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Amanda Sep 2018
You and I were broken
Elements,
Waiting to be paired
With another that would
Cause an irreversible reaction.
I envied the way your atoms were
Always bursting with energy
Inside of you that you often
Took for granted.

If you were oil, brash and bold,
I was water, invisible and quiet.
We tried to mix, but nature wouldn’t
Have it.
Continuously trying and failing to turn myself
Into an element that could be useful
To you,
An element that when combined with yours
Would instantly create heat and light.
A burning reaction
Full of love and lust
Mixed into one test tube.

But we failed the test.
Maybe it’s because guys like you—brash and bold
Don’t belong with girls like me—invisible and quiet.
Mikaila Sep 2018
The day you got your hair cut
I went to a lesbian bar after work.
It was 3
And I was tired
But I went straight there
Because I had to do something.
I knew it was a lost cause before I even got there.
The back of my neck was prickling with tension
With fear
Because I knew I was too late.
Somewhere in the depths of my soul
My free will was on a gurney,
Cold.
But I couldn’t help it-
I needed to feel like I had control,
So I went inside.
People were dancing.
None of them held themselves the way you do
Like a marble statue that has set down axe and shield and stepped off the plinth for a brief rest
(You will be returning to battle shortly-
After you fix your eyeliner.)

I did a shot
Because that’s what you do.
They were free- *** on the Beach.
I sat there,
Wondering why the fact that you named your cat Heathcliff as a child meant that I had to love you.

I decided that I needed something stronger in the way of alcohol.

A girl with soft brown eyes and long hair came up to me.
Her name was Tiffany.
She wasn’t clever like you
And her voice
Wasn’t low and rough like yours
But she told me I was pretty.
I already knew, but I thanked her.
I felt nothing.
She wasn’t interesting
Or funny
Or smart.
She was attractive- beautiful even, I suppose,
And maybe she was kind.
She bought me a drink,
And mistook my sadness for shyness.
As I answered her questions I was afraid your name would fall from my lips like a seed
Take root and grow up through the floorboards.
Nothing she said changed me, nothing I said back changed me,
And my thoughts kept snagging on you
Tearing and unraveling.
I needed you out of my head.
She was looking at me with big eyes
And I suppose they were compelling
But they weren’t yours-
Rimmed with black, hypnotic and stormy at times, sparkling with mischief at others,
Forever changing and forever captivating,
Windows to a soul I fiercely wish I knew-
They were just eyes, and maybe they were vulnerable
Or curious
Or sweet.
I kissed her so that I could stop looking into them
And not seeing you there.
Her lips tasted like nothing.
I closed my eyes and kissed her harder,
Hoping for a reason to forget you.

We were beautiful, I knew that.
I could feel eyes on us-
Two small, lovely women
Tangled on the dance floor under the lights
Fingers in each other’s hair-
We must have looked
Just like lovers.

I searched for a way out of my feelings for you.
I kissed her for a long time, until we were both gasping.
I found nothing.
In my frustration I pulled her head back,
Bit her lip
Pressed my fingers hard into the back of her neck
And I felt her lust
But not mine.
It was nice to be wanted
But not nice enough.
I wanted to hurt her for touching me
For not being you
So I pulled away
And kissed her cheek gently
My hands beneath her jaw.
“Wow,” she said.
I couldn’t look at her.
That tenderness wasn’t hers
But it didn’t matter.
I kissed her hands
In penance disguised as sweetness.
Suddenly all the anger was gone from me
And I felt desolate.

That night I walked home with my head buzzing.
I wasn’t drunk,
I was sober as hell
Head pounding with thoughts of you.
I hated it.
I hate it.
Somehow I fell into this feeling
And I’ve been fighting not to drown ever since.
When I look at you
I feel everything I wish I’d felt while I was kissing her
And more
That I sometimes wish I’d never feel again.
Sometimes I think you see it.
Sometimes I know I cover for it badly.
Sometimes, when you’re suddenly present
Like the sun has turned on just for me
And then distant later
Like the sea at night
I think you know I already love you.
Maybe you hate it like I hate it.
Maybe you worship it like I worship it.
Maybe you fear it
And I don’t blame you.
A storm presses out against my skin when I look at you
And I’m surprised no chaos seeps through.
My bones hum with it
My heartbeat reaching like thunder into my fingers.

