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3.5k · May 2022
Falling from afar
Van Xuan May 2022
I cared for you since day 1
You never knew me
Yet I gave everything I got
Just for you to be happy.

I am just waiting here
Ready to support you
Anytime you need me

But then you love someone else
An adversary that I'm helpless with
Time to give up

For the first time and the last time
I just want you to know
The only reminder I can give to you

"Usted siempre sera mi siempre"
"You will forever be my always"
Full version of the poetry Final words.
3.5k · Mar 2021
Social media
Van Xuan Mar 2021
This is where I mislead people
Of how broken I am
By putting an act
That I'm very happy
Just like the smiling photos seen in your timeline
I don't need others pity thus I need to do this
1.5k · Jan 2021
Daring
Van Xuan Jan 2021
In that very moment
My fears are gone
Taking all the risk
I bring her close
As I put her lips to mine
With her startled eyes
I didn't dare to move for a second
For it's a pure bliss of happiness
Covered with face mask
Credits to the face mask that gave me courage to kiss her
Van Xuan Apr 2021
When the pain is still there
Slowly eating away my humanity
Words of comfort in my mind
Doesn't reflect the way I write

Numbing my heart
Hiding under my blanket
Forcing myself to write
Hoping to fix myself
1.3k · May 2021
Devil
Van Xuan May 2021
We all have our devils in us
But nobody want to admit it openly
Because one can be seen as a monster
To the eyes of the people around us
I'm nothing but a monster to the people around me
952 · May 2021
Out of reach
Van Xuan May 2021
When I desperately want to save her
Yet the only thing I can do
Is to let her go
Wiping my tears of being a failure
Heart is empty just like the time I lost someone important
877 · Nov 2020
Father
Van Xuan Nov 2020
I'm sorry if I may look rude to you
When I may be cold to you
When I don't show any warmth from me
But you know..

Even if I always act like this
Even if I always look angry from you
Even if you don't see any love from me
You will always be my dad
And I love and proud of you
830 · Jun 2020
Rain
Van Xuan Jun 2020
It's raining again

It's always like this
Every time rain starts
My mood starts to plummet

As the rain drops on the ground
It echoes loudly
On my hollow heart
761 · Jun 2022
Ganahan
Van Xuan Jun 2022
niingon ka ganahan ka sa adlaw
pero nagpalandong ka sa ilawm na punoan

niingon ka ganahan ka sa hangin
pero imong gi sirad an ang bintana pag agi sa hangin

niingon ka ganahan ka sa ulan
pero nag payong ka pag bunok sa uwan

nakulbaan ko pag ingon nimo
ganahan ka nako

mubiya naba ka nako?
An English piece that I heard from one of my friends and I just translate it to cebuano literature
729 · Jun 2021
Fault
Van Xuan Jun 2021
They say people come and go
It is the normal way of life
But for me that is not the case

Too many people rely on me
As their mental and moral support
As their final refuge of being sane

Being left behind feels suffocating
Where my world feels numb
Struggling to keep myself sane

They are my source of refuge
They are my only salvation
They are the ones who keep me sane

If one of them left because of me
If one of them lost because of me
The fault is on me

A trauma for the rest of my life
When I need to act normal for the people who still needs my help but I'm dying inside
663 · Nov 2019
Letting her go
Van Xuan Nov 2019
To let go of the girl i love
Just for her to be happy
Is the most painful
And the most happiest
Memory of my life
649 · Mar 2021
Parting
Van Xuan Mar 2021
Trying my best to cheer her up
Support her as much as possible
Yet I can't stop the inevitable
Staying only make things worst
It's too painful to see her pain
In the end I can't do anything for her

She needed to leave
And the only thing I can do
Is to support her decision
The feeling of unable to do anything is back
644 · Jul 2023
A cruel cycle
Van Xuan Jul 2023
When a man learns to love,
He must bear the risk of hatred.
But is anyone willing to risk being hated just to save him?

I guess not
Not when the person you're saving
Doesn't want to be saved.

