So much content
Should it all be on it

Shall grace abound even more with every door?
Is it my choice to be this poor, or deep down in lore?
It’s like before, I scorn, so am I called to a deeper core?

Although I know I'm not alone
In the silence I feel so far from home
I cannot hear our song from here
To the point I can surrender to fear
But I won't let myself go under
For I know our march still will cover

I know hope is knocking at my door
He offers me help, of this I'm sure
So show me how to say goodbye
To all these crimson eyes
I will hold on to what I know
And this truth I know, I won't let go
I'll unlock the door and turn on a light
You have stayed with me, this dark night
I will hand over the key
You are my hope, and again I see

I'm taking a break from these things where I stored my emotion
It causes too much commotion
I'm putting my mind on cruise control
I'm letting my Lord above take it all

I think it’s high time to die
Because I’ve been coming back to life
Just for the thrill of it
I need You to **** me
Because I’m tired of taking my own life

I will stay with you tonight
Keep you close 'til morning light
Dawn will come, don't close your eyes
We will watch the new day rise

Deep calls to deep
Feet walking to the steep
With the roar of Your waterfalls
Unlike before I’m on the tall part
All Your waves and breakers
Pavement of the Maker
Have swept over me
And met me gladly

Who are we deep deep down
Initially?
flesh
or Blood?

When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse
When it’s cold and that’s the sum, I revert
Chaos calls to chaos, it the tune of rapids
Day gone falls to trade off, then blooms habit
My deep need calls out to Your deep kindness
My feet leave by my soul is lead in blindness
Your breaking surf, Your mighty crashing
You’re making hurt, Your tidying my gnashing
Your waterfalls of weeping
Sends waves of sorrow
So I will be keeping
Because You long tomorrow
Over my soul, and cary me away
Over my roll, and wary of the way
Cascading over like a thundering cataract
Masquerade but lovingly I remain intact
God has promised to love me all day
And in the hardship I will obey
I will sing songs all through the night
For my life is a prayer
And through the morning light
Because my strife is His care

I write some things,
          and it seems so worthless
I say something,
       and it feels so wordless
  Maybe that's the purpose
Memories formless,
              deep thought verses
       Thinking comes to surface
     Rhyming to    plead something
                     Writing but I
               say nothing    I have
   not forgot            You're all I   got
Just trying to                           all stop
                       make the doubts
            So be  fore    you
                              go        --
      ­               don't walk away
   Eventually I will  have
                            l       ines       to
         offer      y  o u     But  you
    must stay --  be here         for
           what I       ' m
   go                           ing           thr
              oughSta_y.  by   my
s   I. de             &
             give*     Me   ~ timeYou
         mustKn     ow  that
                   my brain
may be    _   sick   . .   .   but I'll
                              be okay  .

I don't want to write about rootless things, that'd just be tending to the heatless fire
I want to write words that will inspire
But I feel like I'm not accomplishing what I desire
Oh Lord, take me higher

Why I cannot tell you,
I do not know.
Why I can't bear to speak,
I'm not sure.
Why I can only communicate my soul this way,
I don't understand.
Why this is the only language I'm fluent in,
I have no clue why.
This is why I seek out people who speak like me,
born with a stranger's tongue,
a dialect not many can comprehend.
This is why I can only talk to them,
sending riddles and broken words
even they may not understand.
It's why I don't perceive the language of this world,
but only the coded words found deep in art.

I'm not at all pure,
But I hold the cure.
We're all diseased.
I hold onto the key.

This headache is my own mistake
It's the siren let off in warning of this mindframe
Because my game is to play with my brain
I live in the pain of what my mind has made
It's a migraine—the absence of light
It represents a test as I walk through the night
I've been tested with no rest to walk by sight
Can you hear this distress call?
Something's not right

You're an angel fallen down
Won't you tie me to the ground?
You're a blessing from above
Won't you stay with me, My Love?
You're falling far from the sky
Won't you tell me just how high?

