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Nadia Sep 26
Rhyming Review - Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come by Jessica Pan

Introverts unite
(separately, of course),
This book is for you,
Jessica Pan is your force

For a year she denied
Her introverted tendencies
She e-dated for friends
Gave up shy dependencies

She tried stand up comedy
She spoke at the Moth
She signed up for improv
Things that make shy ppl froth

Her anxieties could have come
Straight out of my own head
You could try extroverting
Or watch Jessica try it instead

You will learn new tricks
While you frown and cringe
Or snicker sympathetically
Through your reading binge
This book was awesome!!! I listened to it while my podcast app was glitching and I am so glad I did.
I wish I could explain it
To the ppl that have never
Been restricted, or afflicted
By being addicted, but forever

I'm left alone, not seen as clever
And the only time I feel better
Depression seized and Anxiety free,
That plagues me, is whenever

I get high, and deny I'll ever
Be able to function or cope
With sobriety in society,
Cuz to numb pain, I need dope

Otherwise I only get false hope
Causing me only to relapse
If not, my nerves are shot,
But deep down I always ask

If I really want to be controlled
By a drug, and never heal
I wanna be happy without feeling
Like I need drugs to not feel

The pain stained on my brain
But I just can't take the stress
The drug sickness, mood swings
Withdrawals, with cold sweats

I don't wanna to be a slave but
I don't want to stop the only
Thing that gives me salvation
From feeling pain, or when lonely

And maybe the truth is,
Deep down, and hard to admit
.. But in all honesty, I say i want to
Stop, when truth is I won't quit

But lie to myself and say
Maybe one day, I will
I just hope that one day isn't the
Same day I am killed

Cuz maybe only death can stop
The addiction that I fight
If I really want to stop I would
Wouldn't i... Why can't I right

What seems to be wrong
Why can't I be strong
.. Maybe I've been the only thing
Stopping me from quitting all along
Latina1813 Feb 20
When u have a small voice.
Its easy to be talked over
Im also a small grl
Ppl think im easy to walk over
I have a tiny voice
That doesnt carry in a room
I have a voice
Ppl ignore
And ideas ppl never hear
Cuz they block out my voice
And muffle my sounds
They cancel my words
And shut out my mouth
Speaking tones
Im unknown
But they dont care
They dont listen
To a tiny voice wit big visions
And grandeur dreams
But somehow they sequester everything i say
And shut down everything i speak
And they will never know me
Or the beautiful things i see
Because my words r nothing
But mumbled speech
As they talk over me and my tiny tiny voice
In your large room
Could there ever be room for me
And my voice to echo
Could there ever be....
villainous intentions it seems
i've been through the streams of trauma
tf u mean
working hard to correct my mistakes
being born to a household of lies
seemed like my fate
i realize how to ascend
but i'm stuck in the past
i don't know how to mend
these people bleeding in my arteries project & inject since the start of me
they went through the same thing
but so many excuses
as to why they can't evolve and be free
but they don't realize it
they numb themselves of their destiny
they throw their pain out onto humanity
i realize how it's so ****** up
that their childhood trauma got them ****** up
leading into adulthood and the rest of their lives
it seems
projecting their hatred and pain onto their offspring
i have to be stronger and more aware than my predecessors
and i notice how a lot of ppl in my life were the stressors
it's no wonder our generation is tired
bc we've carried the weight of the liars
yes they're liars, bc they lie to themselves
how they're a good person and they've done us well
******* i call, they've ignored for far too long
as i sit here crying, i realize that i'm strong
Stephanie Dec 2018
"pathetic"
"you're a miserable wretch"
"go back to the God-forsaken universe you came from"
"nobody likes you"
"plain. you are nothing."
"the world is good but better without you"
"non-sense"
"why are you so ****?"
"talk to yo self"
"can you just.. di*?"
"painful? oh dear that serves you right"
"you'll never be enough"
"what a chaos"
"eww ***** you"
"8billion ppl and no one's grateful for your existence"




ugh.

hearing her again is infuriating my mind.

so I shut her up.

what happened to her, you guess?

read the title.
RJP Mar 31
My head feels like it's wrapped in cling film I'm ******* noise Bob like a boat on the sea of atmosphere
There's a man vomiting in the cubixal nextdoor
Things can only be described as hot and sweaty and blurry
I'm in a different toliet, someone has work at 11 tomorrow poor guy, this one is nice and bright and there's a coat hanger, I'm going to re-enter the cesspool of ducked ppl
Turns  there is a hangover in here but it's taking me too long to write that so I'm gonna go peeps are waiting
Number 3 and I'm dancing round to he stall
Had a bit of drink and almost threw up
Recovery in my box of safety and alas! I depart
Written in three different toliet cubicles of a nightclub
Pensai Jun 8
The Love I lost is fear I found
Face to face, with devils round
Angels falls while demons rise
Countless truths disguised as lies
My thoughts they sink beneath my soul
Bottomless Pitt or a ******* hole
Sins they feel like trucks on shoulders
My life is ****** no **** bent over

