"reoccuring" poems
who knew that in about
4 years time,
or maybe
10,000 years lost in
10,000 multi hued tears,
id be on the same trip-
dancing to the same
shimmering inner grove as before-
braiding fresh cut
flowers-
delicate genital-hands, unfolding in prayer
into my subconscious mind
or perhaps into my hair-
saving colored prism fragments
of knowledge or nonsense-
digesting intoxicating
incense smoke into the
deep throated green streaked
laughter chasms
that are my lungs-
spinning vinyl, spun mind
unwinding, undulating
through string music-
contemplating the sunset's sweet
immaculate form, reoccuring
and balancing itself right outside my window-
dressing in shells, bones,
and beads; kaleidoscope fabric dripping from
the ******* like mother Kali in a Fellini
flick-
peeping out at heads slinking down
the ****** pavement streets-
my hairy angelic form grooving
intensely, spastic-
body flung, strung out in
hot patterns of
mirrored arms and legs-
brain brew bubbling; wicked, fantastic-
limbs waving and grabbing at
tangible tasty morsels,
smelling strongly of indigo
and patchouli-
the East smiling on me and
my intrepid journey to the ocean city-
head thrown back in
tranquil madness-
pipe smoke curling like
ancient hound howls from the corners
of my lips-
smiles spread like insanity, a wicked disease
lost in the forgotten finger painted
confounds of creamy
****** milk consciousness-
basking in lamplight
of the golden glistening
Now.
Apr 1, 2014
Apr 1, 2014 at 1:26 AM UTC
Login
Log out
Log in again
I log into her profile
And never log out
its nights like these I wish we never met
That we wouldn't have made plans
That I wouldn't have fooled myself into thinking our future was set
The mind might forgive but the heart finds it hard to forget
Prolonged hope
Minor problems magnified through a mental microscope
Spiritual sessions on Sunday with Jewish rabbis
Wrote a broken note to the biship who passed it on to the Pope
If I can find a new spiritual dealer then maybe I can break away from these mad ties
Holding ur hand in China,rainbows at our feet fire flies illuminating the black skies
You were the provider of all my high
The believer of all my lies
N I could never quite stay away from all these thighs
I guess you leaving me never did come as a surprise
Cloud cover,I had to forget about sunny skies
Blue lake of tears
Let it all dry up and call it Salt Lake City
Meet a nice girl in a summer dress give her a rose n tell her she looks pretty
But cheat once she might show mercy do it again and she will show no pity
Advice to your current coz if he aint care full he be floating on this boat with me
Learning from his mistakes,hiding his face everytime he sees me
I can't keep living like this
Life is short, I need to live it in bliss
You with a smile only a dead man can miss
Holding on in the hopes of one last kiss
I need a new addiction,cause stalking you is keeping me from the life that I am missing
Can't let positivity escape my doubt..
No short cuts to happiness gotta take the longer route
I've invested too much
I've had enough
I'm Login out
But for how long
A ***** addiction that is so strong
A longing for love that is so wrong
things to tell at my next therapy session
My reoccuring obsession
.
Oct 9, 2012
Oct 9, 2012 at 1:53 PM UTC
The eagle searches, circling, senses strum like spider silk.
Sorrow’s scent slides up on a sea breeze.
A solitary slave spits sullenly into the spray.
Silently, suddenly, the sentinel streaks down.
Beak breaks skin, breaches bone, crimson blots the ocean’s foam.
Defenceless, relentless, the bird blurs in a barrage of blood.
Banished, betrayed, the ravaged titan sways -
between the rocks that form his cage.
His foe retreats; a closing caw as crooked claws cleave meat.
Head bowed in defeat, our hero strains as chains bind
hands and feet.
Enduring bonds cut deep and bleed him bittersweet.
Cast against the crags,
this castaway’s castigated cries call out
to no-one.
Chastised, he squints with hollow eyes
towards a lifetime of the bird’s reprise.
Furious. Fists flex,
thrashing against his fortress.
Face furrowed into a frown he flings forward
and for once finds his foot…
unfettered.
Bindings broken, his bonds bite terra firma,
as first a foot and then a hand finds favour.
Boundless, he bellows at the sky
as the flotsam of his freedom floats on by.
