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Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
I was born into this, something I never wanted.  And all of my life, I've been running, hunted.  We're being tracked down and slaughtered, chased, by people with fire as their ally, their weapons made of silver or simply wooden stakes.  You've run us into a corner and murdered all of my kind out of fear, not a shred of their existence left behind, proclaiming it was for everyone's sake.  I am the sole survivor, the last of my race.  I have vowed not to fall victim to the same fate.

You've claimed me to be a monster, but what does that mean?  The only monster I see is you.  Murdering and spreading rumors of my kind, you don't understand what I've been through.  Saying I've slain many, but you've killed more than a few.  Stop speaking of such things; it's hurting me.  Stop lying to yourself.  Why can't you see? Are you ignoring it purposely?  Look at me, into my soul, and realize the devastation caused by your pursuit.  Why can't you understand?  Monsters have feelings too.

Though, it is too late to go back to peace.  The people can only see something unreal, a fake part of me.  And now, I will never be free.  I'm forever running from your conceit.  I have done nothing to bring you to this.  I've cut off my horns, my fangs, and my claws to try and be a part of your bliss.  I burnt my fur and scorched my skin, but all I've done has been dismissed.  I have to hide in caverns deep.  In the cold and damp, I sleep, afraid to be found in my cavern keep.

I could never fight you, that would only make things worse than before.  My skin is covered in my crimson blood and I'm in pain from the scars.  In anguish, I roar.  My gargantuan, curled ebony horns lay broken and cast aside; my thick, midnight blue fur reduced to patches and strewn across my stone lair; my calloused pads raw from running; my weary eyes tortured and worn.  I've given up on living any longer.  It's better to die and to be conquered than to be caged and grow weak from hunger; so I step out of the cave, crawling out on all four; and I lie down, exhausted, on the forest floor.
This is my first rhyming storyline.  It stemmed from a thought I had.  "Who are the real monsters in our world?"   let me know if you like it.  I don't know if I should finish it.
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3290949/a-monsters-feelings-part-two/
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3302905/a-monsters-feelings-part-three/
Growly Wolfus Sep 2019
"They've taken her," it dawns on me.  "They've taken her back to their kind.  They'll **** her," I say worriedly in my mind.  I run after them and follow their trail, only by the scent of blood, defined.  I grow more worried as I get closer to their village.  Where will my friend be confined?  The houses start at the edge of trees.  I crouch behind one and watch mankind.  The people jest and tease my friend, tearing her clothes, ripping her skin.  Something grows in me, otherwise hidden.  They tie her to a post and speak a tongue long forgotten, cursing my friend as she stands humiliated on the wooden platform.  They laugh and grin.  With a torch in hand, they set alight the fire.  Around the pile of oil and sticks, dry straw is lined.  My heart wrenches in horror and disgust upon seeing their actions, malign.

My fur turns as red as the blood being poured, my horns getting larger and darker in color.  My fangs and claws grow as sharp as swords, my eyes burning, glowing crimson with hatred.  I crash through the houses and streets, grabbing and throwing those in my way, racing towards the fire before my friend is killed.  I reach for her ...... too late.  Her crisp bones and flesh turn to ash in my hands.  The human's deed has been fulfilled.  I lost the one I most adored.  Why would they do this?  I abhor humans and their actions.  They think with their hearts and never their heads.  I deplore their works of evil and violence, destroying the land, polluting our shores.

I cry out in sorrow, mourning my loss, and, in me, raging anger breaks loose.  I spout fire from my mouth, burning people's homes, destroying their fields until all is reduced to dust.  They suffered the same punishment they had used to ****** my only friend.  As I calm, my fur changes back.  I shrink in demeanor and my eyes turn pitch black.   I hunch over in pain from the attack.  I've been scarred by fire and what I've done, but the human's deed has been paid back.  Why all of this over a simple reason your people refuse to believe?  To be ignorant is no excuse.  Why won't you realize it?  Monsters have feelings too.

I will claim the name you've given me, become what you already see.  A monster that doesn't have any feelings, a demon that has been set free.  Then, only then, will you be correct in the way you think of me.  I didn't want to resort to this when it could've been solved diplomatically.  Forever, until the end of time, I will turn the tables and hunt you for all eternity, for you demolished my dignity.  You will fear me, now, more than anything else, and praying to your god of wrath won't do anything to help.  By my hand will you suffer greatly for what you have done to my friend and me.  All of this because you refuse to believe...

Monsters have feelings too.
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
A warmth, a blanket of darkness covers me, holds me in the night, until the sun at daybreak wakes me with it's forbidden light.  And by me, I find a human sitting there, warming herself by a fire's glowing light.  She looks at me and smiles as I gaze back with horror and fright.  I sit up, scared of what she wants, and think to run from my plight.  "You should know," my booming voice rumbles, "I do not wish to fight."  She looks at me merrily, and steps closer, my large shadow looming over her.  She understood not a word I had said.  She smells of a floral odor.  For a reason unknown, she dresses my wounds and feeds me herbs and clover.  I cannot comprehend her feelings towards me,  but she'll stay in my sight.  Something in me has snapped, an ember self-ignites.

She follows me, sticking close to my side, back into the cave where I always hide.  In there, she heals my broken heart and soul from the inside.  Does she understand my feelings?  A monster's feelings?  Or is she someone with whom I am temporarily allied?  Over time, my midnight blue fur returns, my fangs, claws, and horns still growing back.  But she is special compared to her brethren; she knows and feels something they all lack.  Courage and empathy.  You and your kind would only attack, wishing me dead, to boost your pride.  And by the devil's law, you began to abide.

I have given this woman everything, and she gave it back tenfold.  I danced with her in the wilderness, and clinging to my fur, she rode.  How could I repay this woman, for whom so much I owed?  Then, one fateful day of exploring led me to a road, a human invention leading to their towns.  It was by chance I came alone.  I would retrieve a gift for my friend; so, through the shadows of the forest, I travel, following a ditch where the great river once flowed.  It leads to a village, a small and humble place, infected by the humans and their spiteful race.  Quickly, I grab a tool they use outside, and I run away, ready for a chase.  But no one notices, no one knows of the tool I have borrowed.  I speed back to the cave where we stay.  Once far enough from the village, I slow my pace.

These chimes ring joyously in the wind, and cannot be silenced no matter how hard I try.  It reminds me of my happiness sounding, like the waves of the ocean coming in the tide.  I want this feeling to never end.  I want her to stay with me all my life.  I search for our cave, our home, this place of mine.  Something is wrong.  A stench of smoke burns in my nose and clings to the area of the forest I'm in.  I'm so close to the cave, not far downwind.  I panic and run as fast can through this maze of trees past the great river bend.  And, at the mouth of the cave, torches lay scattered, a fire burning, glowing hot, set to light by ruffians.  The smoke stings my eyes as I look high and low, trying to find where the fire begins.  Blood of smaller game covers the ground, sacrifices to the human god of wrath, traced to corpses and animal skins.  I rush into the fire where my friend has once been.  Nothing in there is left, and I leave the cave, mystified.  I find only one clue nearby, written in blood on a sign hidden under the rotting flesh where maggots had begun to reside.  It reads, 'We've caught the witch!  Let us purge her, make her cry!  She brought forth the demon, she who is satan's bride!'
This is the second half.  I'm thinking of adding another part to finish it off.  I like how it's turning out.  What are your thoughts?  How does it make you feel?
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3284994/a-monsters-feelings-part-one/
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3302905/a-monsters-feelings-part-three/
Growly Wolfus Feb 2021
There is no spring in my step
nor smile in my heart
just a shell of what i could've been
now empty of all hope

An echo of fond memories
stripped of all their warmth
frozen between the strands of time
held captive by the truth

And in these thoughts, i'm drowning
forsaken, alone
Learning happiness is fragile
as fickle as the wind
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
You . . . you lied to me.
I didn’t know you wanted it so desperately.
Your hopeless desire to be free
Comes crashing down before your feet.
Now, I hope that you can see
All your delusions and conceit,
Your vanity, since you had never broken
A promise or secret spoken,
But now, please take this as a token
Of my shattered trust and heart dismayed.
By you, I have been betrayed.

