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 Oct 2024 Avni
Kash
My Scars
 Oct 2024 Avni
Kash
I have a million scars
They all tell a different story
Some are small futile attempts at relief
Almost unnoticeable
but there all the same
They speak of desperate anxiety and release

Others are wide, gleaming red
Undeniably severe
Calling attention
To a mind once unwound
An attempt to destroy myself

Every scar is intimate
But up for honest inquiry
Of a genuine nature
An innocent curiosity
I will tell you about the scars
If you know how to ask
 Oct 2024 Avni
grey grey grey
“we break things not just as a means of release but also to see
some other thing broken aside from ourselves.”*

You asked me how
I got my hand broken
And I told you it’s
because the walls aren’t
getting any weaker

While I,
I am tired of trying hard
and I’m too worn out to fight

I am fed up with
all the things
I used to love

so I’ve been thinking ’bout
taking my life
but I see the walls
are all around
and I get the urge
to let it out

and so i do…

If I can no longer speak,
the walls would
for me;

they’d tell you a story
on how I turn
into something else
when I’m sad,
and how they stop me
when I’m not
in the right mind
and they’d tell you about
these little scars I have,
and all of the frustrations
I’m keeping inside.

You asked why and
I told you,
’cause they hear me,
when no one else will
and they feel it all,
every inch of my skin
when I lay it on them

so if walls could speak,
they’d tell you how I
hurt them
to hurt me
every single night.
 Oct 2024 Avni
Michael Archer
The walls cry-out as they burn.
A tumult of roars wreathed in the crackle of blazing matter.
Which is louder?  
Perspective will tell.
The one who assaults,
Or the one assaulted?
The roar, or the crackle?
The giver, or the receiver?
Pleasure in two forms, two-faced gratification.
One hand for dispensation,
One mouth for sublimation.

And do we not all sublimate?
Base impulses, rank ideas,
On the surface, vindicate?
The residue of consequence
Brusquely scrub and expiate?
Perspective will tell.

We espy hedonism, unbridled delight,
And may envy those who bathe in these muddied pools,
Focusing our most ephemeral sense on dazzling cacophony,
Ignoring the estranged husband of hedonism,
Shunning the divorcée of delight.
Which is truly louder?  
Perspective will tell.

In Oscar Wilde’s Salome the moon is thus described:
“She is like a woman who is dead.  She moves very slowly.”
Pandemonium in the hall, the howling of wild beasts,
But she remains “a woman who is dead,”
And “she moves very slowly.”

The divorcée of delight,
A pitiful coming-down.
The remnant of misuse,
The scarring of abuse.
One reads on a stone:
The hardly-lovéd daughter of overuse.
And the one who gazes overlong is warned:  
“You look at her too much.  
It is dangerous to look at people in such fashion.
Something terrible may happen.”

The walls cry-out as they burn,
And they cry in desperation.
What we see is conflagration.
The light:  A brilliant exultation.
The crackle:  A herald of termination.
But when ash is blown in silence,
It is dangerous to look at what remains:
Scar tissue.
Slow death.
Residue.
The head of John.
The bones of Salome.
Broken glass.
Wilted flowers.
Cracked foundation on hollow cheeks.
Red lips the stain of blood on ivory cloth.
Festering flies.
The beating of vultures’ wings.
The snoring of satiated beasts.
The stumbling home.
Apologies.
Sublimation.
Conflation.
Expiation.

One’s well-mannered pause until the other’s end,
So that the one may pause…
And begin again.
i know i hurt you,
im sorry,
dont worry,
i will hurt myself more.
 Oct 2024 Avni
N
I pretend that my heart doesn’t sink
when I remember, only fragments of you

I pretend to want this life
even when I can no longer stomach it

I pretend not to notice my scars
underneath my new green skirt

I pretend to be alive
despite my decaying soul
 Oct 2024 Avni
N
To You, Father
 Oct 2024 Avni
N
I’m sorry I couldn’t forget,
but you’re my first memory

I’m sorry you left,
it’s brutal how you
were able to forget
as I kept remembering,
bleeding,
and remembering still

I beg of you to forget me,
so I can forget me too

Let me keep my life,
and you keep yours
 Oct 2024 Avni
Loveless
Bleed
 Oct 2024 Avni
Loveless
And over time,
My pen stopped bleeding
But my heart didn't
 Oct 2024 Avni
Peter Gerstenmaier
The only thing worse
Than pulling the trigger
Is spending your entire Life
With a barrel on your mouth
Just waiting for that 'bang'
P.s. This is not a poem about suicide. It's about expectations. About living with a heavy burden and never being able to set free of it.
 Sep 2024 Avni
Colm
I miss you like the December earth
      Misses the sunlit rays on a cloudy day
Cold for you I yearn each dawn
      And churn and burn as the aching Pacific waves
A crashing hope upon wishes bent
      At 11:12 my world set straight  
And all that a man can do is wish
      That this will be the fated day
You walk into my life
      And stay
A storybook demands this stop. As Hollywood would guide me down the inevitable plot. But as for me and my house, I wait and burn for a deeper love.

Ick, screens are so shallow. LOL.
 Sep 2024 Avni
Eric Pratt
Carved
 Sep 2024 Avni
Eric Pratt
I carved her name upon the dawn
So every morning might be with her
But as it rose It grew too bright
And closed my eyes
Yet still I saw her there

I carved her name upon the sky
To keep her near me every day
But nightfall came and cleared the light
And all was dark
Yet still I saw her there

I carved her name upon the moon
To stare at her throughout my nights
But tired eyes are sneaky foes
And sleep prevailed
Yet still I saw her there

I carved her name upon my soul
Love not just with me when I look
But every day and every night
And in my heart
Yet still I saw her there
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