"paralyses" poems
I watch a woman smile as leaves, like red fingered stars
Swirl round her in the stiff autumn wind.
She bends clutching handfuls of crisp copper wafers to her chest
And I'm reminded of childhood games;
They fall more thickly
And there's surprise and wonder in her eyes
At one with the breeze and the leaves
She spins in the dance, arms flung wide
Old memories dance before me; unbidden, chaotic,
With no promise of restoration or renewal
Their forever darkness still red slashed
As ghost sores weep
Love letters falling like leaves
Bleed from my breast in reams
Once written in heart blood
Golden gilded with the glow of possibilities
Once light, they now pool at my feet
I should catch them up, press them tightly to my chest
to staunch the flow of life's essence
But a sharp slashing cut which evicerates
and the sense darkness beyond paralyses
Here is the edge of grief
Sep 13, 2012
Sep 13, 2012 at 7:50 PM UTC
I sat alone another day.
The world was moving all around me,
but it seemed as if my life was in a standstill.
The doctors say its anxiety.
Everyone thinks anxiety means nervousness or fear,
but it is deeper than that.
Anxiety holds you prisoner.
You can't leave your house.
Ding
****
Ding
****
The doorbell rings but I can't answer.
There is too much fear inside.
You can't answer the phone.
Ring
Ring
Ring
"Telephone for you!" my family yells. I
tell them to say that I will call back, but I won't.
You can't eat.
Chomp
Bite
Chew
No, not me. The anxiety
even controls that. All the pain rushes back up with
every little thing I eat.
You can't go out.
Step
Step
Step
Everyone walking around me, but I can't move, the
apprehension paralyses me.
Everyone says, "Be brave. You can do it. You'll make it out of this."
But sometimes I wonder if I will.
I try to combat it all, but if I attempt to do anything,
it all starts over again.
Thump
Thump
Thump
My heart beats faster and faster.
I can feel it in my chest.
Beads of sweat
Racing
Falling
Running down my forehead.
All the thoughts swarm in my brain.
The fear picks up.
It is unbearable.
I'm so frightened, but I don't know what of.
The paranoia sweeps over my body like a giant wave.
Every day I have to fight what seems to be a losing battle.
But then . . . I look outside.
I see the colours.
I see the life.
I see spirit.
I know I can do this.
Hope.
Fight.
Win.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 2:37 AM UTC
Your cold print is
Solidified in ink.
Black or blue?
Indelible, your death-
Grip upon me paralyses my pen.
Irretrievable, unreliable us.
Numbness blots out positivity and
My uncertainty dries bright.
Jul 6, 2013
Jul 6, 2013 at 9:25 PM UTC
Through the paralyses desert
We walk. Dodging kings and cobras
Rattling snakes and all the foul beasts,
That thrive in this hellish waste.
Ecstasy from the mannerisms of less worthy beings.
Who are they to decide what an individual’s
Strengths and weakness are!
Mind ones tongue when speaking to,
Satan’s hood.
Chilling grasps of a hot dark angel’s face
Hold me to earth at even the highest
Of gravitating peaks.
Eroded rocks once mountains, now pave our
Unseen roads lost in decaying,
Concrete and steal jungles made by the men
They **** Unworthy are any of us
To describe ourselves for never knowing
Who were, only what we could have been.
Feb 14, 2012
Feb 14, 2012 at 11:49 AM UTC
I have just felt
the blow
that a god feels
when he is first returned
to mortality
not to say I am,
or ever was,
a god
but I do mean to say
I was powerful,
strong,
impenetrable even,
and I have now been hit
with the force of a hurricane
across the newly soft
and vulnerable
cheeks of my
face
I had risen so far,
in my mind,
but I was worse
than ever
as I’ve found
out
now,
I am sick with it
the return to humanity
the plummet to vulnerability
the paralyses of that first
strike
I am a titan no more
and yet I never was
but this fall back to normality
is like the death of someone
I only realized I hated
after his grave
had been spat on
by so many
of his former
friends
Oct 17, 2010
Oct 17, 2010 at 2:43 PM UTC
There are days
When I walk out of the studio,
Disappointed with my performance,
Because today fear, not dance,
Made me finish the steps on time.
I can't mug up steps at the flick of a finger, you see.
I admit I have been lazy about self-practice.
I bet no one dances as beautifully
As I do in my visualizations
And some days I do amaze myself
As I perform the routine.
But when fear cripples me,
Paralyses my arms and limbs,
I wince at the instructor's polite rebuke
I knew it was coming.
The song is replayed,
Batchmates cheer
I wake up
My passion frees me
As I leap into the routine with a
5! 6!, and 5, 6, 7 AND. . . !!
Jun 17, 2014
Jun 17, 2014 at 12:59 PM UTC
Crossed wires of me
might be the
Margaritas?
