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Hopeless Outlet Apr 2018
The feeling of my intention was clear.
At one time or another.
"Find a place to share what's inside."
"Maybe, maybe it'll fade, at least for awhile."
"Mix it up a bit, shine light where you spread the dark."

Suffice it to say, I'm worried this won't turn out the way I had hoped.
It's not to say I'm on the brink of the end,
But at the moment in this lifelong battle, when my eye flickers to a detail I missed.

There's a ***** in my armor.
A small sliver.
As that unwanted passenger swings it's blade once again, sparks fly, and in that second of light, revealed.

The sliver is now a crack.
I can't seal this and sooner or later it'll spill out.
I just wish, one day, it'll stop.

Until then, I'll burn away and rise from the ashes like a phoenix to continue this infinite cycle.
Sorry if you're reading this. I actually wanted to mix my post with positivity but I'm definitely at a low point more often nowadays. It happens and I'll bounce back. I just didn't want anyone to think this was about self harm. It isn't.
Hopeless Outlet Jan 2019
In this moment I noticed
it was rare I'd have a hopeful response

My greatest belief was in disappoinment
against my will I lost faith in hope

And until it comes true
your words will always be false
until you make it come into fruition

The seeing was my believing
Hopeless Outlet Aug 2022
When our eyes lock
every little thing stops
we danced this way a thousand times
a thousand ways
a thousand blinks
and yet it always feels anew
flowing and free

When our hands lock
every little thing is felt
we've touched this way
a thousand grips of passion
it always feels like
sweat and senselessness

Our tension, that exist
clear intentions, like lips about to kiss
with attention , I stand for you
without exception, I stan for you

I stan for you
in a thousand ways
I stan for you
It's been awhile....
Hopeless Outlet Mar 2018
The doctors gave me a pill not to feel
You place hands on me to heal
I try not to make this a big deal
I try not to make this a big deal

I'm trying not to deal
But I live in a casino
and the currency
is my sanity

I deal in sin
I deal in skin
Please don't take your hand away
I want to cash out

I want to let go of all of this
and tear up the deed
I want to sell everything
I want to go out of business
I want to wake up and whisper
Here once stood Casino Depression
The many words that come your way when explaining isn't so simple. But don't ever believe it's up to anyone else to save you from yourself. Support is great but.....in the end, you make the final decision to help, you.
Hopeless Outlet May 2019
Hey how ya doing
I am boredom
Don't read too much into this
**** it dear
I am boredom

And it just hit harder
say something
and it just hit harder
it's only been a minute

**** it I am bored
but not in a way
where I wouldn't speak to you
under other circumstances
you're actually pretty cool

And it just hit harder
say something
and it just hit harder
**** it
dear I'm sober
Hopeless Outlet Jul 2019
When the sun hits
You shine with a stronger light in your eyes
then the stars in the sky
More than a well within you
You're an uncharted body of water
That none have yet to discover
I've never learned to swim
without eventually causing myself to drown
But when I'm this close to you
I'm not afraid to flow with your current
One day I hope to get to the depths
where no one's eyes have been
I want to become king of Atlantis
I want to understand how to live
with the sea and understand it's needs
I want to be quite like Poseidon
let go and breathe
You're like no person above

You are the ocean
I write about my girlfriend from time to time
Hopeless Outlet Mar 2018
Through your tears
And my actions
Our fire went out
Our fire went out
your voice echoing
we're better than this
you've broken down
you've broken down
Though I have found
A life without love
is no way, to be found...
In a home without doors
I constructed your decor...
Out of memories
Out of memories
Guilt, blame, and shame
A spell left behind to keep
you locked away.....
Maybe someone can release you
someday.
Just had the urge to write.
Something along the lines of a break up, where a person knows they've put you in a place emotionally where you're cut off from others.
Hopeless Outlet Nov 2018
Judge you when we're high
Judge you when we're high
You're a creature you're divine
You're my comfort love you are fine

I will judge you in my mind
I will judge you in my mind

You're a story you're a lie
Educate me when you smile
Beauty thank you I'm high
Darling thank you that I'm high

So I could judge you
in my mind
So I'll convulse you
In my mind
So I could love you till I die

Fully in my mind
hope you like it, wrote this today
Hopeless Outlet Dec 2020
Something happens when you've found that special some one
Akin to love at first sight

I only saw you through my window
I only saw you through my window
for many months
emotion stirred up, it seemed so simple

But you'll never know
But you'll never know.....
Hopeless Outlet Aug 2018
The way she looked at me
you couldn't capture
that in a picture
It was like the secrets shared
that brought countries
down quicker
Hopeless Outlet Jan 2020
As your fingers run down my back
I exhale as if it were my first breath
in years

I shiver but not from the cold
you send a shock through my system
now I'm feeling whole

We lock eyes and in that moment
we know what I've always known
that this is something special

