For so long I struggled
With trying to jumble words
Together
To write a poem
For you
For our friendship

But it has now dawned on me
That perhaps our friendship
Is one that is no longer in tact
It is fading

It is withering
Like a flower
After a long hot summer
Drifting into fall
A start to an end

I was in denial
I tried to ignore the signs
Every small text ignored
Every small shove aside
Every plan unfollowed
I felt it
I knew
Perhaps you did too

Our lives are changing
I always thought
We would make it through

But our friendship
One that has lasted half our lives
Is one that I never presumed
Wouldn't stand the test of time.

I used to be afraid to inhale
But I've been to hell and back
I still don't think I've sinned enough
But I understand, now, why people smoke their lungs black.

Everyone's got their poison,
And we each have to choose
Based on what has shaped us
Whether it's ***, cigarettes, drugs, or *****.

It's not up to me to judge you
We're all just doing our best to get by
At the end of the day, whatever the vice
We're all just wandering through life high.

i am selfishly missing you
because I know that if you were still here
you'd be dying over
and
over
and
over again with every pinch of a needle.

Help
Ive let myself slip
Living in this asylum
Im losing my mind over myself

Caretakers
Accuse themselves of being careful
All i could hope for as they held
My heart in their hands
But nailclippers are not allowed here

Of course I know im insane
Becuase those caretakers
And anxiety
Are the same

My first impression
Is your first perception
Aware of all my indiscretions
Your razor blades, cut the shades
Open eyes, watching scared
look afraid
My past, trying to hide it all
Chin up
Need to walk tall
Leave the book open
Probably going to fall
Back covers description sets
A portion of my life's regrets
They feel a need to dissect
Every portion of my intellect

So call me skitzo or call me nothing
I got to be me or you know I'm bluffing
Insanity of truth I keep stuffing

Cause I'm a little crazy
But it's the skitzo that made me
So go on and try to break me
you'll just irritate me
Cause I’m as real as it gets
And your all faking
I’m deep underground
And your all mainstream
Everyone wants to be on my team
They want me like dope to a fiend
But I ride alone
On my myself I lean

The morning after is when the heart is at its heaviest.
Remnants of the night before are broken in fragments,
barely alive but still breathing, like wilting flowers—
Neon lights, stolen glances, cups of coffee, roaring laughter, moments when you feel like you're in love—
They turn to memories left in a time
that isn't far away just yet,
But the distance of just a few hours
makes you feel lonelier than ever.
*(The past within your reach, yet impossible to grasp once again.)

The words
Be happy
They make me angry
For the words be happy
Do not fix me

The words
Just eat
They irritate me
For the words just eat
Wont make me hungry

-ARI