Or the servility
I bow, non-willingly,
to societal norms?
I am healthy, physically,
just a swimmy head
and lots of gas bloating
I swim floundering
at time to times,
But, not guilty
I feel
passionate dreams notedly
defy me particularly
when I accidentally rhyme.
So conflicting
this non-physical malady,
Paralyses like a Greek tragedy,
Sophocles, I need so badly,
to diagnosis me.
Oct 9, 2014
Oct 9, 2014 at 8:15 PM UTC
The melody in my head
keeps haunting me
hurts my heart
injures my brain
paralyses my body
erases my sense of belonging
stop at once..
I hate this song...
The lyrics my pain
the rhythm my scar
its bleeding again...
May 28, 2014
May 28, 2014 at 12:34 AM UTC
is it wrong to plan everything out
so that the stars don't collide when they align?
is it wrong to be terrified of the road ahead, even if I trust the driver?
is wrong to seize everything and make sure I am where I am supposed to be?
no matter what
i find myself
piddling through all my thoughts
my hopes and dreams
my wishes and desires
trying to find the one that paralyses me the least
but they all petrify me
just the same.
this next year is my last.
my last band camp.
my last marching band season.
my last first day of school.
my last new set of classes.
my last time meeting new teachers.
my last time sitting in those classrooms with those stupid desks that creak too much.
my last time walking through the halls of my high school.
it's coming. soon.
graduation.
i can taste the freedom it's taunting me with.
and yet here I am, begging it to procrastinate.
i want to be free, away from high school,
and home,
and this state.
but I've made a life here.
but I've made friends here.
but I've grown roots here.
maybe
eventually
i'll be okay
with
ripping
off
the
bandaid.
but not right now.
not right now.
not right now.
not right now.
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 2:45 AM UTC
So many can never find the words, the feelings,
because if they speak, what they know
It becomes a solidified highlight reel,
and not just a spiel, a tale told in the confines of safety to a person with a ticket that transforms them into the audience.
They devour the reel of desperation and despair,
The hurt child deep inside that starts through the mind, and leaks through the pours of your adult body, it paralyses you with fear, ruins your relationships, destroys the peaceful nights and waking moments.
It slaps you with a ghost hand and phantom pain, reaching from the past to remind you in the present that it still lingers,
they are still there and they always will be, that it is their job to inflict pain.
Just one moment, one semblance of safety, is when the person with the ticket shows up to your screening, reaches for that ghost hand, and instead of twisting and pushing it away like you always beg, plead and scream to do
they grab the hand, hold it and say:
"This trauma is real, not a show, not a highlight reel, I will guide your scenes, your desperate cries and pleas, and I will help your child heal"
Aug 8, 2019
Aug 8, 2019 at 4:51 AM UTC
Please don't forget me darling, I'm so far away from you,
I'm here in the desert, fighting for what I feel is right,
No matter where I am, no matter how far apart we are,
You haunt me in these nightmares, that pollute my mind at night.
So as I stand here, on the edge of an abyss,
I wait to hear your voice, it frees me from this hell that I... am living in.
And although, you cannot hear me cry, I weep for you,
I cry these tears of sorrow, for the love that I have lost,
I feel as though you've left me, and that I'm all alone,
Deserted and lonely, in this Godforsaken country,
As the fighting rages on, I cover my head and cry,
Wishing that I could be, in your arms tonight.
The battle rages on, bullets flying all around, the **** has really hit the fan,
And we're all going down... at last I find the courage, to peek out from the hole.
What I see, paralyses me with fear, I'm the last one left. This is the end.
I gather up my gun and ask the Lord for forgiveness, for the sins I have committed.
I'm sorry for having killed thee, or for causing thee offence.
I was just doing my job, for the country that I love.
I am just a soldier.
Who would do it all again.
Jun 14, 2011
Jun 14, 2011 at 4:43 PM UTC
There's the sort of fear
that
paralyses
your body,
and
the sort of fear
that eats at you
from the inside out,
until your smile wavers
and the truth starts to show.
There's the sort of worry
that
plays on your mind,
and the sort of worry
that
ruins your mind,
turns it rotten
and blinds your eyes,
so there's no colour left in your isis
and all you see is black.
There's the sort of hope
that seems
like a light at the end of the tunnel
and
the sort of hope
that is essential
and is the last bit of rope
for you to grip on to
before the darkness eats you whole.
There's a type of
pleading
that means
"Give me the last cookie",
and there's the sort of
pleading
that means
I'm begging.
Please,
please,
please.
Feb 13, 2014
Feb 13, 2014 at 7:44 PM UTC
Grandmama holds grandpapa's hands tightly
They are weak, they are cold, they are wrinkly...
What an ugly sight to see....
Unbelievable...