My heart pounds slowly in my ears
As I think of all the fond memories I’ve had over the years.
I touch my face as my death nears,
But all that’s left is blood and tears.
And now, I’m faced with all my fears
And the scrutiny of all my peers.
Inside me, a rage awoken
By the abuse and insults spoken
Filled with such intense emotion!
They’ve never truly been afraid!
They don’t care how I’ve been betrayed!

I carried their burden and gave them protection.
So why, in return, have I lost their affection?
I stare at my opaque reflection
Asking myself this single question.
No one can achieve perfection,
But why must I suffer their rejection
Over and over with more voices combined
Than can be speculated by one mind?
Why am I alone and blind
With no help coming to my aid?
I lie still here, my conscience swayed.

I lie alone on the cold ground
Wishing hopelessly to be found,
Or to at least be rid of the sound
Of the darkness--weeping--all around.
With the status I am crowned
Comes dangers to which I am bound,
But by the honor to which I’m tethered--
However little, however weathered--
I won’t let a silly, feathered
Raven stop me and get in my way.
Yet, somehow, it led me astray.

It led me to you, a queer butch,
who longed for someone to love and touch,
And, as such,
I gave you my own hand to clutch
And let you use me as your crutch.
I never realized I hurt you so much
By forcing you to stay by my side.
I controlled and nullified
Your sense of judgment, worth, and pride.
But now all that I can say
Is, “Why have I been betrayed?”

You commit deeds without thinking.
You say strange things when going out drinking.
You ignore the chains around you, clinking,
Drowning you in your self-doubt, sinking.
You stare at the sun without blinking,
Blinding yourself from your world’s shrinking.
However did you fall so low?
But from the ashes, phoenix's grow,
No matter how painful and how slow.
You still confound me to this day,
But why, by you, have I been betrayed?

Your motive was to gain your liberty.
You want so badly to be free,
But I never owned you.  I only have me.
I depend solely on myself; wouldn’t you agree?
Or not because you couldn’t see.
You weren’t my slave by my decree.
A mysterious woman with lofty aspirations,
A raven in tow with never-ending patience,
And an elaborate configuration
Of this very time and day.
You’ve murdered me with a sullied blade.

No one’s free, that’s undoubtedly true.
For a fact, just look at you.
Locked in a maze you yourself drew
From cowardice, you stubborn shrew!
Watch with me the mournful sky, blue,
And the ebony raven departing, too.
You look at me with daggers for eyes,
Or what’s left of me as only a corpse lies.
I am left here listening to your cries
Of triumph and grief.  Why defile me in this way?
By you, I have been betrayed.

You’ve hit me with a fatal blow,
You and that oversized crow.
You relish in your success, though
Somehow, you faintly glow
Of sadness and you lose control
Of your emotions buried below.
You’re furious with what you have done,
Killing me, the only one
Who believed in you.  But it’s too late to run.
You cry to yourself, alone, afraid,
As the sins of my soul are being weighed.

You burned my home, my nerves are shaken.
My life and honor have been taken.
If you think you’re forgiven, you are mistaken.
As of now, my hatred has been strengthened.
My inner demons have awakened
As I have been forsaken
By the only one to show
Me love and cherish me, although
My faults are innumerable.  I want you to know…
I’ll never forget your betrayal.
You watch me bleed out, your face deathly pale.

You shout, frustrated, and break a sweat
Knowing you were forever in my debt.
You stumble on words and your own regret
While falling over my burnt chairs and ashen assets.
I whisper to you ghostly threats
And spectral visions make you upset
As you know I am someone who never
Forgets such an atrocious endeavor.
So, yes, you are in my debt forever
As now my trust has been decayed.
Your mind, my demons invade.

Your temper rises, your thoughts waver
As you think of how you can win back my favor.
Away from here, you’d be safer.
I don’t care anymore for revenge, now or later.
So leave here a life-taker,
A fool to stay as the perpetrator.
You may be a traitor but you have seen
The wrong of your actions obscene.
Therefore, I consider you clean
Of the crimes and lies you’ve made.
Slowly, away I fade.

Go!  Go now!  The night’s nigh over!
Soon the blazing sun will take over
And give everyone exposure
To the light, we need to come closer.
Take these words as your closure.
Think things through and be sure.
I no longer wish to conceal
My thoughts for you, bizarre and surreal.
I want you to know and feel
The warmth of the love for you I made.
No longer must you be afraid.

In the end, we all will die
So why do you sit there and cry
As the rain falls from a thunderous sky?
Let go and--like the raven--you too will fly.
Hurry to soar up on high
For I know the end is nigh.
Fly into the somber night.
Try your best to find the light.
Hold it close and hold it tight.
Perhaps others will follow my trail
As I have--not forgotten--but forgiven your betrayal.
Try to put yourself into the poem.  It's meant to be read as if you yourself are narrating it.  Feel the emotion.  I'm very proud of this piece.  It's undoubtedly one of my favorites.
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
All the lonely voices crying for help
their laughter chills my bones
the darkness has taken control
listening to their moans
they're afraid at times but otherwise brazen
you cannot see their face
they scream insults, phrases, and words
"you are a disgrace"
there are voices in my mind
impossible to silence
everything is invisible to my eyes
the voices act as tyrants
the blackout of my brain
became my reality
I ask myself questions the voices ask
"Is this really me?"
The light shines in, it hurts, it burns
the darkness inside me shrivels
I cry out in pain, the light is evil
I crumble to the ground and wither
The darkness returns, I feel at home
this is where I belong
I live here in this pitch black night
the light will soon be gone
I recall writing this during a school blackout.  It was a super stressful time.  There were at least ten officers in the building making sure everything was okay because the day before someone threatened to shoot up our school.
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
blood.
I hate the
color it has.
such a strange
part of us.
it's only a natural
element of our being.
Roses represent an
love and romance.
I do not believe in
the hatred of our world.
love is
for us,
a beacon of hope.
Death is
scary.
Why must blood be red?
Why must the rose be red?
pain.
Red is the color of love and
agony.
Love is
warm.
Pain is
cold.
Blood is
red symbol of despair.
A rose, a
gift of love.
a true
gentleman carries a rose
for his love
"though it rots
it will not die"
I look into
the mirror
blood covers
the thorns on a rose.
Love is
freedom from the chains of torment.
nothing hurts more than
pains of heartbreak.
feel these
from a bleeding heart.
sorrow
or enduring the torture of
loneliness.
I dealt with
little of this.
I knew
the truth in love.
Lies are only
the thorns of a rose.
See beauty in
myself.
I hate
looking at the ****** rose.
read from the top, down then from the bottom line up.
This is my first try at a reversible poem, and I liked how it turned out.
Personally, I've always wondered why both love and evil are represented by the color red.
Growly Wolfus Nov 2019
Every breath                 you take,
you steal from me.  Every look you give
keeps me guessing.  Every sound you make
causes my heart to beat.  Every kiss we
share is a divine gift.  Every moment
with you is a blessing.  Every time
you touch me, you put me
under your spell.
Breathless.
Silence.
Love.
Growly Wolfus Nov 2020
The thunder clouds roll o'er the hills
Their stunning beauty gives me chills
Sky horses in stampede
Afraid of what these awesome creatures
bring unto this world of sorrows
wondering where they'll lead

But when life brings bad weather
I carry my umbrella
and hold it upside down
to catch the rain between the sunshine
to gaze upon it in the moonlight
grateful for what I found

I saw the grace within the lightning
and realized it wasn't so frightening
breathing the calm of the storm
While chaos spun around its fantasy
I witnessed true nature's majesty
and watched the butterflies swarm

Dancing silhouettes in sunlight
dazzling dewdrops of flowery white
pristine beauty I never thought I'd see
Happiness flows like a river
endless stream stretching forever
the first time I've ever felt so free
the world is a little crazy right now

we all need to take a deep breath and breathe
Growly Wolfus Jan 2021
As color blended into one,
a mundane shade be found,
a portal spawned spontaneously
leading to a new plane.
And never did time change there
nor move within this world
the sky of faded grey,
the stars, the only twinkling light.

