The sound,
The hour,
The bells,
The taste of blood,
The fingers,
The black,
The hands,
The dead.
The toll,
The head,
The soul,
The bled,
The heart,
The skin,
The dark,
The dim.
The time,
The day,
The chime,
The way,
The eyes,
The fate,
The life,
The state.
The mind, the bones, the flesh, the man,
The signs, the homes, the wretch, the hands!
The bells, the bells, the creaking steps of two feet!
The ring, the ring, the point where the knife and skin meet!
The dead, the end, the red, the street.
The two eyes that no lies or life will ever meet.

It's the words I need to say,
The ones that my tongue can taste,
That keep me awake,
That keep my head from taking it's place.
What happened to the time I had to spend?
Was it never meant to have been?
I can never tell just when
It all falls.

What happened to that song I said I'd write
About how the kids are still my life
And how I'm still a kid in this heart of mine?
Was it just all make believe
Or do I really mean
All the words I leave
Behind.

My walls are painted white to hide my stains,
And to hide the fact that my name
Is still the only one left to blame.
My mind is locked in chain, I made them strong.
Were my dreams just too long?
Was I just all wrong?

These fragile thoughts all start to break
And sadly my own words are the only advice I take.
The ripples in the water have now become waves
And they're the ghosts that haunt my halls nowadays.

Sometimes I dream of yesterday,
And I wish I had it back!
Oh, I wish that it would stay!
Sometimes I dream of what I'd say
If I could do it all again!
Oh, time always has it's way these days!
And when I see you in my picture frame,
I wonder what made us all float away-

Do you dream of me?
Because I dream of you.
And sadly my own dreams
Are the ones that leave me bruised.
Do you sing of me?
Because I sing of you!
All these memories of us together
Are the ones that I never want to lose!

So just leave me be
Because I'd rather fall asleep
Than think of all my mistakes
And how it could've gone differently.
Leave me be
So I can dream
Once more of those sunsets
And the dust still on the trees.

It's been a couple years since the day that I left...
And there's nothing I wouldn't do to get back all the time I spent...
Because even though I'm happy...
Still this is the same dream that I dreamt...

I miss those long walks at night beneath those shining stars.
I miss the days when we could talk alone about our hardened hearts.
The sunsets were my favorite thing until I went away.
I always used to say I wished I'd leave, but in the end I just wanted to stay!
These memories of me and you are the memories that I see all day.
The memories of the blazing sun beating down on us can't be erased.
I used to tell you that I'm over it and that I've moved on and found my way,
But honestly to be open here, I would do anything to be back out by the lake!

You and me,
We were okay,
Life was as slow
As yesterday.
Nothing changed,
It was routine.
Nothing changed
For you and me.

We used to stay up at night and count stars in the sky,
And lately all I've wanted is to find a way to relax my mind.
But all these memories of you and me still keep me awake,
And just as I fall asleep I start to think of how it would be!
If it was still you and me!
If it was still our adventure, and we were both free!
They say the hardest part of life comes when you're getting old,
But to be honest there's no time when you're used to letting go!
So let it go!
So let it go!
Let me float away down my streets, down my roads!
I hear your voice!
I hear your voice!
Let me float away down the streets,
Down your throat and into your lungs
So I can feel the vibration of your songs.

I hung myself outside for all to see
That this life of remembrance is hard to leave!
It's hard to leave!
It's hard to leave!
I miss my old friends and the way they were apart of me!

I sit in my bedroom and I listen to one more song,
I know the message to be true, but some days I don't want to sing along!
So play me a sad key, play me a dark note!
I'm still hanging from the noose on October's rope.

God I know your listening to what I have to say,
And I know that you still have a plan, but is this how it all comes to play?
I know things come and go, but I wish that never had to be,
To be honest father, I've gone through a lot, but I miss them the most desperately.

Dear piano,
You are tales of mystery to me
Floating around the space in my head.
You're a death to be take,
A life that we all forget.
You're a poem blowing in the breeze,
You're a leaf falling in the wind.
Your the snow melting away after the harsh winter
And you're the fox who stalks his prey
In silence.
I see you when I skip my way down the park
And also when the masked man comes creeping
Slowly as he reaches his victim
And as his maniacal hand plunges the knife
Deep into his heart-

You are stories of lost love!
The ones that we write of in our paper back diaries.
The ones we keep in the back of our minds,
Waiting for our stories to unfold.
You're the keys to my sad songs
And the melody to my hope.
You're those long forgotten sunsets,
But also the rain when I walk back home.

I remember walking home without an umbrella,
And I wish I had you out on my road,
Playing yourself away as my whole body became soaked.
You will always be in the memories of my worst days,
And you will always be the writer of my love songs.
So tell me-
Is tonight another night of failure and flight
Or will I fight to get back up and make things right.

