The spot is empty where he sat close by my feet
And gazed at me with loving whippet eyes, but
Not as empty as the hollow in my heart.

His walking lead hangs by the door
Reminding me each time I pass
That I must learn to walk alone.

His favorite toy, abandoned now,
Brings tears where it once brought
Laughter at his antics as he played.

This well loved dog, my mate of many years
Was very like the decade of my youth
With me for a certain special time, then gone.

A candle in the darkness of my grieving
Lights the places where all the good times were
And becomes a beacon for my memories forever.

I wanted to make this longer and better but emotion got in the way. Sorry.
4 days ago

i am so sorry
about your loss.
i am so sorry
about your heartache.
i am so sorry
about everything.
this is not how a romantic story is supposed to conclude.
i am so sorry
that the doctors couldn't save you.
i am so sorry
that the bed is empty.
i am so sorry
because you were the glue.
i am so sorry
because you were far too optimistic
your heart was too full
your spirit was too high
for everything not to fall
apart around us
in the way that only a death this sudden can -
ripping everything in its path
to shreds -
rippling like a wave
my father crying in an italian restaurant,
kneeling at the edge of the bed and praying
pretending that i do not hear
the crack in my father's voice,
or the shaking grip my mother has on my hand.
if god exists,
i think he's a sadist.

rip stephanie
march 18 2017

Almost is a word often used
with negative connotation
Synonymous with
not quite
When the thing you strive for
is just barely out of reach.

"He almost caught the train"
"She almost fell in love"

In this case, it's different.
What I would give
for an almost right now...
"It was almost too late"
"She almost didn't make it"
"We almost lost you"

#heartbreak   #sad   #pain   #sadness   #loss   #late   #too   #almost   #grieving   #bereavement  

I've grown a new layer of skin
in just less than two months
I now have an exterior shell
protecting me from reminders
of the pain that lies underneath
protecting others from the discomfort
of witnessing a mental breakdown
Now it's harder to feel
and when a crack begins to spread
I'm quick to patch it up
because it's easier to swallow my words
than to speak them through tears.

The friendships will be the sunshine
Whether they are the ones just for fun
Or the ones that stick around when you need them most
All of these are forms of love, and they will nurture you

The hurt is the rain
It pours and pours and it seems like it’ll never end
And oh how it’s cold
But I promise it’s good for you
It won’t be until you’ve blossomed that you realize you needed it

Your family is your soil
Your mother who loves you with every breath she takes
Those connected to you through blood and soul
Loving you unconditionally, the only way they know how

And you my love, you were the seed
Through pain and love you have grown and will grow
You are the most stunning of flowers
And everything with eyes will stop to admire you
For if they don’t, they are simply fools

#love   #self   #pain   #hope   #garden   #healing   #grieving   #natamoo   #natamoomoo  
Feb 10

I’m exhausted,
I am a wreck,
I have put on a show,
And I did not slip.

I showed you my home,
While you smiled with tears
And we both felt the grieving
From all those so near.
We realized our loss
Was not ours alone
And we gathered together
In this just right sized home.
We mingled,
And conversed.
We shared our stories
And our tales,
And we all agreed that while in this world, He prevailed.

I feel the loss so deep
That it could cut down to my soul.
But I feel the love all around me,
As you gather in my home.
-ALC February 10, 2017

#love   #loss   #support   #grieving  

i remember january 2, 2015 like it was yesterday.
i remember waking up at 9:14 am with my cousin.
i remember my brother coming in my room to tell us my nonni was dead. i remember yelling at him, like it was his fault or something.
i remember being angry.
i remember not knowing when i'd smile again.
i remember not being able to breathe.
i remember my mom coming home for the first time in five days.
i remember going through photos for the funeral.
i remember pulling out the black dress she always loved on me.
i remember three days later, seeing my nonni, so still, still beautiful.
i remember my friends and family hugging me.
i remember being numb.
i remember crying so much, i couldn't even read the eulogy i wrote.
i remember my uncle singing "you raise me up" for her.
i remember  january 6th, her funeral.
i remember slipping that black dress on.
i remember being there.
i remember people talking.
i remember a priest.
i remember maria squeezing my arm.
i remember paula reading a Bible verse.
i remember my mom holding me as my body shook.
i remember wailing as everyone took communion.
i remember not being able to stand.
i remember my friends and family trying to hug me.
i remember them carrying her out.
i remember taking a rose off her casket.
i remember holding that rose so tight, that the thorns cut my skin.
i remember remembering everything my nonni ever did or said.
i remember not thinking i'd ever get through this.
i remember screaming.
i remember trying to hide the pain.
i remember being broken.
i remember not being able to breathe.
i remember hurting.
i remember everything.
i remember her.

i remember
#love   #heartbreak   #death   #loss   #hurt   #cancer   #grief   #hurting   #grandma   #grieving  

I'd like to say a few quick words,
   what's really on my mind;
I feel almost upset right now,
   it's me you left behind!

I know it was your time to go,
   my Jesus called you Home;
But still I feel so crushed inside,
   without you and alone!

I've tried so hard to just move on,
    but nothing feels just right;
Your in my thoughts and prayers each day,
    as well as dreams at night!

I think back through the years gone by,
   and all our memories made;
To make it through another year,
   no, more like day to day!

I see you still at times I think,
    then realize I'm a fool;
I know it's just a trick of mind,
   but still it seems so cruel!

I guess right now you know how bad,
   my missin' you has been;
I'd give up every thing in life,
   to hold you once again!

So when I lost you here with me,
    there's one sure thing I know;
That Heaven gained a precious gem,
    when Heaven gained your soul!

#death   #loss   #grieving  
Jan 5

"And this is your room"
Why was our home not enough?  
Surrounded by fire.

I don't know how to rebuild
#sad   #haiku   #loss   #grieving  

Time is wicked
I don't understand
there is either not enough
or too much
and today too much
time has passed
since I last saw you
hugged you
stood in the same room as you
and now without notice
you're gone
just like the time
that has passed
and we can never get back.

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