All the years that passed
It seems like just yesterday
when ...
The same hands holds hers
and ties her hand with a knot..
on that blissful wedding day
when she wears her diamond wedding ring..
so proud ...so gay...
two hands hold each other
never will let go of one or the other...
The same hands that carries
commitment and duties..
the solid sweet years spent...
The hand that used to be so strong
is numb... is dumb...
paralyses with time...
Salty tears drop on grandpapa's pillow
the silent tears of one faithful grandmama...
as she whispers.. "I LOVE YOU"...
to her snoring husband...
who no longer feels but seeks her existence...
Till death do us part.....
~Sharina~
Jul 4, 2013
Jul 4, 2013 at 4:42 PM UTC
Your silence
Moves me in ways your words never did
Your silence
Destroys my speech
Paralyses my thoughts
Provokes my tears
Undoes me.
As the days unfold
I forget how we sounded
Your silence
Dements me
Your silence
Makes me question
Makes me wallow in despair.
I make hasty decisions
Say things I shouldn’t
Your silence unwomans me
Makes me violent, makes me rage
You brought me here
Against all reason
Wore me down
Dangled me on a string
Until I broke
And now you abandon me
Silence engulfs me
Far away, where you are
Do you imagine me silent
Or are you clapping your hands over your ears
To block out my screams?
Aug 20, 2013
Aug 20, 2013 at 4:13 AM UTC
Minnow problems.
Never have I seen so many pentagrams.
Visions of the cross are tangible.
Yet the willows bend, fold and cross in unholy manners,
patterns.
My eyes close.
A moment ago they were open and burning.
From the prairie's apathy, the infirm stand strong on the jagged mountain.
Their skin and hard husks weathering the gusts.
Their numbers fall with the every grumble of those wet shiny aberrations.
Miles above, the delta beckons.
Farther below, the road's beginning with its paralyses and warnings of excellence.
Opens wider.
A pile of soil, collected daily.
The farmers rub their square white teeth in confusion.
The universe with nothing beyond. When she thinks of death, she is sad.
There is pride knowing there will be nothing.
During the panel, her words of unobservable importance betray her.
Betrayal found with the ski mask and semiautomatic.
The singularity is denser now. Collapsing as memories of the father echo.
They echo in her *******
In the residue that falls onto her *******
Finding whole helixes without the tools to measure them.
Speaking little of anything.
May 17, 2015
May 17, 2015 at 3:12 PM UTC
Never have I seen so many pentagrams.
Hung silver, some in coarse thread.
Thread still thin but not thinning.
The wind blows.
The pentagrams stay steady.
Never wavering or moving as an ocean.
Seductive stillness yet to be determined if satisfying.
The cross above the suburbs is tangible. Yet the willows fold, bend and move in unholy patterns and manners.
My eyes close.
A moment ago they were open and burning, forgotten realms.
A love affair with fantasy.
From the prairie's apathy, the infirm stand strong on the jagged mountain.
Sagging skin ***** over the husks.
Weather the gusts.
And the time it takes to say for certain.
Their numbers fall with every grumble from the wet and shiny harbor.
Miles above, the delta beckons.
Farther below the road is beginning.
With its paralyses.
And it's warnings of approaching excellence.
A pile of soil collected daily.
The farmers rub their square white teeth in confusion.
The universe with nothing beyond.
When she thinks of death, she is sad.
There is pride knowing there is no ever after, there is nothing after.
I am sad.
During the panel, words of observable importance betray her and flee.
Betrayal found with the black mask, the semiautomatic fire and the only man who could make her ***
The singularity is denser now.
Collapsing as memories of the father spark the misplaced tinder.
They echo along her ******* and fall as the residue pools in her *******
Finding helixes without the tools to measure them.
Speaking little of anything.
Jan 21, 2015
Jan 21, 2015 at 6:03 AM UTC
Your eyes ogle at me
Like two skies from close-up
And like a huge azure ocean,
That swims from your head to my feet...
It paralyses me with the waves
Of your gutsy glances-
They go under my skin
And flow past my flesh and blood
To scan my self... and ...then...
You usually win when I close my eyes...
Dec 29, 2016
Dec 29, 2016 at 5:57 PM UTC
Your existence paralyses me.
I can feel your presence from miles away.
Your words break through my ribs
to find a place to pull.
As I would pull you closer,
if only you were here.
I fear sharing your breath.
I am dependent on your arms.
As I lean closer
I know you will feel my weight,
too heavy for this life,
if life should be a feather
whilst a knife dangles above my head.
And what if you could stop me from drowning?
Lift me of this place where the world is muffled and dense
What if you could raise my head above the sparkling surface?
I would feel the sun beating down on me,
with the air as pure as summer.
And with you, reality might suffice,
for once.
