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I drink when I awaken;
I drink until I sleep.
I drink for what I
should forget,
And drink for what
I'll keep.

I drink for all that I
Have lost;
I drink for what I've
Found.

I drink when all my
Friends are here,
And when they aren't
Around.

On every morn',
I have a drink,
To rouse me from
My bed,

And every night
I drink to sleep
When I lay down
My head.

I drink when life
Comes over me;
And when I wish
For death.

I drink because
The 'sober' me
Deserves to not
Draw breath.

I drink when I feel
Happy;
And drink when I'm
Depressed.

And drink to calm my
Racing thoughts;
Allow my mind
A breath.

I've drank for over
Twenty years;
They haven't been
The best...

I'll drink for long as
I am here,
And drink until my death.
A poem about my alcoholism. To those who are "true" alcoholics like I am,  (started at 15, cannot just quit cold turkey or the shakes come first, and the hallucinating and convulsions after) I write this to let you know you aren't alone. And to those who have managed to overcome this affliction,  I wish you truly the best. As for me? I probably don't have too much time left, but I think I'll keep on. Sometimes it's better to have a little relief than a lot of pain I can't handle. And nobody can stand me when I'm sober; not even myself.
Yes,  finally,  I have broken;
There's nothing I can do.

I've nothing left to live for;
Nor to breathe the air
Like you.

You know how people
Always say,
"Well hey, it could be worse?"

Well hi, my name is "Worse,"
I'll introduce myself
To you.

I gave up all my cigarettes,
I've poured out all the *****;

But things that should get "better,"
I can't see them like you do.

I wrote a story from my mind,
On a gift that I was given,
Nine chapters pulled from
My behind;

That's humor,  if you get it.

My cat knocked down a
Half- full can,
Upon my livelihood;

And now I'm left with nothing,
Yes, I've wondered if I "should.."

I've tried so many times,
I gave up trying long ago;
Swallowed seventy- two Xanax
And took a jump down the bayou.

But for every time I've tried,
Somehow, I still wake up alive,
But tonight for the first time in years,
I truly wished I'd die.

Oh, when you live for nothing,
And all you've left behind,
Are spoken words and stories
That can warp and open minds;

When you live without money;
Left society behind,
You survive on only kindness,
Oh, yeah, any kind you find.

I don't know 'bout tomorrow;
Today has been enough.
But even through my sorrow,
I've felt my heart grow tough.

Now, I must sleep without
My dreams; they're locked behind
A door;

A prison made of plastic,
Metal,  and lost
Forevermore.

So now I'm sitting here again,
And poetry I write;
I'm glad nobody's here to see me;
God, I'm such a sight!

My face is boils and scars,
And they continue down my arms;
They wind their way into my mind;
They're even on my heart.

For all I've given up to live
A life I could call mine,
I'm left tonight with nothing,
No; a nothing that is mine.

I'll try my best to get some rest;
And face the day anew,

But finally,  I have broken;
Some part of me is "through..."
This is how I feel tonight. I literally wrote 9 chapters of a novel on an old laptop that was gifted to me by a friend of the family, and my cat knocks a ****** can of soda all over it; I'm broke, I CAN'T work,  my mental illness won't LET me; IT'S NOT A CHOICE,
and I've never felt more depressed and suicidal in many years, than this moment, right now. So I'm using the only thing I have to post on,  my phone,  and I've written this. Goodnight world. *******,  God. And I hope tomorrow gets better...
Kris Fireheart Sep 2024
There's an emotion,
It's deep inside;
I think it's buried
Somewhere I can hide.

For plenty of action,
There's no satisfaction;
No want, nor a prayer
Has brought me inaction;

Still I fill my cup,
And I drink from it deeply,
For nothing but sleep
And a fragile peace keep me,

From doing the things that
I see in my dreams;
Acknowledging that
I'm the monster I seem;

With a shrug of a shoulder,
I'll say that it's over,
I'll tell myself I can lament
In a dream,

Yet something so violent,
As real as it seems,
Leaves me with a silence
As I intervene...
I am not a good man.  Let's start with that.  I also have a lot of prophetic dreams. It apparently runs in my family; my great- uncle,  my grandma's younger brother, is an actual Buddha. My great-grandfather apparently was beaten with a broom by his wife for telling her that my grandmother was going to be the first of our family to leave Vietnam during the war.  I've written about these kinda of dreams before; but now I'm just gonna say ***** it and go personal. This is what I do to deal with mine.
Kris Fireheart Sep 2024
A drink; a drink,
Another for me!
And one overboard
For the God of the sea!

A drink; a drink!
Another for me!
A vision of ***,
A truth for me!

A drink; a drink!
Once more for the gods!
O, safe keep our ship,
From the men of the odds!

A drink; a drink,
Poseidon, he falls!
Dionysus insists;
His brother; he calls!
A poem I wrote once while thinking about drinking on a fishing boat. When I get a chance, I like to go out on boats. Being broke as I am; that's rare. But still, there's something to sea out there... plus I love the old gods. Here's a drink in tribute for them all.
Kris Fireheart Sep 2024
I know not my worth;
I am worthless.

I live only for pleasure;

And nothing worth less.



I know not my goals,

For one who has none,

No purpose or privelege,

Only but fun.



I know not my sins;

I'm sure there are many;

And to all my kin,

A drink for a penny,



Of thought; enough

Or to raise up a cup;

Forgotten, besotten,

Yet still I wake up.
A little bit of depression and honesty mixed in one. It's all true.
Kris Fireheart Sep 2024
I'm all alone,
Once again...

My empty home is
Devoid of friends.

Still, some,  they call,
Or show at odd hours,
To share a few drinks,
Or maybe some flower.

It's been a year, or
Nearly two,
Since I've left this house
With something to do.

My skin has gone pale;
It's deathly white,
It's been so long since
I've seen sunlight,

The sun feels so bright,
That star from afar,
Still I shun its gift,
And it shows with the sight.

Of me.

I can't explain why I
Simply stay inside,
Instead of living life,
Taking things in stride.

But still I rise with dry eyes,
And unlike some,
I feel a peace.

A freedom to choose
Whether to rise,
Or follow my
Wild heartbeat.
This poem is literally how I've been living lately. I rarely leave my house; when I've gone outside, I notice that my skin is so white I can see the veins now.  Yeah.  My mental issues have gotten worse; I can't work. Dealing with people is pretty hard, meds or not. But I still get up every morning, and sometimes, there's still friends who support me.
Kris Fireheart Jul 2024
Spent half my life immersed
In starlight...
Outside the windows
Of my room....

Was raised to think
Everything was alright...
But I found out the truth
Much too soon!

Oh,  howl, howl,
Howl at the moon!

Oh, watch the midnight
Blue,  and feel the
Lights surrounding you!
And never wonder if
You'll ever be afraid!

Oh, howl, howl,
Howl at the moon!

We find out our truths much too soon...

Oh, bring me a bottle ,
To bury my worries!
Oh, load me a pipe,

And I'll tell you a story.

A story, a story,
A terrible story,
My life for a story,
Of honor and glory.

Oh, howl, howl, howl,
At the moon!

Either drunk or
Hungover, or waking
Up Blue,

We'll fight till it's over,
Till battle is through;
Till we're beaten and Bloodied,

And covered in mud,

And we march home while
Weary, and spotted with
Blood.

Oh, howl, howl, howl,
At the moon!
A poem that I wrote for some friends of mine in Ukraine and Russia who don't want to fight, but are forced to.
They love the personification of the wolf, and so I made it my job to show people how they feel.
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