Yet,

There are some foolish enough
To save that person.
I am one of those fools.
Better be fool than watching someone suffer.
635 · Jun 2023
The Taste of Regret
Van Xuan Jun 2023
As I reached out to you.
I spilled the words of my heart
Frustrations, anger, disappointments
And then  I felt pain.

A Desperation of a hopeless struggle

And then I feel disgusted.
Emptiness, helplessness, despair
I drank the words of my heart
As I stare at the empty wall
600 · May 2021
Filth
Van Xuan May 2021
I feel the filth within myself
When I saw her fixing herself
From the damage that I've done

The emptiness that I gave to her
Is the same as the one who left me
I become the person I wish to avoid
When I become someone I hate I can feel the filth within myself
585 · Jul 2022
It's so noisy
Van Xuan Jul 2022
"It's so noisy"
I whispered as I watch my friends eat dinner in the table again.
the only family I cherish.
they gave me peace when I'm in pain
they saved me when I feel ******.
but things have changed
I fail to save them
they are the only thing I have
how come it comes down to this?
I whispered as I stare at an empty table.
"It's so noisy"
read it from bottom to top again
518 · Mar 2021
Smiling
Van Xuan Mar 2021
You believe that I am fine
But even myself didn't know
That my tears starts falling
Even though I'm smiling
My soul recognise that I'm not fine
467 · Apr 2019
Mount Everest Feeling
Van Xuan Apr 2019
why i want to reach this state of life?
i spend my time
my effort
my attention
body and soul
and heart
just to reach this peak
but why?
what is the real purpose of all of this?
did i just chase an empty dream?
everyone congratulate me
but i feel nothing at all
nothing at all
One of my class in philosophy
435 · Jun 2022
30 minutes
Van Xuan Jun 2022
in just 30 mins
i hear her voice
see her face
touch her hands
the heat of her embrace
yet I feel nothing
we can now properly talk like normal people
and the best part of it is
i feel relieved
because I am now sure
that the woman I'm with right now
is the one that I want to be
for the rest of my life.
3 years since I made the poetry 40 minutes. Now I am sure that I already moved on from her.
409 · Jun 2023
Futility
Van Xuan Jun 2023
As my mind slowly burns her out of my existence

My heart stubbornly protecting her with everything he got

Just to remind my mind that

She was once I called home
A home I used to find peace
One desperate attempt
408 · Oct 2020
Taste of a kiss
Van Xuan Oct 2020
Couples taught me
That the sweetest you can taste
Comes from the woman you love

But I don't believe that
Because when I kiss her lips
It is not sweet at all

What I taste is the desire
To kiss her more
The taste of longing for her

And the taste of happiness
A sincere taste of love
395 · Mar 2021
Scattered Pieces
Van Xuan Mar 2021
Fragile hearts are bothersome
When they broke
It took years to make things right
Blood and tears are mixed
Just to keep the pieces together

But when it is broken again
You just want to give up and quit
Yet you can't stop
And you'll never stop fixing it
For that's the way of life

To love and to be loved
By another person
Who also experience
Fixing a scattered pieces
Of a Fragile Heart
For those hearts that are broken we can do this. There will be time we can fix this
381 · Apr 2019
40 minutes
Van Xuan Apr 2019
In just 40 mins I
hear your beautiful voice
see your glowing face
touch your hands
feel your embrace
revive my humanity
and the best of it is
we can now properly talk like we used to be
it's the best gift that I can ever have
377 · Feb 2021
Taking things for granted
Van Xuan Feb 2021
People who take things for granted
Are the worst type of people
Because they always thought
That everything they have
Are meant to be theirs
368 · Mar 2019
Perspective
Van Xuan Mar 2019
"Do you understand?"

He woke up from his trance while silently looking at the foreign place he is in.
He does no know what he is doing there but he remember how she left him when they are still happily having their date on the other day.
He felt being hopeless in the dark when she is gone.

He ask to God why?
He feels that he is cheated
He is angry!
He hates her!
He hates her!
He really hates her!