A forest of decay
swamped by growth of moss and vine,
submerged in icy water
as frost clung to its breath.
Though this land, forsaken,
seemed fraught with death and doom,
life occurred in a minor fashion
within the colorless realm.

While 'neath the frost and damp of night
there lived a silent song,
echoes of past lives calling
to those who deigned to hear.
As predators hunt prey,
the voices captured light
and sprouted glowing blossoms
to entrance all that could see.

And below the undergrowth, hiding,
were creatures small and quick;
the only source of color
under the diseased trees.
They darted past each other
to nests in fungi abodes,
dragging with them the petals
of starlight wrapped in leaves.

A rainbow formed in dew drops
and glittered in the sap
of the life-giving waters
still streaming from the trees.
And waiting near the borders
were creatures of tooth and claw,
searching for their next meal
between the growing thorns.

This colorless life
existed silently,
a singular occurrence
within the achromatic world.
But still, there was a hope
and a flicker of a flame
that soon color would bathe
the land in brilliant shades.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I cry in barren deserts, the tears stolen from me.
My eyes are dry, like the sand, washed away by the sea.
My hands are scarred and calloused; my shirt is torn away.
My feet are burnt and blistered by the dawn of a new day.

The time that's left is dwindling; I feel I have it all.
I count down the minutes 'till the time when you next call.
My soul is crushed and withered; your name is on my lips.
You'll be the one who saves me from this deathly abyss.

Inside me, a cavity where my heart likes to hide.
It's turned to stone, cold and hard, by despair, hate, and pride.
The world around me is blurred, a mirage to my eyes.
The sun's scorching my peeled skin.  My head is filled with lies.

The time that's left is dwindling; I feel I have it all.
I count down the minutes 'till the time when you next call.
My soul is crushed and withered; your name is on my lips.
You'll be the one who saves me from this deathly abyss.

I cry out in this lonely world, "Help me survive the night!"
You responded with your name, my eyes bathed in your light.
Too bad I'm trapped in my mind, slowly, surely dying.
I pull myself towards the shore; I've given up on trying.
This desert that I have crossed, surrounded by the sea,
was my final obstacle in my journey to be free.
I watch my body float away from me, washed away from the shore.
And strangely, it begins to rain; I dance in the downpour.

I have beaten this battle; I'm so close to getting out.
The rain has quenched the desert from the never-ending drought.
But something is wrong; something's different in my mind.
Who cares anymore?  I'm leaving this state behind.
I leave my earthly being as my mind becomes a blank slate.
I watch as my family cries; who knew that this would be my fate?
They wanted to end my suffering; they ended my pain.
But I was close to being saved; they took my life in vain.
This one could've been a song.  I wanted people to think before pulling the plug on someone else's life.
Growly Wolfus Jun 2021
The stars will never shine so bright
as your smile once did
nor the air feel so warm as your breath.
My home will never be as secure
as your embrace made me feel
nor my bed so comforting as your touch.

Please ...
                  I'm begging you ...

                               come back to me ......
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
Trapped.
Ignored.
Risking it all without reward.
Unwanted.
Shunned.
No one knows you were the one.

When you know of your wrong, but you can't deny
all the feelings you carry on the inside.
You have no worth, and don't you cry
even though you feel like you want to die.

you masked everything and blocked all others out.
You knew they only wanted to fill you with doubt.
You know you are special since death is near
to save you from all the fires of fear.

How can you stand to watch the whole world burn?
You needn't do what you did; you'd nothing to earn.
I hope to never see your return.
You say you freed them of their concern.

This... confinement you have placed yourself in
won't be able to save you from all of your sin.
You're a psychopath, a murderer, a monster.
How can you find solace through your slaughter?

Why do you think you deserve a chance at life
when you killed so many with the swift cut of a knife?
I hope death will come to take all of your might.
To take you away; to hide you from our sight.

You feel you grow stronger but your light surely dims.
I want to watch as it goes, in your confinement grim.
I cannot deny how hard I have sought to find you.
I watch you from afar, silhouette clear from my view.

I'm the survivor of your chaos and now
you only have days to live.
This was one of my POV poems.  I wanted it to be from the point of someone searching for a murderer who was never caught.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
How do you feel being trapped inside that beautiful mind of yours?
Your eyes like to wander, your hands like to write, about a fantasy world.
This world is not real, yet you claim it to be
a vision of your reality.
A barren void, a terrible hole,
a cavity inside your soul.

Why don't you tell someone of
your feelings called hate, opposite of love?
The time we have is limited, your mind quickly grows older.
So why don't you take a long rest on someone else's shoulder?

How can anyone know the pain that you feel?
No one can help you; you're behind the wheel.
You daydream in this world waiting just for you.
Why won't you except their offers?  Why?  They know what you've been through.
I promise things will be alright as you scream and try to write.
Please, I beg of you, tell anyone of your hate.
But by the time you finally speak, it will be too late.
You disregard all your worth and things others value.
You simply ignore me when I say, "I need you and love you."

Why don't you tell someone of
your feelings called hate, opposite of love?
The time we have is limited, your mind quickly grows older.
So why don't you take a long rest on someone else's shoulder?

I'm here for you; that gut feeling is me.
I'm just your conscience, which I'll always be.
But when you think so hard you shrink, try not to hurt yourself in any way.
This is where the devil hides, planting the smallest seeds inside
your mind, as it slips into confusion,
a deeply sorrowful state called depression.
You think you're delusional,
but that fades and leads to a confession.

Yet sadly, now, things have gotten worse.
All of it feels as if somehow you're cursed.
You want to run away from it all,
but you simply can't resist the devil's call.
You plan your escape from reality,
and plan your trip across the infinite sea.
Your fantasy world is where you'll go, ignoring what others say and believe.
Hear me and my reason!  Stop listening to him!  Do not be deceived!
It's as though you're deaf to my words; taking a deep breath in, you sigh.
Hiding, listening to the devil, I yell for you to stop, but you pull the trigger and. . . . . .
I think this one was supposed to be a song.  Can you hear your conscience speaking?
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
You put your left foot in
You pull your left foot out
You put your left foot in
And wrap it all about
You do the hokey pokey
And you turn yourself around
You've got a dislocated foot now

You put your right arm in
You pull your right arm out
You put your right arm in
And twist it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you weep and cry with pain
While someone's calling your name

You put your left arm in
You pull your left arm out
You put your left arm in and twist it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you slip out of your chains
And realize you're going insane

You put your head in
You pull your head out
You put your head in
And you shake it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you quake and sway with fear
No one else is in here

You put your head in
You pull your head out
You put your head in
And you bang it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you bleed out on the ground
Laughing 'cause you'll never be found
I have NO IDEA how I came up with this.  It's stupid, but you might find it a little funny.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I chuckle lightly and smile at my knife.  One day, I would use this weapon to take my own life.  Slowly, I jab it into my arm, dragging it down and causing self-harm.  I have an addiction to inflicting pain, so I do it to myself since nothing will I gain except for the scars and blood on my skin.  How could this ever be considered a sin?

The blood trickles slowly down, hardening then turning brown.  I clean it up as if nothing happened.  If my parents knew, they'd be deeply saddened.  I act like I do normally and my friends don't notice anything wrong with me.  I wear a jacket to cover the scratches.  Some are still healing from last week's matches.

I feel the need to try other ways to cut myself, but to my dismay, I lost my only blade.  I bought a better one for which I paid.  The cuts on my arms grow more crowded.  There are too many to be counted.

After slicing my arms, legs and feet, I look to Death who I'll soon greet.  Just one stroke to end my life.  I whisper a prayer and grab my knife.  Admiring the dagger-like shank, I slide it against my neck and calmly thank anyone who didn't know of this.  They are all oblivious.

