The words are pouring out of me
The thoughts scramble in my head
As i lay in stress in this bed

I'm so deeply depressed
I write this out loud for all to see
And everyone says go seek therapy

It's like a shock when they hear
I am already seeking professional help and couseling
So they assume I'm fine and let the phone just ring

Everyone thinks the gesture of the hotline is good enough
Never stopping to realize i know the number
That's supposed to stop me from my eternal slumber

No one ever thinks
That a simple hug or being around
Could help someone keep their feet on the ground

If once someone could be there and listen while i cry
Just as simple as knowing someones there to comfort me in the dark
It would help me keep a little bit of spark

But I've learned all too well
People are inherently selfish as of late
They can't stop to help you with all that's on their own plate

Now i don't want to be the ***** who thinks she's better then all
Im just saying what i believe to be true
No one has ever stopped to help when I'm deep in blue

Unless i came crying and begging to them
Even then it takes them time before they'll stop to see if I'm okay
Becuase they have more important things then if I'll decide to live another day

I myself am selfish as can be
But i always tried to fight it and stop to help anyone in need
But to expect that from another is what's truly selfish of me

Cold
Shivering
Sad

I don't know the words to say
But i can really feel the gloom from today

Sleeping all day
Never washing my clothes
Skin and hair a mess

I'm fine
I'm fine
Can't whine

Forgetting to eat
Getting sick from all foods
Never changing my clothes

Nothings wrong
Nothings wrong
I must still belong

Staring at walls
Headache won't go away
Putting everything off

It's okay
It's okay
There's other days

Crying while watching tv
Repeating my mistakes in my head
Can't sleep at 4am

Just another day
Just another day
Im used to this anyway

Free and flowing
Vivid dreaming
Never knowing
Where I'll be next

Pink and full of fluff
Dancing carelessly
Nothings too rough
With peace and love

Sunshine and smiles
Confidently living
Openly being wild
With my emotions

Beauty and stars
Flowing clothing
Driving fast in cars
With new faces along the way

What am i talking about, you ask?
A life full of peace
A life i feel within my hidden mask
that i want to let shine through brighter then the sun

Pink is fun
Pink is bright
Pink is light

I desire to be free
I desire to be soft
I desire to be love
I desire to be pink

Blue is sad
Blue is chilly
Blue is not silly
Blue is melancholy

Sometimes I'm down
Sometimes I'm raining
Sometimes I'm drained
Sometimes I'm blue

Black is dark
Black is depressed
Black is colorless

I don't want to be soulless
I don't want to hate
I don't want to dissociate
I don't want black

today i am love sick
Yesterday i was reckless
This year i am entirely lost

I let my heart break so quick
I have been crying like a complete mess
My heart was frozen into a frost

I laughed when told to enjoy these moments
I cried when told these would be my best years
I broke because this has been the worst year of all

But now in this car the night soothes the torment
Because i realize from this hell trip that  I lived through so many fears
I braved through it and got up after every fall

No one would understand the terror in my mind
The sadness in my soul
The feeling of having your gut constantly churn

Sometimes i stop and feel  growth changing within my mind
I'm learning to let awful things go
Alanis morrisette really was right when she said you live and you learn

I am so reckless
I'm currently deeply heartbroken
A rising alcholic with noone to call my own
Crying at every failure


But I'll look back at this and learn it's ok to be a mess
Having my heart broke made my eyes open
I wanted to live life and I'm being shown
That to have fun and love I'll have to often be a total failure