Life built a maze to protect my heart
but somehow you knew the way
how to bypass the Minotaur
the sharks in the water
the claws in the dark
You found a home inside
Without me knowing I still had space for you

As your fingers caress my face
I nuzzle against your palm
in a way I'd never admit
I've wanted this possibility of vulnerability

If you ever grew wings, to get away
I'd slay the sun
to keep your wax from falling apart
rather than allowing death to tear us apart
kinda went off in a different direction
Hopeless Outlet Jun 2018
Broken, battered and bruised but still
walking down this path , of course you'd choose....
Yes, you came for some advice
I faced you away from that abuse
Yet you'd rather be a tool
Instead of treasured, only used
Reached to save you once again
But you slapped the hand I lent

Pity is a fools reprieve....
Naivety is a strong belief
Your god was never heaven sent
A false idol by which you've bled
Your god was never heaven sent
You've wasted life on a broken wish

Every time you told me no
Every time you stayed, I failed
It was in the way I loved you
In these wasted steps I took, I felt
That I would always burn in hell
The promises that you would leave
Were always my fool's.... reprieve...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For anyone who's ever known a friend or has been in an abusive relationship and either never listened to the chances to get out, or ignored them until you listened.

Inspiration : Sober by Tool
Hopeless Outlet Jul 2019
Ive done alot of thinking on my own
been looking for a way to turn it off
this is where I tell you things have been hard
this is where I just brush it off
this is where I smile and throw you off
and like always this is when I see
I pulled it off
and we're back to how you are
how things for you went wrong

I don't want your eyes on me
Sometimes I wish someone could see
I don't want your eyes on me
sometimes wishing I could just leave
keeps me going
Hopeless Outlet Apr 2019
I've only met destroyers
on the go, on the low

I've only met them going down
on me, on you

I've only met destroyers
in town, all around

But then I met you
and all that you do
Is love, is love
is love
Google translation helps
Hopeless Outlet Mar 2019
I've lost my friends
I don't think I'll find them again

Does it matter who was wrong and who was right?

I've gone to sleep without words from you for the past couple of nights

On the outside things look fine

But sooner or later it'll get out
you're no longer comrades of mine....


But I wish you the best in life and
it ***** you're no longer apart of mine
Hopeless Outlet Jul 2018
I raise my hand up to my ear
Empty without my phone
Maybe it'll happen tomorrow
is what I said about yesterday's tomorrow, because

This is when you would call
This is when you would call
Was told of the end that comes to all good things.

Have you dialed my number only to then take your hand off the latch
of a door where something made of be us
Grunts and screams and moans and pleads

Who do you say "Hey there",  to now?
Did their day make you smile?
Laugh in sync?
Did you pause in mid sentence as your eyes saw the time?
Because....

This is when you would call me
This is when you would call me
Why can't you ******* call ME?
***** when what you're used to doesn't exist for you anymore
Hopeless Outlet Sep 2019
I keep forgetting to refrain from taking purchase in your words
You wound me and don't notice
Like I've noticed, your eyes
The way they hold me, still
Your smile
Your embrace
Oh boy, I love. You.
All of you
Everything.
Ah. I didn't expect to hear that
I forgot
Once again, a wound.
It's been awhile.....I'm not sure if I'm going to continue writing....
Hopeless Outlet May 2019
There was once
A pretty little house
And it had many occupants
But a couple of them here or there
Stripped the pretty
little house bare

So what was once
A pretty little house
was remodeled as a bunker
and on this bunker they built a tower
with its entrance at the top

The further you get to the bottom
the more you see it's appeal
the further you go from your exit
the closer you get to a soul

that once lived in a pretty little house
Hopeless Outlet Jan 2021
I don't know what's worse
You realizing my heart wasn't open to you
or me realizing
I wasted your time
and filled it with sadness.
Hopeless Outlet Jul 2021
When the sun hits
You shine with a stronger light in your eyes
then the stars in the sky
More than a well within you
You're an uncharted body of water
That none have yet to discover
I've never learned to swim
without eventually causing myself to drown
But when I'm this close to you
I'm not afraid to flow with your current
One day I hope to get to the depths
where no one's eyes have been
I want to become king of Atlantis
I want to understand how to live
with the sea and understand it's needs
I want to be quite like Poseidon
let go and breathe
You're like no person above

You are the ocean
Hopeless Outlet Mar 2018
"It wasnt the same as they describe it in the books.
Its not like watching a movie and getting teary-eyed because it connected with you in some way, shape or form.

There was a deeper sort of pain, beyond the physical spectrum.
A feeling they don't describe.
It was akin to those weird feelings you get while listening to music.

And Ill tell you this. It wasnt easy to get over.

It didn't go away fast.

It HURT.....

It hurt every **** day."
Trying to somehow capture the feeling of love lost. (Think back to that Twilight New Moon scene where Bella sits in her chair for about a year as the seasons go by. Corny yes, but that was a really good scene.)

— The End —