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Aniseed Feb 2016
How can I hope to hold contempt in my heart
When there's such a beautiful sky above me,
Painted strawberry honey
On a canvas I can only dream
To touch?
Everything just melts away as soon as I remember.
Aniseed Jan 2016
It's safe in daylight, you know.

I drive through my crumbling suburbia
Over all of its bumps and cracks
And feel so small, yet so
Infinite.
Feeling loosely connected
To every signpost,
Every stray cat,
Every filled and vacant house.
Part of a chain that runs its course
Across the entirety of existence.
I am a spectator, an observer of
Humanity though, admittedly,
Not quick to a level conclusion of it.

Yes, days are safe. They are familiar.

But it's dusk where the malaise sets in,
A disturbance that unsettles the muscles
Under my skin
And has me toss and turn for hours on end.
It's night where I trip barefoot
Over every folly,
Every small tick in the course of my life
In a path strewn with broken glass.

It's where the realms between your sanity
And where your demons sleep
Grow the weakest,
Churning your head with static and poison
And constantly reminding you
How easy it is to find your own faults,
How difficult it is to say,
"I love myself."

I wonder most nights when this all started.

I wonder every night when it'll stop.
Better title pending, maybe.

Sleep and I have an on-and-off relationship.
Aniseed Nov 2015
Sky's caged in bars of wire
But my God, it's still so
Beautiful.

Slumped against a city wall
In this ghost I call a
Home

Moldy bricks and jagged cracks
And gasoline rainbows
And construction orange
Mottling all the grey.

Keep writing, she thought;
Keep writing and eventually
You'll find something
Beautiful
Some thoughts while at work.
Aniseed Nov 2015
--
Fill my days with sugar and smoke,
Demons in my peripheral
As I'm staring at blank screens
With my head full of thoughts
And "Maybe tomorrow"s.

I've got hair for days
And it tangles into everything I do,
Though scissors scare the life out of me.
Gets into my figure eight weeks
Cycling through the same routine.
Sleep, work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep.
Guess I never really adapted to change well.

Feigning knowledge of the written word
Even when my tongue twists
When I make casual conversation.
Feigning polite kindness
And spitting poison when they all
Have their back turned.
Feigning contentment
Even when the anxiety builds at
The sight of responsibility.

Spots on my hands,
Spots in my eyes,
Spots in my memory;
Not sure which bothers me more.

Maybe everything.
--
Broken sleep again tonight. Thought I'd write something.
Aniseed Nov 2015
It's been three hundred and sixty five days,
Twelve hours,
And eight minutes,
And all I've been able to do is try
To wrap my head around the fact
That it's been that long since you've been
Gone.

For months my world was surrounded by
Pictures of you,
Videos of you,
People talking and talking
And talking
About how they felt about you.

I was always talked over.

The gust has died down
But I'm still not over it.
"Take a step forward,"
But there's a fence
And I've never been
A good climber.
Remember the tree
Behind your trailer?

Three hundred and sixty five days,
Twelve hours,
And twenty two minutes.
There's a white box here
That I'm itching to write in
With all the anger and the regret
That's constricting my chest,
But the words escape me.
These are hollow.
These are ghosts.

Guess I've gotten too good
At keeping it in.

Called you selfish the
Last time we spoke.
Hell, you hung up on me
On Christmas.
But there hasn't been a day
Where I don't see a child
Smile up at their daddy
And my eyes don't glance away.

Three hundred and sixty five days,
Twelve hours,
And twenty nine minutes.,
And I'm still as sorry as I was
The first second I knew.
This doesn't really feel like a poem. I just needed to share with someone. Anyone.

Hope you found peace, dad.
Aniseed Oct 2015
Three little plastic tubes
Lined along the kitchen counter,
Orange and glaring
Against the floral paper
On the wall.

Since when did you need three?

You open your pill bottles
When everyone's left the room
So not to remind them
Of your mortality.

Your daughter leaves the room
Because she knows
And she can't handle seeing you
As anything but
Strong.

The guilt gnaws.
The fear builds.
The air's getting thinner
As the thoughts grind
In your head.

Pop
Swig
Get it over with
And get on with the day.
Or maybe I assume too much. I'm sorry and I love you and you'll never see this.
Aniseed Sep 2015
The world cries
For the mother, who works
And works,
And had dreams
That did not involve
Cement walls,
Cement floors,
Cement ceilings,
Torn muscles,
And numbness in
Her hands.

Those beautiful,
Calloused hands.

There's a guy out there
With no home
Or family to claim,
But he'll rob her
For all she's worth
If it means to damper
The hunger and
Shakes.

He knows a "doctor"
That'll take care of him
So long as his palm's greased
And the supply is good.
Sure, it's not love,
But after his dose
It won't matter.

The guy would mourn
If he died;
Not for him, but for
The loss in demand.
Hard to make a buck
Around here, nowadays.
Guess you have to do
What you can to
Survive.
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