I hear you resounding in my dreams
And I hear you calming down my unending screams.
I feel you pulsing like butterflies flapping their wings
Or like humming birds while they stay and sing.

You are the steps of young feet on ice
And you're the magic in their young undying eyes.
You're the light in their small lives,
And your also their reason to fight.

You are the sound of adventure out to sea
Where nothing but bottles of *** are waiting for me.

But you're also all the demons that still claw at my mind.
And I try to forget about you every time I hear your melodies shiver down my spine.

And then silence-

And many have traveled my road before me,
And I'm not the only torch blazing underneath the expanse of space.
But I
Still feel
Alone.
And I
Still walk
Alone.

And my voice still echoes in the distance!
And I still think that maybe someone else is mocking my shouts,
Calling back to me the same call that I called out in an instant!
But I'm so empty that even my enemies have left me to drown!

And many have traveled this road before me!
I can tell because I can see this path stained with their blood!
The blood of giving up before we can finally see the son!
Oh it's drenched in the tears of waiting for someone to show up!
And in the distance I still hear them crying out for something.

Oh, I've never felt as afraid of getting to the end
As when it ends!
As when I face the fact that I've lost a lot of my friends!
And that the more time I spend
On the road!
On my own!
The more the dark and the light start to blend!
And I bend!
Till I break
And my knees
Start to shake!
And I sit and I still wait!
I sit and I wait!
I sit and I wait!
Oh and I wait as I watch the Florida sun
Set down it's burdens and turn in before it's too late!
Oh I wish that somedays I could wake up to the sun one more time!
And that my memories could find a way to slip away from my mind!
But I've branded myself with the mark of defeat!
And I stare at my heart and study it's beat
As it retreats!
As it slows while I breathe!
And I hope that when it stops maybe you'll be all that I see.

I'm so afraid that when I finally look up at those eyes
That they will turn and look away from mine,
Because I'm
Just another soul on the line
Of time,
Ticking away until the day I die
Inside
And make my way to the place where you decide
What's right
And the fate I'll have for eternity's life,
And to make matters worse
I've done a good job of shutting out your light.
So why do I deserve anything by a turn-away glance from your eyes!
Why would I deserve anything but that look for the disappointments and despised!
What compelled you to give me another chance to love you like
The way you loved me?
What compelled you to love me even when you knew I wouldn't try
To love you?

My God's grace goes far beyond the wrong choices we've made!
It goes far beyond those promises we break,
Promising that our addictions are long forgotten and washed away
While the next day we fall for the tenth time on our face!
My God's grace goes far beyond the fact that you're facing habits that you can't break
And you feel like killing yourself is the only way you can be saved!
My God's grace goes far beyond what men like to say,
How only certain things are able to be erased!
Oh, but they lie with their poison in their veins!
Because my God said that this world is what he came to save!
And I'm pretty sure that this world is heading towards the grave!
So let me tell you my family, don't you be afraid.
Don't worry that maybe God will turn his head away
If you go and ask him to take all of your unwanted shame.
Don't you be afraid,
My God's words were never said in vain.

How many more days will blood be the solace to your ever beating heart!
How many more days will those veins explode in order to comfort you from your harm!
How many more days will pain be the way that you keep your self safe-
Or I guess just killing yourself to make all those memories go away...

I don't know who you are and I don't know what happened to you
But giving up never gave me any hope nor any truth,
And I regret all the days that I tried to use my pain
To make everything seem like it was okay!
Because nothing could ever give me quite the escape!
Nothing seems to ever quite help my life change!
No amount of drugs or blood or lust or shame
Could change my sad desolate life of black stains...

And I remember wanting to die-
It wasn't just once-

I remember thinking that if I had the courage I might just put an end to it once and for all,
For all to see and for all to awe!
Trust me, I know what it feels like to fall
And to fall from a place of security to listening to echoing halls.
But I found some hope behind my black walls.

And that's a love that for some reason brings more peace than anything I've ever seen!
More than anything that I could ever dream.
And that's the love of a God that will always be holding you close to him in your sleep.
And I can only imagine how many people have given you reason to hate him too,
But I can promise you that he cares more than anyone cares about you!
And that there is nothing that you could ever do
To get him to stop falling in love with you.

-Sunday, the twenty second of February-
I held a sunflower in my cold hands
For the first time in twelve years-
I cautiously stroked the petals
Like a small child holding fragile life in his palms,
Knowing that with one slight pull he could crush
its very existence-
I smiled-
I looked up to the blue sky and thought of you-
The way you hold me in your hands-
I placed my yellow sunshine in my breast pocket,
And I began to think of the way you've carried
me through this Florida weather.