I can't hear
over the sound
of this silence
can't breathe,
can't think,
but god,
can I feel.
drowning
crouched in a corner
in a ball curling tighter
and tighter
trying to block out the sound
of this silence
my mind filling it
with paranoia
and insecurity
so
so loud
as I try desperately
to ignore it
to not
misjudge or second guess it
but this silence
is aching
and leaves me quaking
so
so loud
and no matter how much background noise
I add
chattering numbly away
filling the space with
blabber
it's still there
looming
growing
encroaching on my space
as I crouch in my corner
and curl into a ball
tighter
and tighter
trying to get away from it
and this silence
is
so
so loud.

Dizzy daydreams echo in my head
As I utter words that will only ever be
Half read
Systematic syllables that ring in your ears
And mindless phrases that sit in a gap
Trying to fill a hole they do not fit into
Words words words
A weapon so many wield like a sword
Or a shield
I am one of those people
One of those people that could talk
And talk and talk and talk
Until my throat is bleeding
And your ears screaming
And the world rings with words
Yet
I will have said nothing
It's frustrating
To never be able to say what you mean
You wish you could craft a word
But then you could only describe it with words that have already been written
So it would defeat the meaning
Wouldn't it?
Pondering existence in places mundane
As a sidewalk covered in chalk
Typing away at keyboard
Until you have reached 157 words
But you are still not satisfied so you continue to write
169
170
171
But you have still not said what you meant as words echo in your head that Might describe this feeling countless ideas and emotions
That cannot be written
That will not be written
So they sit alone in the dark
And try to light a match

why don’t you ever call me anymore?
you used to...
every night.
and we’d lay there and talk to each other on the phone
for hours.
sometimes,
we wouldn’t even talk;
it would just be radio silence,
but even just knowing that we had each other on the other end of the line was comforting .
it was a nice silence.

and when we did talk
it was about everything we could think of
school, our families, us,
whatever it was
you always knew how to keep me talking

but now i don’t even know what to say to you.
you’ve made it clear how much you don’t care anymore,
but all i want is a phone call.
so we can talk like we used to.
so we can not talk like we used to.

There is a level between friends and dating
The median is a confusing area
You both like each other and you act like you're dating
But you aren't
From what I've discovered it's exactly like dating but without the title
"Talking" to more than more than one person would be bad
But you aren't dating
You get them gifts and maybe even say you love them
But it's just talking
It's like a trial run for the relationship
Because going ahead and having a relationship would be too much

Let's just be.
Truth be told some things are just hard to write about.
The over complication of all the things we consider important
as well as the same exact things we tend to ignore when tension reaches it's highest.
Let's just be.
Why relive all of the wrong parts that we over exaggerate to be life as we know it.
Not at all stating that we should be completely lazy.
But When we wake up let's just be.
Be more than what we already are with no reason at all.
To embrace all the beneficial factors that come with the simplicity of a heart filled smile.
Plunging head first in the cover of arms- warm and tender.
The flavor of cinnamon brown swirl.
Fleeting in delicious curiosity.
Let's shut out the world and just be.
Until we both fall asleep.
4 am, Late night conversation.
Not too far from where you stay.
Truth be told some things are just hard to write about.
But of all my favorite things, I love telling you all of these things
When your laying beside me

Too many times to count,
I've changed
My mind.
Too many of your doubts,
Caused me to stay caged,
Disappointed to find,
Me.
    

                                      «c.h.b.»

I find myself speaking with God
In the company of my solitude;
As though he is present in the long walks
along paths lined with trees
Where the only noises are those of leaves of trees
rustled by the wind
And the only voices are those of birds
Who lend their beaks to the wind
As though I was another Adam
Searching for God’s footstep
As I walk over the garden
Muttering the litanies of my sins and imperfections
Ruing all that I have done which I should not have
And all I didn’t do which I should have done
Wondering what became of the little boy I once was
And how I seem like a sea
Where fragments of a sank ship floats
And the remnant of his innocence is scattered about
Like  flotsam, impossible to reassemble

I let God listen to the pains in my voice
Of being a failed sailor
Drowning the sojourners who gave me trust
Yet my second journey remains uncertain
And not-in-tandem with the wind

There is no healing for me in the world
I already added iodine to her wounds
In her pains, she screams at my conscience
And I recoil into my solitude on this solitary path
And I find myself speaking to God in my heart,
Where I find him