There's no above or around
The only way's down
I don't see through this door
What's it here for?
Is there any way to find a key?
There must not be
That's when I start to wonder
If it's better to just go under
To **** myself quietly
Or loose myself in the sound
Can I somehow go around?
Or sit here comfortably?
Either way I've lost my sense of ground
I finally give in
To what might still be deception
But the only way I see fit
Is the way that's barely lit
So I head through the path that leads down

Tower of Silence - Track 4

Chorus (distant)
We’re heading down
To find our sound
We’ll sing it loud
For those around
We once were lost
But now we’re found

Verse 1
So what’s wrong with me? What’s my problem?
Now I need to see, go down to the bottom
But I need you with me as I’m solvin’
‘Cause I can’t dig deep enough and keep hauling
Without you here to get a different view of this coffin
There’s no above or around
The only way is down
I don’t see a way through this door—what is it here for?
Is there a way to find a key? There must not be
Well then that’s when I start to wonder
If it’s better to just go under
To **** myself quietly
Or lose myself within the sound
Can I somehow go around, or sit here happily?
Either way I lost my sense of ground
Because we can’t just ignore the reason we’re bleeding for
But we adore to store it in our bones
Then I finally give in, to what could still be deception
But it’s the only way I see fit
Is the way that’s barely lit
So I head down the path I think is heading sound

Chorus
We’re heading down
To find our sound
We’ll sing it loud
For those around
We once were lost
But now we’re found

Verse 2
Demons come to me in the dark
I feel them stay as my mind departs
I don’t really know, what’s behind my skull
They talk too fast, and that’s all I know
I’ll sit here and let it soak in
Whatever they say, I’ll take it slow
Like I haven’t been
I stepped away from the sound
Get a level head and find some new ground
No noise to hide behind—thought I could think
But to my demise, I found what lies
Behind the space to get away—oh so terrifying
Turns out the silence is violent
And now I don’t think I can make a break
Oh, though fascinating
Can hardly keep it quiet, behind my mind
As I finally find the thoughts within my skin
Because the noise only allows thoughts at night
Now I can try to or I can let the silent win
But I will keep myself posted up on this Tower of Silence
Because there’s truth within the night—is what I find
So I will sit here, visited by kisses of reminisce
I will let the carrion come tonight
Stay in the dark until I find what has me torn apart
In hopes the quiet can shed some light
I just want to close my eyes
So I crawl back inside my mind
To see how far my thoughts will go to lie
Like my noose, I strangle the truth
Uncross my T’s, un-dot my I’s

Chorus
We’re heading down
To find our sound
We’ll sing it loud
For those around
We once were lost
But now we’re found

Bridge
My mind receives mores code
Messages most don’t know
Channeling things to me
Tell my I’m gone but no
Information I must take slow
Is anyone capable of listening?

Verse 3
I fear my imagination
I’m scared of my own creation
I don’t know what to do with my right side brain
It’s the addict to darkness I can’t keep contained
Could he ever benefit the world in some way?
I’m just falling around, wondering if I should keep him bound
Or if I should take off his chains
To hopefully cast your demons at bay
I desire to help others through what I write
But I fear I’d be returning to my dark plight
Because every time I go to jot something
I feel like I’m stumbling
I need to take a careful pace
Careful not to put myself in a hazy place
I still have a bad taste on my tongue
Of what I’ve gone through but I want His praise to be sung
I need to be careful so I can help you

Refrain
Start low, follow me down
Start low, follow me down
Start low, follow me down
Start low, follow me down

Break
(( Is anyone capable of listening? ))

Verse 4
Or maybe that’s the purpose, if it’s worth this
For me to keep returning, to go down so you don’t go under
To post myself on this tower to host His glory and power
So will you walk with me, my Kind, my brothers?
Will you take a look at the dead dark side of the moon to reach you sooner?
Fuel this fire, our hearts are yearning to be burning
I will stay with you, I will go
I will be here, I’ll stay the night
I will fight so we both see the light
You who are caught up in your darkest thoughts
And you believe your mind is all you got
It’s not just you, there’s another way through
We are not alone, our heads sick and our brains prone
So maybe what I’m trying to say
Is we’re messing up but that’s okay
Come down with me and we’ll find our way
So sing it with me if you know what I mean

Break
(( Messages most don’t know ))
(( Tell us we’re gone but no ))

Refrain
Start low, follow me down
Start low, follow me down
Start low, follow me down
Start low, follow me down

Chorus (x2)
We’re heading down
To find our sound
We’ll sing it loud
For those around
We once were lost
But now we’re found

I'm down in the dumps
In this trench I have made for myself
Why?
What is this thing?--this ambiguity?
Why is it here? Where'd it come from?
Why am I in it?
Is this real, or am I making it up?
What are these thoughts? Depression?
Is it coming back?
I don't know.
But the world doesn't care--
It still throws garbage onto me
I feel it pile up
And I can only ask,
Why am I not fighting it?