Karma flashed before ur eyes,
You felt her squirting on ur thigh
******* cheat with “random” guys
Ppl **** we don’t know why
Conversations minimized
While revenge is televised
I’m sorry Lord I’m falling but
You know my heart was meant to fly

I look my demons in the face
And told them ***** ****** try,
They told me that they in my head
They let me know don’t even cry
The actions that you thought was sane
Is causing everybody pain
Now ur time suffer right on the track just like a speeding train

Now I got a loaded gun
but my demons didn’t run
They said “***** ***** shoot, to **** us all you just need one”
Trust I was tempted dogg,
To squeeze the trig and end it all
They say they don’t understand
I leave my brains all on the wall
No u see inside my mind
Don’t forget the piece outside
The warnings that I tried to give
Was treated ill and tossed aside
Now you see the joke the was real
I’m bleeding yet I’m fighting still
Now I see that I’m still alive
**** it dog I’m gone survive
Staggered to my broken feet
Look my demons in the eye
Told that ***** ***** “look I
Know u dead but time to die
Light is dead and darkness thrives
Is a dangerous game trying to defeat Depression with Solitude. Your demons will never let you win.
Vanessa Gatley Nov 2018
Sins
Outspoken
Upon
Loses
Some ppl
Sean Rosalez Aug 14
I never thought you would be gone so young.
But when we lost you the first time you fought to get back to Monica and the kids and God allowed it. This time there was no fight left. It was your time. When I saw your body laying there, I thought what if maybe that breath of life would come to you again. But this time God said enough. Joshua it is time to come home. And when that happened God gave me a peace and let me know this time it was fr.
I miss you brother make our home in heaven great with God. Gather everyone and tell stories. I bet you are all in glorified bodies with God having a great time. People that you haven’t seen in years. I bet those biscuits n gravy with papaw taste good. (I’m sure God would allow it) I wonder if this world felt extremely short to you now you are living in eternity. How is eternity? Is it boring? Is it fun. Does it feel like it’s eternity? Is there a concept of time?
Have you met ppl from the Bible? Have you been with Jesus and God? Does the trinity make more sense up there?
Man, while I’m here I’m gonna be there for your kids best I can.
Got a comment from a fellow writer
reading  a work that I plunged into the habit of, as soon as I get a creative Idea I have made myself use to errors and all typed and publish it out into the universe
I have never been more happy in my life
You can read my former publications and see I have been a dark blanket that pulled in this grooviational force of doom
but I am in the spring of my life
more optimistic
less ignorant and learning more day by day
I am more okay with the fact I don't have a long life ahead of me due to health problems
and I am getting past the grief of loosing so many people and parts of myself
I have to put the truths I have found within myself out into the world
even not wanting to get strangers opinions
wanting to get constructive criticisms , to better understand how my writing comes across
I am 33 years lived
Most of them in dog years that paid off in having less fears
richer than most with less than the majority
not feeling envy or self pity I am cheered up and uplifted by life
and no longer feel like. I am seeing sick social constructs and that reality is a symptom of a social disorder
chaos is taking a chance on the impossible
the possibilities the boundless when ppl ask you straight up
are you happy
are you crazy
you could improve on this or that
cause no one did that for me
out for pity that I raised myself
blamed myself
and I could forgive and wish the best to the ppl that when I did my best and found the most
they hated me for what they call being a success
I am human
You are as well
I hope we find lost treasures happily in heavens attic
after
only after
the world can understand that from pain and abuse and hurt and loss
I may not be the motivational speaker or a hero that any one would like to want
but nonetheless a hero to myself and a few others
I have motivated myself and a few others to feel their pain and own it
tell it to the world
the world needs to hear about the pain
rAW
DEPRESSING
OR WHATEVER

communication is lost
hearts have been broken
words are abbreviations
end of an era
start of something hopefully more organically connected
with eye contact
survival skills that show more than fight or flight

I hope we evolve to instantly hug love and help our fellow man
Sumeria Apr 21
If i die dont come to me as a peace offering crying over my body i dead in a better place away frm you. Please speak for the time will come when you see me again and i ask you wat have you done my love to be in my presence then i will ask you did you love the ones was less fortunate then you did you show your love in a way to get my attention. Then you will say i havent did none of wat u ask me then i will say depart frm me i dnt knw you and never once gave me a chance to show your my blessing i had for my children so now im here u ****. My body but not my soul i am tht i am and tou will suffer all the day tht will come til you understand tht power lies with no man on this plane just . Me your ppl makes me sick just to knw you contradicting my words and twist it around for your favor i will say my words is the only thing tht i show as a Covenant between man and me. You let these false teaching lead you and your loved one to doomed.  The only way to turn is question every teaching tht come toward you and trust your heart for i live in the temple and not the church. For ppl speak so high of the church. Is noting more. A sinners playground i tell u the truth turn away at once thus say the lord
Sorry guys if i mispell words. Im using my cells and things come. Out wrong at times
Khadro Jama Jun 11
Stay down!
Down to live Just another day
Hidding out,
  living cautiously.
people out here
poping them guns, shooting
Ending lives left and right
I don't go out anymore.
days pass by
always looking over my shoulders,
wondering IF I will get shot by accident.
Just being in the wrong place w/ wrong people and time.
it's enough to get on these dumb ppl map.
ppl out here can't take a joke.
They don't know how to use the correct words
to handle their business!
Always trying to act grown,
can't even hold their own.
ppl out here
living in their Mamas homes but still, think they have the Right to take another Mothers kid.  
why? because you couldn't handle the truth?
y'all are an Embarrassment to the rest of the world!
what happened to those days where your word meant something?
instead" its I'm pop yo **** when I see you!"
I wait to live another day.
Ppl out here don't understand the value of LIFE?
I rather worry about gangsters
they got codes and rules.
instead, we got all these wannabe gangsters
who think just cuz you use or sell drugs
you the shyt or something
baby, sit your *** down
Im Tired of  
hearing dear Brothers & Sisters dying on the corner of that one parking lot at night.
It's Not safe anywhere!
ppl out here don't know to Speak up or forever keep your mouth zipped.
ppl out here trying to fill the shoes of the criminally insane
Leaving parents to grieve.
Live until tomorrow,
Because tomorrow carries No promises!
That man is bout as worthless as a one winged butterfly , caught in the breeze in the wrong direction dipped in gasoline , drifting into a firework show- my best friends mom

