Uncertainty provides shade
From knowledge's blinding light
When the stars align
I view an eclipse
And the signs on the road
Only inform me of the distance I've travelled
Yet I am beholden to those
Who sunbathe in what they know
Not understanding the comfort shadows can create
Afraid of change
They give all their money to the waiter
But even after we pay our bill
The fortune cookie remains closed

I have these episodes,
where my heart gives up every emotion,
where it succumbs to science and just pumps blood,
quietly, just to keep me alive.
No feeling,
I can't tell if am happy,
or conjure up a reason to be,
no feeling is certain excerpt pain,
it refuses to be a feeling and racks itself under nature,
fueled by my own breath.
  I have these episodes,
where I want to hide in the darkest place,
to lay with the rocks,
because not feeling to them is second to being.
I have these episodes,
where I want to dreanch myself in gasoline,
grab a match and set myself ablaze,
shut down the uncertainty and not knowing,
because it won't hurt that much if I know where its coming from.

I have these episodes,
where I realize,
numbness is another type of pain.

I want
my heart on a platter
so I can see the ins and outs
Want the act to matter
See it mirrored, my mouth, it shouts

Feels like
standing in front of the mic
singing of losing track of time
remembering this certain chime

Means I
don't really know how to defy
feeling lost in the rubble
of uncertainties and trouble

I hide
behind buckets full of the tide
I filled when the ocean didn't look
all I could see I took

I keep
time in a place safe and deep
live inside a moonlit jar
an ocean filled reservoir
read my own memoir
and said au revoir

you come to me
in a dream

things are as they should be

waking up
with an urge
to make this dream
come to life

my mind tells me it's a sign

funny, isn't it?
dreams are only a sign
when they align
with my desires

saturated with uncertainty
**** these dreams

my mind;
my enemy
please
steer me in the right direction

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
And sorrow is in the heart of the sufferer.
But as I grow weary and older,
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
I often stop to wonder,
Is this life the same for me as it is for the others?
Do they feel the pain that flows through me?
Or do they look on in wonder?
Are you proud to be my friend?
Or will you turn on me in the end?

I can feel you reaching across
miles and miles and miles.
I can see you in the sun casting
smiles and smiles and smiles.
I can taste you, and it's new
like I were still a child.
Yes, after all this lonely time,
you're still driving me wild.

Will I meet you?
Will my eyes see you again?
Will I greet you
like I did O, when, O, when
I first met you
and my eyes were closed on you?
Will I greet you
with arms open, open?

tell me
why am i waiting on you
waiting for you
to come back
to love me fully
to hold me

let me know
when you'll be coming home
and home is of course not a place
but is simply just with me

tell me
are we ever gonna be on the same page again?
whether it's dogs or cats or fighting wars
will we ever fight for the same thing?

oh please
tell me
will you ever be ready to listen
or is this dream
has this dream
run it's course
and i
am obselete once more ?

Decisions
         made
  I don't believe in
         fate
  everything is subjective
  even hearts have their own perspective

  You gave me an
         essay
  of things that
         may
  be the transparent you
  let's be risible true

  Am I visible to
         you
  are my hands reachable
         too?
  Is my brain a beautiful mess
  Anything else to confess?

         No.

  It's all a little
         so and so
  Nothing to be ashamed of
  Even if there will be love

  Yeah,
         uncertainty
  can be quite
         heavy

  But that's okay
  I might as well stay
  
  for a little bit longer. Or more.