"Can you prove that she does not love you even if she left you in the dust?"

He stared at the person asking the question.
He thought it is a foolish question
Is leaving him behind not an solid proof that she does not love me? He is dumbstruck
The question that he don't know what to feel.

"Betrayal can also mean that you are love by her you know? Do you now understand?"

And at that moment he remembered that he is in the classroom listening to his professor.

"Yes Bishop I understand everything"
364 · Mar 2019
Lie
Van Xuan Mar 2019
Lie
Nobody
want
to
spend
time
with
someone
who
throw
your
trust
like
a
____________________­________
\          d            g        t  ­              /
\         i             a        r             /
\        r          r           a           /
\       t         b            s        /
\                a          h      /
\               g               /
\          e                 /
___________________
362 · Sep 2019
Goodbye
Van Xuan Sep 2019
The only word I hate
Because it is always said
When a person leaves me behind
And never return.
Goodbye
362 · Nov 2020
Final words
Van Xuan Nov 2020
The only reminder I gave to her

"Usted siempre sera mi siempre"
"You will forever be my always"
349 · Apr 2020
Meteor shower
Van Xuan Apr 2020
When we talk about meteor shower
There are so many perspectives to look unto
But there is one perspective that I really like
And that is showing its brilliance
In a very short time
Yet it lingers to our hearts
Jumping our souls up
Deeply appreciating how beautiful night is

Be that kind of meteor shower in other people's lives
Give a tiny spark in their lives
In anyway you want
And I assure you
That person,
Will appreciate how beautiful life is
Just a quick realization while watching meteor shower
342 · Mar 2019
Decision
Van Xuan Mar 2019
i would rather stay with you
till we both taste sour
than getting bitter looking
for an alternate you
which i know is impossible
337 · Oct 2019
Torn
Van Xuan Oct 2019
Who should I choose
A woman who made my world
Or a woman who colors my world?

My heart is torn
Between my past and present
Between who I am today
And who I will be in the future

What shall I do
To stay in love with the girl in the past
Or to love the woman in front of me

Tell me... What should I do?
Torn between two lovers
332 · Nov 2020
Lunatics
Van Xuan Nov 2020
"You are Lunatic"

A word they describe to me
For being in love to someone
Who might not be mine forever

But aren't we all in the same page?
For once in your lifetime
You also loved someone
who might not be yours forever

I'm not the only Lunatic here
We are all Lunatics
For those who experience loving someone who takes all the risk just to find true love
We are all Lunatics
330 · Jan 2021
Note to myself
Van Xuan Jan 2021
No matter how many lies you said
You can't lie to your heart
For lying to your heart
Leads to pain and destruction

No matter how many people you care
You must never think of something in return
For when you look for something in return
You will gain betrayal and distrust
Van Xuan May 2020
To the one reading this

We may be thousand miles apart
Connected by an accident in game
An unforgettable experience

Knowing you little by little
Day by day
Slowly but surely

Chasing our different paths
Meeting different people
Yet never losing our connection

Clinging in this loose courage
I just want to say
I'm here for you

I hope our bond won't end
Getting stronger each passing day
Your stranger across the world
A small literature for someone I cherish on the other side of the world
299 · Oct 2019
Meeting you
Van Xuan Oct 2019
Before meeting you I have
Hope for the future
Trust from the people
and love of the unknown

But after you left I have
Taste the emptiness of despair
Doubt the words of the people
And fear of the unknown
294 · Sep 2019
Masochistic love
Van Xuan Sep 2019
New Day starts
As the clock strikes at midnight
Yet my heart fails to start
As it lingers to a woman
Who remains in the past.

Why?

Why can't my heart move forward?
Trap in the past which won't last
Casting away the future
Embracing the torture
Stubbornness eats me alive

Yet..

