I write not for my arts sake...
I write for my hearts ache...

I write not to remind myself...
I write to re-mind myself...

It would seem my dropping out of school has cost me in loves game yet again.
Going with a lovely lady to the towns hottest club...
How was I to know that the sign outside "Liquor at the front and poker out the back" didn't mean what I thought it did.

How cruel to say you loved me as sweetly in my ear.
How cruel it was to hold me as tightly, your body oh so near.

How cruel it was to press your flesh so very close to mine.
How cruel to share a passion when as one we did entwine.

How cruel to share a romance and true lust when on our own.
How cruel to give the softest kisses that my lips have ever known.

How cruel it was to promise that you would always care.
How cruel it was to talk of a future that we would one day share.

The cruelest thing of all that will always haunt my mind.
Is to recall the beauty of it all in the memories you left behind.

Throughout my life I have made a study of the human soul.
I have found there to be broadly 26 categories and accordingly have labelled them alphabetically.... "A" souls, "B" souls, "C" souls... and so on. Each type having their own characteristics.
Unsurprisingly the 18th group is the largest.

I have stood out on a dark night with no cloud to hide the sky.
And allowed my pupil to focus to become a night time eye.

I have marvelled at the bands of pearl all strung upon the air.
And gazed upon the awesome beauty of the magic awaiting there.

Wisps of faintest cloud stretched through the sparks of light.
Shine like opalescent jewels against the blackness of the night.

Dark filaments and veils against the brighter bands.
That in minds eye give the illusion of fingers sifting sands.

On such nights I have raised a scope to see what I could see.
And have been astounded by the wonders uncovered there to me.

Stars so very distant and of every fiery shade and hue.
Some seem of yellow gold and some of the most crystal blue.

I have looked upon the clouds of gas remnant stars no longer there.
And seen the lustrous beauty of how stars die painted in the air.

Silhouettes of dark clouds that hide where new light is born .
Against backdrop much brighter seemingly blown apart and torn.

Lens turned to the blackness where my eye could see no sights.
Magnifying an endless field so distant of heavens burning lights.

Endless is the wonder and vast and timeless is the scale.
Out upon the universe where only light has time and speed to sail.

When was it that I got old and all of the joy was faded away?
Why didn't I notice my hair all over was turned gray?

When did all my excitement all seem to fade and get sick.
I know from all of the candles it didn't all happen that quick.

Why didn't I observe my youth all quietly, unnoticed slide away.
When did the word "cool" become something that old guys all say?

Why is my six pack now sitting much nearer the top of my leg?
Why do I now resemble someone struggling to carry a keg?

Why is it I go to the bathroom while the world all sleeps at three?
And find that I have to sit down, too tired, even just to go ***?

Oh the girls, how we would make love through dawn until six.
The image just in memory nearly kills me recalling such tricks.

Parts that don't work or sometimes ache that cause me to pause.
Long ago after the rescue giving up attempting to sit on all floors.

I need to put on glasses to read as without I am half blind.
But they take more than half a day if I put them down, to re-find.

I'll finish this gripe with whimper and no raucous call out....
I know I'm still writing but I have forgotten what the ****** about.

Have you faced a fear and known the power of its defeat?

Did you find that your new fear is the not fearing it no more?

Replaced now by a fear of the known roads that lead you to be that brave again and the knowing that you can?

I have drawn back from a world where those roads are where I am compelled by choices not my own.

Instead through isolation I choose not to defeat that fear again. Along that road I know the destination that awaits.

I fear those roads and those who would lead me there.
And as with you and your fears... it is from them that I hide.

I know my own bravery and the point at which I break.
That road for now best avoided and the one way sign well marked.