Dear you..

It's been a while
Since we last talked
How have you been?
I hope you're doing okay

Me?

I guess I still miss you
Missing how I wake up seeing you
Smiling at me each morning
Wanting to stay in bed the entire day

Dear you..

Do you remember how
We enjoy making breakfast everyday?
How dreadful it feels to leave in the morning
only to hurry back and eat dinner together

I do

I still remember our weekend dates
Whether going out, or staying home
Remember the first roses I gave you?
And my promise to give you some every week?

Remember, Dear?

I still remember how you caressed my hair
and how you kissed me every time I messed up
I also remember how we used to cuddle
When we stayed home on the weekends

Do you still remember?

How warm it feels when you hug me
At times when it feels cold in bed at night
and how we ate on the same bowl or plate
Whenever we lazily eat our meals on the bed

Those were the days

When I felt happiest the most
When I felt like I'm truly alive
Sharing that simple, fun life with you
Brought contentment to my heart.

Did you feel the same way?

You smiled whenever you looked at me
You kissed back even when I nervously messed up
You had that effect on me back then
I thought I also had the same effect on you

But I guess not..

When that blissful life took a bad turn
We turned for the worst downfall as well
You kept looking for someone else in me
Someone's love that's completely different from mine

And then it crumbled..

The life we shared and held on dearly
The way we shouted and fought every night
and how we slept on the opposite sides of the bed
I guess you really didn't feel the same

Who was he?

The one you still held on to
Even though I was the one beside you
The person who kept you from being mine
Whose memories outweighed the love I gave?

Then the end came..

It came by so fast I never caught a glimpse
I was still willing to fix it yet you alone brought it down
You walked out that door and left me for good
You took my heart with you as you went to him

It still hurts..

I am still stuck with loving you
Even if my mind says otherwise
Your ghost still haunts my life
I don't know what else to do

So please..

Stop running to me when you need comfort from him
Stop calling me every time you cry on lonely nights
Stop stirring this weak heart of mine
And please don't consider me yours anymore

So..

I'm saying a final goodbye
I hope you'll be happy in this life
In time I'll move on, I'll be free
Even if in my heart, you'll always be dear to me

You were a surprise
Something that never crossed my mind
An unexpected encounter
That would change me forever

I always thought that
If I work hard and with passion
I could get anything I want
Never have I been so wrong
As then and there
Right in front of you
While I choked on my feelings
and opened my heart
Fate dashed this innocence
In just a quick instant

I've always wanted you
Just to be beside you
Breathing the same air
Sharing the same moment
Laughing on the same jokes
Holding hands
Locking in embraces
Eating at the same place
and sharing the same food
Reading together the same books
Sleeping on your lap
While my mind flutters around you
Dreaming about a tomorrow
where we do the same things all over again
and being happy with each other
Being content with this life
That I wanted to share with you
How innocent of a dream
and yet Fate is a cruel thing

I always thought that I could reach you
I could be with you through think and thin
That you could want me the way I want you
Is it wrong for me to be in love with you?
Why does loving you passionately
end up being a punishment on me?
Why is it that when I only yearn to be with you
I end up living and loving alone?
I always thought that you were already mine
And yet in the end, you've always been out of my reach?
Why is it that when you were with me, you were always content
and yet when with him, you dare to dream even further?
Why can't my love for you prosper
while his love for you bears all the fruits of my labor?
I don't understand why a wish so innocent
can be trampled and forgotten in an instant twist?

I guess I was only chasing stars
Trying to catch a love
That was never mine in the first place
The lonely nights come passing by
Every day burning quickly
Like embers on a windy night
Trying to forget the memories
you shared with me
Trying to forget the dreams
you made me yearn to achieve
Even though forgetting you stings
I'll do it
I can't stay stagnant on you
I'll have to move on
even if it still hurts
I'll push on
Until you are completely
Out of my system
and out of my reach

I quit
I quit this mediocrity called Life
This existence filled with paradoxes
This life which lacks any form of happiness
These days that are filled with suffering

I quit
I quit this depression that eats me
This sadness that has long plagued me
This hatred that drives my every day
This angst that hovers over my head

I quit
I quit this stupid blaming game
Where I never took an ounce of responsibility
Where I hide behind flawed reasoning
Where I let my flowery tongue do my ***** work

I quit
I quit this pursuit of temporary happiness
Where I let Chance give or take control of me
Where I blindly wait for fruitless promises
Where I let this unfair Life give me anxieties

I QUIT
I QUIT THIS STUPID GAME
I QUIT FROM EVERYTHING THAT CONTROLS ME
From now on I am master of my fate
I am the captain of my ship
I alone pursue what I want
and not let anything come by chance
I will take responsibility for my actions
and take all the blame for my iniquities
I will not let anxiety take hold of me
and free my mind from all negativity
I will give up the pursuit of false joy
and in exchange pursue true wisdom
That this life is not as complicated
as what I thought it was.
That this life is just a simple struggle
and will only yield to those who are strong
Strong in mind and heart
Those willing to recognize and accept all weaknesses
and to change and convert them to strength

Whoever sits upon Heaven's Throne
Give me the courage to resign from this "Life"
and give me the strength and will
To start the change that I always wanted in me

It comes for me
Judgement from the sins
That litter my past
They linger to this day
I'm suffocating
from their grasp
Pulling me deeper
within the Abyss
I am imprisoned
within the blackness of my deeds
within the evil of my soul
They hover over me
The guilt slowly eating me
It plays with my twisted mind
Delusions feel like they're real
The whispers getting louder
Its ******* depressing here
I'm almost out of breath
from the anxiety building up
Just **** me now!

