I am staying away
For your sake and mine
I fear that when you see me
And meet my gaze for the first time in a while.
You will see an empty hallowed shell of a moth that never made it.
Flying around my empty pupils behind my empty mind.
I don't want you to shake me looking for answers.
Peering through my eyelids hoping for something to be there.
In my restless unending dreams.
I find the person I used to be.
My warm embrace and desperation.
To love you as you have always deserved, unconditional.
As the months pass by I feel my heart beat slower.
I yearn for a simpler time when caring for people here was enough.
I want to ******* slap that smile off my face in my memories.
Actually believing that my love can make things last forever.
I do not feel love now.
The moths have eaten my heart
Like cloth.
I put my hand to my chest constantly to see if it will ever return again.
I am sorry I was so weak.
To let the moths eat me alive.
That I let the slurry of flies pick at my mind,
Leaving me rotten like I know I've always been.
You who deserve the best of me.
My warm embrace and love.
I am so sorry that I cannot be enough.
My heart has been torn to nothing but dust.
Where did it all go so wrong.
I desperately want to feel something.
Other than the painful pang that often comes.
The phantom pains of having no heart.
I feel so empty, I feel so hollow.
I feel unreal, I am scared of you.
Seeing me this way.
Seeing me be a hollow monster, putting on a face that I know you won't believe.
I can't feel anything.
And it's scaring me.
I don't want you to be scared of me.
I don't want you to watch the lies fly out of my mouth.
And what if those moths and the things that have eaten my insides.
What if you watch me morph into something that will make you sick?
I don't want you to see how ****** up I am.
How disgusting, how monstrous, how angry, how destructive I can truly be.
I am at the mercy of this growing emptiness
That I've hidden from you
That all the love I used to have would madly over.
I want you to see how I want to be, not this.
Anything but this.
Cherish me in your memories.
As someone who loves you because I do.
Who cares to chase you.
My unconditional words will always be and always have been real.
Right now only wretched dust comes out of my mouth, the moths pretend to be me.
I love you too much
To let you see
That the moths have eaten my mind
And my heart.
Like cloth.
-Percy