Your life's a mess
My life's a mess
Your love's a mess
My love's...
        I don't know
Maybe I don't have it
Do I not
Do I feel it
Do I know how it feels
        No
        I don't
        I don't know how it feels
Do you
You do
But you don't feel it now

Yours is a mess
But not for me
Mine's... unsure

I sit here
And let my mind wander
Down silly paths
Pondering the past
Wondering why some things
Last
A shadow casts
My silouhette trying to stand
Tall
But small
Is how I feel
As I fall
To knees pleading
I'm not really sure how I'm feeling
These days, become all the same
Mundane

When I close my eyes
And try to sleep
Attempting to rest
Letting my dreams meet

I can't stand the quiet
The unsettling silence
When my mind is restless
But the world is silent

My mind races
With ideas that aren't true
With visions that won't happen
With words that weren't spoken

But I lay there
Listening to my mind
As my body lays still
But my mind still screams

Why should I think
Of things that aren't true
Letting my nightmares haunt me
Dealing with constant restlessness

But you came
Unexpected and fast
I have whiplash from your kindness
Words I have never heard before

But as I lay there
Tightly in your arms
I feel comfort
For once I feel safe

My mind stays silent
Even without the rain
Without the fan
It's still quiet

Instead I listen to you
How your chest rises and falls
How your heart begins to settle
Even your sighs of contempt

Everything is still new
And I'm afraid
But when you just hold me
I've never felt this safe

I do not know what love is
Never having the feeling in my chest
But when I lay here with you
I feel I'm at my best

Thank you my love I know that will soon bloom

What does it mean if
After we’re together, when
I go into the bathroom to ***
(because I don’t want to leave for a second when we’re together)
And I look in the mirror,
And there are indents--
Lines, even, on my face--
Crescent moons framing my mouth
From smiling,
Complementing the dark crescents under my eyes
From staying up so late to be together.
Just to
Be.
Together.
?

Darkened grime has not spread across my body
Soot-covered fingerprints have not traced the lines in my skin
Poisonous words have not crawled into my veins
My brain has yet to be compromised by this chemical cocktail

Untouched
Is my soul’s home
She is reserved with brick walls and number codes
She sends a warning with guard dogs tall and strong
But behind the closed iron doors
Is her white room

Scared to spill
But wanting to throw paint after taking off plastic covers
Wanting to ruin
But not wanting the hurt
Wanting the touch
But not the pain
And yet
A masterpiece could be waiting

Untouched
Yes, I am untouched
Museum-grade red ropes
Look, don’t come close
And, at this rate,
I don’t know when I’ll be ready
To let go

I am shaking
Fearful, as the shouts grow louder
Every breath leaves me aching
The hourglass has begun to fall slower and slower by the hour

Reality has crumbled into mere dust sliding through my fingers
Wordless, soundless, screaming
Avoiding the empty, shattered mirrors
Left to pace between thoughts, as my hands do the cleaning

I cut my arms on glass, but I'm not seeing the bleeding
Dripping down my arms from my veins are jokes gone wrong
Sitting, in the glass poured over me, I'm leaping
It won't be too long

I've done a bad thing and I can't be forgiven
I am smiling at the spots in my vision that look like stars
I'm dancing, swaying, to an unknown etheral rthym
The whispers are seeping through my gray walls

Words have become a mush of meaningless *******
I hear the floors loosen and soon I am falling through
Ego tandem videre stellas
Ad astra per aspera