You were overzealous, had me concealed.
You tried to care, you thought you were my shield.
You created this storm-cloud,
Always angry and loud.
You were hazardous, too weak to be healed.

running in the hallway of memory
pictures mounted on the walls
bright smiles and entranced fidelity
evolved into nowhere to turn

anxiety refreshes the past
from musical pieces once treasured by a passion so strong
I believed so unbreakable
would later prove me a fool

septic jealously
tangled grabbing
dry eyes and painful tears
destructive wounds
unhealthy affinity
would result in an addiction of abuse

too early to understand
denial and anxiety befriended me
I refused the truth
forgive me that I refused what was better for the both of the us
feeling regret I didn’t take action sooner
too late to change havoc being dealt

three years ahead in time
I wonder where you are
do you still think of me?
after all I’ve caused?
or do you not?
questions roam from time to time
I wonder if yours do too

together we are not innocent in a court of law
both criminals that have been charged
with a love so dangerous
needing to repent

do you remember?
the songs? the touch?
my lips?
our intolerable dependency?

I’m reaching out to you
in vast space of once was
tears once cried
tell their own story

Why is it that you sleep so soundly beside me while I lie awake feeling alone~

you're too skinny, girl
I want to be just like you

you're not healthy,
girl
lay me down
right next to you

broken and free is a fine line.
(everybody's pretty
in the right light)
think I could be pretty
unhealthy                       too

Growth.
Going, you know that you have gone.
Walking clockwise around yourself
I’ve learned that I know nothing
Other than that sometimes you don’t need to know

You need to know calculus and how to sing in 2 different languages
You need to know how to dress business casual and shake hands and beam people with your smile

But when do we learn how to comfort ourselves
Comfort found without the BPA of anything above a 0.8
Who taught us that hearts beating fast will become familiar.
Warm, even

A hollowed tree
Like the air in a haze of silence
Like a sunflower seed in the palm of your hand
Like a child anticipating Christmas morning

It starts faster than you’re prepared for
At first you’re falling
Terrified, uncontrolled, holding your breath
Eyes closed
Wind whistling past you
You’re shaking
Now you’re screaming
Thrilled
Heart racing
Teeth bared
You’re smiling now
As you catch yourself
Adhering to a branch
Swinging from side to side
Weaving through everything in your way
Intertwining with yourself
Braiding your own silk
Don’t stop for a moment
If anyone saw you they’d tell you to slow down
But you don’t know how
You’ve given up control of your body
You’re the creator
And the follower
Constructing your own masterpiece
Nothing
Else
Exists
Time is a fictional concept
The world is a cloud of fog
And you have never seen more clearly
The patterns dancing before you
Growing in magnitude and detail
And it’s exquisite
You hear the murmurs as people walk past
Admiring your quilted work of art
It’s all that’s ever mattered
It’s all that ever will matter
Past, present, future, as one

Now for the first moment
You take a breath
Proud
Relaxed
Content
Lucky to have been given this talent
Satisfied with your efforts
Blessed to be a part of something so great
So breath-taking
Twists of sweet silk wrap around you
Intertwined with your self-made comfort
Wrapped in your blanket of security
Tangled in your thoughts of happiness
Gum on the soles of your feet
Captivated by your own distractions
Bound by your expectations
Smothered by the necessity of love
Glue on the tips of your fingers
Trapped by the need for control
Suffocated by your pride
Choking on the admiration
Rubber bands constricting your neck
Bound by the fear of change
Knotted by the unwanted consistency
Imprisoned by your own design

Your legs strapped, unable to move
Your hands cemented to the transparent rope
Tightening around your wrists
Your hair becomes the sheer silk
Your clothes are now tangled twine
Encompassing the entirety of your body
Adhering to your ankles
Strangling your neck
Drowning your thoughts
Suffocating your free will
Vision blurs
World dulls
Sounds muffle
Struggling only weakens you
So you become stone
Paralyzed
Unable to move
Unable to breathe
Unable to find the motivation
The purpose
The drive
You once had
You’ve lost possession of your worth
Surrounded by beauty
Your stomach remains an empty glass jar

Suddenly
You’re swept
You’re spinning
Unwinding
Out of control
Trying to grasp onto a thread
Something recognizable
Reaching to hold on
Arms flailing
Hummingbird heart
As everything you’ve ever known disappears
Ripped apart
Torn to shreds
Every
Detail
Destroyed
And you’re left
Alone
Dangling
Gasping for air
Controlled by the wind
A single thread
Cinched to your leg
Dragging along
The crushed dream of what once was
Ache lingers
Birds flutter
Ants scurry
And you’re left stranded
Abandoned by your past
Unable to begin again

Like the air in a muddy cloud of noise
Like a sunflower dehydrated to a crisp
Like a hopeless child, brought to reality

Until one day
It will snap
And you will be nothing again

this feeling is not
symbiotic: you reduce
my core to nothing