Out To Sea - Track 2

I begin to hear screams
Coming from my dreams
They come from underneath
The come from beneath—what?

Worth
A thought worth mentioning
Is a thought worth depicting
But the thoughts I have, make me feel insane
People call me crazy, and I begin to hate my brain
Thoughts
They keep coming
They won’t stop
They take over my body
Until I feel what’s left of me
And what’s left of me I can’t explain
Dreams
They come at certain moments
Momentarily you know it
Make you rethink your life
Want to relive your life, right
Reality
But then it ends
You hit your bed and your morning begins
You hold onto what is left
Barely there, but left on the tip of your breath
You search hard, unable to remember
Unable to decide if it’s reality
Or if you’re just a dreamer

As a kid it was different
They were all happy dreams with happy things
But now it seems the picture’s different than we dreamed
You start to grow up and you start to do things
And your dreams change from happy thoughts
To those who haunt your past
To the things you thought you forgot
And reminds you of the task
It’s not fun anymore, is it?
No, not at all
You just want to fall
Down, down, down
Out of this dream, onto your bed
Up from the floor, before your dreams were dead
Out of this thing
Where nothing seems to seem
Right anymore
Youth out the door

Nothing really stays the same
Between the dreams and the nightmares
You forgot why you came
Unprepared and unaware
But the message I’m portraying
Is not what I’m saying
I forgot why I’m here
Am I even near
To what you want to hear
Oh please, oh dear
It’s not music to please your ear
It’s to show you that we all live in fear
So give me a chance to speak my thoughts
No, don’t keep me in a box
My insight unlocked
But I fear that it’s not...

See, I write these songs
But how am I suppose to record
The beat that’s in my head
Braindead
I rather keep it stored
Take a walk inside my head
Can’t you hear it, can’t you feel it?
I was pronounced braindead
So leave it

((This is my prologue. I hope you enjoyed.))

This is why I really hate the weekends
Because I'm faced with all my demons
They've been gone for a while
The silence is when I'm put under trial
When I'm tossed into this parched land
But I'll hold tightly onto the water in my hand
I'll rely on the peace granted through the pain
Like a drought awaits Your replenishing rain

This for the little brothers
And the widowed mothers
To the Sunday morning snoozers
And the gamenight losers
To the wimps in the schoolyard
And even the bullies just down the boulevard
Shake the dust.

This is for the shopfront greeters,
The youth group worship leaders,
For the early morning joggers and the late night bike riders,
And for the boy who's crush loves someone else
For milk crate ball players,
And for the wallflower haters
Plant the forests.

To the sleepers and the dreamers,
And to the bed-wetters,
As well as the lonely love letters
To the broken hearts who write poems
And the broken souls that stole them
To men who work for a family they never see
And girls who want a lover but they'll never be
Split the seas.

For the heavens you have lived and the hells you felt you have gone through,
For the demons who have overcame and the ones yet to be overcome
For the ones who have stuck with the Lord all the same
And the ones who don't yet know His name
For the fair-weather friends the friends 'til the end
The overnighters and the stories told at campfires
Move the mountains.

This is to the poet, and lovers who don't yet know it
To the writers but it's just a hobby,
The Debbie Downers who can't stop me
This is for the authors whose books is left unread on dusty shelves
And the girls who hate the look of themselves
To the ones, that when it rains, they choose to sing
And the winter you must endure to reach the spring
Shake the dust.

This is to all of you,
and I will say it again: shake the dust.
Because from the dust you were made,
and to the dust you will return.
So let this poem not be mere words that barely flow,
may this poet not just be another kid,
too quixotic to change the world.
But might my poetry be the notes
which your words are carried by.
Let them swing and sway,
a piece to our battlecry,
some sylable in your life story.
Because from the dust you will rise,
so carry the dirt with you
and take the world by storm,
for the ground you scrape from your palms
is the story you form.

