My hands reach for the door
Exhausted, just another day.

We never fight.

The smell of your perfume still lingers in the air.
Just as the day you left me.

Did you always seem to hate me?

I daydream as I fall into the couch
The life we would've had.

All alone again.

Did I betray us?
Not even a goodbye.

We never fought.

I sleep in an all too familiar place reminding myself clearly.
Out of spite.

Just like that I'm out of excuses.

-Kore

What am I in for?

You tell me.

I ask and you show me
The things I have forgotten

I ask and you give me
The sins hidden in the back of my closet.

Who were you?

Does it matter?

Its too late to be sentimental
No amount of praying to a God you do not believe in will get you out of here.

It clicked in my head like the metallic trigger
So cool to the touch, in my hands.

I am only but a ***** sinner am I not?

To be hung in front of the masses
Have at me, I will burn for every stare and every smile.

You deserve this do you not understand?

I am fully aware of what I deserve.

We do not bury my kind in the pillars of this church
It is a shame but I have none.

Do you know what you are in for?

There is no point in being sentimental.

So make me a shrine and pray for me
But sinners do not deserve forgiveness.

And I do not want to be saved.

-Kore

Will my best ever be enough?

Will I ever heal?

Do I have to live the rest of my life like this?

Do I have to keep feeling like this?

How will I ever love again?

How can I ever trust anyone after what you've done?

Where did I go wrong?

Where is the happiness I so want to feel?

When did it start falling apart?

When will I finally leave this all behind?

Why do I feel nothing?

Why do I feel everything all at once?

What am I doing here still?

What did I do to deserve this?

Can I ever feel normal again?

Can I actually live my life, like this?

Who is at fault for this?

Who is there to blame other than myself?

Am I ok?

Am I perfect enough?

Will I ever be satisfied

Will I ever be happy again?

The questions only keep growing in the cell of disarray that is my mind.

Every single one fall on deaf ears.

-Kore

She sits on the cold tile floor
Her life flashes before her eyes
4 am regrets.

The lack of sleep is just getting to her.

The shadows loom over the curtains
The pictures of her past start collapsing on the floor
Her head hits the back of the wooden bed panel

Could you wish for anything more unhanded?

The music from the neighbors flat echoes into the night
The barely visible drawings on the wall sneer at her
Its past her bedtime.

Who are you waiting up for anymore?

The ringing in her ears grow louder
The hours pass by slipping through the cracks of the drain.
Who are you crying to anymore?

There is no one to confess to.

The mirror overshadows the bed like church pews at midnight
She tells her that she never loved her.
She disappeared into the clouds that loom over the moon.

Her watch tells her to sleep.

She sighs and climbs back into bed
She remembers that she never loved her.
She remembers the scars that trail along her back.

Her life cannot help but flash before her eyes.

The ceiling morphs and twists
Her eyes flutter shut as her mind plays its tricks
She caresses the scars that itch at the roots of her hair.

Maybe its better this way for everyone.

She can no longer hear the heart beating slowly in the closet
Her mother told her that she is worthless
She begs for the sleep to take her.
Before her mind starts wandering to that point.

The darkness feels cool against her skin
The crooked mattress settling in its place
She sleeps on her side to avoid the bedroom mirror
The world grows still around her as it walks

on ******* eggshells.

The dawn permeates through the broken window sill
She never was a heavy sleeper.
She went missing out of nowhere
The ringing of her phone echoed in her ears

like Sunday bells.

And there was no more trace of the former shadows that pitifully gazed at her in the corners of her room.

-Kore

Towards every sound, I can only move.

My eyes tied back masked in the fog.

No light shining through

No one to guide me.

Like a glacier in the vast abyss floating towards nothing.

Only accompanied by the echoes of yesterday.

-Kore

I am staying away
For your sake and mine
I fear that when you see me
And meet my gaze for the first time in a while.

You will see an empty hallowed shell of a moth that never made it.
Flying around my empty pupils behind my empty mind.
I don't want you to shake me looking for answers.
Peering through my eyelids hoping for something to be there.

In my restless unending dreams.
I find the person I used to be.
My warm embrace and desperation.
To love you as you have always deserved, unconditional.

As the months pass by I feel my heart beat slower.
I yearn for a simpler time when caring for people here was enough.
I want to ******* slap that smile off my face in my memories.
Actually believing that my love can make things last forever.

I do not feel love now.
The moths have eaten my heart
Like cloth.
I put my hand to my chest constantly to see if it will ever return again.

