i'm trying to forget
how it felt when you
ran your fingertips
across my skin and
the sound you made
when i kissed your
collarbones but god
i can't help it i can't
erase you from my
mind and you know
i'd still drink your
******* bathwater

lately i've been doing more
staring at the pages than
actually reading
and i've been doing more
smoking than quitting
and i've been doing more
laying in bed wishing i was
anywhere else than sleeping
and i've been doing more
binge drinking than trying
to sober up
but mostly i've been doing
more missing you than
forgetting you and that might
be the biggest problem here

i don't know what to do
i've forced myself to hide
from commitment and
push away the thought
of love and i can't even
make myself feel worthy
of a relationship anymore
god help me i wish i could
fix what i've done but the
damage is too great

i'm tired of waking up
and feeling like i never
even fell asleep and i'm
tired of falling asleep
minutes before i have to
force myself back out of
bed again
i'm tired of the small talk
and meaningless garbage
spilling from the mouths
of boys that swear they'll
never hurt me minutes
before ******* and tossing
me to the rest like i'm some
insignificant toy
i'm tired of going to the
city and not seeing the
beautiful buildings but
the rooftops i could leap
from and finally prove
people can fly
if only for a few seconds
i could fly

you shoved flowers in
my ears and told me
to listen closely as
though forcing
the good in
will efface
the bad

i'm so sorry i can't
believe you when
you say all of those
nice things
they fall from your
mouth effortlessly
and i get weak in
the knees
i want so terribly
to trust in all of
your pretty words
but you'll have to
forgive my unsure
heart and wary
mind
others weren't so kind

you cast me away like
it was nothing
like i was nothing
i hit rock bottom and
then some
i pulled myself up and
over all of your harsh
words and too-tight
grips on my arms
i'm ******* soaring
so when you come
knocking on my door
asking for the compassion
and understanding i once
wasted on you
don't be surprised when i
launch you out to sea