the words that flow from my soul

to my veins and out through my fingertips,

to most are obstructed by either confusion, misunderstanding

or whatever other baggage they carry that won't let my abstract thoughts

penetrate their unfortunate heavy epicenter.



never have my expressions been powerful enough to break them,

i met you, spent half a day with you, and you left,

that was it, gone, just like that,

1,000's of miles away.



but however, whatever ill-fated scenario that was,

we speak to each others soul, lover we don't even have the same native tongue,

yet you understand my core better than any other that has ever entered my leading light.



i'm taken back to a child-like state,

i feel scared, forlorn.

i'm afraid just like an absent father,

you will provide me with certainty that it will happen.



sweetheart, i hate to break this to you but,

age doesn't pause for life, love or the desire to pursue you

as scary as it may be, if what is spoken to me is true

that dive, as deep, as dark as it may be, know i am writing to you from the depths.

i vow, i won't let you drown. please, babe, dive in,  

my skin is only withering without you.



love & art, 1991

henk holveck

i hoped every word in my poems
knocked the bricks off your wall of fear
i would have held you, protected you and loved you
until my last breath.

unfortunately, your doubts overshadowed my transparency
it is not a surprise as i have become used to the exit door
when the right human does come i will have so much love to share
i wish you the best, my friend...

im not going to sit here and lie
your beautiful and gentle glow will be missed
but i know there's nothing i could do
as you have made up your mind

i will always be here
i am in love with what we had
you brought me no stress
no lonliness and no fear

love and art, 1991,
henk holveck

please leave your judgment of me

you and i may choose separate ways

but ultimately we both will have regrets,

both will experience what it means to love

im henk holveck.

not the name given to me at birth,

why? it takes far too much innocence

and causes far too much guilt to hear such bitter words.

when you are ten and you absorb the words,

you immediately lose all your trust,

you don’t know what or who to believe,

i wish i had some more answers

i don’t blame my guardians,

as they didn’t know either

but now that im a grown androgynous mind

i feel more alone every second

i feel as though i’ve raised myself…

and by that i mean had to raise myself to manage emotions

to this day when i feel lonely im told to fold it up,

into ignorant acid soaked paper as green and painful as discharge.

everyone who still talks to me likes to ask

what happened? why did you turn out like this?

i just politely smile and tell them,

i was born to be misunderstood.

because this is my life and i’ll keep breathing till something inside tells me to leave.

my whole heart is full of bliss;
i didn’t think i’d ever fall again
but, here i am, with your arms around me
faintly mumbled words spoken by another man

the first time he was telling lies,
if i am deceived again,
then love isn’t for me…

although if you really care
than you will never have to worry about a thing
i am a fighter and now we’ll dance to the tune of our own life; together.

love and art, 1991

henk holveck

my heart is so tired
I'm losing my voice
and bleeding out

kindness is a target for evil
disheartening doesn't begin to define this ache in my chest
maybe this is how it felt when they drove the nails into Jesus's hands

the only things that keep me breathing
are full of toxins
unfortunately, there are no warning signs of toxins that provide the fix I seek.

my manifesto is to mean what I say
do what I promise
more importantly it is to love.
I've learned that love is the ultimate sacrifice.

this world needs those of us who feel deeply and communicate effectively.  
a "friend" doesn't cut ties over something petty
a lover doesn't leave you because something is alleged to be true.

as a feeler, this will make sense to you.
if you are not comprehending this or not feeling a tug in your chest, go home, lay down and think about times in your life when you felt overlooked. really go back to that moment and feel it.

when you feel it, now know that other person is feeling that because of your actions.

love & art 1991,

henk holveck

as i feel the earth crack underneath me,
i have to wonder if it's really the ground,
or is it coming from within.

i lost you there,
i remember my mother telling me,
if i get lost stay in the same spot until i am found,
i'm finding that as an adult,
this method no longer is applicable,

three years have passed,
i am now no longer able to stand here,
the further away you go,
the more frightened i become.
fear derives from ignorance,
ignorance can quickly manifest,
for me it manifested into a cloud,
not the gorgeous cloud one would hope for,
rather a acidic, foul, cloud
as if an atomic furnace stands nearby,
puffing it's smokestacks of evil, fear and hatred.
turning me into nothing but utter dust.

i must remember to be grateful,
i breathe
my heart beats              


                            some are not quite as fortunate

as i have been lucky enough
to share something with another spirit,
that some will only dream of.

"unconditional love"; a wishful thought humans enjoy, it causes us to be thankful that our soul is still inside a physical shell.

"unconditional love"; provides hope that maybe, just maybe one day you will provide the emotions
words or eternal love we all crave but cannot provide
nor receive.
it's something we deserve but can't obtain or give.

not one ******* soul on this earth deserves,
to take their final breath with a broken, pained or shattered heart,
does death save us from our soul completely shattering.


when death comes our soul leaves our body in tact.

There must be some meaning to all this,
GOD knows our soul cannot be torn even one more time.

if you take anything from this diatribe,
through a morbidly dispirited writer,

everyone i have ever emotionally invested in,
is still as strong as the day I began to to give a piece of myself to them.
& sadly i need to learn to stop investing in those that give up on me,
like a incompetent stock broker i continue to invest in relationships,
that have  no chance of revival.

Love &Art;, 1991,
Henk H.

We met just before society began it’s well rehearsed day,

no expectations were discussed,

just pure human interaction was what we could count on,

although we continued to see each other.

somewhere between tropico nights,

and days full of communication crimes,

I began to feel something I couldn’t put a finger on it,

you shut me out as if I were just a dream.

I let it go because as they say if someone cares

they will be back. sure enough, you came back.

apparently that was enough to let my heart drop,

further, than I ever thought it could.

I truly believed in you…….my bad.

one person out of dozens I’ve met since the first

I wish I would have questioned us, questioned, you.

but love doesn’t allow itself to be hindered.

I wish I wouldn’t have allowed myself

to invest any further consideration of possibilities

the pride you hold is so absorbed

the protection tactic you use isn’t fair

especially when someone’s heart is now in your hands,

a heart is not something to be taken for granted.

it should be something held like a mother holds

her premature baby that she is unsure if it will live.

I handed over my clearly recently mended heart,

put back together with a couple pieces missing.

this wasn’t unbeknownst to you,

the lack of humility you carry you place on top of a fragile human life.

someone’s core, especially one that has already been mishandled

by those before you should never be juggled like a grenade with the loose pin,

ready to completely explode and break into just a fine dust.

the clarity through action has made it clear I can’t leave the one part that keeps me breathing to such careless hands.

I just would love if you would let down your half-witted sense of protection.

Like myself, you will learn that it only works so long.

Those who do end alone, because all the companionship graciously given won’t be there. Due to your tall walls surrounding your screaming heart.

I have a plenty of love overflowing inside me, that you knocked out of my hands when presented to you. Scoffed at experiences that mortified to me to points most can’t even fathom. And disrespected someone that respected, and ultimately chose you.

Please be kind to the next, I know that this act won’t last for long if you continue to prey on those weaker than thyself. Granted, we know you attack those stronger, so feelings inside of inadequacy don’t surface.

but, just know if I disappear one day, I genuinely loved you and never want you to forget that, because I know I won’t.

Love & Art, 1991,

Henk Holveck