It's been long, I admit
My heart still pains
Quite a bit
I chose to be happy without you here
Then lost my mind
When you disappeared
I want to say that I was wrong
To not accept your love
Until it was too far gone

I beg and plead
With every word
And deed
To rekindle our fire
And fulfill our hopes
And desires

Run away with me, O' please
Before we miss
The changing of the leaves

What has happened to my dear friend?
Has his life come to an end?
I so dearly hope he is fine...
My inner light doesn't want to shine...
I wonder if I lost my heart forever?
Why does it feel like I come from the nether?
Am I just dreaming?
Or does it feel like my heart is dying?
Maybe it is dead already?
Maybe that is the reason why I feel heavy?
Is someone able to fix it back?
Is it my best friend which I lack?
Maybe Gabriel knows what must be done?
Maybe he knows why I feel so alone?
It feels like time has captured me...
I have no idea what I must be?
Sad?
Mad?
Scared?
It all feels so weird.....
I wish Gabriel was sitting beside me...
I wish he could make me see...
I wish he would wipe away a tear...
I wish he would call me his "dear"...
I'm literally sitting alone in the dark of the night...
And there are no stars or moon to give light...
I feel rejected by everyone...
Maybe it is because I am alone?
My dreams seem so far out of reach...
They seem so dull and they have turned bleach...
Why is there no one for me in my darkest moment?
Why do I feel broken and bent?
I know Gabriel would help me somehow...
But he is not here right now...
What have I been doing all these years?
Why am holding back tears?
Why am I stuck to the ground?
Why does gravity keep me bound?
Why can't I fly like birds in the sky?
Why can't I go so high?
Why is my life so confusing?
Why is my character so boring?
Why do I only realize now how much Gabriel means to me?
Why did I make him so very angry?
Why did I let go?
What should I do?

God God God.
I keep digging the hole deeper
I try and I try
To make you happy
And not upset
But I am only ruining it
And my happiness.

It is as if the days are getting longer
and the sky is getting grayer.
I fall deeper and everyone watches in silence.

When is it my turn to be happy?

When I was a youth
I complained
“Why won’t the world
make me happy?
The world makes me unhappy!”

Now that I’m wiser
I take full responsibility
for achieving
my own joy and happiness
and the world’s joy and happiness.

When I was a youth
I was busy, busy, busy,
rushing from one activity to another
ambitious for success,
but I was unhappy
because I was too busy
to care for my mind,
my mind was suffering and confused
with many bottled-up emotions and thoughts;

Now that I’m wiser
I realise
what I need
is to take time-out
to care for my mind:
to introspect into my emotions and thoughts
to express to myself my emotions and thoughts
to become aware of my emotions and thoughts
to evaluate my emotions and thoughts
to improve my emotions and thoughts
until I have achieved wisdom
about what I can do
to achieve my joy and happiness.

"Just let me die. I'm so tired of this. These tears won't stop. Why the pain still lives in my heart? I'm so ******* tired..." I understand...
- Ana

When I accept
the good in the situations
Destiny has brought me,
I feel happy
with peace of mind.

When I accept
the bad in the situations
Destiny has brought me,
I feel unhappy
with peace of mind.