i don't want to look there anymore for fear of the clockwork ****** that i make of my own memory every time i pass that house on Sheridan Circle. it is filled with the ghosts of childhoods well spent but long past and i can't help but think how the rope by which the old swing used to hang looks like a noose, which it may as well be. maybe one day i will swing from it for the last time.

I* love you
with a heart
only for you
and you don't
say it back
maybe it's 'cause
you know
the true message
of this
is only seen
by yo*u

my skin is turning purple
due to your absence
you can't see the bruises you left on my skin
you are not who I expected you to be but it is who you have always been
I assumed you were kind by the way you looked at me
the way you touched my pale skin
I convinced myself that I deserved the love you provided for me
but I'm lying to myself because you are a sin
you never cared or loved for me
It was all an act
I could tell when we first kissed
the kiss we shared was not true because you weren't even there
your mind was pondering about her
I loved you but you loved your ex lover
I gave you my all and it wasn't enough to make you want me
so I'm begging you please
let go and accept me
~ a.h.

you turn me
into someone
I am not-
but-
the only time I am myself
is with you.

you are the sunshine:
with a small taste
I feel
radiant,
effortless,
full.
with too much,
I get burnt.

like a moth
to a light-bulb;
I seek you.
I will fry myself-
I will burn-
just to feel your warmth.

the hot sunshine
in the desert
forms
a mirage,
an oasis,
a luscious stream of water
to quench
my endless thirst.

when I am close enough
to reach it,
I realize there was
nothing.
all along-
my paradise-
nothing
but the hot,
dry sunshine
and my
never-fulfilled desire.

engulf my planet,
fatal fireball,
disguised as an
angel from afar;
I want my skin to melt
in your
blistering light,
like a candlestick.
I want to
melt into a puddle
of who I once was.

I don't know how to live without you.

i will start a bonfire
and throw in all that i've been
all that i've ever touched
with my fingertips
or with my heart,
all my clothes
and nights with no dreams
all the stars i've watched thinking of you
the moon and the rainbows too
all the beds i've made love in
all the songs i find you in
the poems i  wrote
my tears and smiles
all my soul
my eyes,
this skin you'll never touch
the way i want you to,
all my seasons
and all the years i'll have to live without you.
i'll make a bonfire
and i will throw in all i've got
all the trees
and everything surrounding me
a great bonfire, indeed
designed to put me on desolation row
for eternity.
i'll throw in all that hurts the most
except for my love for you
and a picture with your name on it
that i keep
for rainy days like these.