I am sorry I was so weak.
To let the moths eat me alive.
That I let the slurry of flies pick at my mind,
Leaving me rotten like I know I've always been.

You who deserve the best of me.
My warm embrace and love.
I am so sorry that I cannot be enough.
My heart has been torn to nothing but dust.

Where did it all go so wrong.
I desperately want to feel something.
Other than the painful pang that often comes.
The phantom pains of having no heart.

I feel so empty, I feel so hollow.
I feel unreal, I am scared of you.
Seeing me this way.
Seeing me be a hollow monster, putting on a face that I know you won't believe.

I can't feel anything.
And it's scaring me.
I don't want you to be scared of me.
I don't want you to watch the lies fly out of my mouth.

And what if those moths and the things that have eaten my insides.
What if you watch me morph into something that will make you sick?
I don't want you to see how ****** up I am.
How disgusting, how monstrous, how angry, how destructive I can truly be.

I am at the mercy of this growing emptiness
That I've hidden from you
That all the love I used to have would madly over.
I want you to see how I want to be, not this.

Anything but this.

Cherish me in your memories.
As someone who loves you because I do.
Who cares to chase you.
My unconditional words will always be and always have been real.

Right now only wretched dust comes out of my mouth, the moths pretend to be me.

I love you too much
To let you see
That the moths have eaten my mind
And my heart.

Like cloth.

-Percy

The moon shined so bright,

Your hands around my neck.

I thought I'd forgotten your voice

But your memory was all I had left.

Under the water nothing made sense.

The salt covered what I had left to hide.

My mind drifting to the light.

The feelings that took years to sink.

Under the moon's eye,

A different part of me came alive.

The grief that had drowned me then.

I should've stopped you but I don't know when.

Even if it's not really you, I can lie.

I went here in fear now I'll leave like I'm high.

So I reach out, not to stop you,

But so I can hold you, under this rocky tide.

I'm so glad to see you again tonight.

For the first time in a while and for the last time, goodbye.
-Percy

Sight of mine dulled to nothing but red.
My aching fingers bleeding from the splayed out shards of glass.
Time and time again, this feeling will never truly fade.
The destruction that eases into every walk that I take.

The pent up pain that does not soothe
It only comes in waves of doubt and an ache that runs deeply through my body.
I can only sit in silence and wait for it to wash over  as the never-ending wrath bounces in the corners of the room.
No freedom found as I keep myself from lashing out.

My blood keeps dripping around my pooling ire.
To lock up such a monster that laps away at every upset and disappointment
There really is no telling when
The day it stops rocking back and forth the dark curtained bedroom I try to subdue it in.

The day my warm blood no longer satisfies the steely blue light that edges its existence.
And the way it bounces off of the crystal shards coated in crimson beneath my hands.
Alcohol has never truly worked for me as much as I wished it did.
What do I do when there is nothing I can do?

How will I cope when I can no longer keep from being violent?

-Kore

Sometimes I forget out of habit
The short lived tale we had
Of a boy and a girl
Who dreamed of setting sail to better places.

To faraway lands of neon and brick
Where the city never sleeps
And the sun keeps its hold
Over the horizon where idealistic men are born.

Wistful gardens conceived from all
The burning eyes, tears and blood spilled
We were so young back then yet barely alive
Our souls and our hearts on the verge of losing to time.

But we had all we dreamed of suddenly all at once
Though I lost my battle you helped me to carry on
You cradled my fragile spirit and sung us a song
Of all the loss and the pain that never seemed to stop.

And you were happy, and I was happy
Prayers finally answered
We promised each other the world on the rooftop
Once upon a balcony on every distant star we could find.

But I sit now on the riverside
The one we escaped to when we were kids with my parents money
Do you remember it still?
The Marigolds have started wilting and withering on the steps.

I suppose in one way or another
We did not realize how shattered we both were
that such a calm bright day could catch us
Drowning in a storm of IV bags and morphine.

I sat beside you on your bed of flowers
Under the bright fluorescent sun everyday
Waiting and hoping that some day you'd wake up
That we could continue on the journey we promised to ourselves.

I could not be me, not without you
There was no life worth living that didn't include us
So I waited and waited
For the life I could not give up.

You promised me the oceans, the sky, the world
But I didn't care for that, no it didn't matter to me at all
For nothing could be worth it, no thing
Not a thing without you.