Today I will complete my mission, a goal of which I am commissioned.  You must  know, this has to be, and now I'm dead because no one stopped me...
I drew a very eye-opening image on the back page in my notebook.  This poem accompanies it.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
Words have no meaning if you can't speak.
Don't get lost in your imagination with me.
I'll always be here, wanting to play.
Others don't understand what you feel everyday.
You can't hear any of this world's beauty.
You can only imagine the sounds of things we see.
You've been taught a language no one normal can read.
You're lost in your mind waiting to be set free.

Don't be afraid; I am here in your head,
But you sit and cry, filled with sorrow, instead.
No one can help, you'll make your own path.
Stand up to your fears and never turn back.
You may feel blind to this criticizing world,
but you are a unique, talented girl.
I am learning sign language.  It made me think about how deaf people feel when they are introduced to a hearing world.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
In the night's darkest hour
you will see the demon's light.
He will show you infinite power,
giving you eternal sight.
You will be blinded by
all the shining stars divine.
You'll no longer see the sky
as a branding sign.

This is how your story goes
a never-ending chain!
You've emphasized all your woes
filling yourself with pain.

Time, present, future and past;
nothing stops it from working.
As the weakest, you are last,
and you know you are broken.
Over all of time you grow.
You will watch the world unfold.
Ending high, but starting low.
Aging?  Never getting old.

This is how your story goes
a never-ending chain!
You've emphasized all your woes
filling yourself with pain.

The demon, it slowly spreads
consuming all of you.
Now able to see the dead,
you fear what will happen, too.
Death is soon upon you.
You'll be reborn a heathen.
You accept your fate.  You knew
you're already a demon.
You serve all the Devil's commands,
and now we meet the end.
Not caring what else happens,
soon we'll all be dead.
I wrote this from an eerie tune I created and made a song from it.  See if you can hear the somber music.
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
Get out!  Stay away from me.  Or else, you too will get the disease
of hatred, anger, lust, and pride.  Get away or else you'll also die.
Let me wallow in this pit of despair.
Because, deep down, I know you don't care.
And this love that you thought we had
was never real.  Please don't be sad.
Just throw all your problems unto me.  I'm the one who's going to be
alone for the rest of their days, staring into his eyes, his deadly gaze.

It's final now; I've been diagnosed.  I have the condition I dreaded most.
Depression, they say, will be a hard battle.  I can't go on with this tiresome travel.
My only friends are in my head,
since all the others believe me dead.
Leave me alone! Don't let me poison your mind
with thoughts of death and suicide.
If you ever catch this disease, you'll be with me on the stormy seas.
I long for death or some escape from his gaze filling me with hate.

My happiness has been taken from me, and I'll never get it back from the beast.
He let me go from his cold grasp.  For once, I'll be at peace, at last.
Another one lost...                                                                                    
                                                                   ...hundreds left wondering...
...... is this the best choice?...
Growly Wolfus Oct 2019
Left on the side of the curb, I watch as glamoured figures march up the steps
I, myself, dressed in an attired elaborate gown to complement my necklace and stark red lips
and eyes
tired from crying
cracked

Leaving the dance, a tall man in a tailored grey suit and tie,
unaware or avoiding me, passes me by
The rain drizzles, waltzing on the pavement and my face
A shadow covers me as the rain stops
Applauding the rain, the thunder claps

Bending down and lifting me, you carry me to your fancy car
and lay me, exhausted, across the seat, covering me with that large coat of yours
Awaking in an unfamiliar room
but strangely unafraid knowing you had brought me here
entirely calm with the knowledge you are near

Walking in with your beautiful charm
I sob heavily as you hug me in your arms
I fall into your warm shirt, crying into your shoulder
You run your fingers through my hair
whispering candied words into my ear

Passions overtake me as I grab your head for a kiss
You roll with me under the covers, a divine bliss
To others, I'm just another pretty face
another porcelain doll to smash on the ground
or tossed away and never found

Boys and men like dolls too.
But I'm not a doll when I'm with you
not another pretty face in the crowd
I am yours, with all my heart, soul and body
My love for you shall never cease

Somehow, I fell in love with a single kiss, your gentle hands caressing my chest
I pull you closer to me, fully obsessed
enthralled by your intense gaze, lustful like others
I stare into them with wonder

Different than the normal man, you captured me with your first glance
that fateful night not long ago by the steps of the dance
this is what love is, inescapable, overwhelming
I need you in my life forever; if only time would stop for us
To stay in your comforting embrace, the only one I trust

I'll be a doll any other time, just not now at this moment
and never with you near my vision's extent
My cracks have healed, my eyes are no longer red
I'll just lie here in your bed
brimmed with joyous love
Isn't love captivating?
End
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
End
Life intolerable
Death inevitable
Desires insatiable
Things unreal

Words unspoken
Evil awoken
Vows art broken
Pain, thou feel

Fearless leaders shamefully hiding
Within cowards, still confiding
Helpless people slowly dying
Horrors thou hast never seen

Demons unleashed from their cages
Hellish, endless fire rages
Now unto the end of ages
Sins of all the world run free

Acts unthinkable
Power unimaginable
Disease incurable
Rots our souls

Gates of Wrath
Flank Satan’s path
Splitting in half
All he controls

Bowing to our God eternal
Pray to leave this world infernal
Careful not to wake nocturnal
Monsters of abysmal night

No response art thou receiving
Being led by hope deceiving
Finally, art thou perceiving
No escape, for all wilt die

Torture endless
Methods boundless
Leave thou breathless
Still afraid

Pain unending
Death descending
Hand extending
But betrayed

In this hellscape, thou art living
Only in the flesh existing
Forever art souls suffering
The carnage surrounding thee

Abominations now released
To feed on fear and the deceased
Destruction shalt never be ceased
Souls ****** for all eternity
I wrote this from the notion of the end of the world...
Growly Wolfus Jun 2020
I step out of bed each day
and collapse upon the floor.
Why I pick myself up and how
are a mystery every morning.

Like someone whispering,
"Don't give up yet.  You still have hope.
And hope is the light that will guide you home."
So I keep moving, keep breathing,
keep loving, keep failing.
But I keep living.

And every morning
when I'm tired of this life,
ripped to shreds and worn to the bone,
I hear a voice that reminds me,
weary I may be,
I know that when I fall
someone will catch me,
even if it is the ground.
I thank God for my guardian angel and those who help me continue on.
Growly Wolfus Jan 2022
"You can do anything you set your mind to."

What if you lost it along the way?
Is this just another fable I fell for,
a lie I've been told, or something more?
Does it ring true?
And if I've lost my mind,
then how do I know
I really love you?
Growly Wolfus Feb 2020
My brother slammed the door shut,
banishing the bitter winds outside
from intruding upon our solitude.
Living on our own wasn't as hard as we'd thought it'd be.
"You're back late," I remarked from my seat on the couch.
He ignored me in his sour mood.
I decided to head to bed.
I fulfilled the promise we had made to each other,
to look out for one another
as sister and brother.
The shower ran for a while,
but eventually, I heard him creak up the steps
and took comfort in the fact
that tonight, he came home.

Early the next morning,
in the darkness of dawn,
I stumbled down the stairs to clean up for the day.
I turned on the TV and watched the news.
Another ****** occurred in the area.
I'm convinced it's a demon with unbiased prey.
The channel rolls on.
A car similar to ours was abandoned on the scene.
What was I seeing?
I was just exhausted for the time being.
It must be from the little sleep I got.
He would've never driven so recklessly
and leave the car behind,
only to walk all the way home.

The coffee I had started wasn't finished,
and the casserole I was baking wouldn't be done in time.
I decided to take a shower to clear my head.
I opened the bathroom door, closed for an odd reason,
for we never shut the door,
and was greeted by a scene of red.
The marble sink covered in the handprints of blood.
The white, tiled walls stained and spotted.
A stench rising from the clothes that laid on the floor, knotted,
and in the shower, streaks of red on the bottom.
I covered my mouth in an attempt to stop the scream
coming from the fear boiling inside of me.
Tears streamed from my face.
What did my brother do when he got home?

