Cheated and defeated –
                  my mistakes, themselves, repeated . . .
A monster made of gluttony;
                  I’ve no option but to feed it.

I saw the writing on the walls,
           But, my feeble eyes had failed to read it.
Still... I’m not convinced that this warning,
        Was chosen by my eyes, not to be heeded.

Perhaps my head was the catalyst
           A byproduct of an acid trip;
           Had split this world in two.
Some for me, and some for you.
Maybe . . . this warning wasn’t meant for me.
Maybe . . . it’s for the second half of two.

“Ye kind-hearted shall not go forth”
                              … is what I believe it said,
But I can’t be too certain.  
                              After all, I’ve lost my head.
Which brings up some emotions -
                               Or maybe, they’re allusions?
But, I can’t tell through the hallucinations
                If these are real or illusory movements.

So the fish hook pulled me deeper . . .  
                       All the while, stretching skin.

                       I knew not about the rabbit hole
                       to which I just dove in.

It seemed a lot more like an alley when I first took a glance,
Once I took a second step, I guess I chose to dance.

               Oh, what a performance it’s been!  
                And we haven’t yet hit intermission!
                 Although, I’m not sure when that is…
                            As I seem to have lost my vision.

The Queen of Hearts shouted,
                              “Off with his head!”
But without a brain to notice,
      I couldn’t hear what she had said.
She said it before the guillotine dropped…
So was my brain already gone
                      When my head hit the block?

I’m not sure where to find the pieces.
                     I didn't know I fell apart.
                     I didn’t know
I was a headless servant
                    To the heartless
                    Queen of Hearts.

Now, without a head,
                   I’m trying to piece it back together.
And I’m worried that this rabbit hole
           just may have me trapped here forever.

So, I’ll trace my steps backward, to try to find my "forward."
But as I set my pace faster, I find I'm moving slower.
Things turn upside down, when you’re this far down . . .
And the carousel just spins – around and around.

Gaining speed, with increasing malice
I hopped right on
        And chose a different path than Alice.

Here we arrive again at choice, but was it one at all?
This is when I found the Hatter – where the bounds of logic fall.
He asked me why I was there.
             He said, “My boy, have you gone mad?”
And as I searched for reason,
                                          I concluded that I had.

Standing on the ceiling,
            we both watched the world, twirling.
Sipping from our cups,
            between the stirs of sterling.
We chatted over tea, and while I was now content with spinning . . .
My content grew simultaneous
with the Cheshire Cat’s grinning.
He looked at me and said,
                                      “Upside down, yet, you seem alright?”
I responded with a “Hm…”
                                        and my spinning turned to flight.

I flew from the table and
       As I questioned if I was stable,
I grasped for the air.
       And for the first time . . .
                                          I was able.

Apart from the question, I now knew that I was mad,
Because I gripped a fist of air,
                             knowing full-well it can’t be grabbed.
I swung through the air…
                                    maybe I flew . . . I’m not sure.
But as I passed over ground, I surveyed it for Her.
I looked for Alice as my guide,
                              but someone took her place:
The "heartless" Queen of Hearts
                                     and her over-sized face.
Was it the face? Or just the head?
                            What’s ahead without a face?
It seems I lost the bounds of logic
                                    upon my fall from grace.

Was I flying?
Or was I falling?
It seems that orbit was my calling . . .
Where, as high as I fly,
   the paradox of orbit keeps me falling.
Maybe I’ll stay out here, where it’s quiet by the stars
And there’s no signs to read;
               no catalysts for scars.  
But did I ever escape?
                Am I still in the hole?
I found among these fragments
          the completion to my soul.

Somewhere between falling and flying,
              I told the truth while I was lying
And found my equilibrium
               between the living and the dying.

Running through the maze
In this sleepy haze

Dressed up in blue and white
Here, underneath the moonlight

White roses painted red
And a man, with a messed up head

Tell me a story, or I won't even blink,
I want you to take me to worlds that I
think I could find beauty in, places
to hide deep within like an inside
joke, or a laugh, or a path
to take into Neverland,
a bridge to Wonderland,
any land
as long as I can have you in it.

Tell me a story, fill my sinuses with stink,
I want to feel the ship I want to smell
the brink of desperation, to feel
a strange, secure, separation to
myself, filled with a wealth of
nonsense knowledge, take me
through foliage and laugh as I
bask in a seething sun,
come on, let's go, I crave fun.

Tell me a story, help me taste a
waste of time, I want to laugh a
rhyme and commit the crime
of uselessness and happiness and
bonkerness and silliness and fun
watch me run into a field of fantasies
tongue sampled teas and
smile at simplicities'
sanctuary.

Tell me a story, and allow me to touch
a part of your mind you let
locked away, darling, parent, sibling,
quibbling cognitive miser
tell me a story and you'll end up
wiser for knowing it, for imparting
it, let's party it and part with the
sweetest words of goodness,
I could hear from you

To be **continued

crescent moon smiles
light the path ahead
‘we’re all mad here’
laughed the voices
in your head

strange creatures of Wonderland
transform before your eyes
nothing is the same
because everything that you think is real
is a lie

don’t pretend you have any control
we all know you’re insane
follow the rabbit hole
down to Wonderland
get lost in the madness
let it enter your veins

Welcome to this magical place
The one down the rabbit hole..
Where little girls drink wine and pop pills

Every ounce of innocence is lost in this place.

Welcome to this magical land
Of all these beautiful creatures
And some deadly foes

Welcome darling  
For you will see
This magical place isn't what it's made out to be..

It's dreadful and dreary
Its mentally hysteric

There's Rabbits on crack
A queen with a fetish for chopping off heads
And a guy named the hatter who tells a riddle of a raven..

A raven you say?
And Why is it like a writing desk?

For no one has an idea, the mans gone mad.

The best people are apparently..

Only in this magical land.

There's shattered glass on the floor still
The spidery cracks running from where my fist collided with my reflections
How long have I been here?
How long have I been wasting away in this tainted wonderland?

Controlled freedoms oppress my mind
Which is banging on the inside on my skull, wild with a fury to escape

I can't be out of my mind when all my problems lie within it.
Social pressures mean nothing when you're at war with yourself.

It's not easy when the thoughts in your head become twisted and tangled like Christmas lights.
No matter how hard you try to keep them straight, year after year, you're stuck fighting.

I gave up God knows when, throwing the thoughts on the ground in defeat
Watching the colored light die out
I'd always preferred the darkness anyway.

But even with the numb, there is still one thought protruding in the abyss
A small flicker in the outlet.
It lives on, thriving in the emptyness.
It ***** you in, limb by limb, 'til you can no longer breathe.

But that's what you wanted in the first place, wasn't it? Not to breathe? Not to be alive?

           I wonder if you can see the suicidal in my eyes.