So I waited and I waited
I lived my life for as much as I could and I waited
And I waited by your side under the glow and the dark stars
You couldn't do this to me, you couldn't leave me

You who gave me hope
The reason life finally felt organic, like it meant something to me
The suffering was nothing and I would do it all over again
Just so I could meet you

So I waited, and I waited
Time was running out
My patience never wore thin but my eyes shut on their own
So I fell into my first slumber next to you in that cold white room.

And by the gods when morning finally fell
Like the first light of spring you were there
Stirring in your sleep, fighting to stay awake
And I felt the life return to my body.

You held my hand so weakly
You were fighting, weren't you?
So why did you look up at me with those eyes
And it was then I knew.

"I love you."
You told me over and over again
As if you were no longer going to be here to tell me that
As if you were going to die.

"Promise me you'll stay alive for me."
Your eyes were so dull that day
Your hands made me feel so cold
You told me you loved me, but no this can't be.

You can't leave me.

Then I heard it
The veil between us becoming closed at the sudden drop
And the ringing from the ECG machine echoing in my head and into the hallway.
Did I say anything? Did the Gods even hear me beg?

Everything I knew was gone just like that
My dreams, my hopes, and the humanity I thought I had.
Your words echoed into my head
I didn't say a ******* thing.

And just before I could be carried away by the arms
From your pale white sheets and hospital tags
The ringing never really stopped only this time it finally came out of my mouth as vitriol.
You were gone just like that.

And the only life I had suddenly ended that day too.

-Kore

The moon forgets the power she holds with or without the sun.

The storms she brings with the tides always in her favor.

Shifting and going as she fades into her many faces.

The power she lends to every miserable woman.

Trying to start a new, Learning their worth.

She keeps forgetting that she doesn't need the sun to shine.

That she is all that she needs to become divine.

She always forgets.

"You know that I'll die eventually right?" She shifted in my arms avoiding the glaring light coming through the window.

"You're going to lose me again..."

I brushed back the hair irritating her teary eyes and looked at her with the same tenderness that she always gives me. A smile tugs at the ache in my heart, I knew that she knew how we would end but having her right here felt so worth it.

"But don't you remember darling? We've already met before." I said holding her gaze, she gives me the same hopeful smile.

"I will scour every inch of this plane and beyond just to be with you over and over again." She chuckles, there it is again, she truly melts me.

"I did not peg you for the commitment type." She lays her forehead on mine rubbing circles on my back. The sun dances around the room, filling the unwanted space between us.

"How can I not." I whisper, I cannot even  begin to describe what being there felt like and I could only want more as my heartbeat kept echoing in my head. She pushes herself closer to me her presence  burning away the dim future coming for us.

"Then I'll never forget." She says.

Then again, I don't think I ever could.

-Kore

[ What are you here for? ]

                                            For things I should have finished long ago.

[ You can run while you still can. ]

                                                              ­                 I can't, I am exhausted.

[ There is still time. ]

                       Then I would have to abandon everything I hold dear.

[ But you would be alive. ]

                         What good am I alive if I cannot be with those I love?

[ So you accept your fate? ]

          It was meant to be the moment I stepped back into this world.

[ Your fate is in your hands. ]

              And those who have done wrong will always pay the price.

[ And what would your last request be? ]

                                                              ­               That a miracle happens.

[ A miracle? ]

                     I am ready to pay the price for my crimes but for today.

[ . . . ]

                                                     Just for today I wish I could be saved.

[ That is up to you. ]

                                                I can only hope that I am strong enough.

[ Only time will tell. ]

                                                              ­  Do you think I can make it out?

[ . . . ]

                                                        Can I make the heavens reconsider?

[ . . . ]

                                                              ­                                         I figured.

[ Remember. ]

                                                              ­                                                  Yes?

[ Your fate is now in your hands. ]



                                                      -Kore

When will you realize that I am no longer who I used to be.

You rid me of the hope I had and the beauty I used to see in this cutthroat world.

Every word and hit you landed on me made sure of that.

You did not let me grow up and instead pushed me into the shallow looking waters thinking I would survive.

And you're right I did.

But at what cost?

Only my humanity of course.

How ironic it is that you wanted me to thrive and pour gold out of my waking life.

When I came out burning from sulfur and ashes.

No warning and no mercy, no.

You never taught me what that was.

All the expectations and dreams set into my very being with no thought of what it would take.

I am not your saving grace nor your chance for another life.

I am not made for your salvation, to make up for what you could not have.

I have always been so much more than that.

You birthed me from fuel and soot.

I was never meant to be what you predicted.