For long enough I've tended to a heatless fire
Scared of labels they press to uninspire
Tried to convince me this gloom was nothing
Then you'd think I'm demented or something
But at the same time my aloneness was hyped
Making me think I was of the insane type
But it's nice to hear my thoughts bounce off of you
Otherwise I don't know how I'd make it through

Climb down
No, sympathy is not enough right now
How could you sleep?
I hope you're dead, yourself
If you'll only show up
Once we're done breathing

There's a problem with our society
Worse than insecurities, depression, and anxiety
It's how we deal with these problems
Rather, it's how we cause them
If we disagree, we're just wrong
We're put down and told we don't belong
We've not been given a reason for what not to say
We've learned to just hold our thoughts at bay
There are kids who want to talk but fear the label
So they remain quiet and in line, feeling disabled
We wonder why they'd come to school with a gun
Yet we allow where these thoughts begun
There are things missing from our history books
Hidden by the sole judgement of how we look
Drown out the world with sound when alone
It's not their problem, but I don't have a home
A teacher never fails, it's you who takes the blow
But the greatest lessons we'll never know
They teach us the professional way
But we can **** ourselves with razorblades
We rather not talk about suicide
So we push the truth down even further to hide
We become a far more dangerous group of kids
Although it's our culture that forbids
Yet we glorify those of honor and praise
Celebrating them as they gave to the grave
Please don't be afraid of our opinion
But we think our culture treats losses like a win
Listen to me--these words are very convenient
Our opinion will not be lenient
Why is it we know them for their death
But otherwise, we don't care for their breath
We don't quite get what we're communicating
Death is a logical way is what we're saying
They begin to believe they're better off dead
But we must help them get through their head
Our voices are clear--we're demanding action
These people aren't worth it--they get a fraction
I mean no disrespect to who is left behind
But we must know this should not be glorified
We must understand what we're engraving
And the affects on how we're behaving
Do not give to the succession in a grave
But fight with us in the path that we pave
They need to know, together they will get far
This ambiguity is not who we are

I'm tossed about by the winds and the waves
Between me and who You're calling me to be
I want to be a slave to the One who has saved
But I rather not do what I crave: sit comfortably

I had created a world within my mind
To retreat to the darkness behind my eyelids
My head shipwrecked on what land I could find
Welcome to my wrists, I also call my islands

Even now, I'm drowning myself in my emotion
Between the tidal waves, I'm just rowing alone
I'm creating islands to rely on in this ocean
Open my eyes so I can sense the undertone

Tower of Silence - Track 3

Verse 1
I can - feel my - tempo - drop
Doubt - it will - ever - stop
I must have got lost, I’m not trusting
I forgot I am bought, I’m not trusty
I see that when I wrote it
But the next thing—you know it
I’m lost at sea
Collapsed, capsizing
My head is rocking sideways
Pulverizing, help me polarize it
My mind is like a sailboat, You know what I mean
You’re as close as close as close can be, but You’re still so far away it seems
And I can’t control my brain
My mind takes over my body
I can’t help but feel insane
My thoughts loose a lot of me
This morning, my life was without stain
But as the day goes by, my heart grows faint
Beaten down by the voices that taunt my head
Then I forget the war that’s lead
I let another day go, by
Polluting what should be a clear, blue, sky

Hook
I am in the think of things
Lost my sight of lunar rings
I want to live in open fields
But I doubt if that is ever real
I like fancying outside the woods
Then I fear I never could

Verse 2
I walk down the route for a season
Then I find my soul is really sinking
I’m afraid I don’t know what I’m thinking
Sinking deep, because I’m my own shrink
Can you tell I fall asleep when I give to the blink
Hell must be hot and rightfully so
Because we ought to fancy the dark
And my soul is cold, more so the older I grow
Thinking myself to sleep—we think too deep
Pressure behind my eyes, my stress will swell with pride
This headache is my own mistake
It’s the siren I let off in warning of my mind frame
Because my game is to play with my brain
I live the the pain of what my mind has made
It’s a migraine—the absence of light
I’ve been tested with no rest to walk by sight
Can you hear this distress call?
Something’s not right

