Quit acting out
Stop running your mouth
This isn't the place
You don't have the crowd

So what to do now?
Deaf ears are, by nature, not tuned to hear.
Skip the line and do what you stepped out to find

Paint over me
Replace the image with something nice
Like a bowl of fruit or a cup of rice.
But make sure to fully apply
You can cover me up
But my voice doesn't die

Spread my name and sprinkle in lies.
Make me look like this bad guy.
It's all good now, and I honestly have given up on how.
So erase those memories.  
The ones you share with the one smashing these keys.
You gotta get out the paint,
roll up your jeans and start to paint over me

But like with any period of time
There is always some type of find
Discovery comes when you allow yourself to be kind

Paint over me
I don't wish to be
Another follower turned casuality
I'll walk away for free
Just make sure that when I leave
You paint over me
When the urge to reach out hits
Remember that wounds heal bit by bit
And if you could just please
Let me be
Paint over me

I was a welcome mat for your muddy and blistered feet
an open entrance for your troubled mind
a shelter for your shattered heart on nights where the silence became too loud

but soon, you took your refuge for granted,
my view of you over time became slanted
your ***** dishes in the sink were quicker to clean than being able to see what you were doing to me

a friendship that once felt like home became broken
and I became a pit stop that was conveniently placed on your
daily route
and you only paid in self-doubts

you were a wounded traveler that could never give, but could always take
and always left the next morning with pieces of my own sanity
I needed to lock my doors before I ended up losing everything

You died today-
and by passing-you took with you
any chance I had at getting an apology
but I guess that chance was gone
when your brain was overtaken by the cancer
I knew when I saw you 15 years ago
at your grandson's baseball game-
that I would never get an apology
you didn't even recognize me-
I was your "daughter" at one time
many years ago-
I wanted to tell you then
how you had helped shape my life-
how it took me many years
of drugs-of alcohol-of feeling
like it was all my fault-many years of
failed relationships-broken marriages
years of running from and running to-
the little girl inside me that you broke
that you wounded with your drunken
late night visits to my room
How even when I knew it was not my fault
I still felt guilty-and I still struggle with that-
always taking the blame or
feeling guilt over everything-
never feeling good enough-
never feeling worthy of love-
I remember you pulling me and sis
from our beds in the dead of night-
to drag us to the front door to show mom-
that maybe she got away from the beating
that night but you would show her-
you threatened to set the house on fire-
with me, sis and you in it-
She in the front yard
with all the neighbors looking on-
was screaming for you to let us go-
that the police were coming-
and I remember thinking
at that tender age of 8-
Please just set it on fire
so I don't have to go through this anymore-
That day at the game-I looked at you
and felt sorry for you-your mind was
just beginning to go-and I saw in your eyes
that you weren't even there-and that maybe you
never really had ever been all there-
I guess-that was when I forgave you
Even without that apology

Look at me like a lion looks at its preys
dangerous but with intent
despite the dreadful gaze,
I long to come near your whiskers
eat me piece by piece and it will surely hurt than if you swallow me whole
it's okay
I'm familiar with the pain, anyway
and every crushing blow of your jaws wounds the inches of my soul
but I can't cry, I can't call for help
because somehow, I liked it
I liked your destructive chews
I liked the thought of being with you wounded and torn,
than be uncut and whole on my own.