I feel our arms they're intertwining
inosculation through the years
I want your heart to beat erosion
armored from my salt and tears
They say its all apart of process
we all have to pay our dues
I was scraping off the mosses
and broke off some bits of you

here it comes
I hide it all
for another day
scratch and scrawl
crumpled paper *****
just thrown and tossed away
I'm so small
but I have time
so much more to gain
I may fall
but know my call
the one and only protégé

tear the heart off of my sleeve
tissue deep under your nail
you snatched it up, scratched it
threw it down, and watched it flail
desperate chambers
pumping restless but alas to no avail
my breast is empty, yet its tempting
my innards set to sail

here it comes
I hide it all
for another day
scratch and scrawl
crumpled paper *****
just thrown and tossed away
I'm so small
but I have time
so much more to gain
I may fall
but know my call
the one and only protégé

are you hollow are you gasping?
are you just like me?
a beached whale thrashing
rolling 'round in debris
no you are different
a tiny treasure I adore
perfect pearl shining big and bright
washed right next to me ashore
how rare it is to find such a tool amongst the trash
but was this jewel made of parasite or lonely grain of sand?

here it comes
I hide it all
another day
scratch and scrawl
crumpled paper *****
just thrown away
I'm so small
but I still have time
so much to gain
know my call
the one and only protégé

I need security, like a hug that warms me
I can’t keep pretending not to be
I’m struggling to remember what made me better
Cause the words that I used to say seem like an error

The memory of the colonge “Invictus” still floats
His cologne always seemed to calm me during my episodes
But now I’m starting to wonder if that was even real
Anyday now someone will rip off the disguse and make the big reveal

Am I delusional or do I just need to stop obsessively obsessing about everything?
These thoughts don’t sound right and my futures looking grim
I’m chasing a feeling that doesn’t exist anymore
I’m trying to fight and serve in a fictional war

Maybe I really am delusional, and I’m not sure what’s fact and what’s fiction
I’m waiting for someone to give me permission to make a decision of my own volition!
I want people to give a **** or two about the things I’m thinking loudly
I’m just asking for a little respect, after all, I always listen undoubtely

Smash me into the ground with your opinions, just listen and hear
I’m not trying to take your ear
You may not be real at all, but could you try a little harder
I want effort in relationships, not this ******* social torture

I need a push in the right direction, don’t tell anyone, but I probably need some help
I don’t think it’s in my best interest (even if it’s what I want)to be
I’m not trying to be a **** when I say this, bud
But I need you to step it up

this is not supposed,
to fade this quickly.
I'm not meant,
to sink back,
into misery.
have initial butterflies,
already faded?
has my view of you,
already become jaded?
do you like me,
as you say you do...
or am I just ***,
and a dumb joke to you?

What did she have that I’m missing? What did you have then vs. now that changes things? It’s hard to feel like it’s not me. I’m sorry. I’m sure I’m adding to your stress and I’m sure I’m not helping but I just want you to see what this seems like to me, especially considering my history— nobody has ever been sure of me, really.

Even the guy who didn’t really want me, was able to get down on one knee. Hell, he even married me— albeit unfaithfully.
Is that why you can’t do the same thing? Do you not really want me? Or are you not sure I’m everything you need?
Why am I not enough for you to really choose me?

I liked that night, we were flying
As the black cloaked your stars, you had your eyes closed
Sleep-deprived and half dead I thought of loving you
It seemed foolish

On the ground, it felt dizzy
like you spun me around
Friendly smiles were small
Everything was so dead I didn’t think of you

I don’t know the day where I thought of it as more
It wasn’t a day but a memory, a rememory
The buttons were pushed before I was ready

Anxiously I worked and worked and acted like your honey didn’t matter to me
It didn’t, I convince myself even now
But the moment came in capitals
You thought I was unattainable

The breaks were pressed by those closest
Of course they were, it’s what they’re there for
I waited and waited and waited and I got tiny answers

I got fragments, particles, portions
I never got it all
I still don’t have it all
Is this you
Is this my body?
Worse, is it my mind

Tell me now, if I ask too much
Tell me now, if communication won’t be our thing
Tell me now If we won’t be our own thing
But just tell me
Tell me anything
Because I need to be told

She kissed him
With question marks?
While he kissed her
With "quotations"
And together they became
a run on sentence...

here.
and then not.
well now what?

he’s holding back tears,
this soft summer
says he has a cold,

my hand magnetically,
attaches to his shoulder
and pulls him closer.

He kisses my head,
“you’re such a good friend”
as his arm snakes round my shoulder.

now we’re lying.
swaying summer grass
his hand takes mine,

jokes that my arm
is in the wrong place,
Corrects it with caress.

we are standing somewhere,
here and then not,
this isn’t fair
well now what?