Hook
I am in the think of things
Lost my sight of lunar rings
I want to live in open fields
But I doubt if that is ever real
I like fancying outside the woods
Then I fear I never could
I am in the think of things
Lost my sight of lunar rings

Refrain (x3)
Give me Your water, give me Your fire
I cannot drown, I cannot burn
When I am holding onto You
When I am holding onto You

Verse 3
I created a world inside my mind
To retreat to the darkness behind my eyelids
My head shipwrecked on what land I could find
Welcome to my wrists, I also call my islands, I rely on
But might I say we take a break from the slits
To break away from the graves of the day
We’re broken people, forged with beautiful minds
But be wary of the things your heart goes to find
Because we tend to linger toward the things undefined
Then we begin to doubt and leave our faith far behind
Listen to me, you may be convinced you’ll like it better when you’re sleeping
The dark has feeling and the pain is fleeting
But please hear this, don’t give to the blink
When I did, I found myself sinking
I fell asleep, eternally bleeding

Break
Dark nights, cold days, no sensation
One way, delayed, cease from conversation

Verse 4
The difference between being awake and dying, for one is trying
That’s all we’re called to do, You have saved me so I’ll try to love You

So please be thinking, because your soul is really breathing
And your sea may be dark, but salvation is not that far
It might take some tenacity, running from the thoughts that are after me
From the dark I turned to pleading
Asking desperately, speaking honestly
“Come save me!” and now I’m free

Your heart, my counterpart, is not made of stone
It is a roaring sea, of soul and emotion you have left alone
And it longs to break free

I use to let the eyes in the dark
Creep in my concious and part my heart
I would feed the stomach in my brain
Feasting on the thought that I'm insane
I'd lock myself in another room
As I would enter a state of gloom
I would write to rid a mind of wrong
Turns out the eyes would read along

This morning, my life was without taint
But as the day goes by,
My heart will grow faint
Beaten down by the voices
That taunt my head
Then I forget
The war that's lead
I let another day go by
Polluting what should be
A clear blue sky

The difference between
Being awake and dying
For one, is trying
That's all we're
Called to do
You have saved me
So I'll try to love You

My flight suit, is full-proof
I jump in, no regret when
My armor, is stronger, don’t bother
The Father, is all that, I garner
Only He, can get me, father

Stay close to me, flight suit
I say when I don’t want You
I’ll take a step off, wearing my armor
I keep it tight, bound to the light
As I’m falling, into His calling

So easy to slip off, I tip off
I trip and skip down the lip
And I’m falling to the earth
Oh God, this is gonna hurt
But He still supplies my lift

Why have others been spared while I have been standing there?
Must I be closer to Your throne to have something shown?
How can I come closer when You feel so much farther?
How does everyone else preach when I can’t even reach You?
Am I meant to be so far, so people will somehow see You from my scars?
Is that possible, is it probable?
Is this how You make me more like You, to die and feel so far so they can come closer to?
They seem to know something, but I know their loneliness is buzzing
And they’re so far from You, unlike what I should have done to
I don’t understand, but I know You have a plan
Is it that I stay in this state of my whirl, to see the state of this world?
Like Your Son was, and what He does?

NEONISFAKEFIRE.
CAN’TYOUSEE?
NEONISFAKEFIRE.
WELL,ISUPPOSE
YOUHAV­ETOFEEL.

Faith, like a kid?
Well I got faith, under my bed
I said, will you be my friend?
And then he nods his head
But was something he misread
And he left something unsaid
Nige is my friend
But what he meant was fiend
And I find that I bend
To the weight of this wind
And I become something within
Something I’ve always been

What will I do with it?
This gift that He’s given, that’s the question
Will He approve of it?
Is this prohibited?
Will I ever stop rappin’ about all of my doubtin’?
Will I ever just step off the ledge to pledge
That I neglect the red and won’t let it fledge
I’ve taken a step but still I fear the fall
It’s hard, isn’t it, to give God your all?
Because I doubt what I saw, this vision I had
Though I felt it as a pawn, I fear that it’s bad
Is it Satan painting this contradicting friction?
Bundling me with fear, keeping me huddled here?
To another neon light—is there fire in my plight?
Honest darkness the world needs to hear?
Hand it over to God and let Him steer?

