I have loved you for so long,
October.
I have have heard your
Love song days
And I have seen
Your colours march through
The bright green of summer days,
Unnoticed.
I have learnt to love your authority,
Your soft spoken command,
And I follow because
I love you
Despite the melancholy
You bring with you.

Because I love you,
I love you,
October.
I love you with your tangled branches and barn owls,
With your cold trunks and fallen leaves,
With your empty nests and snow hares,
With your blackberries and marigolds,

I love you.

October
                October
                               ­  October

A cup of coffee,
I feel its warmth in my hands.
This warmth, I know,
Will soon vanish against
The cold, salty air.
The clouds bring rain.
We know that.
The clouds scream your name
And the trees resemble your face,
Serene, as you ponder, as you wonder.

A cup of coffee,
You brought me,
And I think of you
As a warm cup I hold in my
Trembling hands,
Whilst the cold, wet air
Tries on and on
To push me away from you.

But for now,
We are here together,
Watching as the tiny pebbles
At the beach
Get damped slowly.
And we know.
The storm will soon fall upon us.
But for now,
We stand here,
Looking into each others eyes.

Slowly fall
The teardrops of the rain,
Slowly into the lake.
Slowly comes September,
As always,
Slowly clasping its hands around us.
Slowly the trees transform
Into ghosts,
Slowly the apples fall and rot,
And the pumpkins, slowly too,
Grow and mature.

Autumn comes slowly.
We feel it in the
Nights and in the wind
Growing colder and colder.
Slowly summer came and left.
And now,
We are left with what
We always had,
Not much:
Two warm hearts
Holding each other,
Two minds content
With time well spent,
Despite the changing times,
Despite September.

I don't have the right to write you a poem
But let me do it anyways.

I wish I had been prettier,
more kind, more bold,
I wish I had deserved one of your thoughts.
I was content, though,
Watching you from a distance,
While around you they caved the gold mine,
And all the girls tried their luck.
I was happy enough,
Knowing you knew my name.
I remember you
Not without nostalgia,
Because I wish I had been prettier,
more kind, more bold,
To have deserved one glance, one touch.
But our threads got lost in the riverbed,
I threw my coin and lost you to fate,
That is why I let you go
And be another's,
And maybe someday I'll see you again
And be brave enough to say
That I took my chances and lost the gold,
But that someone I hope deserved you more.

I wanted to be so **** beautiful
I wanted nature to fall to my feet
I wanted the mountains to bow
I wanted the trees to weep for the love of me

I wanted to charm the dumbest of boys
I wanted to tempt the strongest of men
I wanted to break thousands of hearts
I wanted them to wake screaming my name

I wanted to be everyone's wildest daydream
I'd play my game without a fault
I'd fulfill my role to perfection: be it
Angel or *****, beggar or queen,
I'd be whatever they needed me to be
And when they relied on me the most
I would leave without a trace, without remorse

Because then, I would never be the one to wait,
The one to cry to sleep each day, I'd
Never be rejected, but keep them staring
At the blankness I'd leave behind me

(As a sidetone:
There are fantasies I'd never dare project into words
Thoughts I've buried deep within my soul,
But, believe me,
This might be the most honest poem I ever wrote).

It is a future that exists
A line out of time and space that is real,
A possibility.
Even if it is yet out of my reach,
It is not for me.
But I will become the person that future belongs to.
Soon enough.

I can feel a gun pressed to my head,
a soft breeze to my neck,
his tender breath
- I am waiting for every word like an explosion-

Arbitrary colors surpass my mind,
there isn't a reality strong or safe enough for me to call home.
And I understand,
this torture is my paradise,
this moment of mindfulness
and heroine feels like
I am capable of all pain

I used to be me
I used to wake up feeling sick
Days were useless just because
I'd spend them trying to figure out
who I was
and fixing myself to death
cause I was never good enough
to please my inner voices
( they'd shout to my ear:
"What are you so afraid of?")

Now it is done
And I am free.

Fallen apples
Fallen trees
I want you here next to me
When the storm begins

The bees kiss the withered roses
The swans swim swiftly through the river rapids
Acorns and chestnuts fall to the ground
Fog and rain all through the day
When the storm begins
I want you here next to me

Great waves transform the shore
The seagulls float and call each other
The boats that left
Have not returned yet.
The sun set, the moon came
But even in the darkness
I can recognize your face.
The storm is beginning
But you are here with me

Your opal eyes, your vintage smile,
Your big rough hands that take mine
I was an old cat that slept too much
But now I'm transformed
And run through the night
By your side

The storm has come
But I know you will stay
Until the end.