Reprieved. Aggrieved. He is restless in release.
An errant righteous line repeats.
Relentless in its beat, it rings out like raw steel on teeth.
A ricochet that disturbs his sleep
“Is this victory, or defeat?”
Racked by reminiscence,
his reality and responsibility remain.
Warped roots rammed down
with rock-filled boots.
Resistance seems obtuse against such reoccuring fruit.
Reluctant, resigned, he rattles out a sigh -
the last gasp of this transitory high.
Reaching for the rope and tack he re-binds the knots
that hold him back.
With one last glance towards the past
he hoists his soul upon the mast.
Ceaselessly.
Senselessly.
The
sentinel
streaks
down.
Aug 30, 2018
Aug 30, 2018 at 2:20 AM UTC
It's cold outside
Fog is just rolling in
I think it's a quarter after 8
Seems like the moon
Is playing peak-a-boo in the sky
Its quite fascinating
I guess I will miss all of this
I just wrote a poem
Three pages front and back
Simply saying I was going to die
That I didn't want to end it
But I had a feel that I had too
A feeling that I was the reason
To the reoccuring temporary problem
So I have the permanent solution
And maybe this solution
Could inspire the lives of others
Maybe my death could bring peace
To a family so torn and broken
Maybe their tears will be the glue
That will forever hold them together
Or maybe they wont show
Maybe they are sick of me
I know they don't
Because they are afraid to look me in the eyes
Afraid that I'm too dark
That my whole life is meant to revolve around them
So this is just a way
For me to say goodbye
I already had 40 pills
From the 8 bottles with a prescription
For about 4 different disorders
The 2 doctors think I have
It hase only 1 name
Its ******* depression
I'm not insane
Bipolar, paranoid, or OCD
I am me and your greed is destroying me
So I'll take another 30
All at once so I can be sure I'm gone
Hope this poem
Makes you realize
That you should of listened
When I asked to hear my poems
To listen when I was ******
So I hope that guilt kills you
Litterally decays your body
From the inside out
But wait like you said
Last night when we fought
"It would be another poet dead and gone"
Well **** you
I was never a poet
Just a kid trying to relieve his pain
The very pain you gave me
So adios
I'm gone
I can feel the chemicals mixing in my stomach
It hurts like hell
But I guess being free has its dues
Mar 20, 2013
Mar 20, 2013 at 4:42 PM UTC
**The Waves Restlessly Lapped Onto The Coast,
As Hungry Seabirds Hollered From The Shore,
My Minnesota Skin Burned Crisp As Toast,
The Frost Offically Gone From My Core
Palm Trees Sleepishly Loomed Over The Sand,
As Tangled Kelp Gets Beaten By The Sea,
My Body Is Not Used To This Warm Land,
Or Reoccuring Sights Of Honey Bees
Flowers In Every Shade Bloom Happily,
As The Sun Reaches The Ground Where They Stand,
Storms Wander The Skies So Unhappily,
Because They're Aware This Is Summer Land
Grab A Board, My Friend, Or Sit In The Sand,
The Beach Is Always Warm In Summer Land**
Mar 4, 2013
Mar 4, 2013 at 7:17 PM UTC
Alone & solemn..
a sentimental probem..
resentment & hate, only fate..
breakfast morning, leaving mourning..
breathing overtakes, self absorbing..
Loving great & holding less..
Clenching more, feels depressed..
only person, feels like a juggle..
tearing heart, constant struggle..
so what if the worst really happens..
reoccuring, inevitably fastened..
I lose you & my happiness..
even through an easy mean..
I'll gleam through, a pleasant being..
so take my soul & stomp it out..
For it wont cast through everlasting doubt..
Then hate will rein & I will fade..
because truth will conquer & life will invade..
with whirly eyes, red & throbbing..
horrored ***** with their knees locking..
babies not a truthful sight..
with all infertile, feeling strive..
wondering what if all, succumbs to this..
exhaling bliss & inhaling ****
So I'll blister for just one more lie..
humanity enduring the pain through time..
similar emotion altercations..
a lifetime of abomination..
reincarnated, into a new life..
a silly soulful prototype..