Your eyes tell me a story
Your lips never will
There's a voice behind your words
That longs to speak
But you won't let me read your story
And I can't read your lips
You refrain your heart from speaking
Saying things to me
But all that comes out is flies and spiders

I feel like a disgrace to the human race
But wait, they don’t grace the face me
Don’t play with the taste of me
Stay if you wanna say with me
The things the world won’t dare to speak
Both our demons and our society
The singing they keep off our tongue
The things they don’t want
Because they know if we sung
There would be new under the sun

I wanna pout, scream and shout!
Let it all out, fuss around!
Down for the count, freak you out!
But that ain’t His mouth, that ain’t His fount
That’s just my font, I’d like the flaunt
Because it taunts anyways, and I thought
If I haunt it, it would eventually stop

Out To Sea - Track 3

(((Early age, I barely remember this stage
When I started to face, but I looked away)))

What I’m trying to say is...
I’ve been waiting, for a thought to come to mind
A thought so good, one that I can make a storyline
‘Cause all I can seem to think is, how much I want to write
So I sit, pen in hand
And I write as much as I can
But still by the end of it, I’m lost
I can’t keep up with my thoughts
And I’m awful, ‘cause I had this dream when I was a kid
But these things are disappearing with the older I get
I’ve been sitting as the ink drips and my mind slips—going dull
So perhaps I should just go back to using the pencil
Foraging in the origins, in the roots to see what grew

More things get in the way, day by day
And I just can’t write, and I don’t know why
I don’t have time and when I do I sigh
I present this stuff to God because I cry
And I know He hears, even though I don’t really talk to Him
I just write, and expect Him to take them
But I hold onto these notes and don’t listen
And maybe that’s a problem—better yet, it is
I know it is but I always lose thought
Of the hope I have
And I go back to writing
And it doesn’t make sense
And I start all over again.
So here I am
I’m writing this song
To just explain to you in a way
That I’m crazy

I don’t know what the next songs hold
And I know you probably won’t get them
But it’s the prologue I never told
If you’re here to hear, just keep trying
It’s fine if you don’t understand
It’s not part of the plan
Only few comprehend
Don’t try to keep me congregated
I’ve done that for long enough
And now my thoughts are complicated
I like it this way, it’s for your own good
It comes out the wrong way
So keep back because you really should

I'm better today than I have been
But I can't expect it again to happen
Lately it's been worse than it has in a while
But I know it's just my faith under trial
I've been tested like a ship at sea
The winds and the waves have come to suit me
But I won't let the ocean pull me asunder
Gravestones won't burry me and take me under
In time I know I'll recover
Recently I've been worse than I usually am
I wonder if I've chosen it
Or if I can choose not to think this way--
How to undo it if I can
I know the night will come again
But to play a part in the dark will not happen
I can't choose every moment to live in the day
Even if I tell myself to think that way,
The feeling won't stay
One day I will get over this wall of stone
Though I know I'm so far from home
For now, I am fighting to reach the morning light
One day, I know, I will leave behind this night

I could post the depressing lines in my head
The flow is smoothe and the lines resonate
I could hold a celebration for another name
But the words would save me before I dissipate
Then that would just be returning to the dead
I've decided that between who would die
Ultimately I choose my name to be lame
And I choose my Father to glorify
So between you and I, I'll write for you instead

you
are the best part of my day
make my day
are my good days

There’s a lot more where this all came from
But be warned of what is to come
If you see a light, well I still see a gun
But I guess this thing has already begun
I’m not sure what to let you see
What goes where and which lines to keep

He doesn’t need me, but oh the beauty
That He chooses, us to be tools of
His light, to glorify, and lift Him high
And so I try, to testify the sky
With all my might, but my might will die
And even with all His strength
It still does not quite reach
My capability to make you see
To praise Him in my humanity
But I try to personify, Him and His glory
So one day you can see the full story

These gravestones call my name
The things they claim
A crow sits atop a tree
Carrying a noose for me
At my soul, they're tapping
In the dark, they're stabbing
I won't let them take my soul
I will write the truth you must know
I must say it again
I won't let them take my soul
Please tell them not to take my soul
You may take my soul
I'm sorry.