So do not come to me with your expectations of obedience I will never yield to your maltreatment.

I will never be molded into what you want of me.

-Kore

My hands that reeked of death.
I was stained before I knew.
What it meant,
What loss entailed.

I was different once,
Now I'm different too.
The loving gaze,
Reached me from the stars.

One faithless day.
I watched me die.
What I could've been if I never knew.
You stared at me like the gravel.

I laid to rest,
All my innocence.
The light inside me,
Snuffed before it could form.

The cold metallic taste now stuck,
Clinging onto me.
Like nothing ever will.
Because I will always reek of death.

And I will mourn for you.
For what I could have been.
Your life that had only just begun,
Pretending that it was enough.

You will never know what it is, to stop.
-Persephone

So I looked at the gods
And I look to the universe.
Where I begged for answers over and over again.

All to ask why you entered my life.
At this place, at this time.
When I was not ready to give love another chance.

You graced my world like a soundless crash.
Without warning I felt everything.
Suddenly you were here.

And I wish I didn't meet you,
At least not here, not now.
While I am in pieces within my fragments.

But when I look at your eyes.
Despite my world feeling like its towards its conclusion.
Everything feels like it makes sense.

That all the things I've lost
And all the things I've been deprived of
I had my answer after all.

And I curse the heavens and the gods once more.
I cry out at the universe looming over me.
Again I asked why.

But there were no answers to be found.
There was no point in asking the eternal vastness.
You were here.

No time, there was no space.
My psyche always broken into tiny shards.
There was nothing I could do to prevent the way.

You simply waltz into my life.
No sound, no way of telling.
I did not want to fall in love.

And in a last ditch attempt.
To throw away everything, hubris and all.
I try not to look back.

I asked the gods, the heavens, the universe.
Why?
Why here? Why now?

And with a cruel smile from the universe, all the answers I kept looking for simply faded away from me.

I am left with you, the thought of you.

Still no answers to be found except...

-Kore

You bought me metal sheets
bent in the shape of a heart.
after days of leaving me in the dark
wondering what I was going to eat

Sweet and bitter lumps I crush
between my hands
I eat my heart tonight
because maybe you’ll love me

You loved me enough to steal me
Under an unconditional facade
I forgave you every time
Hoping you’d hold me when I’m down.

But I will eat my heart gratefully
because you told me to
because that is all I can do
because that is all I am worth.

You can take nothing when it is left.
-Percy

I never realized until now.
How much you really changed me.
How much you really hurt me.

Its when I think about loving someone else.
I can only think of running away.
No matter how much I feel.

Even after everything.
I'm still trying to erase the memories you left behind.
Your shadow looms in my every step.

That maybe I do not deserve to love.
And maybe I never will.
I want to believe that I am wrong.

But not even the cards I shuffle in my hands will be able to prove me otherwise this time.

-Kore

She is all I will ever need.
My bruises and fractures have never healed as fast.
In her presence
her stare.

My flaws and my faults
Feeling all so far behind me.
The acts of wrath I committed
washed away in her gaze.

The gauze she wraps around my wrists
Like soft silk in her touch.
Everything I knew that I was
fades away from me like an unsound dream.

She patches up my worries and fears
With sweet nothings and her smile
That never fading smile.
She is all I will ever need.

What could I do when she is gone?
When I curb to the weight
Of being saved again and again
Without her.

She crumbles slowly everyday
I can see it.
There is no room in this world
To be kind.

I fall back into my old habits
The momentary peace in my life
is always disrupted
Whenever she walks out of my apartment door.

-Kore

Please do not take it personally
when I reel away from the world
and from you.
When I disappear without a word.

It is simply my way of saying.
That I am healing in my own ways.
I do not blame you
and I never would.

Please never put yourself at fault
for it is no ones burden but my own.
You have only shown me kindness in my struggle
but this is something that only I can deal with on my own.

And I can promise you that things will turn out okay for me.
There is no need for you to risk your own heart
for things you have no control over
with your own tears you have to mend.

I can promise you that I can save myself.

-Kore

I never thought I would live to see the day
When someone would finally give color and music
To my melting monochromatic world.

I wonder when it started to fall apart.
When our story we fought and gave our all to
would end the way it did.

All our hardships and the scars
that we both shared together slowly mending
while you disappeared off of the final chapter.

Not a single word left behind
you did not deserve to go as you did.
You always deserved better than this.

With you gone and leaving me only to wonder
where we went wrong.

And if I could've saved you somehow.

-Kore