The words keep t
                               w
                              i
                               ­  s
                                  t
                           ­     i
                                   n
                                 g
                                      in my mind
               Truths and lies
       Becoming h
                             a
                            r
                             d
                          e
                              r
  ­                               and harder to find
              Blurred together
      between h
                         o
                       l
                         l
                     o
                         w
                               and grey lines
         The differences becoming
               o
                 b
               s
                  t
              a
                 c
               l
                  e
               s
                   more difficult to define
    And life has lost all its
                                           l
                                             o
                                            v
                 ­                              e
                                                  and **rhyme

This misery
Is completely consuming me
Torturing me
How can I fight this?
Can I even win this game?
Help to make my mind tame
Fulfill the righteousness
Leave behind the pettiness
But I cannot believe in happiness
When the only hearts that complete mine
Have been ripped from my arms
Placed into uncomparible harm
For an unknown length of time
The three black holes in my chest,
Where only they can be placed
Feels like they can never be refilled
And can certainly never be replaced
My life, my world, my everything
Unseen to my lost eyes
Torn right away from me
So cruelly, terribly, all to torture me
Well, it's working
I'm tortured, I'm broken, I'm burnt down
I can't give up, they will be found
I want to stay strong, I need to be brave
But this battle has become my warery grave

I cannot tell a lie
And I will not lie back
To watch you *deny the truth
I never really loved you
I only ever felt affection
For all the abuse
That I knew I deserved
You may think it absurd
But how could I possibly
Love someone else
When I have yet to learn
How to love myself?
Or even live with myself?

Show a smile based on a lie,
Or a frown based on the truth,
Which would you prefer?
I'd like to smile
Once in a while
But I cannot tell a lie
And I will not lie back
To watch the truth die
In the soulless eyes
I see in my mirror
That girl whispers to me
But I cannot hear her
So she fades away
Silently

Yet, I know
This cannot be my destiny
Lies of smiles
Truths of frowns
It's bringing me down
I could think of a million lies
But only six eyes
To help me smile
More than just
Once in awhile
I cannot tell a lie
And I will not lie back
To watch you steal my smiles
My truths
My everything

I will stare in your eyes
While you spout all your lies
And watch you crumble
And Fall
While I smile
Standing tall
Staring down at your frown
Wishing you knew the truth
That I cannot tell a lie
And **I never really loved you

There's no greater love
Than that of a mother and her child
Times that by three
And the maternal instinct goes wild

To not be around what you hold dear
Can tear your world apart
Distance and no hope brings a tear
Ripping out the motherly heart



I miss them, truly deeply madly
They're my whole entire world
I need help to even see them again
One baby boy and two big girls

Their daddy was never truly a father
But now he's just using them to hurt me
Keeping them away, tearing them from my arms
Telling me I HAVE to just sign over custody

I want to fight this, I want to hold them every night
But no lawyer I can find is willing to help for free
I feel so lost, hopeless, like I'll never find a way
So, I'm putting my pride aside and asking for help with my poetry...

http://www.gofundme.com/r5wnpsd5

Regretting Some Past Mistakes
Realizing what's actually At stake
Feeling so helpless and confused
So many memories of your abuse
Screaming, kicking, punching
Just too much fighting
You always knew the best ways to hurt me
Now you wanna take away what means everything
Like your final play to torture me
For eternity
What right do you have to judge me?
To look down upon me?
I am only all that you've made of me
This so called monster that you love to hate
Is just the manifestation of what you helped create
You WILL regret this
In the end, you will lose
I won't let you win, not again
They'll realize what you're trying to do
Remembering the years of abuse
And they'll HATE you
You can never destroy a mother's love
Although I know you're willing to try
When I win this battle for what I hold dear
Don't come crawling to me with tears in your eyes
Cause I won't be here

She shouted from the roof tops
Her love for him
And how it would never stop

He simply stared at her
In utter shock
nobody could ever love me
Or so he thought...

She smiled with her arms spread apart
Waiting for a response

He stood there silently
Unable to move but wanting to walk
Walk away from the lies
Cause he'd been hurt too many times

She begged and pleaded
Trying to make him believe
It's the truth she said

But he couldn't respond
Simply turned around to leave
women only hurt me
Was all he could believe
Too much pain and abuse
For those lies to become the truth

She sunk inside herself
Filled with pain and so many tears
After years of trying
She finally faced her fears
Only to be hit with rejection
Imperfections of love
Shown at there finest
She couldn't stand her thoughts...

He slowed his walk
Thought about the past
Suddenly came to realize
This life is your last
And there on that roof top
He may have finally found some hope
So he stopped his walk
Turned around to accept the truth
Only to find
That she had jumped off...

and in place of the love
        that once filled my heart
there is now only glass shards
        tearing my insides apart

and in place of the good
         that once was seen in my eyes
there is now only hatred
          fueling my demise

and in place of the innocence
          that once filled my soul
there is now only memories
         capturing me like a black hole

and in place of the happiness
         that once filled my core
there is now only sadness
        stealing my life forevermore


**brokenness can't be fixed,  
     it's not like it was
             before

I'm laying my ragged twisted
       insides in the ground
   Mourning the death
           As if my soul has gone to hell
    And my heart
             Has died slowly
      And painfully
   But my body
         Is still here
   But hollow and black
        Through and though
Just flowing through
         The paces
   Just waiting for **death

YOU
  are no more me
    than I am
       *MYSELF
Yet,
    you
      think you know
   *me
         like the back of your hand
   or the words you write
       or the rhymes you create
YOU
      might think you know how I feel
         or what I think
            or what I've done
    but
        you
will never understand my SOUL
    or the inner workings of my mind
So,
     you
         can go choke on the words you write,
     the songs you sing
and the hearts you steal
       because
YOU
      can never have my life