Mar 30, 2012
Mar 30, 2012 at 6:49 AM UTC
I made a mistake i thought i could have something else because i could not have the one
Well i can see why people are flawed i know this why did i realize this because i think i know who i really care for
I am at this point stronger than ever and i get it theres more waiting and pain and anguish then anything
I see the light of the end of the tunnel because i am willing to keep things the way they are but we all can dream and wish but since my honesty is to unfiltered
why on earth did i walk away because i am still here and hears the brutal truth that everyone needs to know
9 days i am leaving and the reason i am leaving is i need a fresh start failure here comes back like a reoccuring nightmare
why on earth am i walking away from my home town the reason is i am sick of the fickle people who toy with me and one more thing i will always be there for the ones i love the friends and family i just won't be here so failure can not follow
Nov 6, 2013
Nov 6, 2013 at 11:54 AM UTC
wonder were your off to, on you new found path
hope the ground below is softer, than your wrath
it took all my senses, to finally find
that I was not the one, who was blind
so this reoccuring theme, I shall define
another glass of wine, wont change my mine
like an emotional sponge, I soak up your words
to clean and relieve you from all those swords
letting you know, I'm here for you, and move forward
but your eyes said no! I'm still bored
you always live your life on your own accord
another glass of wine wont change my mind
so now I'll bid my fondest adieu
let you find your real you
as you walk beyond me, out of view
hope the memories wont go askew
of all the times I kept loving you
Oct 17, 2014
Oct 17, 2014 at 9:19 PM UTC
Staring down the barrel of a 45
Looking straight into the dark
Knowing what lays down
This ghostly corridor
Could take the pain away
On the edge of this 20 story building
Looking down at the earth
Feeling like an angel
About to fall into hell
Hoping for peace to finally find me
This is not where I belong
On this corner of Life and Death
Pushing the remnants of my sanity
Waiting patiently for you
To tell me you love me
On top this ladder
Nuse tight around my neck
Looking for a way out
Of this reoccuring nightmare
Knocking heavily on Deaths door
Laying with this blades edge
Slowly placed on my wrist
Knowing this poisonous life in my veins
Will eventually bleed out
Bringing on the silent darkness
This is not where I belong
Here with Lady Death
I belong in your arms
Held close to your beating heart
Knowing how much I am loved
It doesnt matter
Where exactly I belong
But a future with you
And a lifetime in your heart
Is better than any mans heaven
I dont care
Where it is I belong
As long as you are next to me
Helping me save myself
From this untamed demon inside me
Oct 27, 2012
Oct 27, 2012 at 4:57 PM UTC
i love the smell of breath smoldered in alcohol, its sweet and warming, it makes sense until morning like most midnight performing involving you does, i love the way that words taste when their hot and misplaced coming from a mouth laced with hasty lies and replaced theighs, tonight you grab mine and I disguise my surprise, touching you back with dispise, you kiss me like youve done a thousand times, and i know you're not wanting any reply or goodbye, not tonight when you push and i gasp, things happening so fast that you might think youve been unsurpassed but my respect for you comes in dead last. "We have a weird relationship," but really you're giving me permission to ignore the suspicion that gathers when you lay me down for submission, your disposition is hungry and mad, fast and glad, things that don't make sense to a young lad like chad. maybe you know there will be pain in this lame game you play, everything to gain but nothing to maintain, you got it all worked out, dont restrain, pay attention to the inhumane way he chooses to entertain his left brain, his **** busts a nut and a vein, sputtering to a stop like its gotta a sprain, but really its just a ******* puppy wishing it was a great dane.
Aug 10, 2011
Aug 10, 2011 at 11:32 AM UTC
Retrospect reoccuring,
Endless thoughts back tracking
Into what could have been,
What would have been,
If different foot steps were taken,
Another path chosen,
Other words spoken.
Years and years now,
I lived in the past,
Keeping past hardships and mistakes
Just one step away.
What a fool was I,
to make the past my future.
Now is what matters,
The now brings truth,
The now brings joy,
The now brings change.
I sit in the now,
Absord the now,
Give thanks to the now,
And I flourish.
Jun 7, 2012
Jun 7, 2012 at 7:13 PM UTC
I feel that I am trapped by my dreams
Trapped in my dreams,
These things I need
Well it seems I need,
I need a vision of my future
I see my past in front of me
My brain traps me
This bed traps
This women laying next to me..
