It's something maple,
something thick when
you breathe, like dark
chocolate, like tinnitus,
like overandoverandover
again, hard to explain.

I have never met anyone
that could fade and still
burn like you do.

Smooth violence,
bottomless in all its
eternity, moving in water
so deep the ripples never
make it to the surface.

It's not weightless. It never
is, but it waits there, half-
suspended, fixed and
unfixed, solid but slippery
in your hands.

Hold your breath. She
knows you in a way the
angels don't. There's
something she coaxes out
of your chest, something
dark she rolls her tongue
around.

The act of inaction and the
odds, particularly of getting
by unscathed, may be slim
and far between, but the stares  
last longer, everything in  
h
  o
    u
       r
         s

I was going to tell you. I was going to let you read a page. I swear.

I just wanted to put a
face to the feeling,
wanted a solid "you"
to write to, something
other than the blurriness.

I didn't pull you out of
your grave. I said,
scoot over.

When you walk a mile in
someone else's shoes, you
find your feet growing to
fill them out. That's the thing
about empathy:

Your own shoes are a little
too tight now. You've got
blisters on your ankles.

I had a dream that you bit
me and then ****** the
venom out. I had a dream
that you gave me mouth-to-
mouth so heavenly I forgot
who drowned me.

You had dibs over both sides
of the coin, half-dreamer, half-
dream. You made a place for
yourself inside my head. There,
you said, *now I can live forever.

Gravel night, nails on a chalkboard,
two styrofoam lids rubbing against
each other in delicious dis-harmony.

I wouldn't call what I do coping.

I thought the truth was buried
somewhere. I dug up your grave,
looking for something real.  

Dead bodies are real, but that doesn't
make them any less dead.

Rope around the wrist, risk surrounding
whim, and the resounding yes.

Just wanna get you drunk off solitude,
want you to know what alone feels like.

I tried to find the more human parts
of me, tried to construct a person out
of the fabric, and spent too much time
threading the **** needle.

You're waving your arms. You're trying to convince me that words are more than words. You're cracking open peach pits and looking for flies.
You're wrecking the car, darling.

We're finding places in the pavement to rest our heads, and all I can hear is: I told you so.

I'll risk the dying. I'll risk the trouble. I'll risk the risk. I'll take the keyboard and smash it against the wall. I'll call it a poem, and I'll miss you anyways.

Here, from the cracking ribs rattling toward something so close, so cutthroat, to the moment where you finally get to watch the bliss bleed out.

It's all just one big blood-pumping, give-me-now balancing act, and the things that see the walls of your fist are the feeling you can't shake.

So I will hold you tight and make a lunatic's prayer of you, the world in gloss and the *** you said made you holy. It's useless, but I still try.

Our hells may have been the same, but our heavens weren't.

Once again torn apart
Unspoken words, like knives, cut out my heart
Feeling alone
Lost in despair
Stripped of my hopes
Not that you'd care
Big waste of time
Confusion at best
I learn all the lessons
Right after the test
I give all I have
It's never enough
When it's all gone
Still I'm the selfish one
Tired of crying
Fatigued and betrayed
So sick of feeling
As though I'm not sane
Conditional love
Conveniently gained
Secretly stored
And never the same.

Fatigue for breakfast.
Exhaustion for lunch.
Dinner was a bowl of captain crunch.

Sleeping kills too much time,
That I thought it redundant.
But maybe I'm just avoiding the plunder
That's nowhere near subtle,
When you burst into my subconscious.
And rake nostalgia
into piles of sentimental movie clips
that could only make me weep.

Nostalgia is incessant.
It victimizes the past
And reminds me of all the things
that didn't last.

Fatigue for breakfast.
Adrenaline for lunch.
Afternoon tea was a joke.
And dinner?
You're a humorous bunch.

She's magnetic.
I am a washer,
Pulled in by her.

I am awash
With want.
She's turned me desperate,
Starved animal.

I was so forlorn
She felt guilty.
Her eyes strained to see me,
Sad sap.

I'm not in love,
I'm insane.
Possessed by some succubus.
Tapped into my carnal flaw.

How could a demon
Smell so sweet?

Harmless sin.
Blameless craving.

She carried salvation to me
In her hands.
Her mouth.
She baptized my body.

I am reborn
Wicked as ever.

Skin wet.
Eyes open.
Every nerve aching
For her.

I am made by her.
For her.

I am succumbed to her.

To her spider hands,
And her rotten mouth,
Her allure.

I am helpless to her charms,
And I'm growing weaker every day.

Then she left.

She made me
Vulnerable.

It hurt.
But she was
*To die for.

I sleep to dream of the day when I
won't wake up missing you when I
won't go to sleep talking to you through a screen when I
won't doubt that you'll stay or
that we're on the same page cause
we'll be in the same bed
Though, I've learned from experience that sharing space and
sharing feelings aren't mutually exclusive

Dad leaving taught me not to expect forever but Dad doing his best forced me to learn to forgive
So maybe that's why I see the good in the people that are worst for me cause I learned to love Dad through the hurt
Learned love like forgiveness I mean
forgiveness is my love language so
I can't love until I've been wronged first

I've learned gypsy love
I have loved across borders and
in between so many walls, my love has no home
My love is in the air between everyone I meet
I mean everyone that leaves
I forgive everyone that leaves

I'm ready to run and dance
which is to say I'd rather dance cause
I can never forgive myself for running
Though I've made a ***** habit of it

All this moving, vagabond exploring, has got me tired
maybe it's best I sleep -
Sleep and dream so I can love in stillness
like laying next to you and feeling your chest expand
Lungs dancing but feet still
I am not going anywhere, I will not run
from you
or after you
So now, let's rest
I'll dream forgiveness