Lone star walking roads,
crowbar in hand
cowgirl I'll die for,
I died and I died again,

fluent in 6 country's,
passports; pardons
no cargo,
but luggage is a stainless steel flask,

half full,
half way,
to the moon
if you asked me?

Cadillacs in space,
expensive taste
that's masked with
— the cheap stuff,

inspired souls,
they walk,
and this forsaken path,
they'll never make hell a ***** deed or two from heaven,

counterparts
we're equals,
we're lost
they're my colleagues,

a scandal from remembrance,
remember we followed rules?
no response
****!

there's a shift
in the rubix cube, 
a memo from the warden,
no weapons in the visit room,

coordinating sin,
a taste of gin
before the see you soons,
world was much warm before stone replaced the sand dunes,

scoff at the elixir,
cordially
she casts stones,
******* of a demon crossing ponds is all the child knows,

tales of the fishermen,
who heard it through the corridors,
all and all departed,
with a fear of the other gods,

strictly prohibited,
a swig of the forbidden fruit,
who are you to judge me,
When Your Son Is Not Of Holy Proof!

wedded to a mortal said your honor,
absent i do's,
abstinence is bliss
and your crime ascends civilian law,

guilty -- you're filthy,
your son will never know your soul,
I know my role and play it well,
Your god never admits he's wrong,

so why would I?
— a baby cried,
I'm present for my son's birth,
and leave before an open eye the practice of a perfect curse.

We'll fade away
Together,
In each other's arms.
No one will remember us
Or be alarmed.

So no need for goodbyes
Or see-you-soons
Because it's just us
Lost in one another's heart.

Toll of an evening bell
Of a land far away from sense neither
Welcoming the scope of sharing, seemed little
The rue of roles and omnipresent goals, is a requite to bare?

Many and dread; the toil of another eye...
Followed briefly, to wind a searching cause
Simple lows and metaphor, with a sincere edge for why
Is a shadow ever mere, and dear, to ways we laud?

A riddle that makes the night a special peace
A privilege in tantamount time, of questions and answers
That when dismayed, has the voice of anarchy
Intimate, but ****** to rights, adds the humor of heed; to learn...

West with the common, the vices we assure are may in motion
If but a seemlier kind, to these we knew a reason about a shown
And carnal liberty, with which we keep ourselves all and any, a devotion...?
In the aspire of coping, a handsomeness that delivers a promise known

Whimsy stands before a whether, and a care of silence, comes into view...
Trees and fruit, pets and forsooth, are we the people of candor?
That when asked to lead, a marvel of must if the name of doting shew
Shrewd is the cold shoulder, of more than a clash of distance with more?

So, what remains to gall, is a friend in needful deed?
Or was that a paradises fall, into the arms of reality, sake
Of a wish that completes the tact, we envoy is a careful means
To an end, that works like this, can hope become a call to make?

Out
And about the swallow of pride, that made us
Confirmed sincerity of an asking patience, is worth now?
Or if how is to ever be, the gift of poise to claim ourselves thus?

Dearest friend (I've yet to meet),

Who was I kidding?
As if I somehow missed the message --
Childish, my reply sent said:

'shoot! I'm sorry - I must have forgot to hit send'

- I'm the loser who let you wonder for a minute if I meant it (but don't give another thought) a moment longer you'll realize.. I'm lying, I'm a liar (spoiler alert)

I hate to break it to you, today, I really couldn't care less  - yesterday you were all I had left, tomorrow maybe fate will finally bless me, find me dead as I felt inside since I can remember and I'll be at peace with knowing I left you alone.... 
I know, I know.....
We talked for hours, I told you who i really was.. that was just a test - when u got back to me I honestly  almost instantly lost all interest. (Caught a catch 22)
Listen closely (or rather, read carefully) you know I said I love you and that is still the truth (for what its worth, you're welcome) but what you may not know is that i resented you for the fact that you said you love me back (believe me it hurts to say the truth) so my reaction may seem a bit unexpected, know I know I left you with less than you deserve - but this was the only gift I could afford.


I'm unavailable & miserable with the mess I've made for me (trauma tethered me to someone I will never take the leap to try to be me with)

Ask around you'll find my reputation is deplorable - I only ever take (and take and take) 
-- kind of like taxes, most people HATE taxes (no matter how necessary they may be)

I was never meant to be so painfully average - i was born of greatness (trust me, my folks were basicly the best) nurtured my mediocrity on purpose to avoid the pressures of the "life" i should have (could have) led - you say it's not too late - 
Satan's screaming 'she's a liar, you're a waste, take her, keep her here with us'
I look to Christ for sage advice -
'You best just keep your distance, shes a lover but she knows not what she says - she speaks from a place you've never really been welcome - and if she knew everything you took from her, remember, she's only human, and..well.. I think you understand..'
He was right, I know - (Lucifer's a ****, despite the fact he's generally always atleast half right)
You're too beautiful - my reflection is hideous..
I resist all kinship, we could have shared because love hurts so much (or so I've witnessed) 
when goodbyes 
(Even those one might call over due) 
Sneak up and bite us, we are the ****** and cursed the worst and best of us survivors - alike (this is a fact, even if they never ever find common ground sturdy enough to build on, it's there - everyone feels pain from loss -- and the amount of pain between mortals is suprisingly more irrelevant than it is relative)
and we will feel loss, all of us (even the unloved and especially the forgotten)
Someone is always left behind,
I would do anything to outlive all my loved ones (and so I sought immortality) - because I know how it feels to lose them (the gifted, the gone-to-soons) and know this, loneliness scares me a hell of a lot less than transfering pain (undoing all the happiness I meant to spread from my plastic bag filled with good intentions) to some poor soul whose silly enough to feel for me even half of what I felt for them.