I’ll probably never kiss you
And maybe that’s for the best
Because even being near you makes me feel like I’m falling from somewhere high up.
If I kissed you, I’d feel everything, I’m sure of it-
Everything there is to feel
And it would end me
And I would be grateful.

I wonder if you ever see that in my eyes.
That fear, that longing, that shame and joy.
A love and loathing so intense it scalds.
‘I can’t believe I’m here again,’
It pounds through my veins.
‘I can’t believe I love another person
Who is always looking elsewhere.’

Just know, if you ever discover how I feel
That I tried to **** it.
I looked at this beautiful feeling
A feeling you could pray before like an altar
A feeling you could whisper into like a temple- barefoot and cold with wonder- and hear your soul echo back,
I looked at the sacred piece of humanity that had suddenly risen in my heart like a hymn
And I tried to silence it-
I tried hard-
So that you would never have to fear it.

I failed. It lives.
It took root in me, and whenever I speak your name little harsh flowers push their way up through the concrete under my feet, sending cracks out like jagged spiderwebs.
They bloom like wounds.
They kiss the sky.
And, slowly,
They are crumbling this city to dust.
Title is a quote from Milton’s Paradise Lost, spoken by Lucifer.
Lyn-Purcell Aug 2018


My love,
I do not know if you will see this letter, lest
you do not wish for my words to taint your holy eyes.
But I must bear to you my inner most heart.
I humbly beseech to Your Majesty that I be
not condemned without answer or reason.
You said that you will not glide through
the seasons without your sacred flowering
plum in hand, heart and mind, and yet,
I have now been left at the foot of
a stark tree in the heart of Winter,
confined in your palace without your
summer heart which it too much for me to bear.

I crave to have one word...
If not, then one last glance of you.
I had been cursed to not be able to carry
nor birth your seed, but the love we shared
is more than enough to give my life meaning.
I care not of promotions, of being your Worthy
Consort, of being your Phoenix.
I care only of being a loyal wife to you.
My heart is so hollow that every kiss,
loving word, happy moments have
come back to form a single goodbye...
The grief has ripped you from me,
leaving me with a guilt and fear heavier
than any mountain.
Please, do not leave your flowering plum,
to wither for with this snowstorm,
I will not be able to raise again.
Not without you...
My pain has been wrapped for you,
and is presented in the form of a letter,
and I am aware that I am a mere spider
walking on a silk thread.
I just want to hear from to you, one
last times...
My arm rests by the blade made
sharp by stroking a stone.

                        Your fading plum,
                                       Meihua


Somewhat of the continuation of my poem,'The Screen'.
Thank you so much for 200 followers! ^-^
Lyn ***
Lyn-Purcell Aug 2018


The folding screen stands tall in the
Splendid Paramour's room, the glory
kissed further by the sun-dappled
tree light that spilled through her window.
A painted surface of honeyed-gold that
can only be found from a blooming sun,
with edges as purple as her lover's robes.
Or at least it was. Now all she sees is the
shade of countless wine-stains, the shades
of many flowering bruises.

One each of the panels, chrysanthemums in
bloom, ever so vibrant; pomegranate red,
mimosa gold, mint green. Her slender finger
stroked one of glacial blue, while her eyes
fell on the one of wedding white, pure and
innocent. She recalled a dream she had the
night before. She was standing in a barren
field with many holes; her obsidian hair,
long straight and loose, her lithe body in a
simple white robe.

She saw faceless figures made of silver vapour,
all speaking secrets into various holes before
they ceased into nothing. From their buried
words bloomed chrysanthemums, each singing,
each whispered, joyous thoughts to heart-
wrenching songs. Re-opening her eyes, she
walked behind her folding screen, out of gold
light, into the purple shade. On the back was
hand-painted with plum blossoms that decorated
the cloak of snow. On the floor, a simple
embroidered pillow.

Upon the simple table, her four great treasures;
an ink stick made from animal oil, printed with
orchids;
"For you are my eternal pledge of beauty," she
heard her lover coo, but she shook the thought
away. Next, a black ink stone that was carved
with a dragon and phoenix - a painful tug of her
heart; brush made of goat hairs; tip was soft and
flextile; "Paint your mind for me, my love," he
cooed again as she bit her lower lip.
And finally, small sheets of paper. "Born only
from bamboo," she muttered so bitterly.

