One day I want to see you at my door telling me the things you never told me before. One day, probably a long time from now, I hope we meet again. On the same plane to some foreign city or the train across the country. But... If that doesn't happen I hope you remember our stories.

And one day maybe when you're grey and frail and your body is giving out on you... You'll think back to when you were young. You will think back to high school and all those days after will crash back into you. You'll think about love and pain and laughter and tears. You'll think about traveling and who came and went.

And one day, a long time from now I'm sure, you'll remember the girl you left in your hometown. You'll think about her and where she's at and how she's been. You'll ask your wife about her first love and tell her all about yours. Your kids will fall in love and ask about your heart breaks and tragedies.

And one day you'll tell them.
You'll tell them you didn't really know much but you knew about her. You knew that some people were meant to fall in love and not be together.

You're the person I could write ove sings about and if I could sing, if scream them to the world.
I would tell them about your sarcastic laugh and wildly outrageous humor that keeps me in shape.
I would tell them both those shady eyes that hide those feelings so easily except you can't hold them back really.

You're the person I could write sonnets about and ballads would blush when they read my words.
I would tell them bout the lips and how they made my body ache.
I would tell them about your arms and how they held stories in your tattoos.

You're the person I could easily be with the rest of my life.
Whether it was easy or hard I would be there.
Through thick and thin.

But you're just that person I keep close enough to remember that we could be something great... If only life worked that way.

Take my hand and we will run into the woods and forever roam the wild beyond. We can chase the moon and follow the ocean because We do not live by the rules if we do not want to!

Tell me stories about your childhood and your past lives if you remember them. Tell me about your future and the plans you want to make happen when we decide we are old enough to make them work.

Tonight we are on fire with the love of the world and the mystery hidden behind sneaky eyes and flasks filling our cold bellies with warmth. With memories welling in our eyes I'll hold you until the sun rises and we return to our socially pessimistic and awkwardly comfortable lifestyles.

Take my hand as we run into the wild beyond for at least tonight... It's just you and I.

They say that once you hit the lowest point in your life you can only go up from there. I swear I've hit so many low points I just keep going lower and lower.

Who decided that "they" knew what "they" were talking about ? Who decides we should just listen to them?

I keep sitting here on this lonely beach imaging a better place... A better time.... But all I hear is the waves crashing against the sand. All I hear is the ocean threatening me with something unknown.

My love for nature grows dim & my fears begin to take over my body. Panic attacks and sleeping so much and so long my body can't react to being awake properly.

I used to be confident and strong.
I used to be in love with love and life.
Now I fear the unknown.
I fear being alone with my thoughts ringing so loudly in my head.

The ocean... There is an ocean inside my head. Filling my ears with water and letting my thoughts and memories drown me alive.

So when do things start looking up? Is it after I've already drowned all my happiness under the sorrow and contempt?

There was an odd shift in the air that morning when you called me so early.
I couldn't tell if it was sadness or defeat or even a slight twang of happiness in your soft voice.
And I couldn't quite make out the words you were saying as you spoke so fast and yet so dreamily.

I heard you say you were sorry. I heard you say you loved me. I heard you say it was time.
And then I heard the phone go silent.

I ran.
I ran through the ice and the winter breeze.
I walked.
I walked up the drive way into the open door.
I sat.
I sat down next to your already cold body.
And I cried.
I cried because "you" were me and I was gone... So what else could I do but cry?

Do you know what suicide makes you think about?
It made me wonder if the pain could have gone away.
It made me wonder why that day was the day.
It made me wonder what inside me got so hard I couldn't face another single day living in this toxic world.

I love you.
I miss you.
I'm so sorry.

I want to paint the skies with the fire in your eyes. I want to use your passion and your taste for the lasting things in life. I would use every color available to me.

I want to cause volcanoes to explode with the tension we know is already there. I want to taste your lips against mine. I want to show the world what the definition of lust is.

I want to make you smile and I want to make you laugh. I want to watch as you fall slowly and madly in love with me. I want to watch your mind sway like the wind.

I want to cause a hurricane in your head and fill your lungs with water making it impossible to breath when you're around me. I want your bones to shake like there's an earthquake when you watch me undress for you.

In a world of nature vs. nurture, I want to watch your nature come crashing into mine. I want to nurture the passion and fuel the fire above until we burn up and all that's left is that lasting memory.

BH 2015