I took a step back
into my brother's arms.
He pushed me into the cursed room
and jammed the door shut so I couldn't escape.
I fell into the shower, into the pool of dyed water,
and cried from the anticipation of my impending doom.
What was that look in his eyes?
The very thing of which I was so afraid,
looming in the shade
of his humanity's fade?
When had he strayed so far away
and became that way
to allow the devil to reside in his heart?
What had he let into our home?

A few days passed.  I drank from the shower
and rationed what was left of the toothpaste
until one day, my mind snapped.
I couldn't stand remaining in this torturous space
scarred by the blood of someone else.
I no longer wished to be trapped.
I slammed into the door, once, twice,
and the third try it opened,
slightly broken,
and crashed against the wall before closing.
My brother was nowhere to be found,
yet his room, forbidden, was locked somehow.
I broke it open and found a second scene,
a body bleeding out on the floor of my home.

I fell to my knees and wept into my hands,
coated in the blood of my brother.
The knife protruded from his head.
Sirens pulled up to the apartment
and police rushed inside the house I once loved.
they pulled me away from my brother, dead.
I refused to go, so instead, I screamed.
I cried and sobbed loudly.
I couldn't just leave,
so I clung hopelessly to my brother's sleeve.
They demanded me to release him, but I hugged him in my arms.
I couldn't let them take him away too.
I grabbed the knife and felt a pain in my chest,
and collapsed into the darkness enshrouding my home.
Another rhyming storyline I wanted to try out.
Growly Wolfus Nov 2021
I used to be one, alpha and alone.
Then I met another and we became two.

A second pair of ones made us group to four.
Separate couples in love conjoined by the door.

I thought, "Yes, perfection resting in one place.
No single forsaken. No odd to replace."
And with the others I began to relate.
Between all my lovers, dancing figure eights.

Confusion was nowhere until one had left.
Disbanding impending, loneliness beset.

For what was I if not dependent on others?
And what was love if not so fragile to shatter?

An odd now, our pairs gone. Back to times once far past.
I should have known dancing figure eights would not last.

Creation, division, subtraction, addition.
Another number reluctant to submission
in hiding behind all these makeshift partitions
preventing us from making our own decisions.

I cast off my labels. I am not a one
because people are people and love is still love.

Whether odd or even, whether large or small,
partners will always forget about it all.

They care for the person and not for the name
which makes it my fault that they left all the same.
I'll still dance with numbers and laugh at their games,
but when sadness takes over, I'm the one to blame.

I'm not number but a person, a fraud,
and love is something of which I was never taught.
Growly Wolfus Apr 2020
Blossoms growing
in earnest spring.
Leaves in meadows,
winds that sing.
Birds call out
with tranquil breath
as I lie still
in flowers of death.
In sunbathed glory,
creatures bask.
And I with them
without my mask.

The only place
where I can go,
be understood
for what I know
is here,
the place of broken dreams.
The graveyard
where you once met me.
You saw without
society's
disguise for ones
like you and me.
But you grew up
deprived of truth,
the one I found
while in my youth.

I handed you
a flower and smiled.
You said,
"Beautiful as always, child."
But you still couldn't
understand
why I stayed in
forsaken land.
You went your way
and I went mine.
You couldn't see
beauty divine.
You still cry every time
you come.
You know nothing
of what I've done.

There's nothing here,
so pass on by.
Ignore my life
until I die,
and then you'll say
those lies and thoughts.
"I loved you."
Yet, here I will rot
until that fateful
day draws near,
and you come home
to greet me here.
The people come
and speak their minds.
"You meant so much."
"You were so kind."

They talk from their
experience.
Wait some time
and forget your death.
The sadness you have
won't subside
from your regrets
before you died.
Feel the emptiness
fill your bones.
Then I will sit
by your gravestone
and say to you
the truth I know.
"I'm dead inside,
like you below."
I wrote this from another story I did.  It's summarized within these lines.

"Sweet child, you are a flower of death."
Growly Wolfus May 2020
they said only a fool
would fall in love with her
I guess that's what I am
Growly Wolfus Oct 2019
A world of wonder and possibility
illuminated by the light of uncertainty.
The adrenaline rush of taking a chance
only to lose it all by the cards in your hands.
It's a dangerous game to play if you choose;
to roll the dice, to win or lose.

Place everything on the table.
The higher the stakes, the more exciting it gets.
Your mental health entirely unstable
until the others call their bets.

The roll of the die, the shuffle of cards capturing your attention.
Debt fluctuating by a single move; silence strangled by tension.
Fancy beverages surround everyone
enlightening the experience more every time you finish one.
A simple game based entirely on luck,
and when you are losing, you don't give a ****.

But it only takes a little for your luck to run fully dry
and for you to lose everything in a silly game.
With no money left for the chips you need to buy,
nothing will ever be the same.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I'm a gatherer, a humble being.
I dislike violence.  Only peace, I bring.
I herd people to see the light.
I gave up emotions and love for this right.
Evil fills the human race.
It'd be safer if they're all erased.
A maze I'm running through from which I can't escape.
A dream has captured me and I cannot awake.
The memories haunting all of my thoughts.
The key to my heart is forever lost.

These battle scars I have gained over time
show all my struggles and losses of what's mine.
I have not forgot
all the wars I have fought.
I recall all the pain
and the wisdom I've gained.
Sadly, all my work has been for naught
since I am now gone, the one who Death sought.
I am a lie,
a false entity doomed to die.

This is the last you'll hear of me.
After this I'll be forever free
from the pathetic, fleeting people
of this world called to kneel.
I came as a friend to change their mind,
but they wanted bloodshed not peace for their kind.

I am warning you of
the humans filled with evil and love.
Take our time and think things through.
I pass all my knowledge onto you.
You are the new gatherer.
Bring the truth to those who can hear.
You are a scribe but never tell,
or they will come after you as well.
I recall writing this poem after researching the atrocities people commit.  We all need to be saved.
Growly Wolfus Jun 2020
Such cruel words to say
to someone you love

Not "See you later"
or "I'll miss you"

But "Goodbye."
Growly Wolfus Feb 2022
They say that you died peacefully.
I can only hope that was the case.
I wasn’t there when you needed me.
For six years, I haven't seen you face.

We had our good times and bad.
I choose a pink rock like the salmon you caught
after tearing me away from my dad.

You were there for me when he passed.
Some think that you knew all along.
The disease that he had given him by his dad
Was the same one he passed onto me.

You were there when they gave me the news.
How I'd never have children again.
Then, I was shipped overseas
for a job with little pay in the end.

It was my wife that called me,
my little boy that found you in the yard.
As I strike your name into this headstone
it finally hit me that you're gone.
Love you, Freddie
You were the best dog I could've asked for.
Growly Wolfus Dec 2020
Cold and shallow shadows
blowing across the snow
in every hope of finding
the world they used to know,
they grab us as we pass them
and draw us toward the dark,
begging for us to save them
from the misery they hold.

They've stolen many a soul,
now trapped within the trees.
The forest's labored breathing
the only proof of the deceased.
The icicles that rattle
as mediums for their songs
of woe and fearsome hatred
doomed to never cease.

When you were taken by them,
disappearing like the rest,
I vowed that I would find you
and free you from their nest.
Were it the frozen wasteland
or the jaws of death itself,
I'd fear not its making
and traverse it nonetheless.

I knew I'd never find you
but I searched each day and night
until the days stopped rising
as the trees swallowed the light.
And in this hinterland hiding
the love to which I'm bound,
I came to accept my passing
as proof of what I found.

Then in the forest shadows
I saw the massive tree
with roots and vines like chains
to hold down what was once free.
A withered, massive birdcage.
An angel nestled inside.
The light dimly glowing
from where the fallen bird did hide.

The angel glanced out coldly
with pitch-black eyes and hair.
Surrounded by death and beauty
was this maiden so fair.
A flower so fragile
within this world of pain.
The captive of the forest,
cast out by pride and shame.