But, wait its just a dream
Please don's ask me what this means
Mars meets Jupiter
But only in my dreams
Define for me the definition
Of the things soon to be
It doesn't seem soon to me
What are we to be, is she to me
I do not see the answer
I only see the truth
The truth is coded in my viens
These hearts beats share dialect with my brain
Thinking of her but is she thinking of me
Who can seee the innner me?
Life lays in my bed, but she is mean to me.
She whispers to me my past, my pain
Tickling her tongue with their names
Pounding at my bones hoping they break.
My past, My pain
Why won't it go away?
Visions haunt my pupils
I can still feel the pain.
Reoccuring, memories of suprressed memories
I remember when I compressed those memories
Left them deep within me..Now they lay in my bed
Like an old friend, smirking, "Suprised to see me"
The things I fear, well things I feared
Nothing left to fear, besides those memories
Fate giggles at me
Death Laughs at me
The furneral its in the past so dont ask me
I dream of my future
Please let me catch my future.
Mars meets Jupiter
I see this women but only in my future.
Dreaming of my past
I can't forget the future
Visions burn my pupils
My bed is empty
I'm alone
But not in my future
Jun 27, 2013
Jun 27, 2013 at 1:35 PM UTC
dull thumping, deep in the subconscious
pineal reawakening
decalcification in progress
seeking my alien alter
the union necessary
for the next evolutionary jump --
the cliff is breezy
mist swirls below
undefinable guttural growls from the depths
echo off vast canyon walls
sending a shiver up my unnaturally curved spine
forming in the misty shroud
a face of the ancient gods appear
locked eye to eye
the command is for blood and worship
a thin smile crosses my lips
clamping down on my own tongue
until the thick red flowed down my neck and chest
I spit my ability to speak
into the very face of god
thinking ‘worship me, *****
****** distortion
rage filled eyes penetrate deep
and a chasm opens
BWOMP BWOMP BWOMP
the 5:32 a.m. alarm
sounds
time to prepare for another
day of work –
Nov 10, 2015
Nov 10, 2015 at 12:34 PM UTC
Memories, darkness, unforgettable pain
My weariness is your sickening gain
Falling into your stupid, mind-boggling game
Each and every time, it's always the same.
This trickery has led me straight into a deep black hole
They call it depression, I say it's my soul
Sit, cry, review my sorrow
Hoping and wishing I see no tomorrow
These scars I have thrashed so deep in my wrists
Are all my crushed dreams will consist of
When you abandoned me, terrified, alone
I accepted hell was my only home
Getting used to the hurt, entering day in and day out
Now that my mind has freed itself, nothing else to think about
To call this suicide, would simply be a crime
This reoccuring process, is what has caused me to die
As i pick up the barrel, this seems like my only escape
Finger hesitates on the trigger, eager to enter my only fate
Sweat gushes out, and tears pour out of my eyes
At innocent gunpoint, because of your lies
This room's getting darker, spinning as my vision blurs
She fires a bullet, his selfishness was what murdered her
As she lay deceased, sprawled out in her ****** blood
Tears and fear dismiss her body, her hope begins to flood
Free from the sopping red river, she is away from all anguish
How she begs god to forgive her, this was her only wish
As god began to speak, in her life, he took control
He did what he thought was right, before the devil plunged her soul
When her family arrives, to her flesh on the floor
The scene will leave them confused and soar
All she would say, is the pain had led her to a style of strife
She took the one exit that would exempt her from her life
May 18, 2010
May 18, 2010 at 6:09 PM UTC
She came, I conquered
I licked, I tasted
She moaned, I accomplished
I practiced, I mastered
She needed it, I supplied.
Reoccuring
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 1:58 PM UTC
Silhouettes of broken dreams,
Nothing is ever as it seems,
Happiness is a dried up stream,
Deaf ears fell on violent screams,
Crowded streets on a night lit sky,
Warmth of another and new lullabies,
No longer will you see my selfless tries,
Reoccuring deaths of one man's mind,
Hell hath no fury like my anguished heart,
Thought after thought of those secret nights,
Lake water stills, as there are NEW thrills,
As i lay dying.......til death do us part..