I regret this profession I was given - every day it gets harder to convince myself that I'm a good guy, just trying to do my job. Someone has to do it and from what I can tell: 
gods plan is just a rough draft, edited frequently and it's up to no one to really understand it, and yet, everything revolves around it. 
.. and I mean everything. 
Including me,
The Reaper (although, I dislike the title because it insinuates I am absolutely the only one like me.
I often fantasize that I am one of many others, 
maybe they're on other planets or different planes who knows..but I can tell you with absolute certainty that I've yet to meet another like me.)

I guess we all have a purpose - is what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, I should run.. I have a million and some odd funerals to attend this week alone. 


Signed sincerely -
Your friend,
Death

P.s. I will wait for you, there's really no rush for us to meet ♡

Early morning anime,
Late night phone calls;

The touch of your voice in my ears,
The sound of you listening to me;

Timeless messages,
Occasional video chats;

The receipt of delightful what you doings,
The exchange of random rants;

Sleeping when the other sleeps,
Eating when the other eats;

Virtual hugs,
Imaginary kisses;

Long goodbyes,
Sad see you soons;

It’s love.

The trees have shed the snow that sleeps on their branches,
and the rivers are starting to crack.
The wings of the geese are once again heard in the distance,
and icicles are creating puddles on my front porch.
I'm packing up my winter gear and saving my galoshes for next
December.
The Sun is once again peeking behind locks of cirus clouds.
Sofly kissing my cheeks and nose.
My back is warm, my toes are wet, and I finally remeber the smell of, "green."
As the Sun soons sets, the smell of a campfire cozies my lungs.
And I think I forgot how bright stars could shine, until now.
Polaroids snip snap click and clack as I gather and scrunch up with two friends to get the perfect scrapbook shot.
Burnt smores and belly laughes fill the air until we all pass out- and do it all again.
hope.

Later in the night
after a bit of close and tight, I asked her did she love me
She looked at the half moon and in a quiet voice said,
'I may soon'

It was not the answer I desired or one that fired the imagination of this man
I can understand her reticence
to play it cool but like a fool
I went ballistic
quite artistic in a crazy kind of way,
needless to say
she's not coming to stay with me today,tonight or any other night that I might send her all the love that I possessed.
Nope,
she dressed and went and spent the next two hours on the phone telling me that she's at home and would not,unless the moon turned blue be seeing you, but meaning me again.

I get used to this
I cannot kiss a girl without falling so madly,in love and quite sadly often as not these feelings of love are all that I've got at the end of the night along with a couple of I might and may soons,
how many moons have I cried beneath?
shed grief and tears and for how many years and will I ever learn to turn away in an altogether not crazy day
will she pay me my due
will she marry me
would you?

I am defunct
I am shrunk in the acid of age
and there is the smallest amount of shrunken rage that if only it could would erupt and pump forth in one terrible shout,
let me in,let me out,give me love or give me ****** all
but she's all and she is
the reason I live as I do
under the blue moon hoping that may be soon
will be the soon
that she told me about.

Ten years after or
ten minutes late
for my own funeral
and my wake;
ten too soons ago
and one sun too late
and ten to be a'comin'
and ten more
in a row I live
not ten seconds before
anticipating
or ten seconds afters
regret....
Just now and then
and ten more;
just like that.

When those soons turn into forevers and the days seem to drag along because you know someone is missing. You're just waiting for him to come home.

So we left his room the same your honor because we didn't know how long he'd rip the streets because he always came home. He loved us. He laughed at us, we laughed with him. He was my mom's first born, and they had a special bond you see. A bond that showed me that my mother can love through anything.

Believe it or not it was the first time I saw her sad. You just felt her mood dampen when she came to my room and said they gave your brother 12 years today, and closed the door without offering another detail. And I cried in my lonesome. We all did because he had already been gone 6 months and now I was being told the next time he'd be free I'd have a college degree, a whole new life, I'd know things that I didn't know because he was gone when I was only thirteen.

Your honor I don't know why he did it. He was the first born. The first grand baby, the first favorite. I admit I was jealous at his everyone always had a soft spot for him, but then he'd ask me to do something and I'd do it because I loved him. He was my brother, and not a day went by that he didn't remind me how annoying it can be to be the youngest. But your honor we gave him all we could collectively. I don't know why it wasn't enough. You sentenced our family to 12 years, but you let murderers run free. You took my brother. He never saw me off to prom, never met my first boyfriend, never saw me graduate. He never told me how to be a woman because I was only 13 when you took him from me.

I think I have reached the end of reaching
for phantoms that hide from my heart.
The yearning for romantic notions not shared.
The deception of words uttered in broken,
fragmented, half truths ring hollow
when actions never follow.
That lukewarm pain
burns and stings more with each breath taken.
A phone that never rings seems the loudest silence.
When one claims to love you, but easily forgets.

When hours become days become weeks.
Silence, icy coldness, becomes anguish.
And from that anguish comes...a quiet
Nothingness.  Emptiness where once there there was a warm flame, sustaining...a lie.
The soons, the maybes, the I love yous.
Still, you intermittently offer up your aloof affections.
I'm an afterthought,
at best.  The silence.  It's fading.