She ne'er woke from her trance,
trapped in this desolate place,
tortured like all the others
within the forest maze.
The only light descending
upon the sullied ground.
The next queen of the forest
and to its cycle bound.
Growly Wolfus Sep 2019
To cry without hurting would be a blessing
To be heard without making a sound
Struggling to find the strength to stand
only to fall onto my knees
Lying prostrate on the ground
weeping silently

People look at me like how they gaze through a window
to see past the glass, forgetting it's there
I want them to acknowledge my existence
to see who I am, to know I am here
Shadows, faceless forms peer in with empty stares
looking in like the others before they disappear

I watch solemnly as life flies by
here for only a moment
The color of life dull in my eyes
Black and grey and white
The color drained from the environment
emotionless in my sight

A single light shines in from above
a white, flickering flame, so menial
A symbol of hope in this cage
I reach out to grab it
The fire looms above, somber, ethereal
a pure and holy spirit

Grains of sand fall through my fingers
time slipping away
I'm trapped in an hourglass constantly flipping
suffocating in secret
Hidden beneath the things others say
suffering from the torment

Tears turning to blood and blood to pitch bile
a frame holding broken glass
Drowning in the dust of ages
forsaken and alone
The cracks grow larger as shadows pass,
a black hole where a star once shone

I sit, frozen in time, forgotten but still here
darkness enshrouding me
Sinking into the ground, the glass finally shattered
Time slows to a halt
I scream, sobbing helplessly
everything is my fault

I draw the attention of glowing eyes
sand pouring out from the cavity
The hourglass runs empty, time continues onward
sand falling into nothingness
The shadows move along, ignoring me,
lost in the abyss

The crimson blood, the only color I see
staining the fire above me
Forever out of reach, the light dissipates
gone from this world of darkness
Absent from the world of grey, never to be seen
hope swallowed by sadness

Trying to stand a second time
inevitably falling
sobbing loudly in the dark
no sound coming out
Death has come to my calling
the only one to hear my shout

Time has run out for me
this living hell closing to an end
No longer trapped in the hourglass
Death has set me free
With no sand left to spend,
I'm finally released
Growly Wolfus Jan 2020
I dip my quill into the ink
staining my heart in darkness
and seeping into my soul,
pooling in the emptiness.

I decipher the code my emotions leave behind,
cryptic language few can read,
the words forever etched in my mind,
carving out space for themselves.

I write around the spots,
the paper dampened by my tears,
tossing page after page
of misunderstood emotions and pestering fears.

Drowning in the overflowing ink.
Writing nonsense to catch one last breath.
Unable to breathe, I slowly sink,
resting at the bottom with all of my failures.

The light fades from view, swallowed by darkness.
I used to write by its flickering flame.
I end the poem, the last words of it done
and finish it off with my name.

It carries me to the surface of the waves
and soaks up all of the ink.
I continue writing.  A forgotten slave
in this never-ending cycle.

This
                is how I write.
Growly Wolfus Mar 2020
If breathing was an option,
would people breathe at all?
If it was still necessary to function,
how many would learn the skill?

If breathing was an option
like some part of a game
that we could turn on and off,
would we remain the same?

If breathing was an option,
who would choose to turn it on?
The better question would be how;
perhaps if oxygen was gone.

I'm making an assumption
although it may not be true,
but if breathing was an option,
I think I'd turn it off.
Growly Wolfus Oct 2019
The darkness, an embodiment of my world, stretches are far as my heart's eye can see.  The sadness weighs on me like the depth of the ocean, the cold waters washing over me in waves.  And out there is nothing but the emptiness of my soul poured out onto the sky as stars.  The evil of the world paints its own constellations, devouring the other lights.  A lonely moon, almost as lonesome as myself, gazes at me with pity like all the others.
I had asked for an escape from the world of pain, of anger, of hatred.  The people would laugh at me, call me naive for wishing only happiness.  I had raised their heads when they were low, lifted their spirits when they were down; and now, they don't help, just stare at my discomfort.  Their judging eyes uncover the truth, the horrible truth reminding themselves of their sins.  They see me and turn away, like looking into a cursed mirror.
The cold wraps me like a blanket in the winter, though it is more a veil of thorns.  Creatures from the darkest corners of my mind, shadows in the shapes of the constellations, reach out to me from the gloomy water, the only ones to offer a hand.  I turn away from them in frustration.  Why hadn't anyone else come?  The light of the moon dances upon the waves as they greet me on the white beach shore.  The weight of my sadness disperses upon the island.  The trees and plants dissolve to ash and fly away on the once hibernating wind.  It lashes at me madly, furious by its awake from eternal slumber.
The island beneath my feet grows smaller; nothing but a patch of sand where I lie is left.  The sand, particles of my depression sticking to my blue skin grow darker, consuming my flesh, degrading my bones, eating me from the inside out.  The creatures cry out with silent voices.  I stare at the constellations.  Nothing good could come of the world I'm living in.  There is no warmth in this infinite night.  I lend a veiny hand to the monster next to me, and, like a swarm, the creatures **** me into the black ocean.
Forgotten, abandoned, I sink into the depths, the weight finally lifted from my shoulders.  Looking up at the world I will never return to, a light shines upon me, a single flittering ray through the dark water, disappearing as I slowly fall deeper.  Struck with emotion never felt before, the thorns of the cold feel less painful and a shudder runs through my bones.
My body feels light, no longer cold but not yet warm.  The light has gone, the darkness now carrying my frail body to the dwelling place of the creatures of the night.  Calmly, I watch the last of my breath's bubbles float towards the surface of the water as I fall neatly into a resting place.  My arms and legs settle into the soft sand as I slip into an endless sleep.
What is it called?  I had heard of it before.  The foreign feeling fills me and soothes my heart and soul.  Death closes my glazed eyes for me.
Ah.  I remember.  Peace.
More of a short story than a poem but it's my interpretation of sadness. What do you imagine it to be?
Growly Wolfus May 2020
What is this feeling of emptiness I carry?
It isn't depression for I am not sad.
I see myself as perfect the way I was created.
Nothing wrong with my body; I was born with it.
Nothing dull in my mind; I strive to keep it sharp.
Confidence and esteem are not the issues.
But I'm still lacking something as essential as breathing.
Whatever could it be?

I live in a house enshrouded by love.
Never has a problem arisen in my midst.
At least, not one I haven't solved
or accepted to be unsolvable.
Then what is this sensation and loss of motivation?
It might just be my indecisive nature.
Too relaxed.  Agreeing with both sides.
It's not that I don't care, it's just that I have no preference.

Reading blank pages in a book.
It's almost as good as the movie last night.
But living in a glass house isn't as fun as it seems.
Besides, humans are flawed by design.
Eventually, it will all shatter.
Who will be left to clean up the fragments?
I want to be the one, to stain the floor with my blood
as the shards penetrate my soul and tear me apart.

Maybe then, I finally get an answer
to the question I call into the dark.
Instead of the mocking echo of my words,
you'll tell me what is wrong.
I know something is missing so don't lie to me.
I understand what I am, the emotionless monster I've become,
but I'm telling you, that isn't the problem.
I'm tired of being told I'm loved.  Will somebody please hate me?
People think my life is perfect.  I hate how they look at me like they want to be me.  Look in a mirror.  You're perfect in your own way.  I want to be in your shoes and experience pain.  True pain.  Not the artificial kind I create for myself.

I keep getting trapped in my thoughts and wonder if it's wise to share them.
Growly Wolfus Aug 2021
Hand me a tall glass
of a swooning potion
bubbles rising to the top
and the foam in motion
as I sway back in forth
my cheeks marked with red blush
uncontrolled laughter
and careless touch

Does the world really spin
as fast as it does?
And does alcohol help us to see it?
Are these just
intoxicated shower thoughts?
Am I conscious enough to believe it?