Is there redemption for a man who was slain?
Can he ressurect from so much pain?
Can he right his wrongs?......or is he too late?
Perhaps we'd better start from the beginning
Before all the years of selfish hurts and sinning,
To each other there be truth and recourse,
I can not go on with so much remorse,
Eternal damnations and lasting temptations,
Lowering our caskets into the grave,
To start from the beginning is only for the brave,
Is there a chance.. slight hope...for old new romance?
Deaf ears fell on violent screams,
Happiness became a dried up stream,
I do not dare to ever not see it as it seems,
Please turn on the light, of silhouetted dreams...
Dec 7, 2016
Dec 7, 2016 at 8:38 PM UTC
I'm angry when I see you yet its been years since I loved you
I want to pretend that we were never "in love"
I want to pretend you never touched me
I want to pretend you never guilted me into doing things
I wish I could forget everything we shared
I wish you never lied to me
I wish you never saw me so vulnerable
I'm angry when I remember you sliding your hand up my thigh
I want to pretend you never kissed me
I want to pretend I never enjoyed it
I want to pretend I never wanted you
I wish these memories would fade.....
Apr 30, 2014
Apr 30, 2014 at 12:30 AM UTC
I came into the world early
spitting, screaming, clinging
already growing hair from
a blush colored birthmark on my scalp
my hair grows and I do too.
Outside I scrape my knee and
**** the blood from it, hoping
that will take the hurt away
I find the hurt years later
in front of a bar where a
handsome demon is offering
a whiskey, promising beauty and goodness
if I only drink his blood. Wait.
I've been here before. This is
my mother's dream. She drops
her spatula at the stove
when I tell her of it
in waking hours. *Did you drink
it this time? Did you drink it?*
She begs.
Yes mother - I drank his blood
then I came here and
went to bed.
Jun 6, 2016
Jun 6, 2016 at 1:13 PM UTC
On a cold, wet night, I wander through the city streets. I walk by the buildings whose lights illuminate me, only briefly, until I pass them and am thrown into the darkness again before I realise it.
It reminds me of my life: The buildings are my days; they pass without incident or delay and then the night comes stealing away my time.
The reoccuring alleyways are my weekends; I want to just run down them, laughing, splashing in the puddles, climbing the fence and jumping off. Discovering new things and adventuring...
And then I realise, I'm no longer a child; It's too late for my life to happen... I've blown it off, going to school, college, getting a job, working hours on end. I've wasted my life trying to get a life. Even the holidays are just other days now. And then I go to bed, exhausted, with nothing to look forward to, but doing it again tomorrow...
The alleyway ends... and the lights from the buildings illuminate me, again...
Mar 18, 2014
Mar 18, 2014 at 8:17 AM UTC
I can't sleep.
I keep having this reoccuring dream.
Its like my body's on auto-pilot
And I cannot say a thing.
There's a throbbing in my head,
Its like my mind is screaming.
But I'm unable to control myself,
Unable to leave.
Feels like the devil's inside me
And he's drilling a hole.
He's trying to break down my spirit,
He's trying to capture my soul.
I'm tryna hide,
But I can't find a safe place to go.
So I just run for the cliffs
And I just let myself fall.
And just as I'm about to feel my life get ripped away
I hear this whisper of a loved one saying,
"Please come back and stay."
But what's done is done.
I'm falling fast.
And now its just too late.
I feel it all.
All of this regret, hate, and pain.
Now all I can think is,
God please, just take it all away.
Jun 22, 2012
Jun 22, 2012 at 7:05 AM UTC
On empty nights, I watch the flickering lights of the empty streets
At 2 in the morning, A time made for a selected few. The time where either minds or bodies wander into strange places or strangers or both.
Like a reoccuring dream, only one scene plays despite the endless succession of "ifs" and "buts" laying across my tongue like crippling bodies finding its way out, but acquiring Stockholm syndrome before it does.
How can something end 7 times over?
How can you not see the end coming?
One after the other, the questions barrage in and I can make up all the reasons and excuses, but never really answering the question in the process.
They say that perfect love casts out all fears,
But did I love you too much that I lost the fear to lose the inner parts of me, or at the very least, my intuition to know when it's not gonna get any better?