Apr 19, 2015
Apr 19, 2015 at 5:13 AM UTC
Sitting in the dark waiting for the light
Tears flowing down you’ve been up all night
Remembering the way you felt all those years ago
Desperate to hold on never letting go
The pain and sadness come flooding back
It paralyses you like a bad heart-attack
The sun was a little brighter and colors were more vivid
Wishing to go back to the life you once liv-ed
The innocence is gone but not all hope is lost
Dream, believe, love and don’t count the cost
They say the first step is the hardest, though I think
It’s easier to walk with someone if you start to sink
A companion for the journey someone to hold you close
Tell you it is okay and be a supporting dose
You will never be all alone you never were before
You will never find happiness and peace if you try to keep score
Let my light go before you and may you find a friend so true
A Guardian Angel to be there always for you
When skies are grey and hope seems far away
See a smile that turns up a sunny day
When heart is heavy and frozen in fear
Love will drive it out let love live here
There is so much more to life than what you see right now
Keep moving forward, we’ll make it through somehow
The sun is on the rise a new day is starting
Joy and hope appear as the clouds are slowly parting
Today is the first day of the rest of your life a new beginning
So dare to take a step out and you’re already winning
I can see clearly now a light in you brighter even than the sun
Take heart my dear for great are things to come!
Oct 12, 2015
Oct 12, 2015 at 2:22 AM UTC
Fear is not just an emotion
but something that controls you.
It penetrates your mind.
It drives you insane.
You do whatever you can to stay away.
Some say it paralyses you
but this isn't true.
It winds you up,
it drives you wild.
You can feel the blood pumping,
the adreneline making your body shake
from head to toe.
Others say that its a superpower,
if only this were true.
You don't feel strong but weak
like every muscle is focused upon one thing
to run away.
Fight or flight they say
but the fight is washed out.
Giving up seems the best option
but that isn't one.
No one will prepare you,
no matter how you are trained
when you feel that first wave
its like a splintered sword.
The splinters stay deep inside
and causes pain and burns
when you move,
when you fight,
when you fight,
Apr 3, 2016
Apr 3, 2016 at 10:45 AM UTC
Melancholic melodies fill the atmosphere
Suddenly it starts to gloom
So does my thoughts
Old memories came flooding in
Stuck in an eternal loop
Flashes of your face here and there
Paralyses me wishing it didn't end
Always coming home to you but you're never there
A room that was fill with your laughter has now gone silent
I know it's been awhile since we met
Please don't make it hard for me
I've suffered enough
I know I shouldn't be doing this
It's tempting to press call on your name
You've changed
You've moved on
Goodbye
May 2, 2018
May 2, 2018 at 12:46 PM UTC
I could write about happy
subtle things
loving eyes
and the miniscule freedom
it applies
But I love to hurt
it has beauty, too
What else is deeper
and the most honest truth?
Happiness is fleeting
even amongst the most cues
Sadness, true hurt
paralyses and wraps itself
down the body, past the spine
into your being
into your soul
and it lasts
much longer than ache
or a smile
for a sweet, long while
Apr 1, 2014
Apr 1, 2014 at 3:37 PM UTC
I'll never control this full fledged sickness
The dark will sneak past all my defenses
My demons will fight off all happiness
Even as I smile, I'm losing grip
Gathering all six of my withering senses
I prepare for the oncoming crash
Groped by invisible demons
Whipped by flashes of my past
I'm drowning out all the reasons
To stop fighting this back
Banished into corners of pain
Only to be coaxed back into shame
Ghosts of my reality laugh and laugh
As I struggle to fight against the grain
They are so unafraid of my strength
Unlike me, nothing terrifies or paralyses
They are empty shells
Shooting through a broken fence
And disconnected from any confidence
I let them break me apart again
And I let them shatter my remains
I let them torture me another day
Because granting permission
Just has to be better than
Admitting I'm insane
Jun 21, 2016
Jun 21, 2016 at 6:20 PM UTC
A heart so troubled and in doubt
Not sure, what life is all about
She feels invisible yet she sees herself
When she looks into the mirror
People tend to pass her by
Refused the lips of any guy
She soothes herself by wishful thoughts
When she dreams all by herself
She speaks of love and passion
In such an ordinary fashion
As if, she has encountered
The love of another
Massive pain, at times, paralyses
A body of rejection, only she realizes
She dances solo once again
To a song that only, she can hear
Her body parched, a thirst for affection
Her painful heart, desires protection
If only she can be embraced
By the hands of someone else
Its only her hands that she finds familiar
Its only her own eyes that can see her
She longs the company of anything other,
Than the fantasies inside her mind
Copyright @sheryllinhayes
If Life Was Made on Canvas
Jan 30, 2018
Jan 30, 2018 at 1:16 PM UTC