The bittersweet taste of dishonesty has always
made men yearn for God, who is faithful.
Words, names, and laws are the ingredient that
Made life amazing and great, that is why the
Words we trust in are those of almighty God.
The name we trust in is that of God,
And the laws we trust in are those of God too.
Simply put, “IN GOD WE TRUST.”
Defeat is not in our province, nor is our hope going to
Be extinguished; because our God can be trusted.

Our heart will not jolt a bit if brute
Force is borne upon us, for sticks and
Stones may break our bones but not
Our spirit, which is free of mortal law.
The nation will be subdued under the souls that
Do not trust in mortal men and their whims.
The people will be subdued under the soul that
Trusts in God and is not afraid to say it.
The pursuit of happiness for the spirit of men
Is closed circuit (alive) when we trust in God.

Whenever something bad happens to a good man
There is something he could do, trust in God;
For there is always a silver lining to every cloud.
There is an original sin for men to contend with,
But there is a promise also for those who trust.
Just like there is a Christ for those who believe.
Men of destiny will always look up to the heavens
When they’re seeking the path of trust and wisdom.
As for us who trust in God we will be as
high as the sky and as deep as the ocean.

You, yes you..
I wanna share a secret with you,

     YOU ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL.

Don't you realize
How much you're hurting me
Every word you don't hear
Is destructively burning me

You're supposed to make me feel safe
Yet you're breaking my heart
You're supposed to make me feel like I have a place
Yet you're tearing me apart

Stop locking me out
Of everything I need
Stop shutting me out
Of the life I want to lead

You're hurting me more than anyone else
When you should be my shoulder to cry on
You can't expect me to trust you
If you don't trust me

I won't respect you
If you don't respect me
I can't love you
If you won't love me

Because you should be here
Yet you're slamming this barred door in my face
I can see everything I want through those bares
Right in front of me, things I can't even taste

Because you're keeping them from me
You're killing me
And I told you so many times
It looks like you'll never listen to me

Why are we this way
Why all the doors
Why all the locks
Where are the keys ?

Why are you locking me out ?
Why are you locking me away

I stand here in front of you
Every cell in my body
Is screaming in agony
Yet my smile holds strong

Why can't we talk
Why don't you trust me
Why do you hurt me
Why don't you listen
Why do you always think you're right
Why can't you consider my opinion

You make me feel like I don't count
Why ?
Why mum ?

In my memories
you sleep.
Sleep,
you have dreams tangled in your hair.
Sleep,
sleeping heals everything:
your skin rash and your busy hours.
Sleep,
I wait wide awake as I look at you.
Sleep,
because you always say you never sleep.
You sleep
so much that your eyelashes seem
to be sealed forever.
Sleep,
because I love you and yesterday
you loved me too and loving
requires a lot of effort and strength.
Sleep,
even now
that we don't know each other anymore.
Even now that we are strangers,
sleep.
Sleep,
because you are an idler,
always late,
sleep,
because the term is over.
Sleep,
because I sleep
and dream,
because I never remember my dreams.
Sleep and dream me,
even if we don't know each other,
even if you know where my birthmarks lay.

I need an answer.
I need to hear your voice.
I need to feel the warmth of your hug
and the bliss of your lips.

I need to know,
does she give you what you need?
Does she make you feel more than I ever could?
Does she hold you while you cry?
Is she everything you couldn’t find in my eyes?

I want an answer,
knowing the need is not necessary;
knowing the response will break me
more than I broke your self esteem.

Time passes,
two years to be exact.
But I need to know,
Does she sleep with my blanket,
the one I gave you?
Does she hold your hand as you drive?
Does she run her hands through your hair,
that you used to melt over?
Does she sit for hours with your mom,
laughing through the childhood memories she shares?
Is she everything you couldn’t find in my eyes?

I need an answer.
I want an answer.
A list of questions,
that could continue for pages,
but all I truly want to know;

Does she love you like I loved you?

I wear my mask almost every single day
It feels like I just can't get away.
I wear it to hide the real and true "me"
Hide me away so no one can see.

I wear a mask to hide the truth
I was hurt many times during my youth.
Trusting people who shouldn't be trusted
My innocent self was truly beyond busted.

The mental illness that resulted from that
Makes every day a day with combat.
I wear my mask to hide from others
My struggles that I seek to cover.

People with BPD struggle immensely
To seek and to hold their own true identity.
I count myself as one among them
A lifetime of masks I have been condemned.

It feels as though I am a ball
Up and down, forever I fall.
Not tethered to anything, flailing about,
A cycle I cycle, never to get out.

It affects my relations by ceasing to exist
Even though I try hard to persist.
My personality changes too often
Hanging with me deserves a precaution.

So I'll wear my mask, I'll don it again
To keep them from seeing me so insane.
The true "me" is hidden, back to pretend I go,
You know me too well, true "me" almost showed.

Things are okay but
I'd believe it more if it
was coming from you

8:14 PM
20/6/19

I trusted you
I trusted you and I have been forgotten.
I have been forgotten and left to deal with the never ending abyss that is my mind.
What have I done to cause this?
What have I done to be left all alone in this world.

The reality checks that we get are unique to all of us but what really defines who we are is how we react to it.
It's how we use this wake up call to our advantage rather than let it be our downfall.

But you have let it get the best of you.
Reality has told you something that you did not wish to hear so you turned the other way.
Away from the truth.
You chose to ignore the pain rather than fight through it.
Rather than take it as a lesson and learn from it.

You chose the easy way out.
In most cases, I would agree with your decision but not now.
This was the wrong time to choose to escape.
This was the wrong time to choose to abandon hope of change.
Change comes around regardless and it is up to us to be there for when it arrives.
Change leads to many great things in life
Change can also lead to various horrific things

I trusted you and you left me to fend against the truth by myself
You left but I will still welcome you back with open arms.
I will still allow you the second chance to let me down
I will still allow you the chance to escape once more.

Maybe I need the lesson in who to trust
But it's you who needs the lesson in fighting.