That woman is crazy, she talks to herself and that little girl thinks imaginary friends are real for everyone"- my first like adult

same person-
She is funny, and can get along with anybody , but really what is gonna happen to that little girl , it is pitiful that she gave birth at 41

so I have seen these two ppl out in life
23 -25 years after their words burned into. my soul


I asked Harley, Hey I don't know if you remember me but I think you dated my mom before she died , so like 1992-94ish

hARLEY "OH MY WORD, Is that you lil Emily, Jesus look at you
How have you been
How is your dad
Your mother was the love of my life, she loved you so/....

I LOOKED AT HIM CAREFULLY
Replied "Yes I it is me , there is something I have been wanting to say to you for along time.
But now I can see that you are truly happy to see me again, and I can tell that the things you said then applied to things I couldn't understand, and on one thing I heard you say "what was going to happen to me , and what was so wrong to you about her having in her40'2.

He just searched my face, as if looking for my moms ghost
" you always had a scary good memory, we'll Em your mom died 11 months after left me. I knew she had cancer and she didn't want to accept it and I was talking about that with someone in your family on the phone, Do you know who it was.

"NO, WHO"

It was your father , she listened in briefly and he hung up and I HAD TO TELL HER THAT I DIAL YOUR DAD TO KEEP HER FROM *69ING MY MISTRESS
I told your father and risked her leaving me b/c I couldn't watch her die, and I called your father case she wouldn't tell him out of fear of looking weak.

I was stunned
shocked

Emily don't look back at what you overheard,
remember what you can't forget or what you can accept
Your mother suffered an awful lot , but I see her in you, and it makes me feel better knowing that you are okay, and that she can rest easy knowing that you want to know her after all these years.

How is your father


"Well, he is dead as well, last year"

you married he asked

"was divorced"

kids

"nope"

boyfriend, girlfriend

"I just got back into town from my fiancés memorial"


job?

Waitress, and house keeper/


what you do for fun

"art, music, jewelry, make clothes, sing, dance"

he smiled big and ordered a shot of whiskey neat


"how did you know?

he smiled " your mother hated it but I liked it and id stay up worrying abutter and I caught you in the fridge sipping on it , and you had that bad cough and you slept like a baby.


I am proud to think I am the reason you like whiskey

" I cheered him and downed my shot, gave him my contact information, and I never heard from him again.





2

I never got to ask that woman what she meant, that could be a playful compliment or insult , or total delusion. either way ppl were playful and colorful and oddly blunt with FATHER

and MOTHER PPL HAD
RESPECT
FEAR
REMOURSE
LONGING
LOVE
WORRY
AND ALOTOF UNKOWNS

The comment about me and my mother having imaginary friends, don't most of us .

the past future present met in a bar and it was tense
Khadro Jama Feb 6
I've locked up my feelings
Put them in a box
and threw the keys away.
During the time I didn't know that I'd loose all ****** desires as well
*** is part of life.
so ill get some from time to time
I don't feel anything at all tho
Its a bit sad tbh
But that's okay I don't have time for Temperary love that leaves me broken every time
I'll just wait for the one that finds those keys again.
I am a pervert at heart
I do enjulge myself with watching "films"
Its not different from normal TV.
Watching foolish ppl find temp feeling that only lasts for a little while really bores
I like myself a man who can captivate me and keep me guessing.
I'm very passionate.
I can keep up just fine
I am not looking for him
He can find me
Cuz I'm tired of getting hurt
With all the wrong people
Each one who comes my way
Says the same ****
" I am not like the other"
My answer at end is " **** ends the same way anyways"
Rizna M Rameez Oct 2018
We have voices
It’s up to us to chose whether to use them, and how.
17.10.2018
Say the right things, at the right time, at the right place. Drop the pebble. Or don’t. You decide. Would you rather chose to lose an opportunity?

— The End —