every time i see you
i want to cut my hair
you loved it long
i will become
everything you hate

its summer
4th of July
our 2 year old is in her wading pool
my husband is grilling
i'm sitting next to my child
she looks just like her father
eyes and all
you laugh because
she looks nothing
like you at all
everything you've wanted is right in front of you
you prayed long hours at night for these things
you waited
then you woke up
all alone in a queen size bed
all to yourself
a lump in the back of your throat has now formed
why?
i have no right to be upset about a dream
but i was so close to having these things
now its haunting me while i sleep

i was the flesh you needed
to cover your aching bones
but then your skeleton
decided he didn't need a home

i've created many storms inside myself
i'm afraid to cry now
when i do
it releases from my body
the lighting strikes
the thunder begins to clap
the wind is very strong
and its destroying everything it its path

keep whispering
piercing promises
until my ears started to bleed
make me believe
make me believe
you won't ever leave

a needle
a spool of thread
you offered to sew me back together
you helped take the stitches out
of the wounds you made

my heart was started to skip beats
my hands trembling
my head was spinning
sweating
nausea
lethargic
every noise i heard started to
sound like nails on a chalk board
i was confused
i reached for a body that was no longer settled into my sheets
as the pupils of my amber colored eyes had dilated
i was seeing double of you
was this a nightmare
i was detaching from you
my drug
with drawls had begun