Everyone's dancing
while I'm standing still
or is everything backwards
no one really knows
swonk yllaer eno on
or do they?
like a tainted echo
of what's really going on.
But I don't know what's happening
so does that really matter?
Do we matter?
What matters?
Who cares besides ourselves what happens?
Is that a paradox?
Will the world explode?
What have I done?
Oh well :1
all that matters now is

Sleeeeep
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I shake your hand unwillingly.
I didn't want this to be
the start or end of our newfound friendship.
I'm forcing, pushing myself to do this.
Keep in mind, this is not my kind of bliss.
T'is not cause of you I ran away,
but I just knew I couldn't stay.
I doomed "us" before "we" even started.

"Let's be friends," I'd rehearsed in my head,
not knowing I  would soon be led
by all my faults and hardships.
I feel I will implode
never knowing where else to go.
"I'm an introvert," I'd always say.
This is the excuse I use everyday.
I'm led blindly by my own utter failures.

""It's really not that hard to do,"
I thought whilst running away from you.
Being social is a part of our livelihood.
I've fallen and there's no one to stop me.
I don't matter, so why not flee?
No one will notice that I am gone.
I have no acquaintances to lean on.
Nothing can keep this sea from being parted.

I try my hardest, I try my best
but I'll never get any rest.
Being alone is neither healthy nor good.
I've tried to find some friends online,
but they would go away sometimes.
My time here's waning.  I'm consumed by fear.
There are no friends to save me from here.
They'll never know how much it really hurts.
A depressed introvert's life story.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I own nothing
nothing at all.
Think before doing or else you too will fall.

I've never seen or felt love before
but then I met you.  You opened the door,
the stone gate guarding my melancholy heart.
Now that you're here, stay to play your part.
I role in my life usually vacant.
Stay here with me, I have plenty of patience.
I promise not to argue.  I'll only listen.
Speak your mind to me.  Let nothing be hidden.
I will give you everything I have.
Just be here by my sad and never be sad.
I'll be happy with you for the rest of my days.
Never will I get over your gaze.

Your eyes a creamy, deep rich brown.
Your face seems to glow, your red hair always down.
The way you move is mesmerizing.
The words you say are hypnotizing.
I love you wholly with all of my heart.
I think no one can tear us apart.
I did not see
all the signs you left for me.
Once I found them, I couldn't understand.
Why would you leave my for another man?
None of it is true.  It must all be a lie.
But deep down inside I wish I would die.
You cheated on me with another.
We can no longer trust each other.
I lost everything to my ignorance.
I can't believe you and your difference.

Now, I own nothing,
nothing at all.
Think before doing or else you too will fall.
Being cheated on is the worst feeling.  It's a different kind of heartbreak.
Growly Wolfus Jan 2020
I wish I were a tree,
to be able to stand tall,
to be strong yet flexible,
and go with the flow of the wind.
To be rooted in the earth,
but reach for the sky
and hold it in my arms.

I wish I were a tree.
One to roll with the punches,
embrace the changes.
To be broken
and stand back up.
To heal my scars
and grow stronger from the pain.

I wish I were a tree
that could brave the storm.
To look it in the eye
and tell it I would survive.
Then take on its wrath
and wait for it to clear,
emerging victorious.

I wish I were a tree
that could gaze down from above.
Observing life
as a part of its majesty.
To give something back.
To have a purpose
and be worth something.

I wish I were a tree.
To make my mark in time.
To be a symbol of strength.
To inspire life in others.
Giving to them shade,
protection from above.

I wish I were a tree,
not a fragile human being
That gets hurt and cannot stand.
That will never reach the stars
and cry from fear of the thunder
of the impending storm.
Who will never have a purpose
or amount to anything.

A person like me
who gets trampled by change
and crushed by expectations
can only have a dream
they can never reach.
Who is broken
and remains that way.

A fickle entity
existing in a breath of time,
causing harm to those around me,
and counting my unhealed wounds.
Solving problems of the past.
Weak in the presence of power.
One to get lost in the storm
and never return.

How I wish I were a tree,
but I’m just a human being.
Growly Wolfus Oct 2020
The frog croaked softly
amid the morning mist
His breath hung in the air
puffs of October's fall
The birds chirped in splendor
as the frost captured their song
holding notes in suspension
until others returned the call


And on the water, lily pads
floated past in a gentle breeze
the size of china saucers
we'd use whilst sipping tea
a bridge of small proportions
the hopscotch game of life
a crossing from our world to theirs
under the crimson leaves

Birds came to watch with envy
atop their crooked perch
Bugs skated to and fro
across the liquid glass
The dandelion dancers
drifted above the pool
and stood on lily pad ferries
where the bullfrogs had sat

The forest was a portrait
by Van Gogh and Claude Monet
A storm of autumn colors
the lily pads ablaze
A stillness to be broken
beneath the sun's warm smile
The tranquil winds kept blowing
the fire sparked by our gaze

The music of the angels
disguised by amber leaves
amidst the forest wildfire
ne'er to melt the morning frost
And people pass, indifferently
the beauty that was there
as none but I did witness
the life this fall had brought
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
My father lost his mind after losing my mother.
Before getting over his grief, he married another.
Now a drunkard, he hides away
keeping me inside with him day after day.
My new mum, as I'd call her,
hated the thought of Da abusing his daughter.
She wouldn't treat me as other mums would
and kept away from Da best she could.
I no longer believed in love,
and I prayed to the god I had heard of.

Into adulthood, I grew with a start.
I now bought the drinks to fix Da's broken heart.
The god others prayed to still didn't help,
and everyone seemed happy except for myself.
My new mum was growing older with age,
and we needed to find someone else to pay wage.
We were in debt and a large one at that.
After finishing school, I got a job and came back.

In this time of duress you came.
Nothing would ever be the same.
You soon appeared in all of my dreams
and haunted all of my memories.
I would go red whenever I saw you.
I didn't believe in love, but I will soon.
You showed me things I didn't see.
You discovered a new side of me.

But my father soon found out.
He began cursing and crying about
you stealing me from him.
He said he would never forgive that sin.
I couldn't let him destroy the only thing I've ever loved.
So, with bated breath, I pushed and shoved.
Mum separated us from our quarrel
and scolded me for my immoral
actions in speaking against him.
I couldn't believe she sided with him.
Finally, she sent me away.
Thinking Da was drunk, I behaved.

One day was harder than the others.
I sat in my room locked in by Mother.
We had been secretly speaking together,
but I hadn't responded due to the gloomy weather.
You came to my house thinking I was sick.
I had to think of something quick
or else Da would see you and fulfill his words.
I prepared myself for the worst.
I screamed and grabbed my only blade
and acted deathly afraid.

Hearing footsteps, I got ready to cry.
But my knife fell out of my hand and I
tripped upon seeing Da's caring, worried face.
Never had I seen him that way.
I felt my knife puncture and cut deep.
I cried and screamed as Da pulled it out of me.
He cradled me in his arms
and promised I would never again be harmed.

Blood stained my quivering hands
and a second time the door slammed.
You stood aghast upon seeing me
and tried to stop the bleeding desperately.
My vision grew darker and blurry.
I could tell you were beginning to worry.
That was the last time I ever saw you
I was surrounded by the ones I knew.
Slowly, in Da's arms, I bled out.
Loss would always fill this house.
A sad poem.  If you didn't like the rhyme scheme you might want to read it again as a story.
Growly Wolfus Nov 2019
I wake up from my hellish nightmares
head throbbing
What had happened last night?
empty beer bottles stare at me
memories filter into my mind
black and grey and white
and...

Red.

Did I really do it?
Or was it a part of my dreams?
She's dead.
Isn't she?
It wasn't real.
It couldn't have been.

The kitchen is empty
I don't want to go back outside
Not yet.
The snow welcomes my departure
I'm surrounded by figures on this chilly day
their glitched faces blacked-out by my rage
and voices turned to static

Grabbing some food and a case of beer
passing through the crackling storm
She was the only face I could see
we were together for such a long time
I...I loved her.
Why did she have to leave!?