Save me
Hold me
Hear me plea
Come for me

The demons of the past catch up
To destroy what remains
Of my being today
They're almost here

Him:
This is the last chance I can manage
The last chance I could pour it all out
The bottled up feelings I held for so long
The strong feelings I always had for you

I've been in love with you all this time
From the first time I laid my eyes on you
But because of the silly fears I had back then
I lost and wasted chances to make you mine

Years passed by like mere days
But these feelings were never diminished
They even grew stronger by the day
And they kept me up and awake each night

I hid behind my cowardly fears
Thinking that if I stayed the same
Maybe one day, you'll see through me
But instead of that awaited day, he came

Tomorrow you'll walk down the aisle
In the most beautiful version you could be
Walking towards the future of your life
With me only watching by the sidelines

Tomorrow you'll finally be his wife
While I hold my peace forever
But tonight I'll be coming clean
So only for tonight, please listen to me

All this time, I loved you
Even at this very moment
I love you still so much
It kills me inside that you won't be mine

Your happiness is what I always had in mind
Even if that happiness doesn't come from me
I wish you all the best in your future married life
I hope he fulfills what I always wanted to do

I'll be fine on my own
I'll get over you someday
Though it may be hard
And may take me a long time


Her:
You never were the one for me
You didn't even mean that much to me
Back then you we're just a boy
And I still see you as a boy right now

A boy who took things for granted
Thinking that everything will turn out okay
Even when its obvious that he'll lose dearly
Because of hiding behind his baseless fears

But even then you were a boy
The boy who always stayed by my side
Of course I was bound to fall in love along the way
To the one whom my world revolves around

Stupid, dumb, foolish boy
You were always a pain in my heart
But you were there, right at the center
So insensitive of you not to notice

I had always been in love with you
Always waiting for the day you take heart
and courageously tell me what I always saw
That you also loved and cherished me too

But that day never came
Instead, he walked in my life
right when I was loosing all hope for you
becoming my fall back and my comfort zone

Still, I always had my eye on you
The first man I ever fell in love with
I guess first love really doesn't die
because even when I was with him, you stayed on my mind

When he asked my hand in marriage
I thought it was finally an escape from you
An unrequited love I always cherished
and finally be free from every memory of you

But now you come here facing me
Professing the love I always yearned for
Making me think of running away with you
and to finally be with the one I loved most

But instead, I'll give you just tonight
I'll make you regret every wasted time
I'll be yours for the last time
I'll give in to your love only for tonight


Both:
Let's take each other's hand
Be locked in each other's embrace
Slow dancing in a borrowed time
Staring longingly for the last time

Let our movements synchronize
with the music of our heartbeats
and the pacing of our breaths
as we dance our first and last dance


Him:
Let me touch your face for the first and last time
Let me kiss you passionately before the sunrise
Let me be yours in the darkness of the night
Let me make love to you under the moon and starlight


Her:
I'll let you take me for the first and last rush
I'll let you kiss me from midnight 'til sunrise
I'll make you mine only in the darkness of tonight
I'll make love with you bathed in moon and starlight


Both:
Slow the flow of time tonight
Please let us stay in this moment
Suspend us in a perpetual night
Let us stay here in each other's arms

We know forever is out of our reach
And that this love ends when sunlight comes
So please, let us stay this way for a while
Dear God, let us dance forever in this suspended time

Let the last of our kisses stay frozen forever
Don't let this reality be a bittersweet memory
Please let us cherish each and every second
Please let us savor each tender moment

Driving for miles
To get to where you are
Knees are aching
Hands are shaking
Fuel tank almost dry
Engines barely alive
Legs are tired
Tires wearing out
How long 'til I reach the end?

But..
I'm driving to where you are
and..
No matter how long or far
As long as the road ends
on the space beside you
I'll keep driving on
the highway towards you

Bloodshot eyes can't sleep tonight
Heartbeats working in overtime
Your smiling face etched in my jumbled mind
The only clarity in my foggy thoughts

Feelings I can't describe cling on to me
How come I became so full of courage?
To ask you out and tell you these hidden desires
I still can't believe how I managed to tell you

I still can't forget that shine in your eyes
When you held me in your arms tight
The words you whispered still ringing in my ears
Right before the kiss that made you mine

Awkward smiles, juvenile hearts
You shined brightly like stars tonight
Your warmth still brings goosebumps all over
Your securing embrace still feels like a fantasy

Am I dreaming like a madman?
Will this disappear when morning comes?
Why does tomorrow come so slowly?
Why is time so fast when I'm with you?

I've never felt this was before
Like a volcano bursting with emotions
As I grow closer towards your gravity
As I fall into the crevices of your heart

This may be what they call love
These unhinged feelings towards you
They consume every fiber of my being
As I think of ways of how to chase you

I scream out loud this love for you
Unleashing this desire to always be yours
You make me crazier with every look you give
Falling faster than light's speed when you touch me

My forever is yours to hold
I'll chase you to the stars and back
I'll love you deeper than the ocean floor
Just stay with me, for tonight and all coming nights