Yet this kind of life never made me sad
Because for every second loving you
Gives me energy to love you more
Even if seeing you with someone else
Drags me to hell... Or not.
290 · Nov 2020
Letting me go
Van Xuan Nov 2020
For once tell me you don't want me
So that this poor heart of mine
Will realise that we can't be together
And stop chasing you forever
Van Xuan Mar 2019
why you try so hard
to fit in her world
when she can live her life
and you can live my life
long before you've met each other
a question in the middle of the night
276 · Mar 2019
PAST
Van Xuan Mar 2019
Tick..Tick..Tick..Tick..Tick
Time Repeatedly Remind
A Hollow Heartbreak

In this messy world
I only saw gray and black
A color of loss

Rain drops bit by bit
A silent way of grieving
Letting pain flow fast
Van Xuan Mar 2019
A storm is brewing
Breathing here is exhausting
A surprise exam

No one is prepared
To accept a zero score
The end is failure

Clutching our loose hope
Bracing for a strong impact
Preparing the worst

Yet we face nothing
Only a booming laughter
It's all a big joke
I experience this once and surely I almost cried because of his bad joke
273 · Apr 2019
Oppression
Van Xuan Apr 2019
Society taught us many things
we are taught to read
we are taught to understand
we are taught to be critical
we are taught to give justice
we are taught to be philosophers of life
but why?
why our voices turned muffled?
why we are oppress for saying the truth?
why ostracize when we speak for justice?
why we are taught to be philosophers
when at the end of the day
we are just a puppet of society
just because I am just a student it does not mean that I can't see the abuses in front of me.
268 · Nov 2019
Stubborn
Van Xuan Nov 2019
They say I'm a fool
Chasing a woman
Who I can never have
264 · Jun 2019
Selfish
Van Xuan Jun 2019
We have so many pictures together
Since our middle school years
Until this very day

When you left me without explanation

I burn one photo everyday but kept the last one.

You know why?

Because part of me crazily wants you even if I know you will never return to me
For the last 3 years I still can't move on from her
250 · Jul 2020
Unbearable
Van Xuan Jul 2020
They said silent means yes
But why it is deafening
When I ask her
Do you love me?
242 · Sep 2020
Chasing you
Van Xuan Sep 2020
Is the only thing I wish
Yet can never be granted

A foolish decision
Which I never regret

It is like driving on an empty road
Crazily speeding towards you

The thrill of my life
Rainy thoughts
241 · Apr 2019
Liar
Van Xuan Apr 2019
"sorry i lied to you"
a sharp intangible knife
came from my mouth.

"it's fine i understand"
a drop of tear rolling
down to her cheek.

i want to remove that **** tear
but i can't
for i don't feel worthy of being with her

because i am
a liar
225 · Sep 2019
Night routine
Van Xuan Sep 2019
Twisting and turning all night
Staring at the phone
Scrolling up and down aimlessly
While thinking what went wrong
About leaving me behind
In this abandoned world of yours
223 · Mar 2019
Retribution
Van Xuan Mar 2019
"I let her cry again"
A phrase that made his mind blank
Vow he fail to assert

He push her away
Madness drives him to do it
Love that he must hate

Three years comes so fast
Yet she does not seem to fade
Guilt that hunts me down
Van Xuan Mar 2019
Heaviness of eyes
Unreadable sentences
Fighting drowsiness

Cold afternoon breeze
Drags wandering minds to sleep
So hard to resist

Yet the best part is...
The sound of a lullaby
Of prof's discussion

Oh how wonderful
To rest peacefully like I'm...
Sleeping on God's wings

Unfortunately...
When the prof caught us sleeping
Hell will seethe our soul
218 · Mar 2019
Tears
Van Xuan Mar 2019
I hate seeing a woman cry because of me
A principle I throw away
Since the day she left me alone

I made countless women cry
To satisfy my unquenchable anger
A sin that I can never overcome.

But when I saw my mother cried,
My heart was squeezed ruthlessly
An invisible force ripping my soul.

Can I still be called human?
When I've done so many cruel things
Even forgetting the only principle I have

A principle that I made for my mother when I made her cry once.
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