That we're not gonna get any better than this?
That we've ran out of fuel to go around in circles?
And by the 6th time we tried to jumpstart the engines, have my hands calloused thick enough to not feel the cuts from broken down wires and shattered glass sprinkled around everything you hand to me,
like how you sugar coat the way you tell me you don't love me the same anymore?
And when does the pain end?
Or does it really ever end?
Or do you just get used to it that it becomes a part of you?
According to medicine, feeling pain is a way for your body to tell you that something's not right.
The last time i saw you walking out on me, i felt a slight, gnawing pain in between my chest.
When you closed the door, the pain disappeared.
So i guess what i wanted to ask you was,
Am I still your 2am thoughts,
Or have you learned to sleep by 1?
Jul 17, 2016
Jul 17, 2016 at 6:46 PM UTC
I’m scribbling this numb.
Very, inexplicably, numb.
there’s a frigid draft coming in from my window,
and, at this moment,
I feel that if i were not bound by endless expectations and worldly aspirations,
I would probably go with the breeze and leap from the third floor.
praying that I land on the ground hard enough to wake myself up.
I’m scribbling this worried.
Very, knowingly, worried.
there’s a reoccuring dream, every other day.
when I am knee deep in my poison,
diving into glass shards and trophy caps.
an array of chanting.
I am the reigning queen, of,
Nothing.
and, here I am.
Up to my neck in caps, swimming in remains,
on the third floor,
ready to wake myself up again.
Three….
Two…
One…
Wait, how did I end up back in my bed?
Dec 11, 2017
Dec 11, 2017 at 1:55 AM UTC
for oh so long you stayed,
ripping my heart and brain to shreds,
stealing away my innocence,
willing me to do awful, dreadful, things,
that sounded beautiful coming out of your mouth,
you said it was the answer,
and I was foolish enough to
believe.
you said it would help, and it did and didn't.
you said that it would make me feel better,
you pried and pried and I caved.
and let my mind take over my actions.
and let the feelings sink away.
and so you hid,
ran away to a little corner,
making me believe I was free of this addiction, free of your grasp, free of your pounding fists upon my lungs,
and so I tried, and tried and tried and tried,
and it wasn't worth it,
because your drag me so slow that,
half way back, felt just like the beginning.
felt jus like a half real smile, felt like a half way honest comment,
but you see,
your imaginary leave of absence,
led me to believe,
I was out, I was done,
I was
better.
but, maybe you should have just stayed,
because,
now your back,
and while I thought I was climbing, I was sinking,
even lower than before,
where there is no branch for me to use,
where the light, is a figment of my imagination,
so your back, and thriving, feeding off of there beautiful comments,
gaining control through someone else's words, and actions,
so you have retuned.
will you stay, or put me under that spell again?
will you finish your intentions,
or will I prevail?
Apr 13, 2013
Apr 13, 2013 at 7:17 PM UTC
Today I smoked my last cigarette
Poured my last shot of jack
The reoccuring days of rain and thunder are no more
In the sunshine is now where I'm at
Time has been ticking on
Reminding me its been to long
I've been holding on to a past so dreary
Its time to sing a new song
Though memories are inked onto my soul
They're no longer on my mind
Brighter days, no longer in a haze
Is what I needed to find
Aug 6, 2014
Aug 6, 2014 at 9:16 PM UTC
I stand in a pit of my own despair,
my mother close by,
the very person who made the problems arise,
yes, she gave me life,
one I didn't ask for,
one I've many times asked to end,
But I live on,
fighting every second, everyday,
to keep the crimson lines from reappearing,
afraid that one day, I may give in,
to the suduction,
of a blade so sharp, it calls my name,
the way it says my name is metallic against my ears,
But no,
I mustn't give in,
This is a battle most won't fight,
but I fight it to win,
maybe be beaten and battered in the end,
but standing just the same, wrists clean,
Whom do I have to blame?
for my reoccuring depression,
Built for blame (but doesn't take it well)
Laced with shame (but puts on a smile for show)
maybe its because I was born drunk,
and probably damaged,
yes, alcohol syndrome was my chosen fate,
Thanks Mommy Dearest. You're the greatest.
Jan 5, 2013
Jan 5, 2013 at 2:31 AM UTC