People have crushes for a few days or weeks
But it goes away
One for me lasted three years
Confusing my peers
I don't give up easily
Not on someone I see myself with for a while
And not for some silly date or two or a sour ending that causes turmoil for everyone
I dont want the classic soap opera
Just her hand as I take her with me
Years into it all.

it is always dark before the sun
My heart never  felt the same
The pain leave mark on my chest
A moment lost but tied together with lies
I can;t turn back time
It was too late fix your broken heart
I was no doc but need a degree put this back together
We don't  think of  things we  lose
We are so stuck not thinking
Only thoughts of needs of what we want
We had something great but now its gone
Just like magic trick in the wind

I never knew a few years could feel like a few centuries, life is short but feels so long. Are we forgetting the difference? I always wonder. I always wonder too much, but can you find other people who do the same? Good, i don't feel as lonely in this dungeon.

The holidays masquerade as
simple and sweet,
the affectionate smell
of freshly baked cookies,
melted chocolate and
a minty breeze,
The fantasy of something white,
and lights, lights
so many lights.

But up close it's
nothing more than
tension, poorly masked
by contrived small talk.
No politics.
No religion.
And don't talk about anything
that matters.
Guilt at the pit of my stomach,
in a small room
with too many people,
too many inauthentically polite people.
And a clock,
A clock that won't stop ticking
for just a moment,
to let me breathe.

You ask me if I have a
“New Years Resolution,”

Honey,
I gotta write myself
A new constitution.
Ima start a personal revolution
Cuz I made a conclusion:
I wasn’t being the best person I could’ve,
I wasn’t.

Didn’t take risks or chances that I could’ve,
I wouldn’t.

I didn’t see the good in front of me,
I couldn’t
But I wanted.

Ima treat myself better
Than how I treat my best friends
I’m start things and finish’em
Right till they end

Ima love a bit harder than ever before
Ima even call my mum a little bit more.

Ima tell everyone I adore that they deserve mountains instead of molehills,
Cause they’re all modest in nature and indulge wisely like mice
You deserve every grain in that small bowl of rice
Even if you don’t want to admit it
Even if you don’t realise

Ima sing
Ima craft a love song through the notes that I write
Through my scribbles and nibbles
Gonna treat my lovers right

My friends
my companions
my sisters and brothers
I’ll smother y’all with cheesy ****
Like the personal poet you never had

And I’m glad
That I have the nicest humans
Who I only met in happenstance
Who listen to my ramblings
And the dramatic ways of my circumstance

Maybe this year
I write something brilliant,
Jubilant,
Magnificent
But if I can manage to make someone smile
That would already be significant

If you asked me for my New Years Resolution,
I couldn’t really answer you,
The goals I have in mind
Are really far from “just a few.”

We wrote our names on the beach in animal bones
as a vivisection, on our love.
there, she’s whispering into shells
into their Fibonaccian, trumpeted, dresses
and full-cheeked into a razor clam flute.
I, too, gave my blood to grease our domestica
and hung names on stars over the nighttime sea
always accompanied as I were
with the shark-eye, death, of her looks.

We dressed up the walls of home in black and pinstripe,
filled the place up with lit and lightless places,
Shadowboxed, shadowfucked, and silently argued.
Spent hours inside, laying floorboards
and then laying on them
to stare at the sodium lights
and discuss the inkblots on our eyes.
We vivisected our lives,
and splashed it on the walls
and carved it into the carpets.

We set alight to christmas trees
when the kids were sleeping upstairs.
We dressed in each-other’s reddening horror
and answered the door.
Valentines day was full of bone bouquets,  
the gripper rods grew through the carpet
so on them we danced.
I prayed for the first time in the first year
and every one hit me subesquently
like I was its anvil.

I should have gone to war.
Because it makes forever shorter
things can only happen right now.

I watched everything in our domestica,
like when the static moved off the television
and played on the window
gutting me of my escape.
The smiles hung on our faces like lupus,
We had people round,
we cooked and coughed and choked
And their faces peeked round from the doorframe
and laughed.

The domestica lives
only to be a bit of fun,
but in the very same span of time
that decided to **** the birds on my windowsill
and my children’s love for me
and my dexterity.
We’ve happened to the whole world too
I promise you, my love,
my little hospice fire,
my flat tire at night at nowhere,
the lie you recognise means it’s over,
A field of a thousand three-leaved clovers,
the brightest night when you’re hiding,
your heart attack on holiday,
your bloodstained bed sheet
And sleep, whilst outside
the sleet and snow makes every emergency
harder to get to, and still the morning
much more beautiful.
I, you, we happened.