all night I'm wide awake
these feelings I can never fake
the emptiness, the nothingness
tearing me apart in darkness

half asleep and I'm in this portal
everything seems like crucial
vexations are turning on
emotions i can't hold on

it all comes down in one setting
narrow, shallow and i'm panting
obscure and i cannot comprehend
so vague that I cannot see the end

floating away with my dreams
all the hurt and all the screams
trapped in this four cornered wall
linked to my own shadow; left with nothing at all

My thoughts smash through my skull,
bursting forth with a stream of words
that I can neither control nor stop.
Why was I created this way?
It is still never what I want to say.
No, that is reserved for the paper in which
I spend my days hiding in.
Diving into the endless recesses of my mind
to scratch and dig and pick out
a single strand of pain that filters
through the rest of my body,
so that I can feel raw and unbridled
as I scratch ink on the paper
in a scrawl that is nearly ineligible
not even I can read it.
So instead I let my fingers
go numb from gliding across keys,
so that all may hear my scream
instead of taking that pen and inking my arm
in red, red ink.
So much ink that it passes my skin and bleeds into my veins
just to mingle with the blood
and flow back out in rejection
of all that I was, and all that I am.

I raise my hand
Everyone else gets called on
Except me
I’m overlooked.

I walk up to them
I want to talk to them
They turn to face me
And go over to talk to their real friends.

I’m insignificant
I wish I could blame other people for
Ignoring
Me.

But I can’t
I’m worthless
It’s not worth it
To acknowledge me.

These other people are not to blame
These happy few
Who run the world
I am not one of them.

I envy them
Why are they so
Significant?
So worth-full?

But I don’t deserve your attention
I don’t deserve love
As much as a strive, I will never
Be worth it.

It’s not their fault
It’s not your fault
It’s my fault
I shouldn’t have been born.

Overlooked
Meek
Insignificant
Worthless

I wonder why
My mother did not cast me aside
The moment she held me
The moment she knew I was wrong

What were her thoughts
In that moment?
Why did she think
I should be kept?

I think she thought she was
Doing me a favor
When in reality, she was only
Prolonging the inevitable.

Because of this,
I know who I am
Because of this,
I know I am worthless.

No one else knows this, though
I am surprised
I thought my inferiority oozed through my pores
But it doesn’t.

I thought they would be able to smell me
But they can’t
They look at me
And they do not know.

Wow
It seems that
I am so insignificant
No one can noticed my worthlessness.

I am insignificant
But I am here
Doomed to walk this Earth
Alone.

It is my curse for living.

mistakes make us
human
and as
i
make the same
ones
over
and
over
i
no longer
see mistakes
i see an unalienable personality
that i can never give up
im trying
to climb a mountain
that goes on interminably

don't worry the end is near
all i need to do is stop climbing
and fall...

Why do I plan for the future,
When I won’t I’ve past twenty-one?
Why do I still bother trying,
When I just want life to be done?
They all say I’ll do great things,
Even though I can’t get out of bed,
So what’s the point in waking up,
When I feel I’d be better off dead?
Loneliness consumes my heart,
And sorrow consumes my soul,
So how can they see anything in me,
When my future’s as dark as coal?
They all say that they’d miss me,
But I know that they’ll be fine,
No one could ever miss,
A life as worthless as mine.