good old days”
when summer never left me alone,
now in my winter’s barren land
a glittery hope is what i pray for!

fire raining down from the sky
and my planet turned to hell
with no sign of life but only cries
of his, her and their memories at midnight

strange streams leaking from my eyes
i wonder, “will i even survive?”
poetry i write from every dying
pieces of memories and fragments of my life

please don't be in love with someone else
you heart is no one's but mine
but who am i to tell you this?
when you're not really mine

i wish on every shinning star for you to come
i wish for a day when you will see for who i am
i already saw you, you have pain stuck under your skin
so i will help you bury it in mine

dear september,
tell me, “you’ll be fine”
tell me, “you won’t bleed”
tell me, “your eyes won’t rain”
tell me, “your wounds will heal”
tell me, “you won’t be sad”
tell me, “this month won’t be same”
tell me, “it’s the happiest you’ll be”
tell me, “someone will love you”
tell me, “words won’t be shot at me”
tell me, “memories won’t haunt you”
tell me, “this time will be different”
tell me, “you will make memories”
tell me, “you won’t be deserted”
tell me, “ you won’t be depressed”
tell me, “you’ll be at peace and free”

in quiet of the nights
his demons comes out
and begin to rule over his mind
attacks are made
wounds re-open
and bleeding doesn’t stop
as he confront his demons
with his head high but knees on the ground

memories, promises
failed dreams, enemies
and 19 years of life
flash before his yes
everything start to pull his nerve
with screams so loud, a cursed man’s curse
his house is his grave
and there are cries in his silence
begging for help and lord’s forgiveness

loudest was the music from her parties
loudest was her audacity
to come in a town
and challenge the town’s rules
stole neighbor’s dog
and sent a clear message

her degraded reputation
and unnoticed kindness
got her a tag of mad woman
never scared of bringing change
Now a role model
For women in her age

fleeting memory of you
one fateful encounter
you are my muse
a solace in that moment
standing across the road
our roads will never cross
you see I’m a “sad amorist”
i will always say, “our stars will never align”
i will paint my knuckles red
for a glimpse of you
but scared of the thought
you belong to someone else
i’ll leave a letter at your door
my idea of you will never fade
my ink for you will never run dry
it’s a letter that i will never fly

in my boat with a knife
floating on a silent, blue sea
what a serene beauty
bewitched by the cursed one
my boat is drowning
the moment's grace to draw the knife

climbing up high to touch the clouds
gray mountains are challenging me
my leg slipped, i'm falling down
the moment's grace to draw the knife

for me blue is a shade of gray
happiness is an illusion
always ending up in the same old cage
where death keeps a hold on my thoughts
an inner turmoil that is never at peace
poetry i write,
from every dying fragment of me

betwixt the chaos and happiness
i'm feeling something
in the tranquil nature of wind,
in the tranquil sounds of birds
in the tranquil calmness of the pond
i see a reflection of mine
and hope for the eternal peace
to put out the fire
to challenge the eldritch figure
who has destroyed my home

i've been vexed by my haunting dreams
i've been vexed by the actions i take
each step i take feels like dying
each breathe feels like perishing
each thought feels like confined
time to quell this nearer or beyond the horizon
clouds of uncertainty surrounds this question
all i know is a place in my mind
where tranquility takes over my soul