Running amidst the crowded street
winter winds howling in my ears
Her voice...the only one I could hear
Is she alright?
I have to check
I push against the flurry
my eyes welled with tears

I ring the doorbell numerous times
and toss all of my food in the blizzard snow
banging on the door
until it creaks open
the frame slightly broken
the glass of the second lying shattered on the floor

"I'm sorry," I stammer aloud
"I didn't mean to break it."
Eerie silence causes my head to ache
Some furniture was moved or tipped over
I fix it for her.  Perhaps she's asleep.
But why, at this time, is she not awake?

"Sorry to bother-" I start again
then it hits me like a bus
The memories come in like a flood
I open the door to her bedroom
her cold eyes stare back at me
my hands drip with her blood

The world becomes black and grey and white
and...

Red.
What do you make this world to be?  Everyone perceives it differently.  But I suppose the world is more colorful to me.  At least, the basic colors, you see.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
This seems to be reality,
but I just want to be free
from all concern and all the hate
in this world whose doom is fate.
'**** me now,' I thought aloud
silently, not making a sound.
I place on my face of happiness
to shield underneath the emotional mess.
Hiding my pain in my soul,
it eats away, out of control.

I try to smile at all my friends,
but how can I?  In the end
we all will face our judgement day.
Shall I bring it closer or shall I stay
here with you, my love, my hope?
But I'm afraid I cannot cope
with any of life's problems.
I'm scared that I am one.

I shake my head and break a fake smile
when you say that I'm a pretty gal.
The truth is, I hate myself
and find it easier to fail than to excel.
Change the subject, don't put it on me.
I'm not the one who likes to be
the center of all attention.
When I speak, you can cut the tension.

When I daydream, I think of the future
and how it grows ever nearer.
When I sleep all I have are nightmares
filled with only horrors and jump scares.
When I awake, I shrug it all off.
"This is normal to me," I scoff.
My failures stare me in the face.
Some things you can never replace.
The joy in my heart has been devoured,
but I have more important things to think of this hour.
Like how I'll **** myself. Is it the right time?
What should I use?  Will it all be fine?

Headed to school the very next day.
Mumbling and cursing myself, I say,
"Good morning," and walk to my seat.
With a fraud grin, I stare at my feet.
Again, I wear my mask of happiness.
Thinking of death, I clench my fists.

Soon... very soon.  No one knows......
The reality and the everyday thoughts of a suicidal person can be confusing.
Some feel guilty, others are anxious, and some are filled with true happiness.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I see the mirror's reflection of
everything that I'd love
to be.

I hear the whispers and echoes near me
and ache from the burdens I am forced to carry.
I feel your icy breath
down my neck.
Your comforting eyes
stare through my lies.
I know this mirror's reflection of
everything that I love
isn't me.

There are too many voices and too many words.
They spout insults until all of me hurts.
They promise not to hurt me if I behave,
but I think they lie and will fight 'till I cave.
The only thing I depend on is this haunting mirror.
I keep it hidden, out of sight, afraid you will appear.

Your smile crushes me.  Do you really not know?
I do not want to sink in the fires below,
but there is no way to escape from this mimicked reality.
The only option
is death.
A sad boy doing wrong.  It's connected to one of my newer poems.
Growly Wolfus Oct 2019
Comforted only by myself; warm in my arms.
Trying to escape this world of evil and torture.
Struck in the gut by a sharp feeling yet continuing to run.
Embarrassed and ashamed to be seen in this body
by the cold and sharp eyes of others.
Naked.

Scared of what they think of me, then running into hiding.
Led by the forest's guiding hands, a place opens before me
enshrouded in branches and concealed from the rest of the world.
I kneel and lie on the dew-covered grass, grasping the blades in between my fingers, sobbing.  Trying to mask something ancient.
Original Sin.

Stolen from my family and left alone to rot underground.
Hope shone like a beacon in my innocent eyes.
Defiled and beaten in that stone tomb, my screams unheard.
Taken to an unjust trial.  Displayed openly on the stand.
Declared a beast among men; a witch.  Someone they imagined.
Lies.

Guilty, though never presumed innocent, they sentenced me to death.
An uproar of excitement bursting from the bloodthirsty crowd.
Order was thrown into madness.  I escaped my bonds and dashed away.
Guards screaming.  Skin scratched in the turmoil.
I fled from the chaos they assumed I caused.
Hunted.

Why must the world judge so harshly?  People are filled with hate.
Jealousy and insecurities set off their emotions.
But why must there always be someone to blame?  And why me?
Was I not like any of them?  I was their friend, we cared for each other.
Though, now their eyes are daggers, cutting me into pieces.
Scarred.

Stripped of my clothes and dignity.  Banished from my home.
Them, to me, my only brethren; the only people I had ever known.
I, to them, an image of depravity; one they created.
A portrait of themselves reflected by my existence they hated.
Consumed with the desire to ****, they search desperately.
Fear.

Corrupting my self-image.  Condemning my self-esteem.
Crushing my conscience.  Doubt pierces my thoughts.
They sent my soul to the gallows and my heart to be burned at the stake.
I try to soothe the pain myself but all I've done is make it worse.
My mind weakened, my skin bruised, and feet tired of running.
******.

My tears water the plants around me.  Pain throbs in my head.
Blood pooling around my hand from the wound I received in the chase.
The stars and moon are the only ones to look upon me as I once was seen.
I let exhaustion overtake me.  The warmth of my skin seeps into the ground.  Embraced by the night.
Naked.
Growly Wolfus Nov 2021
'
























































'
What am I?
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
I'm not a shy person and I have some close friends,
but for an unknown reason, I have a sinking feeling.
I often take offers life doesn't usually lend,
and some risks I take send others reeling.
Something is off.  I know something is wrong,
but I keep going on as if nothing's the matter.
One day, we all will be gone,
and I cannot worry myself with this latter.
Time is a keen element in everything.
The more we waste, the less we have.
I don't know what the universe has in store for me.
I hope it's nothing serious or bad.

The voices I have, someone told me it's not normal.
I shrugged off the comment, but I knew they were right.
The voices never try to be formal
and only seem to bug me at night.
I used to think what they said was true.
I'm okay now.  At least, I hope so.
You see, the one who saved me was you.
You were the only person who helped me grow.

They came back, and this time, not only at night.
I can hear them daily, chattering and being a problem.
I can't believe I thought I was alright,
and it seems there is no way to stop them.
I'm okay.  Don't worry about me.
After all, this isn't your issue.
This isn't the person you normally see.
Just hand me another tissue.

The voices are a part of me.  If they're lost, I'm not whole.
It seems like I've finally gone mad.
I know I'll regret this, but I'm no longer in control.
What I'm to do is incredibly sad.
I'll say sorry now.  You can't stop me.
You've already tried everything you could.
Don't watch and you won't see.
I've tried to stop them too.  I know I should.
This is it, but it'll be alright.
Just promise me you will stay.
I must go now.  I can no longer fight.
Everything is okay.
"Okay" and "fine" are relative terms.  Not everyone's version means the same thing.
Growly Wolfus Dec 2019
When you see someone you love slowly fade away,
a little part of you dies.
Watching their laughing eyes turn red
filled with tears and hatred towards themself.

You know you're an outsider to their pain
and feel you can't do anything to help.
Every time you try
they respond with "I'm fine"
and shut you out with a face hot with shame.

Hopeless and helpless
they lie to your face
whilst crying in your arms
before saying they're "ok"

depressed...

                                                     ...tired...
They think they're worthless
and cut themselves to release some of the anxiety
Their blood staining your clothes
as you watch from the sidelines

It doesn't hit you until...

                                            ...it's too late...

                                                                                   ...they're
                                                                                              gone...

So lend them a hand,
embrace them in your arms,
comfort their tears,
tell them you understand,
and tell them they're not "fine",
that it's ok to be sad,
                           and you'll always be there
                                             to keep up their smile.
You may be an outsider to their pain,
                    so break down the wall and let yourself in.
We all get sad sometimes.  But seeing others depressed makes me feel even worse, especially when I know I can do something.
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