"My sweet Meihua," she felt his palm on her
cheek. "None will replace you, my Splendid
Paramour. Ever so noble, always so virtuous."
And after the memory came the pain; her lover
was a dragon, none above him but the Gods,
but his beautiful face distorted for he had a
dragon's temper; the dripping wine-stains,
and blooming bruises.

She began to grind the ink-stick on the
ink-block, until she had a small silk-oil
point. Raising her brush, she dipped the
tip in the ink and now, she would paint
the words of her mind. In the comforts of
room, soundless, she painted her heart
that remained unhealed.

In the her lover's arms, the Dragon's
arms, she had hoped to be his Empress,
his doting phoenix, that would rise
through the skies, forever entwined in
a dance of love, soaring through nimbus
big and small. But alas, that would never
be. Not anymore...
The wine-stains, the budding bruises.
Her path strewn by fellow Consorts
long dead, with silk wrapped around
their throats, or poisons on their tables,
or even crimson flowers leaking out of
their sliced wrists.

She wrote and wrote on, blinking away
the stinging from her eyes, casting her
her dreams of being a Worthy Consort
aside, as she would with her name,
the one he granted her, 'Meihua',
the dragon's flowering plum. But if
she did, what would she be?
A girl, a ghost that bears no name.

"He saw me as virtuous," she said, "he
saw me as noble, until..." That accursed
moment, the wine-stains, the sprouting
bruises. She shivered even though her
palace was warm, but to her, it was cold.
Forever cursed to be cold.

Without the dragon's presence, she felt
so alone. No family nor friend - no soul
in sight. Naught to talk to in her blight.
For now he cursed Meihua to wither and
fade.
"My love," she whimpered. "My love,
Return. I would do anything for you to
return."

Once she painted out her heart on the
bamboo page, she pulled a dagger from
her billowing sleeve.

Fate had closed her chapter,
it was never meant to be.
Years and tears of love had
made her blind in one eye.


There was ALOT of turmoil I needed to write out.
In other news, this is my 700th poem! ^-^
This was inspired by a folding screen I saw in a museum once (from the Tang Dynasty, I believe), and it was so beautiful! If only it could talk...
And I was inspired by the Four Gentlemen, too! ^-^
Hope you enjoy it! I'm planning on continuing The Letter,
so hopefully, it'll be out tomorrow! ^-^
Thanks again, everyone!
Lyn ***
Débijonne Aug 2018
A single flower he gave me,
Sent my heart into a flutter.
Had my stomach drown in butterflies;
Made my knees go weaker.

A single flower he gave me
Instantaneously made me remember
The special times I shared with him
And our precious moments together.

A single flower he gave me
Was just like him as I rekindle.
The smoothness, the aesthetic,
The smell so sweet, the love’s symbol.

But that single flower he gave me
Also had thorns which pricked my finger.
I shed a tear like when he broke my heart;
A special flower no longer.
Natalie Spring Aug 2018
Bitter words
Some in red
Some in blue
Combine to create a purple wound
"You never change."
As the wound stays
And I don't heal
I think they're right
Lyn-Purcell Aug 2018
i pick, wash, slice
the orange and
    lift a slice towards
my
                         lips

chewing on the
flesh that is sweet
with great ambition
and pulp, taking
my mind to
hot summer
                            days

then my teeth
sinks into the
harsh reality
that inhabits
the
                    rind

                                      ­         fibrous strands hang in my teeth-
         so annoying-      
so frustrating-
so bitter-                  

slipping  down to my innards
down              
down                  
  down                          
    
                                             my fingers are                    together
                                 ­                         sticking    
                           ­                                 

          
but i won't be
disheartened
for i hold the
slice and squeeze
              and
      after
a      
time              
my tongue is        
kissed by

                           the last                of juice
                            drops
                         ­     the best                 of juice

the                of knowledge that I ingest with
drops                                                      
                                                                                           age
Nearly done with one of my poems! ^-^
Natalie Bowers Aug 2018
Sometimes, I feel like a trinket on the mantelpiece of your life,
a small sentimental reminder,
my significance forgotten.

You search your mind for why you ever picked me up,
with delicate, fumbling fingers,
all those years ago.

And I'm lost in the chasm of your memories,
all you can see now are my scuffed porcelain cheeks,
my chipped shoulder blade.

The wonder is gone;
you cast me away,
as if I had always meant nothing to you.
This title is a work in progress :)
Lyn-Purcell Aug 2018
Dappled light forms such wonders
in the shade of hyacinth.
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