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 Dec 2018 Lexi Fields
oni
ice and fire through my veins
stomach meets the floor
brain growing fuzzy behind the ears
i cant see
i cant hear
i cant breathe
 Nov 2018 Lexi Fields
julianna
Skinny skinny
Thin and skinny
Shrink me down and make me skinny
Exercise or just don’t eat
Run until the furthest street
Why do I always feel this way?
Something’s wrong inside my brain,
It only matters what I weigh.
Skinny skinny
Thin and skinny
Shrink me down and make me skinny
 Nov 2018 Lexi Fields
Moni
I don’t want to shed another tear,
I don’t want to burn my precious skin.
I don’t want my heart to ache another second knowing that I’ll never be good enough for you
I don’t want to be emotionally numb
I don’t want to spend another minute hating myself.
I don’t want to breakdown the thought of gaining a single pound.
I don't want to avoid human contact because of the thought that they will see me how I see myself.
I don’t want to love the feeling of hunger.
I don’t want to tear myself into pieces
I don’t want to see the beauty in the sick
I don’t want to weigh myself every 10 minutes
I don’t want to spend 3 hours pacing around my backyard
I don’t want to live in this constant l nightmare
I just want to be happy.
I want to be good enough.
I was to change for the better,
But it's harder than you think.
 Nov 2018 Lexi Fields
julianna
What would you do if you saw a girl spending pennies and pearls on food?
She gobbles it up and then she barfs, which she thinks makes her feel good.
Later that night, with her conscious she'll fight as the guilt eats her for lunch
But she'll never tell of the story where of she went to after brunch.
If there were a language for walls,

It would mumble,
Per broken jaws.
The sun would shine through fragmented holes,

A windows' lone goal?
To magnify heat,
Til' all was engulfed.

With confirmed dead inside,
None knock, as they've read inscribed:

"Family tree,
Difficulty,
Unavailable."

"Family business,
Buy one,
One comes free,
Fire wood sale."
 Nov 2018 Lexi Fields
JB
I never asked for this, you know,
I just let it happen.

A whole,
altogether,
totally different, thing, than,
you know,
-asking for it-



a whole other story.


I didn’t
mean for it
to get this far
I only
allowed it to happen——
I only
held my arms

split open from
the rotten heat
of

March:
Hell Month of
Guttural Resurfacings

still the furnace on
,cranking, nauseating,

iron, leaden, air,
bulging, gray,
in the room we shared,

I only sometimes
(said no)
when you didn’t listen

...


((I never put my heart to fighting it))
(((I was complicit)))
 Nov 2018 Lexi Fields
july hearne
when Merry Clayton
sings "Southern Man"
i think of all of you
and i think *******

and if i was Neil Young
i would start a band called Hateful Bigot
and Mike Watt would be the bass player
and i would write a song
called "social justice warrior"
(in all lower case)
and dedicate it to all the children that have been ***** by the gay mayor of your tiny house town
and Merry Clayton would sing that song

there is a parade in tiny house town
for everyone who's arrived 50 years too late to the civil rights party
and the  mayor is coming round
to shake your hand

all your tiny houses coming down
all your tiny houses built upon the sand
tiny, tiny houses get smaller and smaller before blowing down

everytime you shake his hand
you have even less to say
about all the children he *****
than the NRA

even less to say than the NRA
everytime the gay mayor rolls down the windows
before he rapes the children in his hot car
everytime he's comes around
to shake your hand
he's got ten dollars in his other hand

tiny, tiny houses blowing down
all your tiny houses built upon the sand
i can't wait til they come down
all your tiny houses coming down
tiny, tiny houses coming down

(nothing to do with the fact
he's a gay democrat
nothing to do with the fact)
ed murray is the gay mayor of seattle. he ***** children and is likely still ****** them. one of them was his foster son. he denies these allegations in the manner of a text book lying child ******. he lied about ever knowing his foster son who he ***** (and who was later then proven to be his foster son). he also had wanted to be a catholic priest but left the seminary (probably got kicked out for child ****).   he was not forced to resign because it is not convenient to ask a gay, democrat mayor to step down, which is why i will always refer to him as the gay mayor who rapes children.  he gets a free pass on ****** children. this poem is dedicated to everyone who turns a blind eye to child **** and excuses it (especially ***** like sally bagshaw), and sadly that includes organizations such as glaad.

ed murray, gay mayor of seattle who rapes children, attended the gay pride parade and shook hands with the parade goers, who were delighted to shake the hand of a child ******. only it's not ****, since he is a gay democrat who gave the children $10 to **** them.

seattle has become unaffordable because of amazon, high levels of taxation (by a city cuntcil who supports a child ****** as mayor and the child ****** mayor himself), a housing shortage (caused by amazon and citizens of china who make money on slave labor and then make inflated all cash offers on the real estate here so the people who actually live here can't afford it).

something tells me this one won't go over well, but that's ok with me, since people who turn a blind eye to child **** are the **** of the earth. my next poem will be about what a **** sally bagshaw is. she loves our gay mayor who has done nothing but lie, flounder around like an idiot, allow amazon and comcast to **** us over, steal money, waste money, increase homelessness and **** children. ed murray also loves sharia law, since it conveniently has no laws against ****** children.

the NRA had better make some sort of public statement of support for philando castile and his family and  should have already done so. that man and his family were not shown any justice and neither were the children that ed murray *****, not to mention the children he is still ******.

we live in ******* times and the ones screaming the loudest are the ones who need to shut the **** up the most.


from ed murray's twitter page:

Ed Murray‏Verified account @MayorEdMurray  May 19

It's finally warming up, which is great - but not for all. Beware of the danger pets and children face in hot cars!
 Nov 2018 Lexi Fields
Chloe
People fear meaningless things,

An occurring fear occurs,

Everyone's afraid of death,

So they say,

But I say, what's there to be afraid?

I know my fate,

Just let it take me already,

I'm not missing out on much,

I'm not suicidal,

But death,

Tis so sweet,

It's ruby lips,

Poison dripping,

Calling my name,

Hair on end,

Goosebumps rising on my skin,

Chills dancing down my spine,

It won't take much effort,

To end it all.

Can't you see?

I'm not afraid of death at all
 Nov 2018 Lexi Fields
Moni
the sweet, innocent, happy girl
I used to be, only 5 years ago, is long gone.
Thrown away like a pile of garbage
& replaced by a zombie
Fueled by nothing more than fear, anger, sadness, & anxiety.
Not living; just breathing.
If she knew herself today,
She would be terrified of the monster she'd become
While her dreams were crushed right in front of her
& swept away by suicidal fantasies
And abuse of ecstasy
She saw.
She would probably be wiped away
Because she would have never guessed
She would become suicidally depressed
& at the age of 17, addicted to numbness
That eased her emotional pain.
Cutting, burning, drinking,
Taking so many pills she couldn't even think,
While almost by the minute,
Her anxiety and depression only got worse.
But what would surprise her the most
Was how she could even think of ending her own life,
Because she always knew suicide was never the answer.
But I guess after 2 years of constant anxiety,
Depression, hoplessness, & a life that didn't feel worth living,
It begins to feel like the only option.
Most painful of all,
She would hate to see her own death,
When the tiniest thread
Of the rope that once fully held her life together,
Bringing her hope,
Finally broke.
Crying, dizzy from all the pills she took,
She grabbed her blade and slide it across her throat.
Ending all hope for things to get better.
I'm sorry I'm not you anymore.
It shouldn't have ended this way,
But I couldn't live like that forever.
It had to stop
disclaimer: I haven't gone through some of these things, I based them off little things I went through and what others I know went through.
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