Graduation came early in the month of June

I stood in line, waiting to enter the room

You were right there, beside me with a look of gloom.

you asked out loud, "do i really need to wear this [cap] the whole time?"

and i was the only one to answer, "of course! we're graduating."


I watched you the entire time, clapping louder than everyone when you were called.

However, unlike my cacophonous clapping. I remained silent, even though every fiber of me wanted to tell you,

**I've been in love with you since junior year.

i'm not here.
                              i'm not alive
i'm not awake
                            this is not real.

i'm not really good at talking


and neither are you

but *******


can i have your number

i love you,
i really do

i just can't seem to accept it.

everything is suddenly clear now

sorry i misinterpreted your actions

Little girl,

do not believe
-
not even for a second

that you matter to anyone.

i'm going to instagram a picture of the sunset
because it makes me think of you
bright and beautiful
but it's like to everyone
isn't it?
so romantic and and cliche, but that's all i'm good at

perhaps i'll instagram a picture of a meal i'm eating
maybe you'll like that meal too
or you'll think i'm a total idiot
'she's one of thoooose girls'

or maybe even, i'll instagram a selfie of me looking dumb
you'll laugh, or maybe even giggle at my face
because it's so idiotic
maybe, just maybe, you'll like it
because that's what people do on instagram, right?

but you won't
**BECAUSE YOU WON'T ACCEPT MY FOLLOW REQUEST

just another poem
describing my low mood
with an irreverent metaphor
comparing my low mood to
the drastic change of temperature
in summer and winter

I refuse to accept the fact that my soul was made to endure nothing but sadness.

I refuse to accept the fact that the atoms and cells inside me were created to endure nothing but a feeling of hopelessness

I refuse to accept that fact that my plan here on earth was to become nothing out of everything

I refuse to accept the fact that I will feel nothing but emptiness, a feeling of nothing inside of nothing.

I refuse to accept the fact that I can only hope to act out of the need of hope

I refuse to accept the fact that I can only sit and wait to move

I refuse to accept the fact my body wants so much, but does nothing

I refuse to accept the fact I have no will power to change

I refuse to accept the fact that all I can do is refuse

I refuse to accept the fact that

I refuse to accept the fact

I refuse to accept the

I refuse to accept

I refuse to

I refuse

I

Now that my poems aren't about you

they have no true meaning.

Please come back.

everything is falling apart
everything is straying away from the set plan

everything is crumbling down to pieces

and i'm left to be a bystander to my own demise

it's okay

to be

afraid
sometimes,


because i am afraid,

too,
sometimes

I've got sunshine in my pocket
           butterflies in my veins
                gold inside my heart
                     diamonds inside my eyes
                           and a loaded gun inside my mind


tell me again, why do I need you?

When I'm sad, you sit on my lap
You constantly purr to stir up my mood
I found you in early June
Since then, my life was full of joy
You used to be so coy
But now you're my best friend, and I love you
My furry little friend

i still see bits of you in every person i meet

so much to do
so little time to complete anything
so little time to chill out

essay
study guide
quadratic formula

pressure
                                              
                                           pressure
                                                                                        pressure

i just want to sleep
and not do anything
anymore

Open up your eyes, sunshine.
The world is bright, the sun is shining just for you.

The grass is greener than ever.
The birds are chirping, just for you.

The sky is a different shade of blue than usual.
It's a new tint of baby blue, just for you.

Cheer up, love.
Everything will be alright.
Everything will work out.
Everything is well and will always be well.

Just for you.

i'm a time-bomb
tick, tick, tick
fully loaded, i'm ready to explode
tick, tick, tick

my time is running out.

don't kiss my scars when you're the one causing them.

so i guess you
         k
            n
                o
                   w

but i should have
              k
                  n
                      o
    ­                      w
                               n

this is how it would be.

everyone else already
                                k
                              ­       n
                                         e
                                              w
that.

i just wish i didnt
                            k
                               n
                                  o
                           ­         w
i was right.

i'm so sick  of being number two
in everything i do
just for once, i want to be in top
and not drop
give up or simply fail
i want to be able to sail
far, far, away
and give away
all my belongings, so i can start fresh, in a brand new life
being number one.

I never take chances
I never make the first move

But for you, I'd do anything
And for me, you were not

I'm back where I started
Aching more than ever now

It just goes to show, life is not yours for the taking

And neither are you

once upon a time,
when the sun shined a bit brighter,
i heard the birds chirp in the morning
when i was awake before ten am.

the following weekday,
my mom smiled at me, as she sent me off to school without a fight
i arrived at school with a smile, greeted by 'friends'
'hey! how are you!'
'can i copy your homework?'
'lets get breakfast!'

however now,
i'm awoke to shouting, 'wake up, wake up!, you've been asleep all day'
so i follow that comment, and sleep for another hour, what do i have to miss?
half the day is gone, no point in making it up

the week day brings, 'time for school!'
forced in the shower, 'you've got an hour to the bus comes!'
handed a cup of coffee after being dressed, and shipped off to school
'i'll see you after school!'
despite pleas of staying home, there's no point in fighting anyway.

no more chirping birds
no more bright smiles
no more happy child,
you're a teenager now.

a **** sad one, at that.

there are no 'rights' in life

there's just things that should be done

and shouldn't be done.

What is this
What is that
What is anything
Why am I here
Why are you here
Why is anything, *anything

Don't just stand there

and adjust your bowtie

                                   
                                     **ACKNOWLEDGE ME

love, love, love

love is in the air.

but you're too busy intoxicating your air

with harmful substances

so it frizzles out and dies

before it ever gets to reach you.

"I love you to death."
"I'll always love you"
"Please don't fall for someone else"
the words found there way out through your tears, through your desperation.

It was too late, I did fall for someone else.
His arms became home.
His voice became a blanket.
His eyes became shelter
His crooked glasses became a source of comfort

You?
You became my melancholic normal.